Newsflash: SAHMs Do Nothing All Day Long

I'm loving my Attachment Parenting group because they "get" me.

Recently a woman wrote about how she has 3 kids and is pregnant and her family assumes she has nothing better to do than make a last-minute trip to the airport to pick up some relatives. My reply:

"yeah, you have NOTHING going on for sure. i'll never forget when i had my ONE kid 8 years ago and i was the first in my family to nurse and to stay at home and to family bed, blah blah. one family member asked me if i was BORED yet. another family member, a teenager, asked what i do all day. i was speechless.

here's my answer: i sit on my butt and hold my baby while he naps. i stare at him. i read books. i watch tv. i've earned this time with my kid. we are bonding. he may not remember, but it's in his SOUL. and i've done the same parenting with all FIVE of my kids. this BUSY and INCONSIDERATE culture of ours is nuts. and yet I'M the crazy one for treating my kids like GOLD."

Dr. Barbie & I Feel Sorry for Men These Days

Feminism got us all these cool rights and privileges (like being able to vote, to get paid what men get paid and to sleep around with many partners … ha!). Then Mattel goes and makes (in the year 2009, no less) Dr. Barbie.

Eva got Dr. Barbie from Santa (Mrs. Claus, actually) for Christmas and I don’t think Mrs. Claus knew what Mrs. Claus was doing. Instead of being a symbol of what girls should try to be when they grow up, here are some of Dr. Barbie’s attributes:

1. A very short outfit.

2. No undies.

3. Gladiator heels. What doctor do you know who wears heels all day long?

4. A button on her back that makes her rock these 2 babies. Isn’t that the nurse’s job? Doesn’t the doctor just do the exam and then bolt?

Do you think "President-of-a-Fortune-500-Corporation Barbie" would be dressed like this?

I feel sorry for men these days. They have to battle online porn addiction and watch young girls walk into church in short skirts and watch their mothers bend over and show their pretty little thong underwear. Now they have to try to avoid Dr. Barbie in their own home!

I miss good old Barbie of the 1950s … one-piece black and white swimsuit (strapless though it was), classy red coat (I have one of those!), practical Capri pants and pissed-off look on her face.

I won’t let my girls have Bratz dolls (we call them Slutz or Hoez) because of the way they dress, the makeup and the Restalyned lips. So how did Dr. Barbie make it into my house?

Do you have girls? Do you let them play with Barbies? Bratz dollz? Do you feel sorry for men? And yes, if you are a man reading this blog, you can feel sorry for yourself.

Oops, Dr. Barbie just got transferred to another hospital called The Thrift Store.

How Do You Get It All Done?

A cool chick on my Kansas City Attachment Parenting site was wondering how other moms get it all done. Like how do they cook, clean, find time for kids, husband, self, organize, set up appointments, blah blah blah?????

So I tried to help the best I could:

"From the homeschooling writer mama of 5:

1. don't give a sh** what others think of your house. hubby will have to deal, as well. do your best.

2. get rid of as much crap as you can. easier to keep it all clean.

3. involve the kids in cleaning up. gets easier. there comes a point when they actually listen and it's awesome!

4. make some time to do something you really wanna so you aren't so freaking bitter doing dishes and laundry for the 5,000th time.

5. even if you don't feel like it, prepare as much in advance as you can ... repack diaper bag, make and freeze double batches of food.

6. systems don't work for everyone. i've tried them all, too.

P.S. I don't have Internet access during the week, so my need to check email every 5 seconds is thwarted, dammit.

Junior Horsey Rides

I swear this one was Aron's idea; I just took the picture. Eva doesn't like to wear a shirt around the house anymore, by the way. She does, however, like to give horsey rides to her baby brother. You can never start those too early!

Yes, I Do Have Other Kids Besides Sam

Eva (aka Plumpie) pursuing her new pastime: looking at scrapbooks from back when I had time to scrapbook


Joel is a huge help, holding Sam for me so I can do miscellaneous chores (like eating bon bons in the bubble bath and running out for smokes ... ha ha)


Sorry for the sideways Callie (all made up) with her baby brother


Michael with his prized Glo-Doodle, Aron pontificating in the background


I hope you've enjoyed this edition of "Yes, I Do Have Other Kids Besides Sam".

Christmas Eve Crack

I love going to church only to see a mom bend down to get into her diaper bag so I can see half of her thong hanging out of her low-rise jeans.

Who invented low-rise jeans, anyway?

If your thong isn’t hanging out, your muffin top is. There aren’t a lot of people who should be wearing them. Not most moms. Not little girls. Not fat chicks. Definitely not me.

I’m going to invent some jeans that go up under my boobs so nobody sees my undies.

Moral and Monetary Bankruptcy

I heard this commercial where they said something like:

"You have the RIGHT to settle your credit card debt for a fraction of what you owe."

I know this has been going on for a long time. But it’s starting to piss me off.

Why do you have the RIGHT to charge stuff, use it and then NOT pay for some of it?

Isn’t this teaching our kids to go ahead and do whatever they want and ask forgiveness later?

It’s like how I was brought up to see Catholics: they do whatever they want and then go to Confession later. Now that I’m a Catholic, I’m certainly not like that and don’t know many who are. I don’t kiss other guys, thinking, “I can just confess this later at church and to Aron and it’ll be okay.”

So why can I buy all the shoes I want and all the chocolate and crap and then NOT pay for all of it?

Sounds similar to bankruptcy to me. MORAL bankruptcy.

*Edited to add: I guess when I posted this I had severe baby brain and now realize that some people might not, for instance, have health insurance for whatever reason, and get debt that way. School me on this one, people!

Poor Sam

Today is Sam's Baptism and celebration at our house. Wanted to share this photo of him as a Spam Samwich on bread. You gotta feel sorry for the poor kid with parents like us. Who takes a picture of their kid between bread? You have to love the wary face he's making. It will come in handy in his case for Emancipation in about 12 years.

Don't worry, tomorrow I'll give Sam a rest and will write about something else!

Babies in Longjohns

This is Sam on Christmas Eve asleep on the chair for a few minutes. Don't you dig the longjohns?

3-Month-Old Babies

As you can see, Samuel is doing quite well at just over 3 months of age. He has this congestion problem thingie that keeps me up at night a lot sleeping upright and squirting saline nasal spray up his schnoz, but he's growing, sleeping and eating well, so I let it go. In this pic he's on my dad's lap (shirt says The Beatles) with his Chatter Elmo, an excellent toy that can be turned off.

I thank God daily for the NICU care he received and that he was born so quickly.

We love you, Sammy-san, my little bald boyfriend and man of a thousand nicknames.

Below, with my cousin

Cabin Fever with Kids

School was out around these parts for 3 days last week due to tons of snow and ridiculously low temps. Even though I homeschool, it affects my life. For one thing, we get to watch the neighbor girl, which is always fun. They all play together well, so I generally make it a very low-homeschool day so they can just mess around. They get a quasi-snow day at my house. One day I had 7, then 9 kids at my house. YIKES!

So you could tell it was a boring situation when my husband says, "Who wants to flush the new toilet?"

And all the kids excitedly ran up to the bathroom like it was a ride at Disneyland ... or the Hershey Park.

Nintendo DS for Kids? That's a Bunch of D.S.!

Can I just ask you some questions?

Would you give a 6-year-old a $100 bill to take care of for years?

Do you even let your 6-year-old cross the street alone?

Then why do you buy a little hand-held video game system called a DS (I can't figure out what the hell that stands for) and let them take it everywhere they go?

You know they'll drop it on the concrete.

You know they'll leave it at a friend's house.

You know my Eva will get ahold of it and try to eat it or otherwise ruin it somehow.

You know kids don't have a ton of sense til they're like 25.

So why do you do it? I'm genuinely curious. And love to rile you up!

Video Games

Hear me out.

I hate video games and I figured out why. It's because my first husband played them constantly. He once wore out a Nintendo player, bought a new one, then put the old one in the box and RETURNED IT and they actually gave him his money back. He was a real jerk, a great scam artist.

So we don't have the games here. I'm lucky to have a TV with the way my husband is. We don't want our kids going stupid or getting thumb arthritis.

But I have to tell you I have Chuzzle and Diner Dash on my computer and I LOVE THEM. They are my stress relief: matching colored puff balls and playing a waitress. The kids play Chuzzle sometimes, but usually I am mean and make them play with each other or read or something instead.

Got a favorite video game?

Flabby Body as Shell

For those of you who believe the human body is merely a shell to hold our souls: I absolutely agree with you!

However, the back part of shell hurts more lately because of the boobie and belly and back fat roll weight it has to support. And my shell moves more slowly, which is bad when I have kids to save and I need cat-like reflexes. And my shell doesn't need diabetes or further heart issues. My man loves my shell like it is, but I want my shell healthier.

I don't expect my shell, at age 38, to be bikini-ready by June. I'm cool with stretch marks, saggy boobs and cellulite.

But if I don't lose this weight now, menopause will soon slow my metabolism down so freaking fast that I won't have a chance of being even merely comfortable in the years to come. And what if, God forbid, I get pregnant again? What I weigh today is what I should weigh NINE MONTHS PREGNANT. I can't imagine packing on another 25 pounds to this frame as-is.

And yes, I plan to bore the living crap out of you about weight loss. I started at 159, by the way, and am not afraid to share that. I am 5 feet and 2 inches tall. And I am going to lose this weight ... the goal is 129, in case you are interested. And I'm going to do it without Weight Watchers. Or Jenny Craig. Just me counting calories and attempting to move my butt. Do you think I can exercise and breastfeed at the same time? I'm gonna try, dammit.

Help me out here ... share with me your body issues so I know I'm not alone! And please don't tell me I look good for having 5 kids or that I'm still nursing and shouldn't try to drop the weight. I'll sit on you, and you know I will.

Journaling for Weight Loss

I'm telling you, journaling works. If not for journaling, I would've killed many a person over the years. And if not for journaling my weight loss (yep, I have a special spiral notebook just for weight loss ramblings), I would bore my friends and family nonstop about my food obsessions. Also, it holds me accountable.

Where do I find the time to journal, you ask? Well, I try to do it whenever I sit down to nurse and hold a sleeping baby on my lap. Hopefully by the time Baby Sam is old enough to stop napping I'll not need to journal anymore because hopefully I'll have my food issues under control.

Breastfeeding and Weight Loss Myth

Why is it that I can eat what I want when pregnant and only gain 25 pounds each time, yet when I'm nursing I eat twice that amount and start packing it on even faster? I weight 12 pounds more today than I did at 13 weeks pregnant with my latest son.

I'm RAVENOUS when I'm nursing. That's why weight loss is so dang hard this time around. You know how you are buring like 500 calories while nursing? Well, I EAT those extra 500 calories, twice over. And I do it after giving birth because I'm stressed out. Taking care of a baby takes everything you have. It's completely physical. I didn't gain much when I only had 1 kid to take care of because I could pour myself entirely into him.

But with each kid I had starting with Joel, I gained an extra 5 pounds, for a total of 25 (okay, it's actually 30) pounds. That really adds up on a 5'2" frame.

My pal over at Meet Virginia is having the same struggle after the birth of multiple children. It's good to have support, and that's what ya'll are to me. My dad and his wife just lost a lot of weight ... I'm hoping to follow in his healthy footsteps.

New Year's Resolutions 2013

Happy New Year! Yes, I'm gonna try to drop some pounds this year ... only I started last Sunday instead of today. It's getting bad when your back rolls have rolls of their own. I don't have the time or money to join Weight Watchers again, but I do know how the program works, so I'm going with that. Instead of trying to count the points of every freaking food I put in my mouth, which I certainly don't have the time to do these days, I'm going to end this sentence because it's a run-on.

So I had Aron buy me a bunch of WW Smart Ones so I know the amount of points each has. I also have a bunch of yogurts for breakfast that I know the points of. I know the points of apples and veggies and milk. And I plan to hit the site of a WW meeting so I can buy some of their chocolate snacks with the points written on them. That way all I have to do is write points down somewhere each day and keep track and not go over 30 (the points a nursing mom gets to eat in one day, plus she gets an extra 30 for the entire week if she wants to use them ).

I also need to journal about what's going on because I'm practically a food addict. I wish Dr. Drew had a Food Rehab to go with his Drug Rehab and Sex Rehab.

Don't worry, I'll probably keep you annoyingly abreast of my weight loss fun. Hoping to not turn into one of those annoying Food Nazis. Friends and family, please don't bring me sugary stuff!

My biggest challenges: Dr. Pepper, Coke, anything chocolate, Quarter Pounders with Cheese

Homeschool Grid

I finally got the chance to print out some homeschool grids like this one that my writing/mothering/homeschooling idol, Jessica Fisher, made. It has so far worked like a charm for us. We can do everything in one day or put it all off until Friday or do it all at a steady pace. Or do all the math in one day or put it off. It's great for teaching the kids how to pace themselves and get their work done ... great prep for college!

Previously I was using lesson plans that came with our Catholic Heritage Curricula workbooks, but we went at a different pace than they wanted us to. Then I was writing everything in a spiral notebook for each kid and that got to be a mess.

I put a blank homeschool grid on our bulletin board in the dining room each week so the kids can easily see it. That way if I'm busy with one of the other kids they can see what they still need to do for the week. And if they need help with something, they just wait on that box. When we've completed something, we put a cross through the box with a highlighter or marker. I save all the grids in a binder ... a tab for each kid. In Kansas we don't have to keep records, but I like to anyway.

Any homeschooling organization tips that work for you?

Happy New Year's Eve!

Superstitions

Does anyone have any crazy superstitions like I do?

Like when my kids go with anyone in a car, I wave after them, then cross myself (Catholic-style) once for each kid plus the driver.

And when I REALLY need Divine Intervention, I not only pray to God, but also to everyone in Heaven who could maybe, like, PROD God (hey, it rhymes) to make sure my prayer gets to the top of the list. Like when my kid is sporting a really high fever or when Sam was in the NICU.

Who else, besides Tori Spelling, is nuts like me?

How to Make a Chore Chart

One of my best friends, Ellen, has 5 kids and is one of those totally on-top-of-it moms. She has this great (and cheap!) dry erase boards on her kitchen wall. Across the top she puts the days of the week, and down the side she puts the kids' names. Then she fills in their chores. I have a similar version at my house, except (1) I printed it out at home and (2) we completely ignore it.

These days I'm in new-baby mode still and just ask them to do things for me as I see them (bring up the laundry, put away silverware, take out the recycling, pick up their room, etc.). The boys each get $3 every Saturday, and $1 of that goes to church one week and savings the next week.

The boys call themselves my minions :-)

Merry Christmas

Have a Very Merry Hairy Kerrie Christmas! I'm hanging out in sweatpants watching my kids open presents. Most likely my dad and stepmom are over. My mom and stepdad are coming over later. I'm happy. It's awesome.

How about you?

McLoughlin Family Christmas Letter 2009

I love getting Christmas letters, but hate writing them. My first draft always sounds like I'm trying to hard to be funny and like Mother of the Year. Then it sounds braggy. Then it sounds too self-deprecating, like I'm trying to downplay all my blessings and good fortune and am looking for something to complain about. So below is the final draft of this year's letter. I decided to just go with normal. I also added some cute little symbols, like a cross for Joel taking First Communion, a swimmer for Michael learning to swim, a music note for Callie wanting to sing (her first "when I grow up I want to be..." was to work at McDonald's), a present for Eva ripping into gifts, a smiley face for Sam hanging on me all the time, an airplane for Aron not traveling and a martini glass for me trying to concentrate on homeschooling (as if I'd rather be drinking). Enjoy ...

CHRISTMAS SEASON 2009
Dear Family, Friends and Neighbors,

Merry Christmas! We hope you are all happy and healthy. Here’s what’s been going on in our growing household:

Aron’s travel was minimal this year (he’s on his 11th year with CSI), which gave him some time to tear apart our main bathroom and redo it entirely. As of this writing he’s tiling the floor. He also took on the job of Den Leader for Joel’s Cub Scout den, takes the boys to Religious Ed class every other Tuesday night and took them on 3 fishing trips. He was the hero of the year when he put up a zip line that Ellen Jones gave us in the backyard.

I’ve been writing when I get the chance … assignments for Kansas City Parent, then selling the reprints to other magazines. I like keeping up my blog (TheKerrieShow.com), collaborating on another (WritingMommies.blogspot.com), writing e-books for fun and sales letters/blog posts for companies. I stare longingly at my scrapbooking projects while I concentrate on homeschooling.

Joel (3rd grade) received his First Communion in May, then in the summer tried his hand at baseball and started going off the diving board at the pool. He enjoys delivering our Meals on Wheels route, Cub Scouts and spending the night with Poppy (my dad). When he grows up, he wants to own some sort of nature sanctuary on Truman Lake.

Michael (1st grade) likes to make interesting things out of just about any material and taught himself cursive this fall. Although he doesn’t want to be an official Cub Scout until next year, Michael attends all the den meetings and participates in all the activities. He learned to swim on his own over the summer. He wants to work in a museum when he grows up and “make the art.”

Callie enjoyed going to 15 different nature centers and museums for the Ernie Miller Passport to Adventure. She likes to sing, dance and color and can write her name. She also loves to have her nails painted by Tutu (my mom). She wants to dance, sing and be a Rescue Hero when she grows up.

Eva is our Tasmanian Devil … into everything and keeps us on our toes with her writing on the walls and herself, dancing on the table, destroying her siblings’ stuff, etc. She’s a happy little imp and chases the other kids around. She enjoyed playing at all our different pools this summer and loves going “bye bye.” Currently we’re teaching her to stop unwrapping the presents under the tree.

Samuel Scott (a.k.a. Samwich or Spam) is our 7th family member. He was born October 7th weighing in at 7 pounds, 7 ounces (labor started at 7 a.m. and he spent 7 days in the NICU due to meconium aspiration). He’s a sweet boy and loves to be toted around and held by his brothers and sisters, although he spends most of his time hanging out on his mom.

We’re praying everyone has the best year ever in 2010. Take care of yourselves and each other.

Love from Aron, Kerrie, Joel, Michael, Callie, Eva and Samta Claus McLoughlin

Christmas Picture Out-takes

With a big family, it's hard to find the perfect time to get everyone dressed up with a smile on their face and antlers on their head. Our official Christmas photo that we're sending out has Sam nursing and you can't even see his face, but everyone else looked decent. And we had to bribe Eva with a candy cane to even get her to sit down, and you can just forget about those dang antlers. So here are a couple of the out-takes for those who enjoy Christmas pictures.

English as a Screwy Language (ESL)

My friend teaches English as a Second Language, so I know she'll appreciate this one.

So in what universe does "ph" sound like a "v"? Apparently in this one, where the name STEPHEN sounds like SteVen. I should know; it's my son's middle and my dad's first name.

How come once you get to the number TEN, then you don't go Oneteen? Why do we have eleven, twelve, thirteen and fifteen when the rest of the teens are more logical? Why not oneteen, twoteen, threeteen and fiveteen?

Mom and I love when words are screwed up by people. Our current is "volumptuous". As in: Kerrie McLoughlin is volumptuous.

We also like "immaculant". As in: Kerrie's house will never be immaculant.

Gimme some more messed-up words, and be sure to use them in a sentence, Class!

Have a nice week. I'm taking it off to pursue Christmas Craziness.

Water Fun to Buy Some Time

People wonder how I deal with the younger kids while I homeschool the older ones. This picture shows one way: set Eva up at the kitchen sink on a chair and turn on the water. Throw in some plastic dishes that need to be washed, and you have one occupied 2-year-old. Sure, I have to change her wet shirt at the end of the session, but the Water Fun tactic usually buys me about 5 minutes to homeschool, which is like gold.

Oh, and thank you to the readers who told me to write about what I want to write about and not cater to everyone else. Good advice. And the hodge-podge blogging continues ...

A Silver Christmas Tree!!! (and parental divorce)

Over the weekend my stepdad brought this aluminum tree over for me. His mom hits auctions and estate sales and sells on eBay, so she finds some really cool stuff. They think this tree might even be from the 1940s. It's the perfect size since I can't get Aron to commit to a full-size aluminum tree. This way, I get my very own little silver tree. My own little retro piece of fun. I teared up when he brought it over. Callie said, "It's so pretty I just wanna nurse it!"

I was heartbroken when my parents divorced when I was in my late twenties, but I must say they are now both happy and have married very wonderful and thoughtful people.

Target Sucks

I just heard a Target commercial where the mom is telling the kid her Christmas presents before she gets a chance to open them. I also keep seeing a commercial on TV where the kid tells her parents they spent too much on her presents and that she's been a bad girl. Her parents tell her they didn't spend too much (they went to Target).

Unfortunately, my kids saw and heard these commercials, as well, and you should have seen the look on their faces. It was like, "Um, did I just see that? Should I act like I didn't? Is Santa real? What the hell is going on?"

Target sucks. Didn't I hear something about WalMart blowing it for kids last year in their commercials, as well?

Christmas Gift Ideas for Computer Nerds

For some reason earlier this year I got a catalog for a company called Computer Gear. Just for fun, I opened it up and perused it and found some cool crap for computer geeks, engineers, Trekkies, and other nerds like my husband. My favorite item is a T-shirt that says:

"I'll try to be Nicer
If you try to be Smarter"

There's also a T-shirt with the Spam logo on it, which I want to get and save for my son Sam.

No-Bake Drop Cookies

When I'm freaking out for chocolate but have none in the house, I make these 7-ingredient cookies. They're fast and easy, and I usually have everything I need to make them.

You'll need:
1 stick of butter
2 cups of sugar
3 T cocoa
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup peanut butter
3 1/4 cups oatmeal (quick cooking works best)
4 t vanilla

Bring first 4 ingredients to a boil (make sure it boils or they won't set up). Remove from heat. Add the peanut butter (stir), then the vanilla (stir), then oatmeal (stir). Drop by spoonfuls onto wax paper. They should be a little runny ... they'll firm up on the paper.

Enjoy!

Happy Birthday, Eva

Today my baby girl turns 2. We're heading to church, then plan to come home to frost her 2-layer circle Devil's Food cake and dig into it. Later we'll give her a gift, which is a baby doll with a stroller and bouncy seat. Her party is next Saturday.

Eva is our Tasmanian Devil (hence the Devil's Food cake). She writes on the walls and gets into EVERYTHING. She's the reason I can't leave out my scrapbooking stuff anymore. Heck, I can't leave out ANYTHING anymore! But that's okay ... she's our smiley, smart, cute, funny kid who is now starting to make sentences like, "I don't know. Bye bye." Which sounds more like "Unnobyby."

We love you, Eva!

Elf Yourself

Check out this link to a cool video of all 5 of my kids as elves, singing! At the bottom right of the box you can make it full-screen.

It's a lot of fun ... just upload a photo and you, too, can be dancing hip hop or singing as an elf. Hey, it's a time-killer!

Pampered Chef Stoneware

This is a weird mixed review. I love Pampered Chef's stoneware, especially the 9x13 baking pans. They bake everything so well and so evenly. Nothing burns, and they are easy to clean. Heavy, but still a good product. Twice now, though, I've had a 9x13 baker break in half on me IN THE OVEN WHILE I WAS COOKING A MEAL. And no, I didn't have the oven on high heat and hadn't put cold water on it or anything crazy like that. I figured you'd ask me that, since I'm so clearly NOT a great cook (or housekeeper, just ask my husband).

Frustrating and messy. I tried to get a replacement, but was beyond the 3-year warranty period. First I had to tell them the name of the hostess I bought it from and the date of the show. I was like, YEAH RIGHT. I can't even remember YESTERDAY, let alone when I bought a freaking baker. But I winged it.

So I love the product; hate the warranty. And the fact that it breaks during the cooking of a normal meal.

Has anyone else had something like this happen to them?

Dreaming of a Peaceful Christmas

If you feel pulled in too many directions during the holidays, check out my article, Dreaming of a Peaceful Christmas, published in Edmonton's Child on page 19 and elsewhere this month. It'll take a bit of time to download, but hopefully it'll be worth it!

A different version can be found at Montgomery Parents.

Shoot Me Now: Paint Colors

I've said before that I was born without that gene that makes a woman want to shop and decorate. Apparently God gave me EXTRA mothering instinct gene.

So we're (read: my husband mostly) redoing one of our 2 bathrooms since we'd like to move in the next few years (love the house, but live on a super-busy street where people like to drive drunk, speed and crash their car through people's fences and into their yards) and need to update every room in the house in order to sell it.

With every room he does, he gives me the courtesy of asking my opinion on paint colors. He knows I have no taste. He knows I can't make a decision. He's being nice. And so it is again with the bathroom. How many shades of WHITE are there? This white is too yellow. This one too orange. This one too blue. We've decided on Antique White, then had to decide on one of 6 different finishes ... the one that's easy to clean or the one that looks good? We usually go with something in the middle and hope for the best.

When Aron travels this winter, I've decided I'm gonna repaint the entryway (it's too light and shows all dirt) and work on the "girls' room" (they don't sleep in it yet) because it has a sports border and I wanna tear it down and paint the whole room. Any takers on coming over to help me? Keep in mind there will be 5 small children around, including Tasmanian Devil Eva.

The interesting thing is, I'd like to do this not because I ENJOY it, but to try to help my long-suffering husband out. I fear I may only make more work for him and also fear he won't like the color I choose. Ours is a strange, backwards, mixed-up household. But it works for us.

Taste in Overland Park, Kansas

Recently Aron and I went out for our Annual Date Night to a restaurant called Taste in Downtown Overland Park, Kansas. Here's us:


Here's what we ate:



Here's what Sam did while we ate and talked:


Here's the rockin' chocolate buffet on a plate we had for dessert:


The dessert came with a chocolate straw, which we made marijuana jokes about:



What do you want from me? My parents were quasi-hippies ... both with a great sense of humor.

Food rocked. Go there!

My Poor DIL

I've already decided I will call Sam's future wife the SamWitch.

Fireproof: Here Come the Kids

Tresa loaned us the movie Fireproof recently and we got to watch it last night and this morning. It was so clean, the kids even watched a lot of it, too. Aron's off this week and is supposed to be working on the bathroom remodel, but instead we slacked off and watched the movie ... Sam slept on me all morning and the kids played/watched parts of the movie. Callie has never met a movie she didn't like, just like her mom.

Anyway, it was a great movie. Loved it. Very cool. It had an important message even if you aren't religious in any way at all. Does anyone else think the main chick looks just like the Duggars' new daughter-in-law? Maybe it's her sister. Oh, and we think it's cool that Kirk Cameron didn't kiss the actress, but had his wife stand in and kissed her instead. Take THAT, Hollywood! They've been married 17 years and have 6 kids (aka a Catholic Starter Family).

I think they need a sequel, though. It would involve the characters having lots of kids. Heck, even a couple would test that Fireproof stuff. Aron's homeschooling the kids in some simple music stuff right now, and he's getting a little taste of active boys and trying to teach them during a time when they'd rather be doing something like jumping up and down or hitting their heads against the wall.

So, the movie would show what a marriage goes through when you have kids. Come on, people, together we can come up with an awesome sequel screenplay. Give me your plot ideas, and I'll throw them by Kirk.

Tell Me What You Want. What You Really, Really Want.

Yes, I know this blog is all over the place, just like my brain. Once I got fired from a job with no other reason than that I lacked focus. Part of the problem was that I mostly just wanted to be a mom hanging out at home writing rather than a secretary at a soul-less PR agency.

So I'm wondering what's been useful to you on this blog ("useful" meaning like it made you laugh or made you think or made you mad or whatever). What do you want to hear more about? Options include:

-- Adventures in Homeschooling
-- Attachment Parenting (to include family bed, nursing, baby-wearing and all that touchy-feely parenting stuff that you either do yourself and feel a kinship with me or else you just like to make fun of me)
-- My life as a best-selling, headed-for-Oprah writer (meaning I've sold 11 copies of my e-book since July and have been published in about 12 regional parenting pubs to date)
-- General gripes
-- Life in general, to include being a Travel Widow plus all of the above
-- Recipes (that made me laugh just to type it!)

Love to all my bloggy friends and relatives, and a happy Thanksgiving. By the way, what the hell are you doing online right now anyway? Are you avoiding family? Have you just put the turkey in the oven? Is everyone gone from your house and you're happy to finally have some Alone Time? Many questions today.

Say What?!

I'm spending too much time online when I tell my son to LOG ON to the boob, rather than LATCH ON.

Pray for me today ... going Christmas shopping with my mom and Spamwich ... where will I hide everything?

So What? I'm Still a Rock Star.

Last Friday Callie and I had a date. We went to the Paul Mitchell School and got CHEAP haircuts (95th and Antioch; $5 kids, $10 adults ... so I tipped the hell out of the students since that's all the money they see there). I woulda gotten even more layers, except I was worried about Baby Sam crying at home and wanting the Boob, so we took off. Anyway, here are some shots:

Huge Earlobes ... why?

What is up with all the white guys I see who are trying to stretch out their earlobes like I've seen in National Geographic? WHY? I'm truly curious. Have you seen these guys around town and on TV? It doesn't turn me on; it just looks painful ... and strange. Who's with me, ladies?

deep-ish , controversial-ish thoughts ...

... from my facebook status updates:

i used to be so judgmental about out-of-wedlock pregnancies, even though it happened to me at 18. now i don't think it matters so much how a precious baby comes into the world, as long as it is well-taken-care-of and loved.

Dude, You Know This Tree Rocks

I'm a direct reincarnation from the 60s. I want a silver, white or pink Christmas tree SOOO BAD. Don't tell my husband, but I have a list in my mind of things I'll do or buy if he dies before me. Things like get a laptop of my own or order cable or put a TV in the bedroom. The Christmas tree thing is on this list. This year we get a REAL TREE. I didn't grow up with real ones and hate them. You have to water them and vacuum up after them. They are like having a dog. Also you have to buy them and dispose of them. I'm lazy and like artificial trees. How about you?

Food Hoarding Lies

So the other day all the chairs in the kitchen were taken and I sat on the floor to nurse Samwich. I looked over to see this ... a virtual pantry under my desk (carbs, anyone?). I knew Callie had brought all this crap up from our basement pantry and stacked it neatly under the desk. It cracked my mom and I up and she made a joke about Callie hoarding food since she knows we'll be running out soon (a complete joke ... I always have PLENTY of food around here ... especially chocolate, so I don't know why she has a box of brownie mix AND a whole can of cocoa).

The thing is ... she lied about it when we asked if she did it. And tried to throw her friend under the food bus. The boys didn't have food issues. They didn't lie. But these girls are a different story and I am in trouble, people.

I'm a little frightened about this girl of mine ... what do you do when your kid outright lies to you. You call them out on it ... such an obvious lie (like, "I swear the sky is gold"), and still they lie on. How to punish for this?

Kids Making Christmas Lists

Have you started making your Christmas list yet? My kids have to start in October because all their relatives like to be done shopping by Thanksgiving. I pretty much just picked up 4 Toys R Us catalogs (pictured with Eva) this year and had them each mark one up with what they want. Joel marked just about everything, while Michael was more discerning. So I had them do a letter to Santa with only FIVE things they REALLY want. Then the fun begins. The shopping I do while they are with me (hiding crap under my coat). The shopping I do to help other people (relatives) out and they just pay me back. The binder I have to keep to keep track of who got which kid what so there's no doubling up. It's a full-time job, I tell ya. This year Mom, Samwich and I are going out to Toys R Us and possibly Target the day before Thanksgiving (Aron's off work and gets paid that day) to try to knock out most of it. We'll probably do a lot of drinking both before AND after the shopping fun. That means Samwich will be drunk, as well. (put the phone down ... no need to call the State ... I'm joking, as usual)

Wish us luck, and help me think of what I can tell the kids about where I'm going that day ... so they don't suspect ... jeez, I hope they don't read this blog and figure out a few things. I hope I've been cryptic enough. We'll see ...

(by the way, that's my husband with the holey shirt in the background holding Samwich and eating a Chipotle burrito ... he was all upset when I told him about the hole because he said that was one of his "honeymoon shirts" ... which means he bought it for and wore it on our honeymoon 11 years ago. so cute!)

Disappointed Vs. Stolen or Lost

So someone VERY KIND (the mother of a friend of my kids) invited my 3 oldest kids to go to a very popular kids’ pizza place recently. Here are the problems:

1. The invite came at 4:30 when we already had a ham in the oven for dinner.

2. The invite came through the woman’s daughter to me and was discussed with my kid before it was discussed with me, so my kids got all excited first.

3. The invite was for a Saturday night, and this place gets seedy and crazy on a Saturday night.

4. I just had a baby and am in postpartum Mama Bear mode where all I envision is bad things happening to my kids. This woman has 1 kid to take along with my THREE (ages 8, 6 and 4) … how is she gonna watch all of them at once?

5. I can’t let her pay for THREE of my kids and I can’t pay for them, either (NICU bill plus about 8 other hospital-related bills that are coming in).

6. I once saw a CSI episode where a kid wasn’t stolen from this pizza place but was taken into a bathroom … this is why I can’t watch those shows anymore and stick mostly with reality TV-land (Flipping Out, Housewives of [fill in the blank], etc.), except for Gray’s Anatomy and Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters.

7. Aron had dinner to make and leaves to rake and couldn’t go with them to supervise. I have a tiny baby and didn’t wanna chase the kids around while navigating hundreds of other kids and simultaneously nursing my baby. Leaving him home was not an option because I’d been gone already that day for over 2 hours and just didn’t want to leave him again.

So … am I a bad mom or a paranoid mom or a really excellent mom or a hovering mom or what? I don’t really care. I’d rather have disappointed kids than lost or stolen kids any day.

Christmas Music

Are you kidding me? Christmas music is on my radio as of the 1st of November AGAIN this year. On TWO channels. Let me get through Thanksgiving! What's the rush?

Wiitards

I've been sitting on this one a while because I think this post may offend THE WHOLE WORLD since I seem to be the only one who does not own this Wii contraption. Perhaps if I played it for 5 seconds I would totally be hooked like the rest of the population of Planet Earth. Perhaps not. I’d rather be writing and creating and being snobby about it.

My neighbor is lovely in every other way, so I pray to God she never sees this snotty post, but she didn't understand why my 4-year-old daughter didn’t want to play their new Wii when she went to their house to PLAY.

You know PLAY, right? Or is that a foreign concept these days? And imagination. And creativity.

I know people who can’t afford to pay their rent yet they have gone out and somehow acquired a Wii. If I couldn’t pay my rent and got that kind of gift, I’d probably sell it and then … PAY MY RENT.

I know a woman who comes home from a long work week and plays Guitar Hero for hours, totally shutting out her kids.

A friend of mine who has a Wii tells me it’s a bunch of B.S. that it helps kids get off the couch, so it’s not like a mindless video game. She says it’s not like actually playing a sport, like bowling or tennis at all.

Do you have a Wii? Would you defend it to the death? Or do you agree with me, being all snobby and snooty?

Tea Party

Sometimes you just need to have a tea party.

Happy Bday Aron and Animated Thanksgiving

Happy 43rd birthday to my awesome husband. Tonight we celebrate big with ... a Cub Scout den meeting at our place. Woo hoo! We do it up big around here!

If you have kids, check out this fun Thanksgiving site called Animated Thanksgiving.