Swimwear & Summer Attire

I got a quasi-request ("I can't wait until we talk about swimwear") from Jen ...

Okay, Jen, let’s talk swimwear and summer attire. You’ve been wanting this post for a while. It says a lot about our society that instead of giving you a call, I’m giving you a shout out on the Internet!

Let me start the conversation by saying that some swimwear is so bad (and I know this is not a NEW thing) that my husband takes his glasses off the minute he gets to the pool. This is why I don’t like for him to take the kids to the pool without me … I’m afraid his blind butt will miss one of our kids drowning. I do respect him for not oogling trampy women, though.

Still, what are people THINKING? What annoys me more ... older women trying to look like teenagers or teens and tweens trying to look like they're 28?

Take it away, readers, while I go dig out my totally unflattering nursing swimsuit for use in a few months.

*By the way, this photo is NOT of me.

I'm Just a Boob in Jeans

You know on “Tom and Jerry” cartoons when sometimes one of the characters will see another character as a pork chop or a hot dog?

I think when Sam looks at me he sees a giant boob full of milk.

The "Disease" of Alcoholism

Let’s stir (not shake) things up a bit, hopefully.

Do you think alcoholism is a DISEASE?

I don’t.

Cancer is a disease. You can’t quit cancer. You can quit drinking. If you are locked in a room with no alcohol for the rest of your life, you will probably have some physical symptoms of withdrawal, but you will be okay. If you are locked in a room with cancer and given no treatment you will just die.

I think alcoholism is an ADDICTION. Like I’m addicted to food … my brain has repeatedly felt better when I eat, so now I think I have to have certain nasty foods to feel not depressed, to feel happy, to feel in control mostly.

Alcoholism is poor choices. It's checking out of life. It's not taking responsibility for your own crap.

So what do YOU think?

How to Pack a Baby in a Suitcase

I know some of you won't believe me, but Aron is always sad when he has to travel for work. The last time he left for Phoenix I pretended to pack Sam in his suitcase. A perfect fit (although probably highly illegal)!

How to Make Homeschooling Friends

I have found a new homeschooling friend again and BOY am I excited. She’s normal. Her kids are normal. She’s nice.

She doesn’t ask me inappropriate questions like, “So, why do you write? Is it because you are not fulfilled as a mother?”

She doesn’t quiz me about my religion, hoping to convert me to hers or to find holes in my logic.

She doesn’t run around her house like a Homeschooling Nazi, making sure her kids are doing work way above their grade level WHILE we are having a playdate.

I will add her in my mind to my growing list of great friends, homeschooling or otherwise.

In case you’re wondering, I went to the web site for one of my homeschool groups and searched the members’ addresses. Then I put together a play date with a couple of moms who live close. Sure, I’d rather stay home and write and hang out with my kids than meet new people, but once we met a few times I was glad I got out of the house. I initially did it for my kids so they’d have a social opportunity before 3:15 p.m., but I’ve made a friend or two in the process!

Do you find it hard sometimes to make friends now that you have kids?

Homeschooler Discrimination at Pawnee Elementary School in Overland Park, Kansas?

This is cool and crummy all at once.

My friend and I used to play school all the time. We’d argue over who would be the teacher. We both thought we knew everything.

Now I’m a homeschooling mom. My friend teaches English as a Second Language across the street at Pawnee Elementary School in Overland Park, KS.

A couple of weeks ago my 8-year-old son went across the street to help her out by reading to her students and making them feel at ease (a.k.a. peer mentoring). He was only there for half an hour and loved it. The kids loved it. My friend said he did great.

Too bad the principal (Shawnee Mission School District in Kansas) told my friend that my son can’t come back. She thinks it may be a liability issue, but we’re STILL waiting to find out his reason. I really want to write to him and tell him how much my son loved helping out, how much my friend liked having help and how much the kids enjoyed having him there. And tell him I’m happy to sign a release saying if my son gets hurt in his school I won’t sue. The McLoughlins are not litigious people.

Raise your hand if you think this is Homeschooler Discrimination. I guess I can see where they wouldn't want a homeschooled kid running around, making all the other kids want to be homeschooled. Why can't they just sneak him in the back door and pay off the ESL kids to keep quiet about his wonderful existence?

4/17/12 Schools are always bitching about needing money for every freaking thing under sun, so why don't they take the free help? Joel will be 11 when the next school year starts. Should I try this again or just leave them alone?

Bored Kids

I hate when kids tell me they are bored. I had a teacher in high school named Mr. Hoobing who said, “When you say you’re bored, that means you’re boring.”

So you know when a kid is crying and you go, “Do you want me to give you something to cry about?”

When kids tell me they’re bored, I SHOW them bored by lecturing to them. I tell them how I was an only child and had no siblings to argue with or annoy or punch out. And how I barely had neighbor friends because my mean old parents had us living in places where there weren’t a lot of [normal] kids.

I tell them how I had no Internet, no video games, no texting, no cell phone, no computer.

I did have MTV, though, friends. Back when MTV actually played music videos around the clock. And VH1. And good summer daytime TV like reruns of Leave it to Beaver, Who’s the Boss, One Day at a Time, I Love Lucy and tons of others I can’t even think of.

What did you do when you were bored? Besides play with your rocks and sticks? When Eva is bored she likes to help put away clean silverware from the dishwasher.

Funny Bathroom Cleaning Instructions for Little Kids

*can be done by one person or split up*

1. Put away everything that doesn’t belong in the bathroom (stuffed animals, omelets, etc.).

2. Hang up towels, put things away in drawers and closet. If towels smell bad because you left them on the floor after your bath last week, put them in the hamper and replace them with clean ones from the closet. On second thought, just walk up to the store and buy new towels. Grab my debit card from my wallet.

3. Using a wipe or washrag, wipe down counter and sink.

4. Using just the toilet brush (no Comet!), clean out the toilet. Ask Daddy if there is something else he’d like you to use to get it clean. Mommy doesn’t want you to use chemical-y stuff. Is baking soda and vinegar okay? We don’t want Daddy to freak out because the new toilet has been scratched!!!

5. Using a wipe or washrag, wipe the rest of the toilet. Try not to gag. Don’t gripe about how gross it may be because I rarely use that toilet so it’s not my fault.

6. Shake out the rugs (over the back deck).

7. If there is a lot of hair or other debris (duh-bree = dirt) on the floor (toilet paper your sister has gotten wet and then left to dry, concoctions that should have been left in the kitchen), do a quick sweep of the floor with the small brush and dustpan from garage. Then put it back!!! (the dustpan, not the debris)

8. Get the tub a little bit wet, then sprinkle some Comet around on the dirty parts. Using a washrag, scrub down the tub. To rinse off the Comet, you can use the sprayer or just let tub water run while you fill a cup and use that to rinse off the sides of the tub. Do not try to make a beach on the bathroom floor again like you did that one time when I was sitting downstairs and saw water coming through the water fixtures in the ceiling. Thank you.

Texting Contests

So we went to the Valentine’s Dance at the school across the street from us. We like to meet new people, have fun, dance, eat, get out of the house.

Anyway, there was going to be a “texting contest” … huh? I was intrigued because you ought to know by now how I feel about little kids with cell phones in the first place. The ages of kids who go there are from 5-11 … apparently they are texting aficionados. You should see them when they get out of school each day … it’s like they’re getting off work in New York City … they head for the sidewalk, backpack on back and cell phone to ear (even in large groups), making dinner reservations and texting to their moms that they are out of school for the day (duh! Shouldn’t your mom, like, KNOW that already?!).

So here's a picture from the texting contest, since I’m an awesome photojournalist as well as a wicked cool journalist-in-training. The kids just had to see who could type the written message on the posterboard the fastest. Back in my day that was called a TYPING CONTEST, and I woulda kicked butt* at that. I even interviewed a kid there. It went like this:

Me: “So how much are those phones those kids are using to text?”

Kid: “Like $100.”

Me: “Do you have one?”

Kid: “Yes.”

Me: “Why? I mean, doesn’t your mom know where you are all the time?”

Kid walks off, tired of talking to freaky nosey woman.

*FYI: I can’t use any cuss words on here anymore since I have Coupons.com on the side of my blog. Dangit. Oops, that might count as cussing. I guess I’m a sell-out.

Anti-Public School?

Just because we homeschool doesn’t mean we are against schools in general. I mean, if we hated all school systems, I would fight the fact that our property taxes go toward schools our kids will never attend. But that’s just not worth my time.

If we hated all schools, we wouldn’t buy trash bags and other stuff from kids who sell for fundraisers at our church’s school.

If we hated schools, we wouldn’t trot across the street to the public school to shell out big bucks for the carnival, the book fair, the dances, the ice cream social, taco night, etc.

And I wouldn’t dump off my paper recycling at the bins at the schools so they could make some money off of it. And I wouldn’t save my Best Choice labels and Box Tops for Education for them.

I’m just saying.

Puzzles!

We love wooden puzzles at my house! Callie never took to them, but Eva is loving them. Unfortunately for my house, Eva is the Hurricane, so the puzzle pieces end up all over the place. Maybe by the time I have grandchildren I'll have found all the pieces to the wooden puzzles! Is your kid a puzzle lover or a puzzle hater?

The World's Biggest Snowball

Since it constantly snows here in the Midwest lately, I have lots o' pix of snowy stuff ... lucky you! So here, without further adieu, is my son sitting on top of the World's Biggest* Snowball.

*This claim has not been proven.

Wallpaper Stripping While Holding a Baby

These are a couple of wallpaper stripping pictures for you ... my best work is done holding Baby Samwich.

Updated 2021: this seemed like a never-ending project!

How to Build a Snowman

Did you think you'd see instructions here? Nah, you can head to eHow.com for that kind of stuff. I'm always inside nursing babies, so I rarely get to go play in the snow. This is what Aron and the kids made one day recently, though. More proof in my case for him being an excellent father.

Toddler Eva Stripping Wallpaper

You can't ever really start a kid on wallpaper scraping fun too early. And I just keep giving birth to little wallpaper strippers, so it all works out.

Kids With Cell Phones

Yes, I know I beat this horse to death and then some. But when I go to an elementary school dance and see all the kids with phones it drives me nuts. I mean, parents, do you not have a clue? Don't you know that you are not only paying for phone calls and texts, but also (usually) for Internet service? I remember my best friend and I during school (6th grade) cackling at looking up the word "crusty" in the dictionary. Dear God, if we'd had cell phones, we would've been looking up all kinds of naked people and probably instant messaging all kinds of pedophiles.

I always thought my dad was overprotective as heck. Turns out he actually had a clue, which kept me pretty darn safe throughout my childhood and kept me molested-free. Who knew?

*Updated to acknowledge that some parents do opt out of the Internet service on their kid's cell phone.

Security for Valentine's Day

So, what are you asking for or giving for Valentine's Day?

I told Aron I'd like an external hard drive so I can store all our digital photos in our fireproof box.

Hey, security is romantic. Sue me.

How Much Does the Tooth Fairy Pay?

Originally posted 2/13/2010

Joel is 8 1/2 and just lost his second tooth. He gets a buck from the Tooth Fairy for each tooth he loses. He knows kids who get 10 bucks for EACH TOOTH LOST. Even if there's only one child in the house, why would the Tooth Fairy make the other Tooth Fairies look so bad?

And why does a kid need that much money for a freakin' tooth? I mean, I got Jack Squat when I started my period, and I lost a lot of blood. Too much information? How much do I get when this toothpick comes out of my foot? Oh, I know: I get to go back to cleaning my house and chasing my kids. Hmmmm. Maybe I don't want this toothpick out after all.

See what a good writer I am? I correlate tooth fairies and toothpicks somehow in one post.

*Edited to add: Man, I hope my kids' friends don't read this blog or I'm in trouble. The other night Aron was out of town and I forgot that Michael had lost a tooth (he doesn't make a big deal out of things). So the next morning the Tooth Fairy did not come :-( The next night, however, somehow the Tooth Fairy snuck a buck under the pillow while he was brushing his teeth and he found the money the next morning. Slick!

Favorite 80s Movies

What are your favorite 80s movies? Mine are Xanadu, Grease and Somewhere in Time.

Or they WERE, anyway. They AFFECTED me as a child. Then when I grew up and watched them again I had different critiques and now make fun of them all.

The music still rocks from the first 2, but that Netwon-John was certainly no thespian (like I should talk). She was cool; she hyphenated before it was accepted in society.

That darn Somewhere in Time, though ... I think the last time I watched it I was pregnant with my first kid and cried until I got a headache.

House Cleaning Services

So this is probably slander or libel or something like that ... heck, I don't know the definitions of those things. One of them is saying untrue things about someone, but this is actually true.

So I'll never hire a house cleaning service because my ex-husband used to be a manager at one of the biggest ones out there ... and he totally stole stuff.

So if you have a house cleaning service and you notice things missing, NAIL THEIR BUTTS TO THE WALL ABOUT IT! You probably aren't experiencing Alzheimer's symptoms; you are probably being stolen from.

These are the things I think about while I'm vacuuming with a baby in my arms!

Debate: Retirement or College?

Are you saving for your retirement or for your kids' college? Or are you trying to do both?

You know my general take on this issue: put your own oxygen mask on first. Your kids are young and can start saving now and get jobs and loans and grants and financial aid.

That being said, we are saving for our own retirement while our kids have savings accounts. We hope to be able to help with SOME college, which is better than none. Yet I also believe things are more appreciated when they are bought for oneself.

What's your take? Will you do it how your parents did it, or did they subject you to child abuse by not paying for your college, and now you plan to pay 100% of YOUR kids'???

Our Remodeled Bathroom

It used to have teal carpet, flowered wallpaper and a beige BathFitter thing in the shower. Thanks to Aron and his twin brother and his dad, it now looks like this!

Happy 5th Birthday, Callie!!!

Happy 5th Birthday to my firstborn daughter, Callie! We had some rough times with tantrums, but lately she is becoming more happy and cooperative and says she enjoys helping cook, pick up, etc. She loves writing her name and coloring and watching movies. She loves helping me stir cake batter. She's helpful with Baby Sam. I like spending time with her and listening to her little girl dreams. I like listening to her sing and love watching her dance. I can't wait to see what she will become and am savoring my time with her while she is so young and innocent.

I love you, Callie!

Debate: Rich or Famous?

Would you rather be rich or famous, like if someone told you you HAD to be one or the other?

I'm thinking rich. They'd both stink in some respects, but famous brings on stalkers and other weirdos and lots of scrutiny. Rich could lead to doing lots of good things for the world, if you were so inclined

Hyland's Products: Bedwetting Tablets

I don't know if you can call this a product review since I haven't actually used these yet, but I'm gonna try them and let you know. You don't just give them before bed; you give them at meals, etc. They are tiny, homeopathic tablets that taste like nothing. I'm hoping my almost-5-year-old will stop peeing in her size 6 diaper every night. I hear lots of females have problems with bedwetting ... I've known many.

I've heard that making them pee before bed, making sure they stop drinking after 7 p.m. and trying out a bedwetting alarm don't necessarily work.

What's your experience with kids wetting the bed when they are potty-trained perfectly during the day?

Hyland's Products: Teething Tablets

I don't know how these work, but they somehow do. Sure, sometimes it takes half the bottle to get your kid to stop hurting, but they are awesome. It's like an attitude adjustment in a bottle for your teething toddler.

As of December 2009 I'm supposed to let you know if I'm getting paid or being given free products to endorse when I write about them. I have NOT gotten a thing from Hyland's. I just love this crap, that's all.

Dairy Products and Mucus: Chocolate Silk from Whole Foods

You hear all the time about the correlation between dairy products and being all snotty. Not snotty in attitude, but in mucus. Since Sam has been congested since birth and is almost 4 months old now, and since I seem to have all kinds of drainage going on (sorry to gross you out), I have been cutting down on dairy, and it seems to be helping. Maybe it's wishful thinking. Maybe it's true.

Either way, I tried out Chocolate Silk (soy milk) and we all loved it. I just wish I could afford the 3 bucks a half gallon 10 times a week, because we would all just suck this drink down. Do you ever picture tiny soybeans with boobs being milked? And how about little grains of rice being milked for Rice Milk? No? Must just be me. Huh.

Did you know you can do a tour at Whole Foods grocery stores? You get to try out stuff to see if you like it before you commit to buying a full-size version of it. I'm gonna set up that field trip for my homeschool group (most of whom probably already shop there cuz a bunch of them are crunchy). I may have to take up stripping to pay for more healthy food for my family, but we all have trade-offs, right?

Just kidding, Dad.

Meal Plan for When My Guy is Out of Town

As evidenced by the popularity of LifeAsMom.com, people really seem to dig saving money and knowing what other people eat. In honor of LifeAsMom.com, I am sharing with you my ultra-healthy, no-processed-foods (yeah, right) meal plan for the week Aron was out of town recently. Keep in mind this sort of meal plan saves me from hitting the fast food drive through like a crack pipe, therefore saving me money.

Monday
breakfast: pancakes and sausage
lunch: ravioli in a can for the kids with garlic bread; Smart Ones and a salad for me
dinner: Tuna Helper

Tuesday
breakfast: cereal
lunch: fish sticks and mandarin oranges
dinner: Pizza Hut (2 free small ones from Book-It program)

Wednesday
breakfast: cream of wheat
lunch: pizza leftovers and fruit
dinner: Hamburger Helper

Thursday
breakfast: ham and cheese quiche
lunch: corn dogs, apples, oranges
dinner: clam chowder, carrots

Friday
breakfast: cereal
lunch: grilled cheese with lunchmeat
dinner: cheese hot dogs wrapped in crescent rolls, fruit

Snacks:
string cheese
chocolate graham crackers
bologna
carrots
pretzels
granola bars
yogurt

Miss, You've Saved Too Much Money

Last weekend I saved too much money at the grocery store and an override had to be done. It rocked. I took advantage of my Chopper Shopper card, actually cut coupons and had a raincheck for Weight Watchers Smart Ones. I usually like shopping at Aldi since I save more money there, but when I HAVE to go to Price Chopper for the better apples and oranges and some other choice stuff, I hate walking out spending $300 and needing help out with my two carts.

If I were rich, I would get my groceries delivered. Hell, I'd have all my MEALS delivered.

Do you enjoy grocery shopping, or is it a necessary evil? Do you like the thrill of the SAVE by using coupons? Should I join Sam's Club? Should I join Overeaters Anonymous?

Freaky Things We Do Re-Post

Short on time for posting this week, so here is an old post from 2008 that talks about the freaky things we do as a family. Enjoy!

Recipe: Pumpkin Pancakes

This is a great recipe for using up any cans of pumpkin you have laying around from Thanksgiving. Or maybe you are one of those freaks who cooks from FRESH pumpkin (just kidding ... I admire you). Either way, these rock. And kids will probably dig 'em.

Pumpkin Pancakes

1 cup flour
3 T sugar
1 t baking powder
1/2 t baking soda
1/4 t salt
3/4 t cinnamon
1/4 t nutmeg
1 egg
1 cup plain low-fat yogurt (or sour cream)
1/4 cup canned pumpkin puree
2 T butter, melted and cooled, plus 1 T for the skillet

I'm assuming ya'll know how to cook a pancake, so this is the basic recipe for what to mix together.

Beat the egg til fluffly, then add yogurt, pumpkin and 2 T melted butter and beat well. Stir in dry ingredients and mix until combined. Cook those pancakes in a hot buttered skillet!

Forever Changed by the NICU

I really appreciate my dad for taking this video, but I want to know when I'm going to be able to watch it without crying? How do people handle life so well and move on when their baby is in the NICU for months? My heart goes out to all of you. I took life for granted, but not so much anymore.

Hoarders

Has anyone seen this show yet? My mom taped it for me. We thought it would be interesting and funny. It’s interesting, but certainly not funny. It’s very sad.

I was on my way to becoming a hoarder once. My apartment had cat crap in the spare bedroom when I was single, I had Cosmopolitan magazines going back for years, and the list goes on and on. I had about 5 times the clothing I have now.

The more kids I had, the more of my own stuff I got rid of, and the easier it was to sort through their stuff and get rid of some of it. These days I have a small closet with my maternity AND regular wardrobe in it. I have very few books anymore.

Most of my clutter nowadays is old journal papers … thousands of them. My dream is to someday transcribe all the papers from my handwriting to computer and have a big old bonfire (after I back up all the files on an external hard drive or two, of course).

And I feel free.

I just read Candy Spelling’s book and I think she’s a total hoarder … even though she calls them “collections” and has pondered the hoarding issue. I’m interested to see what she does with all her crap when her 73,000 square feet (including the attic) of crap-holding space turns into 17,000 when she moves.

Do you or someone you know have any hoarding issues? Yeah, like you're really gonna tell ME!

Newsflash: SAHMs Do Nothing All Day Long

I'm loving my Attachment Parenting group because they "get" me.

Recently a woman wrote about how she has 3 kids and is pregnant and her family assumes she has nothing better to do than make a last-minute trip to the airport to pick up some relatives. My reply:

"yeah, you have NOTHING going on for sure. i'll never forget when i had my ONE kid 8 years ago and i was the first in my family to nurse and to stay at home and to family bed, blah blah. one family member asked me if i was BORED yet. another family member, a teenager, asked what i do all day. i was speechless.

here's my answer: i sit on my butt and hold my baby while he naps. i stare at him. i read books. i watch tv. i've earned this time with my kid. we are bonding. he may not remember, but it's in his SOUL. and i've done the same parenting with all FIVE of my kids. this BUSY and INCONSIDERATE culture of ours is nuts. and yet I'M the crazy one for treating my kids like GOLD."

Dr. Barbie & I Feel Sorry for Men These Days

Feminism got us all these cool rights and privileges (like being able to vote, to get paid what men get paid and to sleep around with many partners … ha!). Then Mattel goes and makes (in the year 2009, no less) Dr. Barbie.

Eva got Dr. Barbie from Santa (Mrs. Claus, actually) for Christmas and I don’t think Mrs. Claus knew what Mrs. Claus was doing. Instead of being a symbol of what girls should try to be when they grow up, here are some of Dr. Barbie’s attributes:

1. A very short outfit.

2. No undies.

3. Gladiator heels. What doctor do you know who wears heels all day long?

4. A button on her back that makes her rock these 2 babies. Isn’t that the nurse’s job? Doesn’t the doctor just do the exam and then bolt?

Do you think "President-of-a-Fortune-500-Corporation Barbie" would be dressed like this?

I feel sorry for men these days. They have to battle online porn addiction and watch young girls walk into church in short skirts and watch their mothers bend over and show their pretty little thong underwear. Now they have to try to avoid Dr. Barbie in their own home!

I miss good old Barbie of the 1950s … one-piece black and white swimsuit (strapless though it was), classy red coat (I have one of those!), practical Capri pants and pissed-off look on her face.

I won’t let my girls have Bratz dolls (we call them Slutz or Hoez) because of the way they dress, the makeup and the Restalyned lips. So how did Dr. Barbie make it into my house?

Do you have girls? Do you let them play with Barbies? Bratz dollz? Do you feel sorry for men? And yes, if you are a man reading this blog, you can feel sorry for yourself.

Oops, Dr. Barbie just got transferred to another hospital called The Thrift Store.

How Do You Get It All Done?

A cool chick on my Kansas City Attachment Parenting site was wondering how other moms get it all done. Like how do they cook, clean, find time for kids, husband, self, organize, set up appointments, blah blah blah?????

So I tried to help the best I could:

"From the homeschooling writer mama of 5:

1. don't give a sh** what others think of your house. hubby will have to deal, as well. do your best.

2. get rid of as much crap as you can. easier to keep it all clean.

3. involve the kids in cleaning up. gets easier. there comes a point when they actually listen and it's awesome!

4. make some time to do something you really wanna so you aren't so freaking bitter doing dishes and laundry for the 5,000th time.

5. even if you don't feel like it, prepare as much in advance as you can ... repack diaper bag, make and freeze double batches of food.

6. systems don't work for everyone. i've tried them all, too.

P.S. I don't have Internet access during the week, so my need to check email every 5 seconds is thwarted, dammit.

Junior Horsey Rides

I swear this one was Aron's idea; I just took the picture. Eva doesn't like to wear a shirt around the house anymore, by the way. She does, however, like to give horsey rides to her baby brother. You can never start those too early!

Yes, I Do Have Other Kids Besides Sam

Eva (aka Plumpie) pursuing her new pastime: looking at scrapbooks from back when I had time to scrapbook


Joel is a huge help, holding Sam for me so I can do miscellaneous chores (like eating bon bons in the bubble bath and running out for smokes ... ha ha)


Sorry for the sideways Callie (all made up) with her baby brother


Michael with his prized Glo-Doodle, Aron pontificating in the background


I hope you've enjoyed this edition of "Yes, I Do Have Other Kids Besides Sam".

Christmas Eve Crack

I love going to church only to see a mom bend down to get into her diaper bag so I can see half of her thong hanging out of her low-rise jeans.

Who invented low-rise jeans, anyway?

If your thong isn’t hanging out, your muffin top is. There aren’t a lot of people who should be wearing them. Not most moms. Not little girls. Not fat chicks. Definitely not me.

I’m going to invent some jeans that go up under my boobs so nobody sees my undies.

Moral and Monetary Bankruptcy

I heard this commercial where they said something like:

"You have the RIGHT to settle your credit card debt for a fraction of what you owe."

I know this has been going on for a long time. But it’s starting to piss me off.

Why do you have the RIGHT to charge stuff, use it and then NOT pay for some of it?

Isn’t this teaching our kids to go ahead and do whatever they want and ask forgiveness later?

It’s like how I was brought up to see Catholics: they do whatever they want and then go to Confession later. Now that I’m a Catholic, I’m certainly not like that and don’t know many who are. I don’t kiss other guys, thinking, “I can just confess this later at church and to Aron and it’ll be okay.”

So why can I buy all the shoes I want and all the chocolate and crap and then NOT pay for all of it?

Sounds similar to bankruptcy to me. MORAL bankruptcy.

*Edited to add: I guess when I posted this I had severe baby brain and now realize that some people might not, for instance, have health insurance for whatever reason, and get debt that way. School me on this one, people!

Poor Sam

Today is Sam's Baptism and celebration at our house. Wanted to share this photo of him as a Spam Samwich on bread. You gotta feel sorry for the poor kid with parents like us. Who takes a picture of their kid between bread? You have to love the wary face he's making. It will come in handy in his case for Emancipation in about 12 years.

Don't worry, tomorrow I'll give Sam a rest and will write about something else!

Babies in Longjohns

This is Sam on Christmas Eve asleep on the chair for a few minutes. Don't you dig the longjohns?

3-Month-Old Babies

As you can see, Samuel is doing quite well at just over 3 months of age. He has this congestion problem thingie that keeps me up at night a lot sleeping upright and squirting saline nasal spray up his schnoz, but he's growing, sleeping and eating well, so I let it go. In this pic he's on my dad's lap (shirt says The Beatles) with his Chatter Elmo, an excellent toy that can be turned off.

I thank God daily for the NICU care he received and that he was born so quickly.

We love you, Sammy-san, my little bald boyfriend and man of a thousand nicknames.

Below, with my cousin

Cabin Fever with Kids

School was out around these parts for 3 days last week due to tons of snow and ridiculously low temps. Even though I homeschool, it affects my life. For one thing, we get to watch the neighbor girl, which is always fun. They all play together well, so I generally make it a very low-homeschool day so they can just mess around. They get a quasi-snow day at my house. One day I had 7, then 9 kids at my house. YIKES!

So you could tell it was a boring situation when my husband says, "Who wants to flush the new toilet?"

And all the kids excitedly ran up to the bathroom like it was a ride at Disneyland ... or the Hershey Park.

Nintendo DS for Kids? That's a Bunch of D.S.!

Can I just ask you some questions?

Would you give a 6-year-old a $100 bill to take care of for years?

Do you even let your 6-year-old cross the street alone?

Then why do you buy a little hand-held video game system called a DS (I can't figure out what the hell that stands for) and let them take it everywhere they go?

You know they'll drop it on the concrete.

You know they'll leave it at a friend's house.

You know my Eva will get ahold of it and try to eat it or otherwise ruin it somehow.

You know kids don't have a ton of sense til they're like 25.

So why do you do it? I'm genuinely curious. And love to rile you up!

Video Games

Hear me out.

I hate video games and I figured out why. It's because my first husband played them constantly. He once wore out a Nintendo player, bought a new one, then put the old one in the box and RETURNED IT and they actually gave him his money back. He was a real jerk, a great scam artist.

So we don't have the games here. I'm lucky to have a TV with the way my husband is. We don't want our kids going stupid or getting thumb arthritis.

But I have to tell you I have Chuzzle and Diner Dash on my computer and I LOVE THEM. They are my stress relief: matching colored puff balls and playing a waitress. The kids play Chuzzle sometimes, but usually I am mean and make them play with each other or read or something instead.

Got a favorite video game?

Flabby Body as Shell

For those of you who believe the human body is merely a shell to hold our souls: I absolutely agree with you!

However, the back part of shell hurts more lately because of the boobie and belly and back fat roll weight it has to support. And my shell moves more slowly, which is bad when I have kids to save and I need cat-like reflexes. And my shell doesn't need diabetes or further heart issues. My man loves my shell like it is, but I want my shell healthier.

I don't expect my shell, at age 38, to be bikini-ready by June. I'm cool with stretch marks, saggy boobs and cellulite.

But if I don't lose this weight now, menopause will soon slow my metabolism down so freaking fast that I won't have a chance of being even merely comfortable in the years to come. And what if, God forbid, I get pregnant again? What I weigh today is what I should weigh NINE MONTHS PREGNANT. I can't imagine packing on another 25 pounds to this frame as-is.

And yes, I plan to bore the living crap out of you about weight loss. I started at 159, by the way, and am not afraid to share that. I am 5 feet and 2 inches tall. And I am going to lose this weight ... the goal is 129, in case you are interested. And I'm going to do it without Weight Watchers. Or Jenny Craig. Just me counting calories and attempting to move my butt. Do you think I can exercise and breastfeed at the same time? I'm gonna try, dammit.

Help me out here ... share with me your body issues so I know I'm not alone! And please don't tell me I look good for having 5 kids or that I'm still nursing and shouldn't try to drop the weight. I'll sit on you, and you know I will.

Journaling for Weight Loss

I'm telling you, journaling works. If not for journaling, I would've killed many a person over the years. And if not for journaling my weight loss (yep, I have a special spiral notebook just for weight loss ramblings), I would bore my friends and family nonstop about my food obsessions. Also, it holds me accountable.

Where do I find the time to journal, you ask? Well, I try to do it whenever I sit down to nurse and hold a sleeping baby on my lap. Hopefully by the time Baby Sam is old enough to stop napping I'll not need to journal anymore because hopefully I'll have my food issues under control.

Breastfeeding and Weight Loss Myth

Why is it that I can eat what I want when pregnant and only gain 25 pounds each time, yet when I'm nursing I eat twice that amount and start packing it on even faster? I weight 12 pounds more today than I did at 13 weeks pregnant with my latest son.

I'm RAVENOUS when I'm nursing. That's why weight loss is so dang hard this time around. You know how you are buring like 500 calories while nursing? Well, I EAT those extra 500 calories, twice over. And I do it after giving birth because I'm stressed out. Taking care of a baby takes everything you have. It's completely physical. I didn't gain much when I only had 1 kid to take care of because I could pour myself entirely into him.

But with each kid I had starting with Joel, I gained an extra 5 pounds, for a total of 25 (okay, it's actually 30) pounds. That really adds up on a 5'2" frame.

My pal over at Meet Virginia is having the same struggle after the birth of multiple children. It's good to have support, and that's what ya'll are to me. My dad and his wife just lost a lot of weight ... I'm hoping to follow in his healthy footsteps.

New Year's Resolutions 2013

Happy New Year! Yes, I'm gonna try to drop some pounds this year ... only I started last Sunday instead of today. It's getting bad when your back rolls have rolls of their own. I don't have the time or money to join Weight Watchers again, but I do know how the program works, so I'm going with that. Instead of trying to count the points of every freaking food I put in my mouth, which I certainly don't have the time to do these days, I'm going to end this sentence because it's a run-on.

So I had Aron buy me a bunch of WW Smart Ones so I know the amount of points each has. I also have a bunch of yogurts for breakfast that I know the points of. I know the points of apples and veggies and milk. And I plan to hit the site of a WW meeting so I can buy some of their chocolate snacks with the points written on them. That way all I have to do is write points down somewhere each day and keep track and not go over 30 (the points a nursing mom gets to eat in one day, plus she gets an extra 30 for the entire week if she wants to use them ).

I also need to journal about what's going on because I'm practically a food addict. I wish Dr. Drew had a Food Rehab to go with his Drug Rehab and Sex Rehab.

Don't worry, I'll probably keep you annoyingly abreast of my weight loss fun. Hoping to not turn into one of those annoying Food Nazis. Friends and family, please don't bring me sugary stuff!

My biggest challenges: Dr. Pepper, Coke, anything chocolate, Quarter Pounders with Cheese