Meals on Wheels Volunteering With Kids

I feel kinda bad this time around since all I do is sit on my butt while the kids do the meal deliveries. I don’t really know any of the people we’re delivering to, but once the weather gets nicer I’ll get all the kids out of the van and introduce us all proper-like. And the kids plan to start drawing or coloring pictures for all the people on our route (15 people, about 10 stops since some stops are husband/wife).

I do know that one of our stops has 10 grown kids! He called me a lightweight for only having 4 so far! Some of these people just want someone to talk to, and I wish I could chat with them all day.

I honestly tear up when I see these people open the door with such delight when they see Joel with their food. So my heart melts about 10 times every Friday, which makes me highly recommend anyone doing a Meals on Wheels route.

Michael doesn’t want much to do with the deliveries since he’s not so social, but Joel (and sometimes Callie) does a great job and learns a lot about who gets what kind of food (one hot tray and one cold bag to each house; some get a diet tray instead; some get 2 frozen meals to tide them over for the weekend). Someday soon it will also be a great homeschool lesson in maps, geography and navigation.

Often a client’s son will meet us outside to take the meal, and I think that maybe someday my kids will be hanging out with me on a Friday either waiting for my Meals on Wheels lunch or making me something.

All 4 of my grandparents are 80 or almost-80 now, and they are all able to cook for themselves still or, in the case of my mom’s parents, hit the Taco Bell out in the country every other day. I pray there will always be someone to take care of them and make their meals for them and be a source of company.

And please don’t leave me comments about how great I am for volunteering for Meals on Wheels … I do it because Joel really wanted to and I want him to see how great the elderly can be. When he gets in the car after a delivery he always says, “She/he was really nice.”

Here’s your mission: Appreciate the people in your life, even the crotchety, grumpy, judgmental ones. Seek to understand why they act the way they do (e.g., living with chronic pain or watching all your friends die first can’t be fun), and try to love them anyway.

Recent Purchase: Diaper Bag

Ah, LandsEnd.com. How I love you. I’m not usually a shopper in general (especially at full price), and especially not on the Internet because I like to try it before I buy it, but now I am a believer. A few weeks ago my red-headed sister-in-law (and ex-roommate, God help her) came into town. She had a cool bag from Lands End, but it wasn’t big enough for my needs for a diaper bag.

Remember I cloth diaper, so I have to fit a few of those thick suckers in a bag, plus wipes, medicine bag, butt cream, baggies for dirty diapers, wallet, gum, suckers, chapsticks and lip glosses, plus Post-its, pens, chocolate, Advil, a spiral notebook, a magazine or two, extra clothes for Eva and about 10 other things I’m forgetting. I’m a just-in-case gal, especially since I have little kids. It drives Aron NUTTY that I end up with a 10-pound diaper bag (and that’s on a light day!). Usually, I end up not carrying it for long; it has a spot of honor in the front seat of the double stroller most times so I can easily get to anything I need.

Sooo, my SIL and I go online and I order a bigger version with a zipper (and BOY, is it big!) in brown and orange (not my first choice, but retro enough to make me happy). Oh, and I got my name put on it! So now when I’m out brand-new stalkers will know my name! I kinda wish they had a size in between Medium and Humongous, but I’ll take what I can get. Can’t send it back now!

I know what my dad will say when he sees it: “Wow, my mail satchel was smaller and lighter than that and I had to carry it for 30 years.”

Aron says he could drive his truck into the new diaper bag.

A Great Playdate

There’s just something about a great playdate that makes the world seem rosier.

Recently I went to the house of a friend for the first time. We knew each other through homeschool groups, and she’d been to my house years ago. We’d talked on the phone and on Facebook.

I almost didn’t go because I got a migraine on the way over (spots that prevented me from seeing the street signs … it’s a wonder I even found her house). But I plowed on … for the sake of the “socialization” of my homeschooled kids.

Once there, I dug through my monster diaper bag for some Advil and came up empty. My friend gave me not only Advil, but also some Coke (I need the caffeine for the migraine) and she had ordered pizza for us and the kids. We left after 2 hours, which Joel hated because he was having fun. Even Callie was warming up, but Michael was stuck to me the whole time, and the baby was getting tired. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome, but usually we’ll stay all afternoon on a playdate if everyone’s hitting it off.

Anyway, they are transportation-challenged currently, so we made plans for her 3 oldest kids to get to my house one day the following week to play for the WHOLE AFTERNOON. My friend would get hours to herself with only her 3-year-old to care for while I would get friends for MY kids. Everyone is happy.

Now I envision the future: we will be best friends. Our kids will be best friends. She won’t go all Catholic-psycho on me like 2 other women have in that homeschool group. She likes Harry Potter, so already we have that naughty secret. I see them coming over for cookouts and picture our husbands having a beer and laughing heartily over Obama’s latest antics.

A friend for me who does not have a homeschool schedule or keep an immaculate home! Friends for my kids! A potential friend for my husband! I am giddy!

Old Picture Tuesday … Prom

This was taken in my backyard right before my Junior Prom, the only one I attended. I wish Rachel Zoe had been around then to be my personal stylist. She would’ve told me that dress was not very flattering on my body. It had a big white bow that covered my chest that I ripped off. I think I should’ve left it on!

My date picked me up (along with his friend and his friend’s date, a flippin’ FRESHMAN) and we went to Fedora on the Country Club Plaza. I immediately lost one of my Lee press-on nails at dinner. We hit the dance (in our school gym) for maybe 30 minutes, then met a bunch of people back at my date’s house to just hang out. Nothing exciting at all, believe me. I wasn’t drunk and I was home by midnight.

As for Senior Prom, I bought 2 tickets, a gorgeous white-with-diamond-accents dress and was going to take my 21-year-old boyfriend, but he never intended to go in the first place and chose to work that night instead (a waiter at Bennigan’s). Once I figured this out, I started calling every guy I knew looking for SOMEONE to take me. And yes, I called Paul, who already had TWO dates to something else the same night (mimbo!). That night I ended up going dancing at the Varsity Club, an under-21 dance club, and that was about it. I liked driving around by myself in my 1978 yellow Chevette a lot back in those days. I was home at an extremely respectable hour.

Does the word PROM strike fear and bad memories in your heart or was it one of the best nights of your life?

Weight Watchers Points

I know you don’t have to spend money to lose weight. In fact, you should be SAVING money when you lose weight because you are eating LESS. And walking is free. So are exercise DVD rentals from the library. Still, I’ve always found Weight Watchers to be quite motivating. It worked great for me for a few months back in 2006. Then I gave up.

I tried again after Eva was born, but I think it was too early and I was starving all the time from breastfeeding and wasn’t able to make the meetings with a tiny baby nursing and trying to sleep (and another child wanting to tag along) and wasn’t able to leave the baby at home because I’m a freaky attached mommy.

When my youngest just turned 1, I did WW again and lost a few pounds. It motivates me knowing someone will be weighing me in on the same scale every single week. Of course, every time I lose some weight, I get pregnant again. But for a few weeks (before I knew I was pregnant) I was my own little Food Dictator and monitored all that went into my mouth and went all Diet Coke and Splenda (yes, poison, I know) and people rolled their eyes at me, but I DID IT FOR ME and didn’t care what anyone else thought.

So how do you stop using food as your drug of choice? It always helps me when I’m stressed out. It’s better for me than cigarettes or Ritalin or tequila, right? Safer, anyway, I guess. I’m like a drug addict on Celebrity Rehab when I try to lose weight. I just KNOW this time will be the time I will kick my food addiction. But then somehow I always end up with needles – I mean, Dove chocolates – in my back pocket or diaper bag.

How do you learn Food Appreciation versus Food Inhalation? How do you live mindfully and EAT mindfully? And no, I’m not letting pregnancy be an excuse to start pigging in tons of chocolate again. I have relapsed a couple of times with vanilla Coke and Hershey’s extra creamy hearts (who knew?), but this time around I can eat 2 hearts and be happy rather than eating 20 and being able to taste ONE of them.

Next week we’ll talk about your Weight Loss Influences (friends, family, etc.). Don’t worry, I’m tiring of the weight loss thing, so suffer through with me for a few more weeks!

Sarah Palin for Halloween

Some of you may be Sarah Palin fans (I’m on the fence because I don’t know enough about her, except for the YouTube video I watched of her giving an interview right before Thanksgiving about the pardoning of the turkey while some guy was BEHEADING turkeys RIGHT behind her!!!).

But for those of you who think she’s dippy, let me just defend her for a minute.

My only argument is that she GAVE BIRTH in 2008, right before being nominated as the Republican VP. I don’t know about you, Ladies, but I am downright STOOPID for about a year after having a baby. I expect it will be the same come October this year. I can’t even run my HOUSE; how could I run a COUNTRY in this state of mind?

I was actually Sarah Palin for Halloween last year. Just kidding. I was just too lazy and ear-infected to dress up, so I stayed in my Overweight Housewife garb (Capri pants because the weather was warm and a T-shirt), put my hair up, kept my glasses on and … VOILA!

Eva and Mommy

Something is Wrong in My House When …

… kids come over just because they want junk food (I used to be famous that way), and freak out when I tell them I don’t really have any around (can anyone say “fat-free, sugar-free instant pudding” three times really fast?)

… when a big ole cup of Crystal Lite Raspberry Lemonade on ice does the trick for me as well as an amaretto sour used to.

… I’m not hitting some sort of Mexican joint (or quasi-Mexican joint, such as Taco Bueno) weekly.

… instead of pigging in tons of shrimp on SuperBowl Sunday, I COUNTED how many I could have and stuck with it.

… I have the energy to do a little housework.

How would people know something was wrong with YOU (e.g., you’d start doing Yoga, you’d actually get a job, whatever)??? Leave me a comment!

"Flipping the Weight Loss Switch" Monday Part 3 (Food Dictators)

How do you NOT turn into a Food Dictator? You know, those people who are always on a diet and so they judge EVERYTHING that goes into YOUR mouth.

I like to mess with people when they’re having something naughty (cake, ice cream, fettucine alfredo) in front of me. I stare at them as I pig in my salad and finally say something like, “Um, excuse me, but I’m a recovering food addict in the Weight Watchers program. If I were a recovering alcoholic would you DRINK in front of me? How rude! If I fall off the food wagon, it’s all your fault.”

I like to burn incense to mask the smell of fried beef and onions when I make chili or other stinky meals. These days I also burn it to mask the smell of cake (Callie’s birthday) and other tempting things I have to cook for whatever reason. By the way, I used homemade applesauce instead of oil in all 3 cake mixes for Callie’s party. I guess I was DICTATING to the party guests that they didn’t need the extra oil in their diet.

So as far as NOT being a Food Dictator, well, just DON’T DO IT. Don’t be a jerk. Bring along your own salad dressing to people’s houses and when you go out to eat, but don’t make a big deal about it. Don’t tell people how much fat is in what they’re eating.

The sugar in my house has been cut way back (no more Candy Bowl for the kids on top of the fridge), but I still get it for them sometimes and just stay away from it or tell them to hide it from me. I still serve my family good meals … but if they have country fried steak, I’ll usually just have a bite or two and a huge grilled chicken salad. My husband and kids don’t have the food problem: I do.

I think the goal is to not be Extremist with yourself. I had some Hershey’s Kisses the other day and did NOT pig in the entire bag. For me, that’s progress.

Come back next Monday when we’ll talk about Weight Watchers.

How a New Mother’s Hygiene Suffers

Do you ever wonder why you go to the home of a stay-at-home mom at noon and find her unshowered, in sweatpants, sporting raccoon eyes (mascara under her eyes), mildly reeking of (pick one) baby poop, baby puke, baby pee, alcohol, Valium or cigarettes?

And you think, “Come ON, Lady! Get yourself together! You don’t have to be at work at 8 a.m. … why can’t you get up and get a flippin’ shower in? AND get your house clean and your kids clean and fed and educated by noon?”

My excuse is that I do attachment parenting and never know when I can get out of bed alone because YES I have made my kids dependent on me and my boob. And when I do get out of bed alone, I come straight to the computer to do some writing. I can clean while they’re awake and at my feet. The writing needs to be done ideally when they are unconscious.

Here’s my shower routine recently (it changes depending on whether I have a tiny baby around or more older kids):

I see a window of showering opportunity after lunchtime.

I start the shower. I make sure the boys are happy and playing (thank you, GOD, that I don’t have to worry about them leaving the house or burning it down while I’m showering). The boys are probably riding their bikes around on the main level since it’s 20 degrees outside.

I take the baby and Callie up to the bathroom to hang out with me since we all know a mom can’t take a shower alone. I throw some chocolate chips on the floor to occupy the baby.

I wash my hair. Michael comes in with the phone. Someone is ON the phone for me. I tell him I’m taking a shower and can I call the person back? I get about 5 more such visits from the boys, plus I have to peek out of the shower a few times to make sure Callie isn’t shaving the baby’s head.

I attempt to shave my legs, but only get so far as one shin before there’s crying outside. I get out, towel off, put on moisturizer and eye cream (I’m 37, ya know), some mascara, pit putty (deodorant). Throw my hair up in a clip, put on some clothes. Done.

The Domestic Goddess look will have to wait until the kids are out of the house. Again with the My Poor Husband comment.

Meals on Wheels … Again

Back when I “only” had 3 kids, we had a Meals on Wheels route that we did every Wednesday over lunch. The kids were disappointed when I had to stop over 2 years ago because of homeschooling. It was also getting crazy because they were all 3 in carseats which they couldn’t buckle themselves into, and they ALL wanted to get out for each delivery, so it was taking way too long to get the meals delivered (I was aiming for getting these people their lunch by dinnertime … ha!).

Recently our church “time and talent” forms came in the mail. The church wants to know what activities you’ll sign up for or in what ways you want to help out (for instance, when my kids are older, I will be one of those women who cooks meals for post-funeral lunches). These days, though, not much grabs me on the extensive list except for the food drives and doing free childcare for activities (I get to take my own kids along and they LOVE it … we really miss our babysitting days). The back page of the form dares you (not really) to list ways you are contributing to society outside the church.

I thunk hard about that one. Then I wrote: Homeschooling and caring for 4 young children 24 hours a day.

And I thought, “Pshshshsh. I could do more than THAT!”

So I picked up the phone and called my Meals on Wheels chick. Funny thing is she had just pulled up my record the day before. And a Friday route had just that morning come available.

More on this later.

My First Date: Fatal Attraction

My dad said I could start dating when I was 16. However, nobody caught my eye until I was 16 ½. Yes, folks, I exercised restraint for 6 whole months. It worked out great since I got my driver’s license around the time of my first date. I’m thinking that will be a requirement before MY kids can date. And a black belt in karate. My girls especially need to be able to knock the crap out of a guy who’s getting fresh and then take off in his car.

So I met my first date in study hall. Nothing else to do, I suppose. He stared at me and showed interest, so I guess those were my only requirements at the time. I’ve since become more picky, thank God!

So he picks me up and we go to Bennigan’s for dinner. I should’ve seen the red flag when he tried to dictate (not SUGGEST, friends) what I eat and made fun of what I picked (chicken fingers), insinuating that I was like a kid. Then on to Crown Center Cinema to see …

… FATAL ATTRACTION.

What kind of movie is THAT to take an innocent 16-year-old girl to?

Our next “date” was much better. He paraded me around town to his boss, family and best friend (Paul, who is a good friend today). I don’t keep in touch with my first date at all. In fact, I won’t even share his name with you. I call him Voldemort, He Who Will Not Be Named, because it invokes negative memories.

Please share your first date experience in the Comments section below! How old were you? What did you do? When will you let your kids date?

The Bachelor, Season 297

Okay, so Jason is cute and all that. He has a son who he seems to totally dig. He says it wasn’t his choice to end his marriage.

But, Ladies, let’s think for a minute here.

His ex may very well be watching the show and cackling, saying, “You dumb girls! Just wait until he gets the ring on your finger. Then it’s all Neanderthal Man. He’ll expect you to do all the housework and caring for his son Ty (every other weekend … ooh, now THAT’s a hard task) and to quit your job and have no hobbies. DeAnna made the right choice!!!!!”

I’m not saying he’s a bad guy. I wouldn’t know. But how can thousands of women apply to be on a show to marry a guy based only on some (heavily edited) TV show? His digging his son could all be an act. Why the hell would you leave your kid for weeks on end to find LOVE? Try Match.com or Chemistry.com or the local Gymboree, for God’s sake.

These women are fantasizing about an instant family, and it just doesn’t happen that way. Ty may hate you, darling! You may have fist fights with the ex-wife. The in-laws could turn out to be real jerks.

I have an idea: let’s get engaged after getting to know someone for WEEKS with cameras in our faces and the guy kissing a bunch of other women.

And, yes, I continue to watch and love the show, just like The Housewives series on Bravo. I’m sad and sick and wrong.

High School Graduation from Shawnee Mission North

This was taken in my backyard in May of 1989 right before graduation. I was quite a bit blonder then (anyone remember evil Sun-In?) and loved my blue and black eyeliner for sure. And the curling iron. And the hairspray.

By graduation I had alienated all my friends for some reason, which I do from time to time still (could it be an Only Child/Loner thing?). Instead of going to great parties and staying out all night (the ONLY night I had ever been allowed to do so), I believe I just drove around with a few friends HUNTING for parties, dancing near the railroad tracks off Merriam Lane and got home around 1 or 2. I was not drunk in the least. I was a pretty good kid until I hit 18, which was about a month away from graduation.

What were my big plans for the future? JuCo (Johnson County Community College) for a degree in Hotel and Restaurant Management. It seemed logical since I loved working in restaurants. Good thing my parents were never College Dictators because I dropped out many times and took 10 YEARS (I was 28) to get my 2-year degree.

I know a lot of women who are going back to school now that they have little kids. I would rather have a root canal, seriously. I prefer the School of Life, and my writing career is taking off a little at a time, despite my lack of education and my plethora (look it up) of mistakes (I have a whole blog devoted to those!).

Sidenote on my husband: He went to college (DeVry) when he was 25, graduated at 28 and paid for it himself … $30,000 in loans, my friends. I’m sorta proud of the guy.

How about you? Are you eju-muh-kated? How did you like college? Do you want your kids to go or you think they won’t be successful in life? If so, who’s buying?

"Flipping the Weight Loss Switch" Monday Part 2 (Exercise)

God help me, I’ve actually lost weight (my stats are hidden somewhere on this blog page). When I’m stressed out these days I don’t eat a bag of Dove chocolates. Instead I pork in half a box of sugar-free, fat-free instant pudding with a trough of light whipped cream. I don’t know how many baby Doves are in a bag, but they are 1 point each on the Weight Watchers plan and I only get to eat 25 points each day … a bag has to be about 35, whereas my pudding indulgence is about 5 points.

Still, WW does allow those 35 “flex” points, which I call “cheater points” … meaning you can save them and lose some weight or you can eat 35 points of healthy OR naughty and still be eating within your points.

This is the part where my dad is saying, “I don’t really like the taste of points. I prefer to eat food.” Moo-ving on …

I just wanted to share with you that even watching the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show and having an ex come to town recently only made me eat MORE. How messed up is THAT? I feel like I have a food addiction and need to go to some 12-step program.

I’m tired of being asked if I’m pregnant when I’m not*. I’m turning in my amaretto sours for WW Amaretto Cheesecake 1 point yogurt.

I’m going to kick fat’s ass. Sooo …

How do you prioritize exercise when you have so many other things going on in your life? I’m not going to use my kids or homeschooling or my husband’s travel as an excuse anymore. I don’t need my husband in town or a babysitter to be able to MOVE MY BUTT enough to burn a few calories. I can homeschool and be a writer AND find time to move, even in the winter.

Except it’s hard to do an aerobics tape (oh, how I used to love WATCHING aerobics tapes while eating cheeseburgers and fries) with a 26-pound baby pulling up on your legs. And I have GOT to remember to ASK for Treadmill Time from Aron … I need him to watch the kids so the baby doesn’t wander into the room and get her fingers stuck in the machinery. This is the part where my mom recommends a playpen, but I think it’s a little late for that … the baby would just stand there looking at me and crying, and that’s no fun for a wimp like me. Besides, I like to pretend I’m a runway model-in-training when I’m walking, and a baby kind of cramps my style (unless I pretend I’m Heidi Klum).

So how do YOU carve out time to exercise or are you content with your Mommy Body just the way it is (and think I’m being ridiculous because appearance doesn’t matter anyway)? Unless you’re a guy reading this, in which case I sure hope you do not have a Mommy Body (muffin top, moobies, etc.).

Come back next Monday, when we’ll discuss Food Dictators.

*Of course, now I AM pregnant, and that is not an excuse to eat poorly and not exercise. And I do consider morning/evening sickness puking to be a form of exercise. Good for the stomach muscles.

Stop Dating Jerks!

When I was 18 I made a big mistake and moved in with my boyfriend of only a few weeks. He quickly became abusive, but I was too proud to move back home. One of the other fun things he did was to throw my mementoes and diaries from high school in the Dumpster behind our apartment complex.

There was probably a sheet of paper with the lyrics to “Hold Onto the Nights” by Richard Marx in there. My Prom corsage. Movie ticket stubs. Notes from best girlfriends. There were definitely some juicy diaries I wish I still had, even if just to help me better understand my own kids when they hit teenagerdom.

Oh, and he also ripped my junior year high school yearbook in half when he saw a heartfelt letter written in it by my then-boyfriend and threw it away.

Girls, if you are dating a jerk, STOP IT! You are worth more than that. You KNOW how it feels to be treated right. Seek it out. You CAN have chemistry with a Nice Guy … trust me. The older I get, the more of them I can spot at 50 paces. And I can ALWAYS spot a JERK, even before he opens his mouth. I either steer clear of those guys these days, or else verbally put them in their place.

Now go give your partner a big hug and kiss … or go out and find “The One.” (Sorry, I’m pregnant and bossy)

I Can't Stand Goodie Bags

Do you ever feel bad when you spent less on the birthday party kid’s gift than the kid’s parents spent on goodie bags for YOUR kids?

I would love to hear your answers, and here is mine:

Nope.

I’m not a fan of the Goodie Bag at birthday parties. For those of you who have been living under a rock, the goodie bag is a bag of fun little crap given to birthday party attendees at the end of the party. Hmmmm, and I thought cake and ice cream were PLENTY of goodies!

Look, most kids have way more toys and little junk than they could ever use. Multiply that by 4 (edited October 2011 to read FIVE) at my house and you have a real runaway mess on your hands.

For the record, I also hate those little gifts they give out at weddings, too. Our wedding "favors" were crayons that were left on the paper tablecloths for coloring. No joke. We are a classy bunch, for sure.

Eva Has a Boyfriend

This is Eva’s boyfriend:


This kid’s mom and I hope they get married … she supplied the fries, which is why I love her. Don’t worry, the floor was recently vacuumed, so eating fries off the floor was almost safe that day.

I took a video of them that day, but I’m a technotard (love that word, Ellen!) and can’t figure out how to post it. Basically I say to the kids, “Your mommmies would be so happy if you got married!” And Eva falls to the floor with a big smile on her face and her boyfriend starts shaking his head YES!

Should Teenagers Work While in High School?

Other than doing filing at Legg Florist (where my mom worked as a bookkeeper) and babysitting for various kids, my first real job was at Waid’s Restaurant in Fairway, Kansas. (You gotta love the curled bangs and blue eyeliner.)


One day during the winter of 1987 when I was 16 ½ I got off the school bus at the first stop (in front of Waid’s) instead of MY stop. I marched in and asked for a job as a hostess, waitress, anything. I got the job that day and walked home with a Waid’s menu in my hand. Once home, I put it on the bathroom counter and waited for my parents to find it and wonder what was going on.

They were proud that I had gotten a job without them even mentioning it.

It was a great first job … I could walk to and from it. I worked a few nights a week as a waitress plus weekend days as a hostess for a total of about 20-25 hours per week while maintaining a low B average in high school. I made $2.01 per hour plus measly tips. I think I made $4 per hour as a hostess. I saved up and bought my mom’s yellow Chevette, paid for my own car insurance, sugary snacks and cigarettes.

Waid’s was where I learned to enjoy coffee. I drank loads of chocolate milk and cooked my own chicken strips and fries. And somehow lost about 15 pounds.

They closed years ago and now the building is a Stroud’s (fried chicken).

"Flipping the Weight Loss Switch" Monday Part 1

(This starts the first of many Weight Loss Mondays, and keep in mind I wrote this stuff and posted it before the little stick turned blue!)

It’s no secret that I’ve put on 5 pounds for each of my kids, for a grand total of 20-(ish) pounds. I weigh 150 when I should weigh about 120. Someone who weighs 200 or 300 pounds probably wants to throw a shoe at my head right now and say, “Shut up! You are fine!”

And most of the time it isn’t a big deal to me. Anyone who loves me doesn’t care that I’m carrying a little extra weight. I’m healthy and don’t have any limitations as far as hiking, running, taking care of my kids. I kindof enjoy being like a snuggly pillow for my kids.

I admit it would be nice to wear something other than sweatpants and a long drawstring skirt. It would be nice to have a little more stamina. It would be nice to not have to worry that I’m giving myself diabetes with all the chocolate I eat. To not give in to my cravings for Taco Bueno’s tacos and cheesecake chimis. To shop at the vintage clothing store.

But how do you flip that weight loss switch? The one that makes you REALLY want to lose weight this time? Not because you have a reunion coming up, not because your husband has left you for a slimmer woman, not because you have to fit into a wedding dress or look good in a swimsuit, not because you want to be in tip-top shape to get pregnant, but because YOU know you have to do it for yourself?

How do you get that excited feeling (akin to when you are falling in love) that makes you want to change your life?

For the next several Mondays, I’m going to attempt to flip your weight loss switch (and mine, since I joined Weight Watchers again). Yes, it sounds kinky, but I promise you it's nothing but healthy.

Goin’ for a Basketball Team

So I’ve joined Weight Watchers and am losing weight AND my first post in my blog series “Weight Loss Mondays” is showing up tomorrow. And my house is relatively picked up most of the time. And my brain is working. And I’m writing. And I’m spending more time playing with and chasing around the kids. And Eva is walking. And homeschooling is going great, including field trips.

And … I’m having me a baby in October. Around October 9, to be exact.

And we’re all jumping-up-and-down excited. We’re tired, busy, and HAPPY.

Bring on the pukes, the exhaustion, the 25-pound weight gain. I can handle it. I’m still weighing in on Thursday night and no, I’m not PREGOREXIC. I’m just trying to keep eating well and don’t want to use pregnancy as an excuse to grab 10 bags of ½ price Dove chocolate hearts on February 15th. Don’t worry … Thursday is my last weigh-in. I think they boot you out of WW for being pregnant. Who can blame them?

What drives me nuts is people who look at me like I’ve grown another head when I say we’re having our 5th child. I would never call someone lazy or selfish for only having 1 or 2 kids, so why is it acceptable to judge ME?

We’re not on government assistance, don’t beat our kids, don’t drink/smoke/do drugs. We love our kids with all our being. We plan them and want them. We’re not asking anyone else to raise our kids. We spend time with them. We know where they are at all times. They eat well. They sleep well. They're healthy. They have everything they need. I realize this roller coaster ride isn’t for everyone, but I think we’re doing an okay job so far. Oh, and forget about the “carbon footprint” argument because I breastfeed, cloth diaper and recycle.

I borrowed this from someone and can’t remember who (the pregnancy idiocy has already set in), but why is that we apply for a CURSE (like credit card debt) and REJECT a blessing (via abortion, “selective reduction”, etc.)????

For those of you struggling with getting pregnant, I am sending you all my good fertility vibes. I wish the best for you. Children are truly a blessing. A grubby, crazy, loud, challenging, fun blessing.

Happy Birthday, Callie!

Today Callie turns 4. The day she was born I rode to the hospital in an ambulance after having a lovely nap with my boys in the late afternoon. I’ll spare you the gory details about why I had to go in an ambulance. Anyway, she turned out to be my easiest and fastest birth. And there’s a reason for that. The picture below about sums up my daughter half the time:



We call that her “bully” pose. If she went to regular school, she’d be a Mean Girl cheerleader homecoming queen class president kind of chick. We have our struggles … she’s a lot different than raising the boys. I’m not sure if it’s because she’s a girl, because of her age or because she thinks she’s 25.

I could kill this woman at church who told Callie, “You’re the boss.” Callie pulls that on me all the time now: “That woman at church said I’M the boss.” Strangers: be quiet!

This kid can throw one hell of a fit. She completely melts down when things don’t go her way, and she spends some time in her room to cool down. Thankfully, it happens less the older she gets.

The rest of the time she’s the sweetest thing ever. She paints my nails, does my makeup, sits through ANY movie with me (we saw Bride Wars recently), helps with the baby, helps me cook, yells at the boys for me when they get too rowdy. She is smart and witty and funny and adorable. I can’t wait to see what she grows up to be … I’m thinking good career choices would be Parole Officer or Actress.

I love you, Callie Grace, and I always will.

Ride the Ducks in Branson!

If you ever get the chance to Ride the Ducks, DO IT! We did this last year in Branson, Missouri and the kids DUG IT! Plus everyone gets a duck call, which makes for tons of fun (and parental headaches) in the car and at home later.



We’re going again this summer. We used to go out drinking and dancing at clubs for fun. Now we Ride the Ducks. Aron and I are such geezers that we prefer the Ducks these days!

I’m always looking for good vacation spots: What’s your best vacation spot/activity?

4/17/12 We still have this annoying and fun little duck whistle!

When Kids Crash on Their Mom

This is a rare photo taken January 2. I love having all my kids asleep snug in their beds while I roam the house and check on them, but I also love when they crash all around me.

I Hate When They’re Right

Me: Joel, how many episodes of Tailspin are left on this DVD? Because if there are only a couple, we’ll just start school once it’s all over.

Joel: I don’t know.

Me: Really? You loaded up the DVD and it shows how many episodes are on it and you had to choose the episode you were on from last night. You don’t know how many are left?

Joel: I don’t know.

Me: What would you say if God asked you?

Joel: He wouldn’t ask me because He would already know.

Product Review: Perler Beads

Since today is the 6th time Eva has gotten a Perler Bead stuck on her bottom tooth, I figured I’d better write about how great these things are. Yeah, I know, we don’t worry about our kids choking on things, we worry about them getting them stuck on their teeth.

Santa brought little starter sets of these cool things, and the boys went so nutty over them that I sprung for the tub o’beads at Michael’s (don’t be dumb like me: wait for the coupon to come out because the tub is like $13). Still, I’ll happily pay that for hours of fun and creative outlet.

Basically you put these plastic beads on boards that look like tiny cleats. You make cool designs (you have no idea how many different options there are; even Glow-in-the-Dark Perler beads!!!). Then you have an adult iron the board so the beads melt together.



Sorry about this one ... I forgot to get it flipped sideways for the posting and I'm posting this off-site. Just turn your bean to the left to see it ...


You know how I don’t iron clothes, right? So for a few days the boys would only wait until their dad got home to iron their Perler bead designs. Then I got fed up with being treated like a domestic moron and took over.

Look out! Mommy’s ironing!

Apparently I got the job because the boys now want “Mommy to do it.” Good Lord, next I’ll be sewing BUTTONS on stuff!!!!!!!

The Twin Connection

A couple of weeks ago I asked Aron (below, left) if he felt seasick. He told me no and asked why. I said, “Because your twin brother is on a cruise right now, and aren’t twins supposed to be cosmically connected?” He called me an idiot, and rightly so.



Did you know identical twins have the same DNA? So you could do a paternity test and not know which twin was the father of a kid. Freaky. But their fingerprints are different.

Aron and Eric have taken the Switching Identities thing a little farther than just pulling one over on girlfriends and teachers.

A couple of years ago Aron had to travel to Canada a lot for work. Every damn time he tried to get into the country he got detained because his brother had impersonated him once, which is a federal crime. They’d pull Aron out of the Customs line and take him into a room and ask him questions.

Fraternal twins MAY have some hereditary deal on the side of the mother (whew, I’m safe), but identical twins MAY BE an anomaly (or “freak of nature,” as I like to call my husband). Age has a lot to do with ending up with fraternal twins, and this article says sometimes if the guy is a twin you may end up with twins. Oh, crap.

When Do You Stop (or Start) Having Kids?

I have to copycat FishMama over at lifeasmom.com on this one since it seemed to be one of her biggest comment-getters.

It’s no secret that I’m a Kid Freak. I’ve always wanted a big family. It doesn’t hurt that I have relatively easy pregnancies and deliveries and that I get pregnant just by Aron giving me a certain look (yes, THAT’S how babies are made … now you know). It’s such a personal decision for every person.

I hear a lot of women say they decided their family was complete after they had an especially difficult pregnancy or delivery. Some weren’t so fond of babies or kids in the first place, so one kid is all they can handle. Some have 10 and would happily welcome another.

If you are done having kids, how did you decide to stop (or was it decided for you)?

If you aren’t done, how come?

If you don’t have kids yet (and want one), when do you think is the ideal time to start a family?

Chocolate Freak

What does it say about me that I am content and happy when I have chocolate in the house, hidden from the kids or not? It’s like Chocolate Valium. Individual Dove chocolates are my “dolls” (for those of you young-uns, see Valley of the Dolls).

That I look forward to the day after Valentine’s Day so I can race over to Target to buy Dove hearts at half price?

That the day after Christmas at the grocery store I drooled over a 5-POUND Hershey bar that was ½ off (originally $35)?

That I wish some company made chocolate pens, chocolate books, chocolate pillows, chocolate-covered French fries?

Yes, I know I’m headed for Diabetes-ville. That’s why I’m enjoying my sugar while I can. My grandma had to go off chocolate for many, many years because the doctor said the caffeine made her heart race (“poor woman”, we cluck our tongues, shake our heads and say).

Click here to see the caffeine content in chocolate versus tea or coffee or soda.

Do you love chocolate? What’s your favorite chocolate thing?

Enjoy!

P.S. I joined Weight Watchers (for the, ahem, THIRD time) back on the 20th so I’ll let you know how my chocolate addiction goes. Is there a 12-step program for that? Click here to read a review of the new sugar-free Dove chocolate, which you know I will be trying to find ASAP. And how do you get a gig reviewing chocolate? Count me in!

P.S. Dove has chocolate parties now. I just sent an e-mail to try to set one up. They'd better bring on the sugar-free stuff or there will be bloodshed.

Lord Help Me, I’ve Been TAGGED

I’be been Tagged by April over at The Crazy Green Cheapskate. I’m supposed to write 8 random things about me:

1. I’m an only child who was born in Germany.

2. I sucked my thumb until I was 30.

3. I didn’t get chicken pox until I was 17 and that’s why I think the chicken pox vaccine is a bunch of crap. Just keep your kid hydrated, watch their fever and you’re most likely good to go.

4. I used to go through men like tissues.

5. When I met Aron I jokingly jumped his case for double-dipping his tortilla chip, but I think he just thought I was a jerk (with nice legs, he says).

6. I love Nip/Tuck even though it’s a dark, dark, bad, evil show and I would probably never get plastic surgery.

7. I’ve been nursing for 7 ½ years straight.

8. When I’m on the treadmill I pretend I’m a runway model-in-training to kill the time.

Now here are the RULES for this tag:

1. Each blogger starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.

2. People who are tagged need to write their own blog post about their 8 things and post these rules.

3. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose 8 people to get tagged and list their names.

4. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged and to read your blog.

5. For the recipients, leave a comment for the person who tagged you, so they can go and read your answers.

I'm Tagging:

Tresa from Triumphs, Tests and Tales, Told by Tresa because I know she’ll probably hate this!

Chris from Miss Chris … This is My Opus because she’s a digiscrapper.

Capello from No Appropriate Behavior because we used to work together a long, long time ago.

Debbie at Three Weddings because we went through some crazy crap together.

Annalyn at Venter’s Bureau because I love a woman who can gripe.

Jessica at Life as Mom because she’s a fellow writer and my like-it-or-not mentor.

Aimee at Journal of a Momma because she is cool.

Scary Mommy because I stumbled upon her and would love to know her answers … check out this post where she talks about putting her blog into book form for her kids.

More, just because I can't help myself:

The Glamorous Life of a Hausfrau, written by the Evil Twin's Wife (you gotta love that name! ... and she has a recipe blog, too.).

Christen at Nifty Things because we're eHow buddies.

Movie Review: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

I keep forgetting to do this review, so I’m just gonna slap it together and make it half-assed as only I can do (although I do include links to a rockin' review and also some trailers). Sorry, and you’re welcome.

I compare this THREE-HOUR epic (a sorely overused word, but it fits here) to Forest Gump. Only the female lead (Daisy in Benjamin Button) turns out to totally come through in the end and proves to be a strong woman.

Everyone thought I wanted to see this movie so I could check out Brad Pitt, but he’s not really my speed (although he’d be the ideal person to hook up with since he clearly loves children!).

You gotta love an original idea (based on a SHORT story by F. Scott Fitzgerald), when there are so many crappy movies out there these days. A guy aging BACKWARDS? Don't get me started.

I recommend it to chicks especially. Here’s a better review and some trailers.

Bottom line: I give this movie 8 ½ Dove chocolate hearts. For me, it was a 4-Kleenex movie as well.

My Diary Entry 1979

My parents got me a diary for Christmas when I was 7 ½ years old. That’s how old my son is now!!! I recently dug it out from a big tub in the basement (I was looking for my junior high diaries for dirt on Jen), so I’ll be periodically baring my soul to ya’ll.

April 23, 1979
Tonight my mom and dad are going to see Jethro Tull. My aunt Santy is 18, and she is baby siting me. I am glad! I made Koolaid today. I like my friend Leslie and his brother little Cris. Today at school we had a substutute. Today in school we did geometry. We did not have centers.

Commentary
Anybody know what the heck “centers” is? And aren’t my parents so cool, going to see Jethro Tull (they were 28 years old)? Now my aunt Sandy’s daughter babysits for MY kids!

Facebook Love

Back in August I blogged about MySpace versus Facebook.

Since then some stuff has happened on Facebook. Allow me to share …

First of all, I contacted someone from junior high and apologized for being a jerk to her and prank-calling her all summer when we were, like 14 years old. She didn’t even really remember and has since moved to Italy.

Right after that, Jen contacts me to apologize for being a jerk to ME in junior high. I barely remembered that, so I let her off the hook. I do remember she always had the latest Sweet Valley High books, that b****. Anyway, we’ve been emailing and are going to meet up soon … she loves chocolate and coffee and has big boobs, so I love her for sure. A warning to you, Jen: someday I’ll go back and re-read my diaries from that time and you can bet your sweet butt I’ll be posting on this blog if I find anything about you in my diaries!

Finally, I want to let everyone know that Facebook is NOT just for kids and teens and college people. I’m thinking my oldest Facebook friend is over 60 (an ex-boyfriend, if you can believe it, and that is a story for another day!!!). It’s neat to find people my parents used to hang out with and connect with them. I love finding people I used to work with, go to school with, go dancing with, be naughty with. I love knowing in a second what my cousins are up to. I enjoy seeing pictures of my friends and their kids without having said pictures choke my e-mail in-box.

And the person who got me into Facebook in the first place isn’t even on it anymore.

I love you, all my Facebook Friends (but stop sending me Pokes and Flowers and requests because I just delete all that stuff)!!!!!

Leaving Kids Alone

The sign at the library says not to leave kids under age 7 alone but it happens all the time. That’s okay if you are 5 feet away, but across the entire huge library? If I can’t see my kids, I’m in panic mode. Call me overprotective or call me a good mom. I don’t care. It’s just who I am.

Often the parents are at a computer playing video games while their kid runs wild or bugs the librarian. Hey, if you’re gonna use the library as a babysitter, why don’t you drop your kid off, go work a part-time job and buy your very own LAPTOP to play games on!!!!!

I was 11 when my parents left me home alone in the summer, but that was because I got kicked out of the babysitting situation I was in. I was kind of a smartass, apparently, and the woman who was babysitting was kind of a jerk (Sharon Harter, thanks for nothing). And my mom was about 2 miles away AND called all the time AND was only gone a few hours a day.

These days I hear about kids as young as 8 or 9 being left at home all day in the summer or even for a few hours after school AND taking care of younger siblings. Dear God! Back in my day that would warrant a call to Child Protective Services, but apparently these days nobody gives a crap. I realize it’s not grounds for taking a child out of the home, and I wouldn’t want that anyway for a family, but can’t some alternate situation be found so kids aren’t potentially burning down the house or inviting pedophiles over?

At what age did you start leaving your kids home alone? If you aren’t quite there yet, what age do you plan to start? I’m thinking age 25 will work for my kids.

Powerless Sunday Nights

A couple of weeks ago our power went out on a Sunday night. Luckily, Aron was in the middle of building a fire … it was a cold, windy night. Dinner was in the oven, but he was going to have to finish it off in the fireplace.

At first we weren’t sure what to do. Our power never goes out. The baby had just crashed on me, so my butt was stuck to the couch. Aron (being all resourceful) and the kids got flashlights and lit candles.

This taught us a lesson in appreciation for what we have (electricity). We couldn’t watch TV or use the laptop or listen to music. Michael was wondering if we could flush the toilet.

I read to the kids and we talked. Unfortunately, the power came on after about an hour.

We plan to turn off the Circuit Breaker again some Sunday night! We’ll build a fire and roast hot dogs and marshmallows and read by candlelight and flashlight. And tell stories.

Apothe-Kerrie

I like to dole out vitamins to my family and myself.

The kids are easy because they have those gummy vitamins. When we can afford it, I get them each their own bottle (Princess, Spiderman and Cars).

I give Aron a one-a-day vitamin, but they were out of the men-specific formula, so I also supplement him with either a fish oil capsule or a magnesium for his heart (his dad had a heart attack a couple of years ago, so that’s one more thing to worry about with Aron). If he’s been late to work a lot, I give him a B-12 vitamin, hoping he’ll sleep well and hop out of bed on time in the mornings.

I’m trickier. I always take a prenatal vitamin because I’m always either pregnant or nursing (going on 8 years). I also take a flaxseed oil capsule. If I remember and I’ve eaten enough to be able to keep it down (I’m such a waif!), I try to take magnesium (I have my own heart issues), B-12 and a B Super Complex. I’m working on not depending so much on coffee for my energy (but I’ll always love you, coffee).

If everyone around us is sick, I dole out extra chewable Vitamin C.

I’m open to a Juice Plus rep contacting me for sure. It might make my life easier to have fewer bottles to keep track of.

Do you believe in vitamins? Some believe prenatal vitamins MAKE a woman have morning sickness, but I don’t buy it. I guess I don’t feel much different either way.

Interview: Victoria Solsberry, Author

This sounds so Wayne’s World, but I interviewed my dad’s cousin about her new book that’s out called “Adoption for Singles.” I can’t wait to read it! It’s no secret I have a soft spot for kids, and it’s so sad to me that there are so many of them without parents. If I could, I’d adopt them all myself!

Kerrie: What is your writing process?
Vicki: My writing process is probably the opposite of what they teach in writing programs around the country, because I'm a horrible editor! Once I put my thoughts into writing, it's very difficult for me to change those words, for some reason. So I do my research, all my reading, and then I think about it for days and weeks. Then I go to the library or a coffee shop armed with my laptop and snacks, and I crank it out, almost without stopping. For instance, I wrote the first chapter of my book in one afternoon at the library, with some scratch-outs and phrase rewrites, but when I was done, it was done. At that point I'm totally exhausted and need a glass of wine and dinner.

I've always been an all-at-once writer, even in high school and college. I think it's because I have ADHD and I'm unable to write in bits and pieces because I need to be totally immersed in that world for hours to make it all come together. So I've always prepared mentally, and then I've sat down and started writing with the whole outline in my head. I come up for air some time later with a more coherent and organized paper than I would if I wrote over the course of weeks. In the mental health field we call it "hyperfocus" and it works for me!

Kerrie: Did you keep your "day job" while writing?
Vicki: Absolutely. I had to to survive financially. So most of my writing was done on Saturdays because I'm too tired in the evening after a full day at work. I did do some of the research in the evenings -- for instance, the Appendix of all of the countries in the world and their policies on adopting to American singles (100+ pages) was done at night because I didn't really have to think! I was scanning for certain facts and when I found them, they went into a format that I had designed. I could even listen to the television when I was working on the directory!

One of the chapters of the book is a compilation of Questions and Answers from adoptive parents and adoption professionals I even got the Executive Director of The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, which felt like quite a coup for me! After an initial telephone call, the chapter was written by email, where I would send questions and the interviewees would answer, and then I'd follow up. It was great because I didn't have to record interviews and the interviewees were able to edit their words and say exactly what they wanted to say. It saved me a ton of work!

Kerrie: How did the idea for this book come to you?
Vicki: In addition to my training as a clinical social worker, I've been trained as a life coach. Several years ago I decided to focus on singles, not so much for dating support, but for support in all of the other areas of a successful single person's life. I knew that I needed money to pursue setting up a web community and hit on the idea of writing a short -- 40 pages or so -- electronic book about adoption to sell to make money for the new venture. But when I started researching the topic, I found that it was much more complicated that I had imagined, and that the adoption world is big and ever-changing. Every time I sat down to think about it, I thought of a new area that I thought needed to be addressed, because they were issues that I would want to know about if I were adopting or thinking about adoption. So the 40-page book turned into the book that ate New York, and I had to limit it to 288 pages with free white papers that can be downloaded from the web site. That way it would be less expensive for me to publish, and yet the additional forms that I designed to help with the adoption process, and other information about agencies, etc., would come with the book. And the electronic version is just one way to buy the book -- along the way I decided to actually print it!

Although I initially decided to write the book to make some money, it soon became clear to me that there are millions of children out there who need a parent. Here in the U.S., 129,000 kids' parents have had their parental rights terminated, and are waiting for parents. And there are 5 million orphans in Ethiopia alone! So it has become a crusade of sorts because I became aware of all of the children who are suffering, and I also found out that you can adopt for free if you're fairly open to all kinds of kids.

Kerrie: How long did it take you to write?
Vicki: It took about a year and a half, not because I wrote for hours each week, but because life got in the way and sometimes I would go for several months without writing at all. If I had been able to stop working and do my research and writing every day, I think it would have take several months to finish. Then the production process has been about 6 months long -- finding someone to do the graphics on the cover I designed and to format the text and get it digitally ready for printing (www.Accurance.com), proofreading many times, publishing and getting the ISBN number, having the cover and copyright page redone to reflect the ISBN number and publishing date. And setting up the book's web site so that it can be sold. I've learned an enormous amount about the production process, and I think that it will be much faster next time because I won't make the same mistakes!

Kerrie: What is the release date, a Web site, any other publicity information?
Vicki: The book is out right now (yeah!!!) and for sale at www.adoptionforsinglesbook.com. The book is a little more expensive than standard trade size paperbacks that you would find in your bookstore because it is a Print-on-Demand book. For those of you who aren't familiar with that process, it means that when you self-publish, as I did, you don't need to sign a contract and buy thousands of dollars worth of books that you sell and distribute yourself. I used www.lulu.com , a POD company that prints each book as it is ordered, charges a commission on each sale, and then sends me the royalty that I have put on each book. They make no money unless you sell your book and charge nothing more than that 20% commission, so it's quite a deal! They also offer a Distribution Package and submit the book to Amazon and Barnes and Noble for sale on their web sites. I had to price the book higher than I would like because Amazon and Barnes and Noble make 50% right off the top when a book is sold on their web sites. So I priced the book at $29.95 because the price has to be the same across all sales venues, and because A and B&N take $14.98. Anything lower would have meant that I would have to pay people to buy the book!

But, I think that if I were considering adoption, as busy as I am, I would be willing to pay someone $30 to do all of the research for me.

Vicki, I quite agree! Adoption is such a scary thought to so many people that they need a resource to guide them through the process. And I’m sure many singles don’t even think they have a chance at adoption. If they would just realize that (1) they don’t have to be perfect to adopt, (2) they don’t have to be rich to adopt and (3) there are many ages of kids to adopt that are just sitting in the System … they could be on their way to a whole new life as Parent!

Thanks for writing this book! Blog readers: please forward this post to anyone you know who is looking at adoption!

The Housewives of Orange County

Sometimes I’m not sure why I watch “The Housewives of Orange County.” I mean, for one thing, most of them are not even housewives. One of them works her ever-living butt off about 23 hours a day selling insurance (and if she keeps treating her husband the way she does, she'll soon be a Divorcee). One sells homes. One season one of the chicks wasn’t even a WIFE. THIS season one chick isn’t even a WIFE.

Wait, I guess this season we have more actual housewives who do what they’re supposed to do: spend money on $2,000 dresses and spoil the crap out of their kids and make sure their teenage daughters are dressed like hookers.

Let’s just call it “The Extremely Annoying Women of Orange County.”

And yes, I’m being judgmental. And no, I’m not jealous. I’ll take my kids over money and jewelry any day. They’re snuggly warm and a hell of a lot more entertaining.

Big Families and Santa Claus

(I promise I'll quit beating the dead Christmas horse after this post!)

Whew. I got all the Christmas presents wrapped by 6:45 p.m. on Christmas Eve.

This year we put a limit on the number of presents (5 for each kid, and Santa has no problem giving a used gift if it’s something the kid will enjoy) and I tried to keep the cost the same for each kid (except the baby, who wants for nothing, so she got some cheaper gifts).

My sister-in-law just puts out all the gifts from Santa the night before UNWRAPPED, which sounds brilliant to me, but my husband won’t go for it. Of course, they also have buttloads of gifts for their kids from THEM. I guess nobody wants their kid thinking they didn’t get them a gift, but I don’t personally do this.

In case you’re wondering where we hide all 20 presents plus stockings, I’ll tell you. This year the “stockings” were plastic lap trays from Michael’s with “pockets” on either side of the tray. I put stuff in the pockets, like crafts, gum, a huge Hershey’s chocolate bar (I am the Sugar Mama, after all), Hannah Montana lip gloss for Callie, a ball and bath toys for the baby, rubber stamps and other junk. I stacked the lap trays and hid them in a corner of the basement, then covered it with Aron’s sleeping bag.

The smaller wrapped toys fit nicely in the huge cooler. The rest we put in the emptied-out Christmas tree box (what will we do next year when we have a live tree???), mostly stackable box-type gifts. Then I closed the box and stood it on end, opening to the wall.

For those of you with large families, I’m dying to know how you do the Santa thing (or if you even do it at all).

Digiscrapping

This post is by Guest Postess Chris, who is one of my husband’s rockin’ cousins.

Digiscrapping is for those who would like to preserve their memories in a scrapbook-type style, but for whatever reason do not want to work with traditional paper supplies. I do not want to bag on my fellow sister scrapbookers who work in paper, but for me the advantages to digital scrapping are numerous:

1. No mess! You don't have to drag out your supplies and pack them back up when finished.

2. The only storage you need is on your hard drive.

3. It is goof proof. Don't like what you just did? Hit undo and start over.

4. You can reuse all your supplies over and over and over again. Recolor them. Alter them. Change the shape, size, orientation.

5. There are a ton of free digital supplies out there. Yep, you read it right. FREE!

6. You do not have to print out your pictures to add them to layouts. You just use them straight from your digital camera. You can also edit them in creative ways.

7. Because your final product is digital, it is easy to share with family and friends. No need to drag your huge album around to show people your work. Just e-mail it!!

8. You can be so much more creative with good editing software than you can with paper. There is no limitation to this medium.

9. There is an amazing group of women (and a few men) involved in this hobby, and they are right there on-line whenever you need them. No need to go to a crop.

10. Did I mention no mess?

I could go on, but I will rest my case and leave it to you to decide if you are a paper or digi gal! (Or maybe you are hybrid, but that is a whole 'nother post!)

If you are thinking digi might be your thing there are a few things that you need to be able to get into the game. Obviously you need a computer and a digital camera. You need some sort of basic photo editing-type software. A good one that is not terribly expensive is Photoshop Elements. It is the baby brother to the huge -- and expensive -- Photoshop program. But it has great functionality, and the learning curve is not terribly steep. If your budget is super tight, Paint.net and Gimp are both free. I have heard that Gimp is feature rich, but pretty complicated. Paint.net is supposed to be great!

Once you have all of the aforementioned in place you are almost ready to get started. All you need now is pictures to scrap and your supplies. Digi supplies are just like paper supplies, just in a digital format. Where do you get this stuff? Well, I am glad you asked. There are literally a gabillion digi scrapping sites out there anxious to sell you their stuff. Two of my favorites are Plaindigitalwrapper and Scrapbookgraphics. I am a Creative Team Member for both sites and can vouch that they sell quality stuff. However, since you are new to this, lets start with freebies!!!! The best place to go for freebies is Ikea Goddess. She combs tons of digi-scrapping blogs everyday and posts the best freebies she finds for you to download. So, go to her site, troll around and download some things that catch your eye.

Now that you have supplies and photos you are ready to start. Open up your editing program. Bring in a background paper and start placing all of the things on your paper that you would like. How this is done varies from program to program. If you have no idea how to use your program, Google it. There are tutorials out there to get you started.

Well, those are the very basics. I am going to leave you with just a few more links.

The hub of the digiscrap community is digishoptalk. There are amazing forums to answer any questions you might have. Another good idea is to browse through the gallery to see some amazing digi layouts in person.

Hummiesworld is specifically geared towards PSE users (Photoshop Elements), but she has some great general tutorials. This site is where I got my start, and I recommend it for beginners.

The First Years Sippy Cups

My splurge at Target last week: Hefty Zoo Pals Cups and Lids. You get 14 8-ounce cups for $2. They’re extremely disposable and kinda small for my crowd. Kinda flimsy (like a thin film of Styrofoam over paper). It’s hard to get lid on tight without two hands, which not all of us have all the time.

I think I’ll stick with The First Years “disposable” cups and lids, which are hard plastic, go in the dishwasher and hold 10 ounces. They are more expensive, but they last forever. Problem: you have to buy lids as often as your kid chews on them and ruins them, but they still aren’t a bad deal. I love these because I don’t have to also keep track of a rubber stopper like I have to with regular sippy cups.

AND The First Years cups hold soda without exploding or leaking (as long as your kid doesn’t BLOW into them, God help me, because then you have a true fountain drink on your hands).

Movie Review: P.S. I Love You

I realize that being a travel or work widow is different from being an actual widow, and I pray I don’t offend anyone by referring to myself as such. When Aron is out of town I am always praying that he return safely to us. When he’s at work all day, just a few minutes from our home, I am praying that he comes home in one piece. Every now and then I allow myself to consider what life would be like if we lost him. It’s a dark place.

I’d heard about P.S. I Love You (based on the book by Cecelia Ahern), but didn’t know what it was about. I’m glad I didn’t know, so I’m not going to tell YOU, either (even though I've already hinted at it). I hope you haven’t heard much about it and run to the Red Box or get on Netflix.com or Blockbuster.com and order it, based purely on my stunningly sly yet half-assed review.

The movie stars Hilary Swank, Gerard Butler, Lisa Kudrow, Harry Connick, Jr., Gina Gershon, Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Denny from Gray’s Anatomy!!! … Aron became suspect about the 10th time I sighed “Denny Duchette!”) and Kathy Bates.

Bottom line: I give this movie 8 ½ (I took a bite out of one to get this rating) Dove chocolate hearts out of 10.

Christmas Week Revisited … Day Seven

I’m spent, but there’s church to go to and laundry and diapers to wash and dishes that have piled up and a layer of crumbs and God-knows-what on every carpeted surface (especially in the kitchen) and a budget to update and writing that’s calling my name and a dining room table covered in crafty-type toys, like:

Martian Matter

Pixos Super Studio (which Santa spent $30 on and it turns out Michael loves the cheapo Perler beads better!!!

Wooden treasure chests to paint

Wooden Jeeps to paint and assemble

Stained glass kits

Color with Markers shading book and pens

And Callie’s favorite thing: her Hannah Montana guitar from Tutu and Dave.

See ya next Christmas!

Christmas Week Revisited … Day Six

Today we went to Lowry City, Missouri to “do Christmas” with my mom’s family.

After dinner and gifts, I scrapbooked for about an hour while my Aunt Sam held Eva. Any Attachment Parent knows this kind of thing is a rarity when your kid is so used to sleeping on or with you all the time. It was nice to sit and work on my albums while I visited with my cousin.

On the way back we stopped in Belton for a potty-break. FYI: the Burger King in Belton does NOT have a baby-changing station and has VERY small bathrooms. I was tempted to change Eva on a table in the main dining area so I wouldn’t have to put her on the floor in the bathroom. I’m not a germophobe, but COME ON!

2009 Christmas Week Revisited … Day Five

Kansas City is the perfect place for a Gemini to live because the weather is just like us. Yesterday was freezing cold; today is 60 degrees and could easily be mistaken for spring.

Ran out ALONE (I always capitalize that because it’s a rarity, but I seem to do it more since I’ve had my 4th kid than any other time). I had to get Cousin Lindsay’s Border’s gift card since we’re celebrating Christmas over the weekend with my mom’s family. I waited until the last minute to make sure she had been nice instead of naughty.

Then I ran to Whole Foods for Hyland’s Teething Tablets, Veggie Straws and some Cream-on-Top yogurt.

Then my old friend Paul, who was in town from San Jose to visit his family, came for a short visit. I’ve known him since I was 16, and we dated off and on through the years. Lately we’ve become good friends via e-mail, so he came to meet my family. Aron is so sweet he even offered to take a picture of us:


Then Aron took the kids and their Tonka Bounce Back Racers to the park while Eva napped on me.

After it got dark, we put hot chocolate in a Thermos and drove around looking at Christmas lights FINALLY. The new thing is something Aron’s jealous of: a light show hooked up to a computer and broadcast to music over a radio station. If you haven’t check out 103rd and Metcalf at Christmastime, you have to in 2009. Park at the church on the west side of the street and rock out!

Christmas Week Revisited … Day Four (Christmas!)

CHRISTMAS DEFINITIONS
Christmas carnage: The aftermath of Christmas, which includes wrapping paper, bows, ribbon, hard plastic, soft plastic bags, wires, tape, cardboard boxes and toys strewn about the house.

Christmas caucus: When Aron and I get together FINALLY to discuss “the plan” for Christmas, e.g., how much to spend, how many gifts each kid gets, how much we will spend on each other (he ALWAYS goes over), what I’ll make for breakfast, what he’ll make for dinner and how many more kids we can handle before going crazy.

I am telling you there is nothing like a day spent taking 200 pictures to make you wanna scrapbook!

Today Mom and Dave came over for breakfast and to do Christmas at our house. We don’t do the “free-for-all” opening of the gifts ceremony; we all take turns nice and slow. Too slow, some might say, but who cares about them (sorry,Dave!)?

We started with stockings, then breakfast, then presents.


Eva got her hands on a chocolate bar:


I got my hands on a European facial and scalp massage (read: time away to relax for real!):


Michael made sure all his baby pandas slept with their Mommy:


And a nice reindeer family photo (headbands courtesy of Mom):

Christmas Week Revisited … Wednesday

Christmas Eve.

Round 3 of gift wrapping. So they wouldn’t get suspicious, I told the kids Mommy was going crazy and needed some time alone in Daddy’s workshop.

Went to noradsanta.org to start tracking Santa’s route across the world.

8 p.m. Christmas Eve Mass. Tresa asked me if we go to Midnight Mass. I asked her if she was off her meds (just kidding; Tresa is not medicated except for those natural stress-relief tabs). My saint of a mother-in-law may have dragged 5 kids to MM every year, but we are NOT the same caliber of woman. Besides, Midnight Mass at my church is in SPANISH. Not Latin, friends, but Spanish. I love me some Spanish, but not THAT much.

Once we got home, we tracked Santa some more on NORAD’s site until he was in Florida, then the kids freaked out and hurried to put out cookies, milk and notes for Santa. Then they raced to brush their teeth and get into bed. Aron read to them until they fell asleep while I knocked out the girls, then made sure he knew where all the gifts were located so he could put them under the tree.

Christmas Turds

Found out today that Tresa got a PINK laptop for Christmas (early) from her husband and joked to her that I will have to be extra-friendly to her man now so maybe he’ll buy me the same NEXT Christmas. Informed my husband of this latest development so he’ll understand when I’m flirting with with his cousin's man.

Later in the day Callie says, out of the blue, “God! Do I have to do everything myself?” Wonder where she heard THAT one?

Went to see Santa at the mall. Based on the way 3 out of 4 of my kids look in their Santa photos, you’d think Santa was bringing them Christmas turds this year. Last year Aron snuck photos with our camera (they don’t let you take photos of your own kid with your own camera unless you buy a package – the cheapest being $16). This year we sucked it up and got some wallet pics to share with family.


In line for Santa, I spotted Motherhood Maternity and decided I’d LOVE to have a black nursing dress. I wear skirts sometimes, but haven’t worn a dress since Nixon was president. Aron told me he’s always okay with me buying clothes for myself. WOW. I’m heading to the nearest Dolce and Gabbana, Prada and Chanel stores tout de suite! No nursing dresses at Motherhood Maternity. Isn’t nursing a big part of motherhood for a lot of women?

Joel got to go on this huge set-up at the mall where he got harnessed in and kind of bungee-jumped up from a trampoline for $7 for a few minutes.

Later, I wrapped presents in what was hopefully a stealth manner. I put up a blanket over Aron’s workshop window and then locked myself in. Round 1 went well, but then I locked myself OUT OF the woodshop, for which there is NO KEY, so Aron had to break in. Round 2 was good, but unfinished. They all wanted to bug me, but I finally came up and told them I needed some alone time for my sanity and that I was down there praying.

Aron and kids made Christmas sugar cookies later, since he is so much more patient with the mixture of cooking and children than I am.

Topped off the night by Aron/Joel watching the movie “Prince Caspian” while Michael, Callie, Eva and I got drunk on Extreme Moose Tracks ice cream as we sat on the upstairs landing. Like Hannah Montana says, “Life’s what you make it, so let’s make it rock.”

I say, “Life’s what you make it, so let’s make it choc.”

Crown Center, Fritz's and Crayola Cafe Christmas

Aron was supposed to be off work today but had to go in to work in the afternoon. We were supposed to go to Crown Center the week before at night, but – you guessed it – he also had to work every single night that week.

So we set off for Fritz’s restaurant at Crown Center. Your food comes to you via a little train! So cool! But once we got there, it was clear we would have to change our plans if Daddy was going to get to work. The line was at least a 45-minute wait (I’m a little annoyed as I write this, as I just discovered Aron deleted my precious pix of the HUGE line at Fritz’s).

We forgot it was the first day of Christmas break and that every good parent had taken the day off to take their kid to Fritz’s, not to mention all the tourists and out-of-town visitors. (Yes, smart-alleck people NOT from KC … we have tourists!!!).

Okay, so on to Plan B. I had Aron run up to see if Crayola Café had a line. He came back down and said no line. So we ate there … yummy! The kids didn’t whine, and I promised them we’d come back to Fritz’s in 2009. Here’s a pic, with the building where I used to work in the background (ah, soul-sucking Fleishman-Hillard Public Relations). That lady needs to get out of my shot.


Then on to see Santa and play leisurely at CrayolaLand (a big play area made up of huge plastic and rubber crayons).

No dice.

The line for THAT was about an hour or so, and the kids would only get ONCE around the obstacle course of CrayolaLand.

My kids are awesome. I told them anyone standing in that line was insane and they could play on the escalators instead and that we’d go see Santa at the mall close to our house sometime before Christmas. Then Aron bought us Sheridan’s, and we were good to go. Have you ever had a Sheridan’s mocha wowiechino??? Heaven.

Once home, Aron went to work and I took Joel to Ellen’s to play with her kids since he was dying for some social time. Later I hit the Red Box ALONE and got 5 movies and went to the grocery store for a few things. I forgot I could walk so fast through a store!

We usually go see Santa in early December. Last year we waited until Eva was born to go. This year lethargy set in. What can I say? We discovered the pool, Aron had to work a lot, we did lots of other fun things.

When do/did you go see Santa? Where? Gimme a link back to your blog in the Comments section if you have a photo or post to share.

When Is the Santa Jig Up? Part Deux

More on the farce that is Santa.

I personally pretended to believe in him until I was about 13 years old, but I was an only child.

WRAPPING
A few years ago Joel noticed that Santa had wrapped presents in the same wrapping paper that Mommy and Daddy have. Crap! So I told him Santa sometimes has to wrap things when he gets to a kid’s house.

Now we TRY to have separate “Santa” paper from regular paper, but it gets confusing dealing with THAT while also trying to keep 4 kids fed, watered, alive, occupied, educated and clean (my mom will argue with me on the “clean” point).

We usually frantically wrap gifts the night before Christmas. It stinks. Or else I hand off duties to my husband and assume he knows what’s up even though he hasn’t been around. Poor guy. This year I got my crap together and snuck downstairs and wrapped stuff BEFORE the 24th … yeah, me!

How about some humorous stories or tips?

When Is the Santa Jig Up?

I live in fear of my kids finding out the real deal about Santa. I know a family who never did the Santa thing with their oldest kid, but now they ARE doing it with their 3-year-old. I know a man who told his son the real deal about Santa WITHOUT discussing it with his wife first! We’ve always tried to do the Santa thing, and it is exhausting.

SHOPPING
Ever try to shop for your kids when your husband is out of town or working all the time? I used to be able to sneak stuff in the cart under my coat, but Security always looked at me funny. Most of the time I have to run out with only a baby in tow while my mom looks after the kids. Without my mom, I swear there would be no Christmas at my house some years.

After Eva was born I had to go to Toys R Us … Sweet Baby Jesus!!! I took Callie because she was still attached to me and didn’t grasp the concept of Christmas yet, and I took Eva because she was nursing. Yeah, NURSING. As in, (make sure you get the visual on this one) I’m walking through the Toys R Us pushing Callie in a cart full of stuff, holding a list to make sure I get the right stuff, navigating through throngs of stupid people acting like they’ve never seen a damn toy before, and I’m NURSING the baby one-armed while trying not to show too much of my back fat (never mind my boob … back fat is way more embarrassing).

STORING
My house is not a mansion. And I have kids who love to play hide and seek. Whatever will fit on top of our commercial freezer in the basement gets stuck there. The rest … well, I’d have to refer you to my husband on that one because I don’t know.

Mom, where did you hide my gifts? And tell the nice people in Blog World about that concept of non-instant gratification called LAYAWAY!

Tomorrow we’ll discuss the wrapping of said gifts.