Stripping Wallpaper and Death to All Flowered Wallpaper

Note the peeling wallpaper! That's how it all began! And look at cute little sleeping Callie!

To the person who put up wallpaper over wallpaper all over my house:  You are lazy. I am 6 months pregnant with 4 children to care for plus sometimes even more than that and yet SOMEHOW I am cleaning up your ugly mess. For 2 summers now I have sprayed water and vinegar on walls to get off layers of wallpaper. Right now I’m doing the main bathroom (hint: wallpaper in the bathroom is never a good idea). We also have to rip off the nasty beige BathFitter-type crap you put up over the shower tile because you were too lazy to redo the tile. We probably get to redo the tile. Luckily, I only have 4 more rooms in my house to do this with. Then we will paint over nice clean walls so future residents can do whatever they want to without wasting all THEIR time stripping wallpaper first. I could be a total slacker and just paint over wallpaper layers, but I believe in karma. I know you will get yours. When we look for a new house, it will either be decorated the way we like it already (not in Laura Ashley style, for instance), or the walls will be painted over ZERO wallpaper. Peace and Light, Kerrie McLoughlin P.S. When Aron came home to find me stripping wallpaper, he joined in chanting, “Death to all flowered wallpaper.” I agree.

Update 4/22/21: We moved in October of 2017 and our home has ZERO wallpaper. Thank you, Lord! Yay for light brown walls all over the place except for the girls' bedrooms, where they are painted fun colors they chose like turquoise and purple!

Women Who Drink While Pregnant (Not!)

Aron really missed his calling as a photographer. He posed me this way as I drove us to Branson. Don't worry, I hate beeer.


This is a picture of all the kids in the back ... makes your biological clock tick, doesn't it, ladies? Or it at least has to make you want to run out to an adoption center and grab you some kids!


Here's the result of those pushers at Motherhood Maternity. My step-mom got me some shorts at the MM store at the outlet mall and part of the goodie bag was a bottle. I think we've owned maybe 2 bottles ever. So of course Eva loved it and hit that bottle hard.


Happy 4th of July. Try not to blow any of your fingers off.

Spam Creations

Joel got the idea to chew his way around a piece of Spam to make figures. We call these Spam Creations. If I can ever get my crap together, there's a video that goes with this where he's describing each creation. That's a homeschooled kid for ya ... hahahahahaa!!!!!! I don't know if this is a good thing or not.

The War and Peace Look

At my house we call this the War and Peace look. Michael really started it, and Callie copied the fashion. Try it out on your own kids!

Who Gives a Crap?

Oh, how I love the library and the new nonfiction rack, as well as my friends who loan me books (Jill, if you’re reading this, float me Twilight, wouldja?). Here’s what I’m reading right now:

1. Only Love is Real (A Story of Soulmates Reunited) from Tresa
2. Parenting Your Asperger Child (just in case Michael has this in a very mild form)
3. Clutter Busting
4. Purge (rehab diaries)
5. It’s Not That I’m Bitter (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying About Visible Panty Lines and Conquered the World)
6. The No-Cry Nap Solution (in case I ever want to lay any of my kids down for a nap without them nursing first … meaning Eva for now and Samwich/Max later)



7. True Mom Confessions (Real Moms Get Real) … [it’s about damn time]
8. The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome
9. The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan
10. Life so Far by Betty Friedan

More Kid (and Adult) Funnies

5. Me to Aron: “I need to put your shirts away since they’ve been sitting in the laundry basket for 4 days and they’re all wrinkly.”
Aron: “Just the way I like ‘em.”
Me: “They probably call you The Wrinkled Guy at work. And not because you’re 42, either.”

6. Joel has been using the word “perhaps” a lot lately. Good thing we homeschool because that’d get his ass kicked in the schoolyard.

7. Joel, in an extremely excited state, “Mommy, I picked up my poop! It was gross! It looked like DEER poop!” Disturbing. And what have I been feeding him?

8. Michael, as Dobby from Harry Potter, “I is not finding it, Sir.”

9. Eva: "Duppie" -- which means "up", "down", "I want that thing up there" or "gimme that"

If you get these posts via e-mail, come to the blog sometime to hear some decent music.

More Kid Funnies

1. Callie: “I’m coloring a picture about Daddy yelling at me.”

2. Callie: “Do you know what’s in my tummy? Junk is in my tummy.”
Mommy: “I have junk in my trunk. Is it kinda the same?”
Callie: “Yeah.”

3. Callie, going through her closet and handing me clothes: “Mommy, this will perhaps be Eva’s.”

4. Michael: “I peed in a bowl and dumped it on Joel’s head.” Not really. I hope.

Happy Birthday to my cousin Derek, who is a rock star, painter and writer. He’s in a band called Boo and Boo 2 … check them out! He's the blond one.

My New Crock Pot

Yes, I’m the kind of woman who asks for a Crock Pot for her birthday instead of diamonds or clothes or a trip to the spa. Do you know why?

Because a Crock Pot is the ultimate in laid-back cooking (shameless plug for my laid-back parenting e-book, only 2 bucks, see left side of blog). And I don’t love to cook. But I’m cheap and don’t love to order out, either.

I throw in some pork chops with cream of chicken soup, some green beans and some potatoes and turn the thing on. I can leave the house. I can do whatever I want all day long (picture me soaking in a bubble bath all day long … yeah, right).

Then dinner’s ready by 6 whether or not the baby has been sleeping on me for the last 2 hours or whether we’ve been at the pool or homeschooling later in the day.

This is so domestic of me, but I’m asking for your favorite Crock Pot recipe. Share it in the Comments or send me an email at mommykerrie@yahoo.com.

Recycling Difficulties

If recycling is so cool right now and we’re all so concerned about the planet, why is it so hard to recycle?

For instance, why are food manufacturers using plastics other than numbers 1 or 2? My city won’t recycle anything other than those 2 numbers, so I’m always either reusing or throwing away the higher numbers of plastics.

Where the heck do you recycle phone books?

Why does it often cost money to recycle our computer monitors? And people throw away perfectly fine “hard drives” from their computers because they’re worried about security when all they have to do is remove the old hard drive with all the information and donate the rest.

Why does the EPA say it’s okay for individuals to pitch lead-containing computer monitors, etc. but companies and school districts throwing away, say, 20 monitors can get in big trouble?

And why are we still using Styrofoam if it doesn’t recycle at all?

When we do a lemonade stand, I figure the lesser of the evils is to use paper cups. When I had to take plates on our family vacation for everyone, I got uncoated paper ones.

Is it just because I’m in the Midwest that things are so backwards? Does your city recycle the higher numbers of plastics?

Swimming Pool Rules and Stuff

Update January 25, 2018 I OWN MY OWN SWIMMING POOL IN MY BACKYARD! I call the shots and kids can run and babies can be NAKED. Bam, and thank you, God, for my own swimming pool in a town called, fittingly for my family, Peculiar, Missouri!

Why does a baby need to wear a swimming suit on OVER a swim diaper? Their private parts are all covered, plus the disposable swim diapers are so pretty these days.

Why do lifeguards yell “Don’t RUN” (instead of doing something IMPORTANT like watching a kid drowning in front of them)? They don’t have to clean up the blood from a scrape; the parent does, so why does the lifeguard care?

Whenever I see a kid push my kid down the kiddie slide at the pool, I have to fight the urge to go all Hand That Rocks the Cradle on the kid. You know the scene, the one where the nanny goes up to the bully and basically says, “Don’t mess with my kid.” (except she doesn't say MESS ... she says a much, much better word). Instead, I usually put on my best June Cleaver voice and tell the kid, “Don’t push, please.” Or I whisper to the kid something like, “Kid, I’m just a little bit crazy and I just saw you push my kid, so watch out.” In the same June Cleaver voice, of course.

Why is Adult Swim or Safety Check 10 whole minutes long? Does it really take that long to check for dead bodies on the bottom of the pool?

Why do so many stupid parents assume lifeguards are babysitters when they are barely even lifeguards?

Healthy Eating & Happy Birthday to Joel

I love eating healthy.

I love fried okra.

I enjoy creamed corn.

Cherry pie.

Fruit smoothies.

Wheat bread piled high with cold cuts and mayo.

Water with Koolaid mix and sugar in it.

Any other suggestions before I go in for my open heart surgery?

AND … Happy 8th Birthday to my firstborn child, Joel!!!!!! Here’s a picture of him at baseball practice recently. He’s super cute, huh?!

How to Play with Your Kids ... Your Way!

The kids always want to play something, like Pokemon or Barbie or some other imaginative thing. That’s why it’s very important for me to watch their cartoons … so I know how to play along.

Anyway, they always get to play what they want, so lately I’ve been telling them television shows that I want to play.

Celebrity Apprentice is a favorite. I give them tasks to perform so they don’t get fired.

I also like to play The Real Housewives of New York City with Callie. She’s Kelly and I’m Bethenney and we argue about how fabulous we are.

Cloth Swim Diapers are the Bomb

If you have little kids or grandkids, don’t forget the cost of Little Swimmers disposable swim diapers versus buying a cloth one at Target or somewhere similar.

If one little kid swims almost every day, you’ll save well over $40 over the course of the summer, plus you’ll be savings all kinds of landfill space.

I was all set to buy the Little Swimmers when we realized we need to hunker down and save for the McVan. When I realized Eva’s cloth swim diaper from LAST YEAR still fit, I did the Preggie Happy Dance. Not only was I saving money from TWO summers of a cloth swim diaper, but I also didn’t need to buy her a new swimsuit (at our pools, even with a Little Swimmers on, the kid has to wear a swimsuit bottom). I just put a bikini top on her and was good to go.

Consider asking for a cloth swim diaper as a gift, depending on when your kid’s birthday falls!

And don’t forget I’m not Mrs. Perfect Green Mom …. When we go on vacation, I’m all about the convenience of disposable diapers. I don’t think the hotel guests and staff would like me washing my cloth diapers in their machines, do you?

Who else thinks those Little Swimmers disposable swim diapers are a rip-off? They are close to $1 each. We are usually in a pool up to 50 times each summer, which translates into a lotta cash. Multiply that by 4 and you are visiting me in the Poor House, my friend.

Just last week some kid’s poop seeped out of her disposable swim diaper into the baby pool and they had to shut down BOTH pools for ½ hour. My kid’s thighs are so chunky that her cloth swim diaper fits her like a glove and ain’t no poop gonna be gettin’ outta that thing.

Instead, this summer my mom got Eva a cute cloth swim diaper at Target for around $5. It even has a matching hat (which we also got) and bikini top (which we did not … she either goes hussy topless or we find her a bikini top from our stash).

This way, we’re saving money AND landfill space (two of my favorite things to do).

And yes, I do expect my Green Mother of the Year Award to arrive in the mail any day now.

Still to come ... blogisodes about regular and night cloth diapering

Johnson County Library Mistake

So I did that post about Johnson County Parks and Recreation and their nasty, unrecyclable, nonworking Frisbee handout.

Today my 6-year-old noticed a problem with the Johnson County Library’s Summer Reading Club book log. He’s supposed to color in one picture for each book that he reads or that is read to him. So he counts them and notices the count is off. The first 10 and then 20 are fine. But where it says “30 books! Way to go” … it’s really only been 29 pictures and 29 books. This annoys my literal son Michael.

This also happens when you are supposed to have hit 60 books read … which really is only 58 pictures colored. Way to screw up a kid!

I don’t know who to point this out to, so I’m hoping they search for themselves and find this post. If that fails, I have a friend who reads my blog who works at the library and SHE can point it out (thanks in advance, Kelly!).

I’m cracking up because the form says, “Be a reading star!” But it says nothing about being a math star!!!

My Birthday

My birthday rocked yesterday. I babysat for money for the McVan, heard from most everyone I love, did the Meals on Wheels route with a full van of 6 kids, told the coffee boys at Scooter’s to make my mocha espresso smoothie EXTRA FAT and got a little sunburn at the pool. I also got a crockpot I wanted and a French silk pie. And had tacos for dinner. And slept very well despite having 3 extra boys sleeping over in my family room for me to worry over.

And I got to hear “The Year of the Cat” on the radio … I dig that song, even though the guy has a freaky voice. Yeah, I know I'm a child of the 70s for sure.

Gotta go get ready for Joel’s 8th birthday party now … catch you tomorrow.

By the way, don't freak out that there's music on the blog now ... just mute it if you don't like it ... or go to the bottom of the screen to the Playlist and pick a different song!

Happy Birthday To Me!!!

I was born in Germany 38 years ago today and am taking the day off! Well, off from blogging, anyway. The plans for today are to "babysit" a couple of boys (ages 8 and 10), do our Meals on Wheels route, probably hit the pool, and get ready for Joel to have HIS birthday sleepover tonight with some friends. And clean the house for the party tomorrow.

Better take my Geritol ... haha!

Thanks for putting up with me all these years, Ma and Pa.

Samwiches

So Michael has named this in-utero baby Samwich (not Sandwich).

And guess what? For the last few weeks I don’t care about Mexican food anymore.

Lately I have to have really good, fresh bread with cold cuts, cheese and mayo. Even for breakfast, because nothing else sounds good.

I have to have Subway with lots of lettuce and banana peppers.

I discovered Jimmy John’s in Hays, Kansas (ah, the Beach Club #12).

I dig a good, thin hamburger (Steak and Shake) with tons of tomato and lettuce and pickle.

And it doesn’t count as a sandwich, but I can’t get enough of McDonald’s crispy Ranch snack wrap.

Maybe this baby will someday own a place called “Samwich’s Sandwiches.”

And will create a famous sandwich called "The Tiebreaker."

Decluttering Kid Stuff

We went to see my husband’s identical twin brother and his wife and 3 kids recently. They live 4 hours away, so we make it a weekend and stay at a hotel with a pool so we don’t get all up in their space and intrude upon their lives with all our special needs and little kids.

After a tour of the gorgeous remodeling they’ve done, something hits me. It’s the ABSENCE of toys. Their house isn’t all junked up with toys. Even the kids’ rooms don’t have a million toys and stuffed animals in them. The basement has one of those multi-bin set-ups, but it’s not nearly as brimming over as ours is.

I think of all the time they and the kids must save in picking up toys and of all the creative things the kids do instead of digging through tons of toys. I mean, my kids are pretty imaginative and play outside a lot, but that just makes me notice even more how many of their toys are rarely touched.

Some toys I’m nostalgic about or worry they’ll miss if I get rid of them. But I have to suck it up and JUST DO IT anyway or the toys will take over the house. Sure, I have a bunch of little kids and we homeschool, which means we’re home all day, but that doesn’t mean we have to have SO MANY toys to pick up all the time.

And they DON’T get picked up all the time. I get lazy about it and just let their rooms turn into messy pits when if I got rid of a bunch of stuff, their rooms would be easier to pick up for them AND for their little friends who come over and help make messes.

The leather ottoman I got for the living room was genius. “Kids and Friends of My Kids, throw all the toys in the ottoman.” When it overflows, toys either go downstairs to the bin set-up or upstairs to their rooms. When THOSE overflow, it’s time for some purging.

Purging pre-birthdays and pre-Christmas is a good idea, also.

So when I pick up that Littlest Pet Shop igloo they never play with (it goes with the huskies), I need to get over the guilt or the nostalgia and just put it in a giveaway pile for some kid who may stumble upon it at a thrift store and freak out with excitement.

I have to work on teaching my kids about STUFF being only material, well, STUFF.

Michael Always Cracks Me Up

I kept promising Michael he could have a pet for his 6th birthday since Joel got a hamster for his. Michael had a grow-a-frog last summer, but it died pretty fast.

So we went to our favorite pet store in Belton, Missouri called Sherri’s Pet Emporium and purchased a Betta fish named Feeadore. Not THEA-dore. FEE-A-DORE.

The other day Michael told me he was hungry and goes, “What do I eat for hungry?”

Here is his phonetic sea creature picture. For those of you who don’t read the language of Michael, the top right one is a peanut butter and jelly fish. Jelly is spelled “J.E.” because that’s basically how Aron always jokingly says it. The one on the left is a SGWID.



I think we need to stop saying “roast beast” and “pizgetti.”

Glucose Tolerance Tests

Is there anything better when you’re pregnant than swigging 10 ounces of pure sugar so you can go get your blood taken in an hour?

When I was pregnant with Joel (#1), I had to do that. The result was borderline for gestational diabetes, so I had to go back. The 2nd time I had to fast overnight, then go get my blood taken, drink a mound of sugar in the morning, then have my blood taken every hour for a couple more hours. Man, the headache I got! I wanted some FOOD! My vision was all screwy because I was all sugared up and apparently borderline diabetic.

My result was very iffy (according to the nurses AND the insurance company), but still my ultra-careful doc put me on the diabetes track. I went to a dietician to learn how to eat like a diabetic. I learned how to take my blood 4 times a day. I went to non-stress tests twice a week. I only gained 24 pounds with that pregnancy, and Joel was only 7 pounds, 10 ounces. Oh, and I had THREE sonograms. I was an insurance company’s nightmare!

That was with Baby #1, when I had all the time in the world and taking time off work was a treat. Now if my result is borderline, forget all that other crap! I’ll just promise the doc I’ll eat well and we’ll call it good. And I WILL eat well because I don’t need to be squeezing a 12-pound baby out of myself.

Anybody have a fun diabetes or gestational diabetes or preeclampsia story out there? Come on, Cathy, I know YOU have a good story!

Ah, Johnson County, Kansas

I love contradictions. And if I can see one in my brain-challenged pregnant state, then it must be pretty blatant.

Recently our library held a Science Night (thanks for letting us know, Eva!). One of the stations was Johnson County Park and Recreation District, and they handed out their activities guide, a trail map, etc. in a plastic bag.

They also gave out a black Frisbee that said “Reduce Reuse Recycle” on it.

Here’s the problem: the Frisbee is a piece of crap. It’s cheap plastic and all bent and doesn’t even work. Last time I checked, Johnson County was one of the 25 richest counties and home to the 4th richest city in America (referred to the OC of the Midwest). They can't afford a decent Frisbee?

AND it doesn’t have a recycling number on it, so how the hell am I supposed to RECYCLE it?

If it was a quality Frisbee, I could certainly REUSE it over and over for many years. I guess I could use it as a plate, but God only knows how many kinds of cancer I could get eating off that freaky plastic.

I think they need to REDUCE their staff by one moron who made this business decision.

All They Need is a Pile of Dirt

Jeez, you buy them toys and books and give them cartoons and all they need is a pile of dirt across the street.

These were taken about 2 years ago when the school was doing some project involving mounds of dirt in the summertime. Can you tell I'm still missing my digital camera because I'm going back 2 years and pulling photos?!

Give a Girl a Hot Glue Gun …

… and she can glue a hundred million (feels like it, anyway) popsicle stick picture frames, complete with yarn hanger.

I’m a little Craft Challenged. Years ago, I finally realized I couldn’t write fiction to save my life. I’m not creative in that way. I’m also not really creative craft-wise. I know what you’re thinking, “How the hell does she homeschool without being able to do a craft every now and then?”

Well, I outsource them usually. Vacation Bible School. Homeschool boy’s groups and art classes.

But this time I couldn’t fake it. I had to make a craft. Thankfully, Jill came up with the idea. I just had to figure out the implementation.

Preggie Pic Week 21

Yes, folks, I'm over halfway through this baby-growin' fest. Went to the doctor today, and all is well, even at my "advanced maternal age". Thanks for all of your prayers and good thoughts! This photo is rare because I got Michael to pose with me!

Appreciation for My MIL

You know you have a blessed relationship with your mother-in-law when …

You are being goofy and she asks you what you’re on. You tell her “powdered donuts.”

She tells you she’s going to bed at 9:00 tonight, you tell her you’ll show up to say hi around 9:01, and she laughs instead of getting mad.

You tell her you can’t possibly can’t take her [insert nice piece of jewelry here] when she dies and she says, “Hey, we’re all in this [family thing] together.”

You went by the name “Katie” for 3 years during junior high, and now your MIL is named Katie. Weird.

Kids Writing Thank You Notes

This is a thank you note from Joel to my grandparents for some money for his First Communion. I had to post it because it's so sweet. Oh, and my grandparents live next to some horses, so he drew them a horse.

Pigs Eat Sausage

This is from almost 2 years ago of Callie feeding her pig some sausage.

Tax Deduction

Dang it, dang it, dang it. Sorry this is sideways but I have no photo software where I am to flip it. So get your daily workout cocking your head.

This is Eva. This onesie is sick. It is wrong. It is sold at Target.

Neighbors

Some neighbors (I’ll call them the M’s) watched Michael’s fish while we went to Hays in May. When we went over to get it back, the guy told us about a big fight his ex-wife had in his front yard with his son while we were gone.

He said one of our other neighbors (Mommy B) yelled over the fence at them something like, “Do you mind? We’re trying to have a nice family dinner here.” Daddy M said his wife told him, “We may as well start packing to move right now.”

I told Daddy M, “Are you kidding me? No way! This is good stuff. I’m sorry I missed it. I would’ve been yelling at you to SPEAK UP!” Aron said I would’ve been in the yard with a Coke and binoculars.

I love that crap because, really, who doesn’t fight? I worry about you if you can’t have a passionate disagreement with someone you love. So instead of getting all High and Mighty next time you see something going down, just pull up a chair and turn up your hearing aid. You might learn something.

Recycling at Schools Instead of Fundraising #MoneySmart

Public schools always act like they are hurting so badly for money. Yet they get crappy deals on supplies (see John Taylor Gatto’s book Weapons of Mass Instruction) and throw away so many textbooks, computers, monitors, etc. that you’d think they were Donald Trump.

The school across the street has FOUR huge bins in the parking lot to recycle tons of paper. So I just ASSumed the public schools in my area would recycle aluminum cans like the private schools do. WRONG.

When we went to the carnival across the street, there were cans overflowing from every trash can in every classroom. In the gym, one of the prizes for winning some game was a can of soda. When we left that night, cans littered the parking lot and grass at the school, like a nice big, non-alcoholic frat party.

So I thunk to myself, “Self, why not call the private school and find out how THEY do it and then ask the public schools why they don’t. Go to the superintendent if you have to. You’re just trying to help them, anyway.”

So I got on the horn. I called Holy Cross Catholic School first. I had to leave a message. Nobody has called me back.

Then I was going to call the school across the street from me and ask why they don’t recycle aluminum cans, but they collect soda pop TABS for needy children in other countries. Doesn’t make sense.

But then I got hot and tired and sick of thinking because of the training manual I was writing that was frying my brain and realized I don’t really give a crap right now. I’ll probably get fired up about it again next spring when I can think straight again.

I’m a Size One!!!!

I went to Target recently for bikinis for the girls and some maternity tops for me. I haven’t shopped for maternity crap since my first kid, thanks for many years of hand-me-downs.

And don’t even get me started on myself wearing a bikini. I haven’t worn one of those since I was 17, BUT now that my belly is SUPPOSED to be sticking out into the atmosphere I’m considering it. AND I’ll be 38 this summer, which is the age of I-don’t-give-a-crap, I do believe. If I could find a top to hold up my buubies (pronounced like they do in Jersey), I’d probably do it.

Ah, digression. My strong suit.

So I’m all white trash, trying on tops and shorts over and under my tank dress right in the middle of the store! Anyway, the point here is that in maternity tops I’m a size ONE! I think the last time I was a size one was when I was about 6 years old.

But then there’s the maternity SHORTS, which are all freaking low-rise crap these days. I want the ones that go up to my buubies, not the ones that show my pubic hair, thanks very much, designers. Liz Lange, my ass. What does she know?

Oh, but the maternity shorts are sized like 16W and 20W. Jeez. Is the W for wide? But I’m NOT wide. I’m big out the OTHER way, out front.

Anybody wanna start a maternity clothing company with me? AND, Kansas City friends, would anyone loan me some high-rise maternity shorts? Summer's a-comin' and I'm super cheap.

Field Trip: Kaleidoscope in Kansas City

I had some major brain fog recently. I scheduled a field trip to one of the most popular FREE kid destinations in Kansas City on GOOD FRIDAY. Do you see the problem with that? Good Friday is the day all the religious schools have no classes, and lots of parents also get that day off. So when we showed up for a 1:10 art session, hoping to meet a few other homeschool families, we were surprised to see the place PACKED already. Luckily we were able to get tickets for the 2 p.m., and we just grabbed some Sheridan’s (evil frozen custard) and messed around at the hotel that’s attached to the main shopping part of Crown Center.

So lemme tell you about Kaleidoscope. It is the ultimate in green. It’s affiliated with Hallmark Cards, a company we are very proud of in Kansas City. Had I been smart instead of man-hungry back in the day, I would’ve gotten an entry level job at Hallmark delivering mail or something and now would be happily working from home part-time writing greeting cards.

Anyway … it’s just a visually cool place and it’s FREE (had to mention that again), and all the materials the kids use inside are cast-offs from Hallmark … stickers that aren’t 100% up to their standards, paper shapes made out of leftover cardstock, cardboard from leftover puzzles that you can then make your own drawing on and they have a machine that turns your drawing into a puzzle.

The sessions are only 50 minutes, but they have them all the time. I’d never go on a Saturday, and the 2:50 during the week hits a little close to Eva’s naptime, but they have some great early-afternoon Friday sessions (it helps that my husband is off work every other Friday).

When we went it was TOO packed. It was loud (hellish kid music) and hot. I can take all that. Aron and I just tag-team the kids … he takes the boys and I chase the girls. But that day the other parents were out of hand. I mean, when you have adults pushing kids out of the way so the ADULT can make a puzzle of K-State or a heart with his and his wife’s initials in it, you have to start wondering about America. And this was NOT an isolated incident.

Then there was the woman who looked at Callie’s crown and goes, snidely, “My, that’s a LOT of stickers”, like “are you going to wear THAT?”

So basically when you someday visit the amazing Mecca that is Kansas City, drag your kids to Kaleidoscope. You’ll be glad you did. Then hit the Hallmark Visitor’s Center right next door. Then go see the cool fountains in front of Crown Center. Then grab something at Sheridan’s Frozen Custard inside Crown Center. Then eat dinner at Crayola Café. In that order.

The Homeschool Lady Griping About the School Carnival

The public school across the street had their carnival earlier this month, and of course we went. I always feel weird going there, though, since we homeschool. But 500 kids go there, and all the parents can’t possibly know each other AND all the kids who attend. So here are my reflections on the event:

1. Why the hell was Time Warner Cable there assaulting me? I told them over and over that we have no cable and no Internet and have no intention of getting them and they looked at me like I’d just flipped them off. So to get them off my back I told them it was my husband’s fault and that I’d call them and order cable and internet if he dies. Then I told my husband to watch his back.

2. Why don’t schools, who are supposedly suffering financially, recycle soda cans? This will be explored further in another post, when I have time to make some phone calls. And don’t get me started on all the stuff they throw away or recycle … expensive workbooks and textbooks that I find in the bins. Yes, I AM a dumpster-diver.

3. There’s no “e” after the “t” in “inflatables”. Somebody tell this to the person who made the signs because it annoys those of us who can spell. It's a school. Represent.

4. Some neighbors approached us about giving us their wooden bunk beds that are just sitting in their garage. YIPPEE! Someday the girls will have a FREE place to sleep (when we boot them out of OUR bed, that is).

So those are my deep thoughts. Rare these days, I know.

Success in Old Age

For some reason I feel like I have to do everything NOW … homeschool, get my house in order (ha!), become a successful writer (success to me = making $100 per month!!!).

I keep forgetting I should slow down and appreciate all that is around me, which includes listening to people without interrupting and playing 2-square with my niece and tickling my kids for no reason at all instead of walking around with a must-write, must-do-dishes, must-teach-homonyms stick up my butt.

When I take time to do that, everything else falls into place anyway, plus I’m more peaceful and patient and find that I’ve made some pretty great memories with my husband and kids and other family members.

According to the May 4 issue of People Magazine (an excellent literary resource), Paula Deen didn’t publish her first cookbook until she was 50, which led to her own TV show at 55 AND overcame agoraphobia to do all that! Also, Morgan Freeman didn’t find fame as an actor until he was 52. Steve Carell landed his first starring role on a sitcom (The Office) when he was 43.

Slow down a little bit! If you don’t, you may just give yourself a heart attack or stroke and THEN where will you be? Let me know how it goes for you … it’s going to be a long process for me!

Update on those deleted posts: my in-laws are afraid of identify theft. I think a decent thief needs a social security number and possibly a date of birth, though. And I would also recommend to them to not shop online.

By the way, Happy 59th Birthday today, Mom!

Our Love Story in the Paper!!!

Having major internet connection issues today, but have managed to get on for a second to share this with you ... it's the link to our Love Story in the Kansas City Star today! Enjoy, and I'll have the blog back up and running in no time!

they keep changing the link, so if this doesn't work, go to www.kansascity.com, then FYI/Living, then Star Magazine!

By the way, I can't stand the photo of me in the paper, plus my dad says I should change my blog profile photo. I'll post some super-hot preggie pix (oxymoron?) once my camera comes back to me in the mail.

Text Messaging Annoyance

I recently had to get a new cell phone after three years. I didn’t have the text-messaging service turned on with my last phone, and it’s not on this one, either. I’ve heard all the reasons why people from age 5 to 95 love text messaging: it’s nice to pop off a note without bothering the recipient (who may be in labor or at work or school), it’s quicker and easier than e-mail to ask your husband to pick up some milk on his way home from work, you can call your boss an idiot during a meeting without him/her even knowing it!

Here are my crazy reasons for hating text messaging:

1. It’s rude. I hate having a conversation with someone and hearing their phone jingle or sing or vibrate or … bark. The message beckons to them, and they get all jittery and anxious until you give them permission to read it.

2. It’s addictive. I love when the text-message receiver grasps their phone like it’s a life raft, as if they simply have to know who has texted them the super-intelligent item such as, “LOL” or “What are you wearing?” or “I’m so bored.” Watch your teen try to live without texting for one day … it’ll be fun!

3. It makes it too easy to have an affair. Just read messages from your lover under the table and respond when you can. Your spouse never has to know. It’s a stretch, but I contend that texting is contributing to the delinquency of human beings in general.

4. It’s why my hairdresser didn’t give me the !@#$ cut I asked for. Instead of listening to me, she was texting her next client. Later she kept stopping in the middle of my blow-dry to text again. See #1.

5. Wouldn’t you think texting makes it easy to cheat on tests? Teachers have it bad these days … they have so many devices to compete with, as if teaching isn’t hard enough. How do you take away 30 cell phones at the start of each hour, then give them all back as the kids leave? Or do you just get tired of the whole thing and try to ignore it while the kids are setting up sex dates via text message?

6. It’s expensive. Just ask my cousin, who ran up several hundred dollars’ worth of text messages once before getting the unlimited texting option.

7. Driving while texting and “sexting”. Enough said.

The next time you start to text, consider how potentially inane your message really is. It’s just one more technological “breakthrough” that has become a pain in the thumbs.

I’m so curious to see what Paul has to say about this since he’s practicing just “being” … doesn’t texting get annoying to him when he’s trying to meditate or get or give a massage? Or is he polite and just turns off his phone for hours at a time? And if he turns off his phone, what’s the point of even having text-messaging? Isn’t the point of it the urgency? Let's all text him right now. His number is 555-555-5555.

Unsafe Touch

For some reason, during Joel’s final religious education class they did a talk on and gave handouts on Safe and Unsafe Touch. Joel even had to draw a picture of his “safe adults” … me and Aron, of course!

When Aron and the boys went fishing, they acquired several ticks. Joel got one on his … ahem … nether-region. It was itchy for a few days, and Joel told me that …

What the tick did was a BAD TOUCH. It had no business being in his nether-region.

What Kind of Mother...

...takes her 4 kids (plus one in utero) to the liquor store for 2 boxes of wine and 2 cases of beer?

The kind of mother who is harried because her son’s First Communion is in a couple of days and she has many other errands to do, none of which are open past 9 p.m. like a lovely liquor store!

Then I tried to have Joel carry out one of the boxes of wine because I had Eva on my hip, but the chick who worked there told me that’s illegal. So we made a joke about us spending his First Communion in jail. I think jail sounds like a vacation with free food and all the books I can read, so why am I so damn straight-laced all the time?

I never used to WANT a drink, but lately I think a glass of champagne would be wonderful. Only, of course, I CAN’T. The liquor store chick and I also joked about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and how I have enough on my hands and don’t need a kid born with THAT … isn’t that sick?

I have to go read the blog called Mommy Needs a Cocktail now … (it's on my blogroll on the left).

I Feel Like a Bad-Ass When …

… I mow the grass with Eva (almost 1 ½) in the sling while I’m 4 months pregnant.

Stupid-sounding, I know. The neighbors think I’m nuts and tell their kids, “Her HUSBAND should be mowing.” But let me explain!

It was a Tuesday night and the grass was getting long. It was supposed to rain the next few days, and then Saturday was Joel’s First Communion, so we were going to have a lot of people over. But Aron couldn’t mow Tuesday night because he was being an angel by taking Joel to his religious education class. So I decided to strap on the baby and go for it. I did the whole backyard plus some of the front.

This is not foreign to me. When Aron used to be out of town all the time and I only had 3 kids, somebody had to mow the grass. Luckily, Callie was happy in the sling while the boys played and I mowed. To do the front yard, I waited until a friend or my mom came over to watch the boys play out front (to make sure they didn’t run into the busy traffic that runs on both sides of our house) and mowed with Callie on me. If I didn’t strap Callie onto me, she’d cry, and I hate that, so the sling was my solution.

Last summer when Aron was gone all the time, Eva was only between 6 and 9 months old, so sometimes she’d lounge in the bouncy seat while I mowed and sometimes I had to have someone watch her inside. A few times cheapskate me had to suck it up and pay Ellen’s twin boys to mow.

I guess I feel like a bad-ass because people who walk or drive by stare at me like I’m crazy, which strangely I’m getting used to. But to me, I’m just doing what is necessary for my family. Isn’t “field expedience” doing the best you can with the tools you have? Then I do that every day! Who doesn’t?

*FYI … I HATE lawn maintenance in general and think it’s a waste of money to fertilize it and water it, but it’s important to my husband so I try to play along.

Bonus post: to see what I'm up to in WriterMommy-Land, check out yesterday's post at Mother Writer.blogspot.com (or click on the link to the right) ... sorry, but I'm mouse-less today and can't get the "select" thingie to work so I can make a link.

Walking School Bus

The world is so screwed up that kids shouldn’t even walk to school by themselves anymore. There’s a program our public school has started called the Walking School Bus. Basically an adult or two (with cool orange vests) accompany a group of kids to and from school every day to make sure they are safe. They all have to wait for each other just like waiting for a bus, then they all walk together and have different stops. Brilliant and safe, but also sad in a way that we have to worry about our kids so much.

I don’t remember walking to school much … my mom probably drove me on her way to work once she became a Working Mom again. But I definitely remember walking home FROM school because that’s when I got bullied by people bigger and smaller than myself and by people I thought were my friends. School was pretty cut-throat for a petite only child like myself who’d only had her friend Ambre to practice defending herself against (and Ambre was no Mike Tyson).

Here’s a picture Michael drew of a walking school bus because we get a kick out of the whole concept. And because he’s so literal. Sorry it’s cut off … that’s because I own a DELL printer/scanner/copier and it’s a piece of !@#$ that I’m about to pull an Office Space on (take it in a field and beat it to death with a baseball bat while “It’s Good to Be a Gangstah” plays in the background).

Soap Operas

The other day we were doing projects and picking up the house and homeschooling on our main level but accidentally left the TV on in the family room downstairs. Around noon, as I’m making lunch (canned ravioli since Aron wasn’t coming home), I heard the Days of Our Lives theme music coming from downstairs and I laughed.

I love the stereotype of the housewife sitting around watching her soap operas all day, or at least while the kids have a nap or quiet time or are at school.

When my first child was a baby, I got out of the house plenty, but I also sat on my butt nursing and holding my sleeping baby for many hours each day. I watched a lot of TV, read a lot of books and relaxed. I had zero desire to lay Joel down so I could get stuff done. I just held him all the time because I was 30 when I had him and was SOOOO ready to have kids.

My days are a little different from that these days. “Quiet time” is when the baby takes a nap on me. The other kids might watch TV while I read or journal or make a phone call. Sometimes they have a friend over or are playing outside, and I get to watch some of the shows Mom has taped for me (like Rescue Me, Celebrity Apprentice, Grey’s Anatomy, Brothers & Sisters). The less the baby naps, the less TV I watch and the books sit untouched, also.

I have a friend who watches Young and the Restless with her husband (a big, strong father of 5 boys) after the kids go to bed … isn’t that cute?! I love knowing cool stuff like that about marriages.

Little Eva

She’s not even a year and a half yet, but here comes her personality!

She can say TACO. Of course, because she hears it at every diaper change.

When she’s hungry she stands by her chair, which contains her booster seat. Then she makes grunting or whining noises. She insists on feeding herself (Mom says it’s because she sees the other kids doing so), and tips the spoon upside-down as it gets to her mouth.

She eats Chapstick and chews on dog toys and is still somehow super healthy.

She kept taking out barrettes and ponytail holders, so I just cut her long front hair into bangs.

She likes to throw potatoes in the trash can, just like her siblings did when they were little.

I have to keep reminding myself that with every mess she makes, she is learning and her brain is growing. And I will certainly miss all this mess-making when it’s gone.

*The digital camera is still in Illinois being checked out. As soon as it returns I’ll be a picture-posting fool (instead of just a regular fool). I know you’re all dying to see the kids and my preggie belly. You know you wanna rub it for luck, but I’ll probably smack your hand away, so BACK OFF.

She’s the Mailman’s Daughter

My dad delivered mail for like 30 years. When he’d see someone impatiently waiting for her mail, tapping her foot like he was taking too long, he’d say, “This is actually TOMORROW’s mail … you’re getting it EARLY!!!”

Thank you very much. Don’t forget to tip your mailman on the way out.

*And they CAN accept Christmas money, by the way … you just have to make sure you’re not giving them TOO much, because the post office gets pissed off about that. There are guidelines, you know. Why, I have no idea. Maybe they don’t want the mailmen getting too rich and quitting?

Anti-Nursing Home

Here’s the plan for when our parents are old and feeble since I’m anti-nursing home:

Build 3 separate shacks in our backyard for Aron’s parents, my mom/stepdad and my dad/stepmom. My stepdad has no kids and my stepmom’s are in Michigan. As far as Aron’s parents, well, we’ll just have to see. He has 4 siblings, so I’m sure we’ll all be fighting over who gets to take care of the parents.

Don’t worry, there will be a bathroom in each shack and room for a hospital bed, a TV and a home-health nurse. And a mini-fridge. And maybe even a hot plate if the parents are good and don’t act up too much. I swear I’ll take my mom’s hot plate away if she gets too mouthy with me.

My Dad’s Large Family Comebacks

My dad is a freakin’ hoot. He needs to be a writer. He’s still young … he can totally break in to a writing career. He wins humorous caption contests at The Kansas City Star. He writes a funny Fishing Report after the twice-yearly family fishing trips.

He and Mom only had one kid, so I’m surprised he’s become one of my biggest champions in my quest for a large family. When I told him some of the comments I get in public and about some of the snotty looks (as if I’m not ENTITLED to have so many kids), he came up with some zingers. I’m not one of those people who will say, when told “you’ve got your hands full”, something like “yes, and my heart is also full.” I like to say something funny but not rude that will make them think about what came out of THEIR mouth and help them to see me as a real person and not just a Walking Baby Oven who is too lazy to take her kids to school each day.

I recently took my kids plus 3 of their friends to an indoor playplace, for a total of 7 “truant” kids. Dad said the next time I do something like that I should say things like this to those who stare or make rude comments:

-- This is just my FIRST seven kids.

-- These are my grandchildren (I’m only 37 and often look 12).

-- These are my brothers and sisters.

-- My hands are full but my wallet is empty. Can you spare a five?

-- My husband and I can’t figure out where they’re all coming from!

I Wanna Be Sedated

Lately I’ve been wondering a lot about Valium. Somehow people in the 50s and 60s took this Wonder Drug and still FUNCTIONED, and it’s fascinating to me.

They didn’t act like alcoholics, who get mean or run into things with their cars or pass out during a PTA meeting or wake up totally non-functional.

They didn’t act like other drug addicts, who have all kinds of problems with finding a vein to shoot up in or whatever. Sorry, but my drug lingo isn’t that great.

They didn’t act like people on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs, who get about 57 fun side effects (can’t sleep, sleep all day, don’t want sex, want sex all day, can’t eat, want to eat all day, act stupid, act mean, etc.) and are often STILL messed up.

I definitely need to do some research on Valium. Can you take it pregnant? Can you take it nursing? Does it just make you a little dull or does it knock you out? Raggedy, you should know something about this one ... you are a cool 60s-type chick!!! I thought my mom would know more, but she disappointed me :-)

Here’s your assignment for the day: leave me a comment with everything you know about Valium.

The Sex of My Baby

I love when people ask me if I’m going to find out the sex of my baby.

I reply, “How will I NOT? I mean, the doctor will probably tell me when it’s born or else I’ll lift it’s leg like I always do and see for myself. Even if those two things don’t happen, I’m pretty sure I’ll figure it out when I see a penis or a vagina when I change those first thousand diapers.”

Man, people can be so dumb!

P.S. Lori (and anybody else, actually!), when you leave a comment, put your e-mail address in the spot that asks for it so I can write you back. If it doesn't let you, just email me at mommykerrie@yahoo.com so I have your address!!!

Joelmark, Inc.

Instead of giving Hallmark hundreds of dollars this year, I’ve hired my son Joel to make cards for occasions. And no, Eva, you smarty-pants … I’m NOT paying him extra. I told him it’s part of his measly allowance (part of which goes to savings and some to church, by the way!).

We have 3 First Communions, a bunch of birthdays and a baby shower coming up, and he’s not only saving me money, but he’s saving us a trip to the card store and he feels good knowing he’s making something special for someone.

Your Financial Future

I’m not rich, nor do I desire to be. I guess I just want more of the same … we have enough food, we each have a car, we have a nice home that is warm in the winter and cool in the summer. We have all the wonderful kids we want and are able to take care of them in every way possible, including educationally.

Aron and I talk about if we ever somehow came into a lot of money (impossible for the most part, since we don’t play the lottery). We’d give most of it away. Well, he says he’d give it ALL away. I say, “Don’t be stupid. Put some in our savings account for an emergency, some in each kid’s saving account and THEN give it away to a worthy cause that you really check out and get to know personally.”

Here’s the offensive question of the day, then:

Financial advisors now tell you to plan for your OWN financial future before putting your kids through college, paying for a costly wedding, etc. To me, this makes total sense. I’ll be old and feeble and will need the money for my hip replacement worse than my spry kids, who can work and pay off their own loans just like their dad and I had to do. Plus I might be taking care of my parents, step-parents and in-laws (in 3 separate shacks in the backyard, mind you).

By the way, let’s not forget about our parents because you may be in the Sandwich Generation (people taking care of their kids and their parents at the same time. You may need to be helping to take care of your parents, also. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather spring for a home-health nurse for my parents who gave me LIFE than pay for college for my kids or a $20,000 wedding (with the 50% divorce rate!) for my girls when my kids can so easily take care of themselves.

What do you think? And be NICE! Use your big-girl and big-boy words … ha!

Recycling Juice Pouches

Have you seen the cool purses women are carrying lately that are made out of old juice pouches? They are so cool! And so green.

Ah, the Capri Sun juice pouches that we throw away. We pretty much only buy them for birthday parties and for summer outings since they are so easy, but the trash really adds up with all these kids. I was planning on just getting a gallon jug to take on outings and filling it with Koolaid or juice or water, but then I saw it:

On the Capri Sun box, they have information about recycling the pouches to make MONEY FOR YOUR SCHOOL.

So I figured the Catholic school down the road always needs money. And if I save our used juice pouches, the school gets 2 cents for each pouch we turn in (1 cent for non-Capri Sun pouches). I called the school to let them know about the program, and the secretary said she’d pass on the info to the women who handle their recycling. In the meantime, we’re saving up all the pouches we can get out hands on. I even dug in my sister-in-law’s trash the other night.

Check it out here.