Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Going Greener by Having Your Coffee at Home


Even though I recycle and have cloth diapered and breastfed for 8 years, I’ve been feeling crappy about how many to-go coffee cups of mine end up in the landfill. I saw something on TV about how those cups are waterproof so they take forever to break down.

So I’ve been making mochas at home … nasty, calorie-laden mochas. Here’s how:

I brew some coffee, any coffee. I dump some powdered creamer into a coffee cup, then a bunch of powdered hot chocolate mix (buy the big ole tub of it!) or chocolate syrup. Then pour in your coffee and stir. If you’re really bad like me, you’ll add some whipped cream to the top! If you want to be a little healthier, put in powdered milk instead of creamer. Oh, and rinse out your Starbuck's cup from yesterday and just re-use it til it gets nasty.

Plus it saves a lot of money, which helps when your 401(k) is totally tanking. Yeah, I know you should live in the moment and all that, but sometimes you have to look to the future and be responsible … as far as the future of our kids and the landfills and as far as your own financial future. But that’s another blog post.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Homeschool Socialization Part 2

Judging by the snotty-ass way the kids act when they walk past our house on their way home from school when Joel goes out to try to say hi and make friends, I’m thinking homeschooling is a good way to go. Often when I’m out in the world people tell me how well-behaved my kids are (except for when Callie’s having an Exorcist tantrum, of course, but then I just act like I don’t know her). In school you are taught to look down on anyone younger or smaller and to be a tattle-tale about any little annoyance. If you aren’t tough, you get bullied. So you are either weak or strong or popular. I speak from 13 years of experience. And yes, you cowards who want to leave Anonymous comments but now can't, my kids ARE perfect and act fabulous all the time and are NEVER snotty (ha!).

These posts aren’t called “homeschooling is for everyone” … because I totally disagree with that (I know women who want to kill their kids just doing homework with them). But let’s respect each other’s choices. I don’t think I’m better than you … I just chose a lifestyle that works for me and for my husband and kids, and I’m blessed enough to be able to follow that path financially and without going insane.

Back to the socialization thing … we go to friends’ houses, we have friends over (for days, not just an hour for a playdate usually), we have a Meals on Wheels route, we used to do babysitting at churches, we go to homeschool events, we go on field trips, we get to see my mom weekly and my dad pretty often, they go to the grocery store and the bank and the post office with me, we go to the pool all summer, to parks, we meet people everywhere we go. Some women in my Catholic homeschool group won’t let their kids play with kids who go to public school. I say even Catholic school kids have issues and so can homeschool kids, so we don’t segregate our kids. They have friends from all walks of life who go to all kinds of schools and churches (or not). They learn to deal with all kinds of people, young and old.

I don’t write much about homeschooling because I’m not sure who’s interested in reading about it (that couldn’t be because this blog has no FOCUS and is all over the place, right?), so if you have any questions (how many hours a day do I homeschool, what curriculum do I use, how much do I spend/save doing homeschooling, what are benefits I see, why did I start doing it), let me know in the Comments section! And Paul, I expect you to weigh in on this one, PLEASE, seeing as how you used to be a schoolteacher!

Monday, May 4, 2009

Homeschool Socialization

Aron told me some guy he knows has a kid who goes to the school across the street from us. The guy asked why we homeschool (so many reasons and my main ones aren’t religious, by the way) and if we were concerned about socialization.

Aron told the guy we have a super-social son (a little like me) who can’t ever get enough … 24 hours a day with several of his friends is honestly not enough for him. He would love to be the oldest of the Duggars, we joke.

He also told the guy our other son is not social at all and takes a long time to warm up to people (like my husband). I kind of wish I was like that because then maybe I wouldn’t get burned so easily by crazy women “friends”.

Our oldest daughter would probably just be the way she is no matter what … she’s strong-willed and pops in and out of being social (like me and my mom).

Eva’s just a sweet pea tornado so far who will most likely be happy homeschooling and having her brothers teach her how to write (I hear this happens a lot in big families, whether they homeschool or not … the mom is doing dishes and all of a sudden her older kids have taught the younger one how to do something cool)!

I would like to add to the conversation this tidbit: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS SOCIALIZATION CRAP?” Google “homeschool socialization” and you’ll find some great stuff about how crazy the socialization hierarchy is in school. When else in your life are you segregated by AGE? Not in college, where you’re with all ages. Not in the workplace. Not even when you get married. My man is 5 years older than I am, and it works for us. My mom socializes pretty good with her husband, who is like 12 years younger than she is. But she didn’t learn to do that in school.

This post got a little long, so tomorrow I’ll continue with snotty school kids, how I know homeschooling isn’t for everyone, and how we socialize.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Women Annoy Me

A friend from high school who is now a Facebook pal told me she enjoys my Dennis Miller-like rants. I was pretty flattered. But you really haven’t seen anything yet. Maybe a little taste of the real me in the post “A Surprise Unexpected Accidental Mistake” … which I’m pretty sure annoys many people who don’t like taking responsibility.

Women really annoy me with their “I should get equal pay for equal work and the guy should clean house alongside me [I agree with these things, by the way], and then they blink their big doe eyes when they become pregnant and go, “I don’t know HOW that happened. Hmmm. I could’ve SWORN he told me he had a vasectomy. I must’ve been listening wrong.” Look, even if your tubes are tied and you use 10 layers of condoms, ALWAYS ASSUME YOU COULD GET PREGNANT. It’ll just make your life easier.

Watch out, readers, because I’m even more opinionated than I’ve been letting on. I just can’t let my true self show until I can afford a bodyguard.

By the way, Happy First Communion today, Joel! Hopefully we’re eating a nice meat/cheese tray and a nice fruit tray and a nice big cake with lots of family and friends.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Breaking the News to Ryan

One night as we’re falling asleep, Callie says, “If I marry one of Ciara’s brothers, I’ll have to tell Ryan that I can’t marry HIM.” (Ciara is her new best buddy who has 3 brothers!)

I say, “I think he’ll be okay with that. Ryan’s probably going to marry God anyway.”

Callie: “He can’t marry God. God is a boy.”

Me: “Hmmm. I just meant he might become a priest. Then he can marry you and one of Ciara’s brothers.”

Callie: “Huh?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s confusing. Just go to sleep.”

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Kool-aid Kocktail

I’m not a drinker; never have been. But lately I’m feeling hormonal and on edge and am raising my voice too much and I WANT A DRINK.

But I can’t have drinks. Rather, I WON'T have drinks. My life is crazy enough without growing a kid born with fetal alcohol syndrome and knowing it was my own damn fault. I like to keep my fetuses nice and healthy, if I can.

To have a healthy baby, I think my stress level needs to not be too insane. So instead of alcohol or pot or cigarettes or Valium, I turn to sugar. Sugar and music.

Chocolate chip cookies are always a good bet for putting me in an excellent mood. Same for a tall mocha coffee or a Mr. Pibb. And some rock and roll. Or some oldies. Or some current naughty pop music.

Lately I make up a batch of good old-fashioned grape or cherry or strawberry or orange Kool-aid in a tall Old Spaghetti Factory (cherish it if you have one of these restaurants in your town, you lucky dog) glass with lots of small ice.

What makes you feel better when drugs are not an option?

Aron will say, “go fishing.” Paul will probably say, “meditation” … which I’ve tried and I can’t seem to sit still. Ellen will say, “organize something.” Eva will say, “pray.” My dad will say, “go for a walk” and Mom might say, “watch a TV show where their lives are much crazier than yours.”

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I’m Gonna Be a Moving Girl …

… when my kids are all grown up. For some reason, the day I was home with my own 4 kids plus my friend’s 4 kids was the day I was able to move the couch, the big plants, the glider, the toy ottoman, and more. Thank God for nice weather so the kids were outside all day!

My friend thinks she really put me out by having me watch her kids for 2 days while she went to Chicago, so nobody tell her that I got so much done. The hardest part was playing Waitress and Dishwasher, but then when her kids left, it made my normal daily work seem like so much less! It also made me feel like a real a**hole friend for complaining about space when my friend has about half the space I do and the same number of kids. So I’ll be shutting up now.

Do you move furniture around a lot? Do you have a spouse or roomie who changes it back while you’re asleep (there’s a little of that going on in my home lately, but I am exerting my “Female Gene” for once)?

Monday, April 27, 2009

Watch the Preggie Move Furniture Part Two

Armed with the knowledge that Aron is NOT attached to the “breakfront” (short piece of furniture with a drawer for silverware, shelves underneath and it can open into a makeshift bar on top), I proceed to empty it and drag it out of the living room.

My friend Ellen is having a garage sale, and the breakfront is headed for it. Michael wants to know if we have to sell EVERYTHING*. I told him we’re getting rid of things that don’t work for our family anymore space-wise. Who else do you know who has to cram scrapbooking, homeschooling and a writing career into one corner of their living room?

*By “everything” he’s referring to the 500-year-old table we have by the curb with a “free” sign attached to it. Aron’s parents were getting rid of a much nicer coffee table (built by his brother [McLoughlin Stone and Tile … there, I advertised it], which means it will last forever), and we snagged it. Now we have to become the type of parents who yell at the kids all the time for spilling and jumping on the furniture. Or not. Then I’d just be a hypocrite who only WRITES about being laid-back.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Watch the Preggie Move Furniture Part One

I got sick of my living room looking so disorganized (dang, I wish my digital camera was working so I could post before and after photos). After all, it’s used for “living” and my office and homeschooling and scrapbooking and so much more, so there’s lots of papers and craft stuff and JUNK that I needed to go through. I’m trying to downsize.

By the way, why do so many homes have a FAMILY room AND a LIVING room also? A few years ago Aron re-did our family room and we lived in the upstairs living room for months and it was AWESOME to just all be on one level and have the TV and the kitchen and the dining room all there together. Now if only we could move the fireplace upstairs and … PRESTO! … change the family room into 2 bedrooms and a bathroom for the upstairs we’d never have to move our ever-growing family!

So one night Aron was at religion class with Joel, and I just started moving junk. I dragged a bookshelf down the stairs. I dragged a smaller one up the stairs. I moved all kinds of junk and got rid of tons of stuff (thanks for having a garage sale, Ellen!).

Tresa has a good point: if you’re home all day long it’s good to be able to move furniture around for a change. We hadn’t moved our furniture in like 9 years. And Geminis like me normally like to change things up.

Don’t tell my ogre Neanderthal husband, but this “No Laptop = Clean House?” experiment may actually be working for us. And do you notice how I still post on this blog daily AND still submit to mags? Maybe everyone in my house can win, especially the kids, by having happy parents.

How’s YOUR home? Tresa is moving and dumping tons. Ellen has a garage sale when her husband can’t park in the garage anymore due to too much STUFF. Most people just stare at their junk and think, “My family can take care of it when I’m dead.” I got tired of staring at my messes and wanting to take a nap.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Finding Time to Have Sex as Parents

*Dad, you probably don’t wanna read this one.

Alright, married folks with kids. Or folks with kids. Or whatever. Man, I'm sick of trying to be all politically correct.

If you’re normal and want some alone time with your spouse, you put the kids to bed at 8 p.m. and grab your alone time in your own home while the kids sleep and before you are dog-tired.

Or you hire a sitter and go out to dinner and a movie and maybe sneak in that alone time in the car or somewhere equally exciting.

Then there’s us freaky Attachment Parent people. With so many kids plus kids in our bed at all times (and they all stay up too late), how do we find the time to make MORE babies and sneak in that “Mommy and Daddy Time”, aka “Alone Time”???

(Some of you at this point are saying, “Who cares?” and I say to you … “Go check out another blog, then, if you’re so dang bored” … and if you leave a crappy comment, I will hunt you down and breastfeed in front of your house … so there.)

Here are some ideas:

1. Fill Easter eggs and throw them into the yard. Tell the kids it’s Half Easter (like that stupid thing they do at schools now: Half Birthdays) and sneak in a quickie somewhere in the house while they hunt eggs.

2. In the middle of the day, in broad daylight, put on a movie for the kids and tell them you need to go talk about Christmas with Daddy (or their birthday or Kwanzaa or whatever). Sneak in some Quality Time with your man.

3. As the kids get older, nothing will work and they’ll be banging on the bedroom door bugging you no matter what you do, so you just have to scare them. I like to tell them, “We’re having SEX. Lots of it.” They don’t really understand what sex IS, but they know they want NO PART OF IT. That should buy you a good 10 minutes.

Don’t forget to wear your best sweatpants to entice your man and let him know you’re in the mood.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Think About It ...



Photo credit because I don't need more legal trouble: The Sun, January 2007, Martin Fishman

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Shopping with Kids at Target


I promised myself I would not venture near Target for a month because I always spend too much money there. Alas, a couple of last-minute kid birthday parties came up (does nobody plan ahead anymore? One party was for the next day!), so I headed for Target since it’s close and convenient and easy to find stuff. Yes, I took all 4 kids plus the one I’m cooking in my belly.

FYI: This is the Target where that 18-year-old girl was taken and met her untimely demise, so why I even go there at all is beyond me. But Target is like my own personal heroin, and I can’t seem to stay away.

We grabbed some Bakugan stuff for the boy party and some art stuff for the girl party. Do you ever just want to forego shopping and wrapping altogether and just give each birthday party honoree kid $10 cash? I totally want to do that.

Why do they have bathing suits out in January yet no Crocs in March?

On the way out I pass a cute sleeveless retro dress and I say to the kids, “I could’ve worn that before I acquired my amazing Popeye arms that hold babies so well.”

I managed to find several things I “need” before hitting the checkout. I’m sure you know how that is, unless you are perfect and all Zen and crap. And if that’s the case, you probably don’t have little kids. So there.

Also on the way out, the kids are trailing behind me and I can’t even see them, yet I’m yelling, “Don’t touch that.” You have to keep up that “eyes in the back of the head” thing. I always said my mom had “detective ray ears” … now I know I just have a loud mouth!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Do You Eat at the Grocery Store?

The day before Easter I took Eva, Callie and their friend to the grocery store. I had a Ho-Ho craving, and got a box and dug in, giving each girl one and sharing 2 with myself. The little friend was incredulous and asked, “Can you do that?”

I said, “I just did.”

She said, “Will you get in trouble?”

I said, “I never have.”

She goes, “Are you going to pay for it?”

I said, “Of course! I’m many things, but thief is not one of them. We do it all the time. If I didn’t feed my kids while we shopped, there would be mass chaos and total meltdown on their part AND mine.”

So my question to you is this: Do you feed your kids while you shop? You know, open a box of Teddy Grahams when you first arrive so your kid will be happy?

Monday, April 20, 2009

Lazy Legal Troubles

I swear I am not making writing mistakes just to amuse you! This one I made to save you from future legal battles, and it’s something I should have known better.

All I did was go to Amazon.com and searched for any book or e-book with “lazy” in the title since I figured I was writing an e-book and that’s all I needed to do. How flippin’ lazy of me :-)

Instead I found out from my friend over at Mrs. Hannigan’s Home for Girls AFTER I published my e-book called “The Lazy Mom’s Guide to Life” that there’s a web site called Lazy Moms: The Lazy Mom’s Guide to Life. I figured since only the “Lazy Moms” part had a TM by it, it was the only trademarked part and I went on with my life.

Then I got an email from a lawyer (I researched it a little and the lawyer shares a last name with one of the “lazy” moms … “lazy” in quotes because these women look too good to be one bit of lazy). Good thing it came on a Friday because I only have Internet access on weekends and he said something about time being of the utmost importance. Here’s the e-mail I got:

Dear Ms. McLoughlin:

I represent the owners of Lazy Moms and the Lazy Mom's website, http://www.lazymoms.com. My clients have claimed a proprietary interest, and corresponding intellectual property rights, in and to the Lazy Mom's concept, name and website. My clients have taken the necessary and appropriate steps to protect those rights and interests, including the assertion of trademark and copyright protections concerning the concept, website, site content and name which includes "The Lazy Mom's Guide to Life" and affiliated content as has been reflected, with all proper copyright and trademark claims, on the Lazy Mom's since mid-January, 2009.

My clients have become aware of a competing commercial interest under the name or title, "Lazy Mom's Guide to Life" that, through the internet, appears to have been written and marketed by you on your website, http://www.thekerrieshow.com/, and elsewhere (for example, http://store.payloadz.com/str-asp-i.238999-n.The_Lazy_Mom_s_Guide_to_Life_eBooks_Parenting-end-detail.html# - product added March 10, 2009). We believe this e-book and use of the lazy mom's name/concept are in violation of the clearly stated and properly-asserted intellectual property rights of my clients who have taken all necessary precautions to comply with federal intellectual property laws and make proper assertions of federal law protections for their site, site content, the "Lazy Mom's" concept and name.

I send you this e-mail on behalf of my clients as a courtesy, to ask that you immediately remove your e-book and any "lazy mom's" concept from your website (and any other web locations) to ensure no further infringement of my client's intellectual property rights occurs. I invite you to call me if you have any questions about this and to e-mail me with confirmation that this has occurred. Time is of the essence, and wish to caution you to fail not hereof under penalty of law.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.
David H. Herrold

I had to take down the book cover and link from both my blogs and now will have to remember where else I pimped it. Then I figured out a new gimmick, a new title. And I Googled the hell out of it first.

I wrote the lawyer back and told him I’d work on changing my “lazy” ways, but that it might take some time since I’m growing a 5th human being and homeschooling in my spare time.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Just Another Saturday

Okay, I had a lame post up about Portland Family Writer's Guidelines, but that's dumb since I'm working on an e-book of parenting publication writer's guidelines anyway. Plus it's boring for my regular readers. So I'm whipping out a random post here ... got to see the baby yesterday on the sonogram screen ... kicking like crazy already. It's always cool to see that, no matter how many kids you have. Joel's at his First Communion Retreat, and Aron forgot the unleavened bread I slaved over (yeah, right, I'm posting the recipe soon because it's so easy), so I'll have to rally the troops when they wake and run that up to the church. Short post, but anything's better than writer's guidelines, right?

Thursday, April 16, 2009

A Thursday Night

It’s 6:30. The baby has taken a late nap (on me, of course) so I’m just now getting to dinner. Aron called earlier to say he’d be home at 6:30. He’s not home.

I’m working on making tacos. Eva is pissy (mirroring her Pissy Pregnant mother perhaps?) and wants to be held, wants a drink, wants to be fed. I take care of all this. Joel asks if he can help. I consider doing the usual: asking him to feed the baby applesauce so I can make dinner without her 30 pounds on my hip. Every time I put her down, she squawks.

Instead I tell him, “Thank you for offering, but no. YOU didn’t make this baby, your dad and I did. It’s OUR responsibility to take care of her.”

Joel says, “But she’s my sister.”

I say, “Yes, and you help a lot with her, and I appreciate it all. You carry her down the stairs when she wants to be with you guys. You play with her so I can make meals. You entertain her in the van. You are a great brother and will make a great dad. I’ll always need your help around the house and with the kids, but it’s not your responsibility to care for the other kids.

When I ask you to babysit them when you are older, I will always pay you. I never want you to feel like their 2nd father. Just be a kid. And if I forget and slip into making you do too much (like after the new baby comes), remind me of what I just said. I’ve known too many women who wouldn’t let their oldest kid go do anything because the oldest kid was ‘too much help to [the mom]’. I think that’s wrong. My opinion is that people should not have kids if they can’t care for them themselves.”

So I didn’t have time to make dinner very well, but I could darn sure stop to give a soliloquy to my son with the baby on my hip.

Edited on 4/18/09 to post comment response:
Eva ... we will just have to disagree on this one. As an only child I was given an allowance and had many responsibilities, and as the kids take on more responsibilities around the house, I give them allowance so they'll know how money works in the world. You work = you get paid. Too many people don't get that concept! They certainly won't make big bucks to babysit, and mowing is gonna be part of their chores/allowance. I do agree kids are given too little responsbility these days, though. BUT I don't want my kids NOT wanting kids because they had to parent their sibs. When I babysat for families around the neighborhood, I got paid. That's why I think my kids should get paid to watch their siblings ... even a couple of bucks. I just think too many parents abuse the "help" of their older kids and end up only seeing those older kids as "the help." I've seen it too much, and it makes me sad.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I’m a Gumball Machine

I thought I was a Walking Baby Oven, and my answering machine message says our house is the McLoughlin Baby Factory, but a recent Anonymous commenter on the blog said something about people like me spitting out kids like a gumball machine.

At first the comment pissed me off, especially since they live near me and are one of my Facebook “friends” (thank you, Sitemeter!) and went on to say some pretty rude stuff. They obviously don’t know me at all. But I’m letting the negative comments roll off me because I think that’s my Life Lesson this time around: to not worry so much about what people think of me and to be my damn self (cussing and all).

Anyway, the more I thought about and pictured the gumball thing, the more I laughed. I wish my husband could quit his job and work for The Kerrie Show full-time like Dooce.com’s husband did (can you say $40,000 per MONTH?) because I’d ask him to do an illustration of me as Human Gumball Machine.

While I’m pushing in the delivery room this fall, I’m pretty sure I’m going to say something to my doctor like, “Somebody put a quarter in my mouth. Is the gumball almost out?”

My friend Ellen said, “When you call me from the hospital to let me know the sex, just say it’s a pink gumball or a blue gumball.”

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Skincare for Women in their Forties

It sounds so “Housewives of Orange County,” doesn’t it? But, trust me, I would never seek out a facial on my own. My thoughtful husband pampers me about every year with something like a facial or a massage. I think my last one was in January.

I kindly asked him to stop getting me gift certificates for manicures unless he’s going to do the dishes and cleaning for about 2 weeks. Otherwise, it’s just wasted money.

It’s nice to be away from the house for 1 ½ hours, which is rare. I enjoy my facials … ah, the soothing music, the darkened room, the aromatherapy, having my face touched and all the gunk cleaned out of my 37.5-year-old skin. I don’t know how much the facials cost, but the Facialist (not a word, I know) gives me a sheet at the end to show the items I need to purchase to keep my skin all tuned up. This is AFTER she roughs me up by telling me all about my age spots and rosacea.

Here’s the rundown (none of which I buy because I love my L'Oreal stuff):

1. Lavender Cleansing Milk ($20) … or breast milk with purple food coloring?
2. Sea Cleanse ($23) … use sugar or sand from the kids’ sandbox instead!
3. Hydrating Essential Oil ($36) … use olive oil instead?
4. Eco Protective Cream ($30)
5. Purifying Cream ($32)
6. Anti-oxidant Balm ($50)
7. Nutrient K Plus ($54)
8. Glycolic 5% Pads ($30) … what is this???
9. Lip Balm ($6.50) … glorified Chapstick?
10. Eye Contour Serum ($40) … which burned my eyes and made me cry for 10 minutes, so why would I want to drop the equivalent of TEN mocha lattes on it?
11. Hydrating Mask ($19)

For a grand total of $340.50. Probably twice a year.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t even have the TIME it would take to apply all this crap day and night. I don’t even remove my mascara before I go to bed, and my poor teeth don’t get flossed all that often. My mom still looks great, and she’s 21 years ahead of me, so I have hope that I’ll age okay. Still, if I can grow as a person and be good INSIDE, I’ll be happy.

Does Botox freak anyone else out? YEESH! Sure, it would be nice to instantly get rid of my worry line in the center of my forehead, but didn’t I EARN that line worrying about my kids? Just like I earned my cute little stretch marks and my ever-changing boobs.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Holy Thursday of Easter Wek

Sometimes I feel like we are a Crazy Family. Let’s take Holy Thursday as an example.

So Holy Thursday was also Michael’s birthday this year. We woke up and got ready to go to a homeschooling friend’s house who also has 4 kids. To make it special since it was Michael’s birthday (and since we were bugging my friend over lunch hour), I called ahead to a McDonald’s to make sure they had 10 small fries, 10 double cheeseburgers and 10 orders of chocolate chip cookies. Yes, I CALLED AHEAD to a fast food joint. What a dork! Grabbed the food, realizing later that they shorted us 2 of the cheeseburgers. Then I had to run by the bank, then to my friend’s.

We spent 3 hours at my friend’s house, which ROCKED because we have much in common homeschooling-wise, and I checked out her Saxon Math and decided to buy it for the boys for next fall’s schooling. She doesn’t have to clean her house for me, and we love that about each other.

Raced home so we’d be here when Tresa brought her puppy for us to babysit for the weekend. After Tresa arrived I saw that Eva’s diaper was off and her legs were brown. That meant bathtime for her. Tresa couldn’t stay (sleeping kids in the car), so as soon as she left I threw dinner in the oven to turn on later, then Eva crashed on me nursing. Forgot Aron is off work on Good Friday and also took ½ day off Thursday to deal with boat issues (the boat = his mistress!!!), and I noticed the laptop shining in the kitchen and beckoning to me. Rigged it up somehow down by the couch so I could type and check email while I held Eva and the kids played outside and watched cartoons.

By the time she was awake, Aron was home and dinner was ready. Shoveled in dinner, then off to church at 7 p.m. Lately I spend most of Mass in the entryway with a restless toddler, which is cool. This night was no exception, and it was an almost-two-hour service … I got to use lots of my Spanish since it was also the Spanish Mass and there were tons of parents with toddlers in the entryway with me.

Home around 9 p.m. Aron gave the boys haircuts. I took a shower. Then I gave the boys baths. Then Callie got a bath. Then the kids colored Easter eggs with Aron. Then it was 10:30 p.m.

We are for sure freaky baby-makin’, stayin’-up-late Catholic homeschoolers!

And it works for us. We’re all healthy and smart and happy and kind (except for me, who goes on mean, selfish, whiney pregnant rants sometimes).

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Happy 6th Birthday, Michael!

My sweet, smart, kind Michael is 6 today! He is the long-suffering younger brother to Joel, and he puts up with a lot! I woke on the morning of his birth having some contractions, but they weren’t too bad. We headed to the hospital around 9 or 10, and I was in no pain. Then labor came on heavy (I was dumb and had my water broken to hurry things along), and he was born around 2 p.m. Man, that kid had big lips! He still does, and has huge eyes to go with the luscious lips.

His favorite color is orange. His favorite animal is the hippo. He used to say he didn’t want to ever get married, but now he’s changed his mind and has even added kids to the mix!

Something very telling about Michael is that he doesn’t want everyone to know his good deeds. We babysat a tiny dog for a week, and Michael jumped up on a chair every time the dog came around. But right before it was time for the dog to go home, Michael HELD it. When I bring it up, he denies it. Also, sometimes I catch him being so sweet and playing with a younger kid. When he sees me watching, he stops doing it!

This picture is of his new Weeblz in the butter dish in the fridge. This is the kind of silly thing he does. He’s also quite an artist and makes up his own jigsaw puzzles and rebuses and dot-to-dots. He’s amazing. And I'm not posting a picture of him today because it would drive him nuts.


I love you, Michael!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Ongoing Organization Battle

I had a burst of energy the other day while I was in the basement doing laundry. That’s where all my old journal stuff is stored, and there is a LOT because I process EVERYTHING through writing (anybody I’ve written about over the years: I was just venting and I still love you, I’m sure). I’m working on an essay for Mothering Magazine where I pour my heart out about my tandem nursing experiences over the years, and I need to hunt for journals from 2003.

My parents call me Sidetrack for a reason (and my husband calls me Flit). I get sidetracked easily and flit on to other things, leaving the previous mess behind. I remind myself of my destructive toddler.

Of course, you know how organization goes. Before I could think about the huge task of organizing my old journals (think spiral notebooks, Daytimer pages, loose sheets of paper, napkins, folders, etc.), I HAD TO organize my Celebration Shelf. This is the shelf that has items to regifts, things I’ve bought for future birthdays, tons of gift bags I save so I don’t have to buy any OR wrap anything, a few birthday tablecloths I found a good deal on, etc. I FINALLY put away Christmas wrapping paper.

When that was done, I stared at the Homeschool Shelf for a while, then got tired (conveniently using the Pregnancy Excuse) and the baby got clingy, so I went upstairs.

This exciting saga will have to be continued. In the meantime, how organized are YOU? What areas do you struggle with? Any tips?

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Suite101.com Dropout

A friend of mine makes great money doing online writing. The lucky (and talented) chick doesn’t even have to venture into the local parenting pubs because she does so great at so many online places. So when she suggested I sign up at Suite101.com, I got right on it.

You have to do a bio, including your education and experience (professional and otherwise), plus link to all the websites or pubs you’ve written for plus include 2 600-word samples. I reworked my 2 pieces I keep recirculating and made sure they were not in first person.

They gave me all these reasons why maybe I wasn’t going to work out. One was that I had too many grammatical errors. Nope. One was that I didn’t have enough experience. Probably not. I mean, I don’t have more than 2 years of college, but unless you’re a lawyer or a doctor or an engineer, college doesn’t necessarily mean a lot anymore (read John Taylor Gatto and tell me you disagree!) besides a big fat school loan to repay.

My friend says they probably get too many applications for writers in the parenting/family category and were just full (I also applied in the personal finance and freelance writing categories). She’s so kind. Actually, I was bummed for a second but then remembered how she told me you have to crank out 4 articles a month plus they have real editors who ride your butt PLUS you have to know how to put the right keywords with your articles (so people searching for an article on your topic can easily get to it from, say, Google) or they hunt you down and beat you (just kidding!). I’m thinking it’s called “101” because it’s like a writing class for writers and if you do well, you make money.

Then I realized I don’t even have time to work on all the stuff I really need to be doing, so why was I signing up for yet another thing to take up my time? If I could come up with 4 articles per month, I’d better be sending them out to the big parenting pubs and then the littles. I know you get residuals for life from online writing, but I’m happy with $25 for an article that I can resell again and again for $25 more.

Anyone have experience with Suite 101? Think you’re good enough to sign up there and get accepted? I hope so … do it and let me know how it turns out.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Merging Blogs

I have met my breaking point. I am officially admitting that I am a human being and that I have limitations. Instead of trying to manage two different blogs (one regular and one about writing), I’m merging them. I’m hoping this gives me more time to write for publication and to stare in amazement at my kids.

And to stop making crazy mistakes, like almost getting myself sued because I didn’t Google book titles and webs sites before I named my e-book. And to attempt to stop offending people SO badly (although I’ll still offend a little bit, I can promise you that).

If you have an e-mail subscription to Mother Writer, please re-sign up at The Kerrie Show on the right-hand side. If you get an e-mail from The Kerrie Show that is about writing and makes you yawn, just delete it and check out tomorrow’s post. If you’re a writer and get a post about my kid’s snotty nose, just move on.

This is certainly not a tightly focused blog … it’s definitely a variety blog. I hope you get a good laugh now and then or maybe even some writing inspiration. Look for lots of Pissy Pregnancy stories and Writer’s Guidelines, as well as excerpts from my newly titled “The Laid-Back Mom’s Parenting Guidebook”.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Christ Renews His Parish Follow-up

Aron came home “normal” from his secret religious weekend and did not drink the Koolaid. The organizers kept the guys up til midnight then woke them Sunday at 6 a.m., so Aron came home and took a nap. The luggage thing was that they drove over to the church in the blizzard so they could sleep there so they’d be warmer. (addition to this post: he was annoyed when they DEMANDED ... not asked, like he's an adult or something ... his watch when he walked in the door. And my husband is not easily annoyed; just look at his wife!)

Then there was the follow-up meeting Wednesday night, because obviously an ENTIRE WEEKEND was not enough and they can only celebrate their faith weekly with other guys. They met to discuss when the WEEKLY meeting would be, and I was a bit incensed because aren’t we BOTH in the Raising-Small-Children phase of our lives? I’m a pretty low-maintenance gal, but as he left he said he “had to” go to weekly meetings with these guys, and I was pretty mad.

The leaders of this group are going to say crap like, “Well, your husband needs a weekly time with other men of faith so he can be a better person and grow in his faith. We’re all busy.”

I say PHOOEY. Well, actually, I say a different word akin to a type of cow pooping, but I’m trying to keep it clean on this site. We can BOTH do all that stuff when the kids are older and much easier to leave. I’m just saying I’ve seen too many people neglect their family in the name of God (Adoration, retreats, Bible studies, being at church constantly, volunteering at church constantly). Some of this is great and nourishing to the soul. Some of this is merely a way to escape family life, obligations and responsibilities. Very sad. Let’s get lost in church and just call it “God’s time.”

So here are THREE WAYS in which we are a different family than anyone else he’s going to meet at these weekly meetings, THREE WAYS in which I think Aron earns an exemption, and if he won’t let the people at church know this, perhaps I have some e-mailing of this blog post to do:

1. We homeschool. It isn’t too crazy right now, but it’s going to get that way the older the kids get. Aron will have to take over the hard math and science, as well as teaching them how to change the oil in a car and do woodworking. As a homeschooling mom who is home with a bunch of kids all day and who RARELY asks for time to herself, I need a break every now and then. A weekly commitment really cuts into family time (unless it’s a date night, and I’m working on that!).

2. We have more than 2.2 children. They take a lot of time and love and attention and teaching. They are mentally and physically exhausting and worth every second. I’m pregnant and would sure love to cash in my gift certificate from Christmas for the scalp massage.

3. Aron travels. Sure, he’s home right now for a stretch, but then he’s gone for weeks on end. I think when he’s in town, he should be with his family that he chose to make and supporting his wife. I’m demanding, I know.

I am NOT saying my husband should not get time to himself. He gets plenty of time in his workshop alone, and plenty of times I take all the kids out of the house so he can be by himself. Hey, I think he’s lucky to be at work all day, where he can pee without an entourage! Trust me, I don’t have a short leash on this man.

So in a week or so he’s going to go to ANOTHER meeting to possibly DRINK THE KOOLAID and SIGN something saying he’s in for SIX MONTHS of meetings at one night per week at 3 hours per night, which comes to a total of 72 hours (plus driving time) away from home. I bet he could finish a few of his 100 house/boat/van/truck projects in that time. AND he's decided he wants to start going to his Saturday morning group as well (which means another nap for him!!!) Guess I’d better suck it up, quit whining, and learn how to remodel a bathroom by myself!!! (*amendement to this post: he's thinking about NOT signing the deal and NOT going to these meetings, so there is hope here!)

I’m a loose cannon, people. If you’re smart, you will NOT approach me about any Bible studies, retreats, weekends, scrapbooking crops, Mary Kay parties, etc. I have my hands full, but at least I know it.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

My Humane Son and Littlest Pet Shop Mice


The boys tied a rope to the ceiling fan in the dining room, then tied one of their Littlest Pet Shop mice to the end of the rope. Then they turned the fan on HIGH and watched the mouse spin.

Joel came up to me later and said, “Mommy, I let the mouse down so he could puke.”

I told him that was very humane of him.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Living in Poverty ... on Purpose

I got this as a Christmas letter; it is written by a homeschooling friend named Erin Schmidt.

“As we mentioned in last year’s Christmas letter, in hopes of understanding poverty better, we planned to experience it by living at the poverty level ($21,000 for a family of 4) in 2008. The year is almost over, we’ve managed to stick with it, have learned a lot and would like to share some of our experience with you.

Our poverty experiment turned into more of a reality when Dave was laid-off this spring. We experienced the stress of not having health insurance, how much red-tape and time it takes to obtain it – and how expensive it is to simply “continue coverage” through Cobra - $900/month for our very healthy family – or over half of our monthly poverty-level budget. We had our first ER visit – the bill for a 2 minute glue job on a cut totaled $1,800 (luckily still insured). Erin needed some meds which cost us $100 (being uninsured) – whereas her Dad got the same meds for $5 with his insurance. A pharmacist told us that folks without insurance pay a premium amount to make up for the loss incurred by the insurance company’s low rates. We are now aware of the hardships placed upon a person living paycheck to paycheck who needs medicines and/or medical assistance. We’ve become resourceful. When Lucy had a big gash above her eye, we said many prayers, sealed it up with steri-strips and avoided the ER completely.

When you’re living in poverty, it’s doesn’t take much set you back to a point that is very hard to recover from. Often, there's barely enough money to cover your basic needs and little to none is left for any accidents or savings. For us, the unexpected included a traffic violation, a parking ticket, medical bills, and damage to our van. Many things are put on hold longer than they should – like a brake job on the van, trips to the dentist, eye doctor, annual physical, fixing the vacuum cleaner, etc. These things usually end up haunting you in the end – that brake job that you put on hold due to finances, could end up costing you an accident in the future that could cost much more than the brake job. The poor are sometimes viewed as “lazy” or “irresponsible” – for some, this may be true – but most are likely dealing with only the most urgent needs, and “just keeping their head above water”.

To achieve our poverty level budget, we had to cut out all extras: no eating out (bummer), eating cheap food (hello Aldi), no treats (pop, sweets, gum, juice, beer), learned to can abundant food (jellies &; pickles), home hair cuts (yikes), no vacation bible school, swim lessons, sports, music lessons, summer camps, trips to the swimming pool, (sigh), no summer vacation (sob, that’s the highlight of our year), no garage sales (Erin’s favorite hobby), no field trips/outings that cost money (darn), no renewing memberships (Costco, adoption & homeschool support groups, science city, etc), no babysitters (good-bye date nights), no coffee shop visits (a weekend favorite). We tried to keep our energy bills minimal by keeping our house cold in the winter and hot in the summer. The combination of an uncomfortable house and of not having creature comforts made it awkward having friends over and made us feel less hospitable. We calculated the cost to travel (using $.42/mile to include gas & wear/tear) and were amazed how quickly it adds up - a round-trip to the suburbs can quickly add up to $20. We only traveled to see our family when something big was happening this year. Needless to say, it would be easy to get depressed if you didn’t see an end to it. Our situation is different - yet we still had these feelings occasionally.

Poverty is not just about money. We began learning about poverty by reading A Framework for Understanding Poverty by Ruby Payne. She defines poverty as a lack of resources: relational, spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, financial, etc. We experienced financial poverty only; had we been lacking other resources, it would have been a very tough year for us.

Through the year we’ve been trying to be with the poor, to the extent we can by working among the poor at soup kitchens and food pantries, attending discussion groups, learning from those who work directly with the poor, and talking to people on the street that ask for money. It helped soften our hearts, wash away our quick judgments, and recognize that these people are human and like all of us, they have a life story. Our Catholic Worker friends introduced us to the term, “personalism” – which loosely means to make society’s problems your problems or to take on, in some personal way, someone else’s problem and help them work it out – to help work for justice.

Our experience was just an attempt to understand. It’s impossible to replicate a poverty situation, and we acknowledge that we didn’t and couldn’t come close to fully experiencing it. The year was productive though, and we’re glad that we saw it through. We learned that we can live with less. We realize that we were lucky in that we didn’t have any major issues, medical conditions, accidents or other things happen this year. We also have a greater awareness and appreciation for the resources we do have – our family and upbringing, our education, our values, good health and intellect. Thanks to those of you who inquired about our journey throughout the year. It was a year of growth, learning, understanding, and compassion. If this has sparked your interest, you should try it for 3 months, 6 months, or a year!”

Do you think YOU could do this? I know I COULD, but WOULD I? It would be a great lesson for the kids, and we could sure pay off our house a lot faster if we put the “extra” money toward that instead of fast food and a toasty-warm house in the winter.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Space Bags Giveaway

I’m giving up Space Bags for Lent. What I mean is I have too many of them, so I’m giving some AWAY. Who knew a blog would be such a great way to get rid of all the extra clutter in your house?

I really hope someone from my town wins, otherwise I’ll have to drive the Space Bags to the winner. On second thought, I hope the winner is from California or Georgia or somewhere equally nice and toasty warm.

Just leave me a comment at the end of this post and then tell 200 of your friends all about The Kerrie Show (just send a mass e-mail is what I would do). Then after 100 of your friends have visited my blog, I will put your name in a hat to win.

JUST KIDDING!

Just leave me a comment. You can tell me how blue my eyes are or how you love the antlers in my Profile photo or how much you, too, love tacos.

I’ll have my oldest son write your names on pieces of paper and then we’ll draw a couple on the 5th of April. I’ll let you know if you won, and then we can work out my travel details. I only fly First Class.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Follow-up to Parental Abuse Expose

Back on the 14th I wrote about a woman who didn’t care who was watching her elderly mother overnight as long as she didn’t have to bother with it. Since then I’ve talked to a friend who said, “Maybe the mother was abusive and that was the daughter’s way of giving that back.”

I said, “Maybe. But that would be pretty sad. I don’t think I could do it because I’m not that kind of person. No matter how crappy someone is to me, I always seem to give them chances. I’m not good at being mean to someone just because they were mean to me.”

I would arrive around 9:30 p.m. Mrs. K would let me in and lock the door behind me and hide the key. We’d watch TV for a while. She couldn’t handle the news, so we mostly watched Letterman, but she had to catch the weather. If she accidentally saw some news, she grimaced and groaned and changed the channel fast. I had been at school and work all day long, so I was always beat and did a little homework to try to stay awake.

Then it was time to make her breakfast for the next day. She thought she was allergic to the Freon in the fridge, so she’d stand on the fringe of the kitchen and give me orders. One hard-boiled egg in melamine bowl with melamine dish on top. Put in fridge. One slice of cheese on top of that. Five prunes (pronounced “pwunes” by her) in a bowl with a dish on top. Then maybe some odd jobs like changing a light bulb or taking out the trash, all with very specific instructions. There was no small talk. I was merely “the help.”

The bedtime routine started after 11 p.m. She’d go to her cash box and give me $25. She’d hop my case for wearing something she could smell, like deodorant or hair spray. I had to stay awake while she got ready for bed and I couldn’t turn out my light until she turned out hers. I woke around 6 a.m. to get to school and work. I had to wake her in a certain way so she’d get up and unlock the front door for me. I always worried she’d die in the night and I wouldn’t be able to get out of the house in time to get to school.

So yeah, she was kind of a pain in the butt (and I know I’m forgetting lots of annoying little things), but she was still somebody’s mother and a human being, so I just dealt with it for a few months. She died a few months after that.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Christ Renews His Parish Weekend ...Men

Folks, look forward to many more pissy stories like the one that follows. The more pregnant I get, traditionally, the pissier I get. When I was pregnant with Michael, I (generally a total wus who got bullied all through school) challenged a woman at a Phoenix library to “take it outside” because she used up all her time on her computer while I was waiting and then re-signed on and then had the audacity to get in my face about bringing a 16-month-old child to the CHILDREN’S section of the library.

So here’s a discrepancy for you, and I’m interested in your thoughts and comments. My husband is at this religious men’s weekend at church. It started at 8 a.m. yesterday and ends today at 5 p.m. He stayed the night at the school. I’m taking the kids to Mass by myself today.

So I called the Coordinator before the retreat just to see if Aron would be able to call home Saturday night (last night). I told him even when Aron travels, he never goes a day without talking to the kids or to me. I told him if I knew he’d be calling, I’d stay home since my cell phone is broken. In case you’re wondering why I even called and are saying that’s something you would NEVER do, let me remind you I am a bit ornery, especially when pregnant.

They guy said they can’t have cell phones and can’t call home. I asked why, which I seem to do more and more the longer I homeschool. It’s not like I will die if I don’t talk to him, but isn’t this a churchy thing? Doesn’t the church (especially the, ahem, CATHOLIC church) encourage FAMILY? The guy says, “We’re on GOD’S TIME this weekend.”

I LAUGHED my butt off and said, “Huh. Well, with GOD’S help, Aron and I have made FIVE kids. You’d think GOD would encourage him talking to his wife and kids daily, especially with the divorce rate these days!” So they can’t take 5 minutes out of 33 HOURS to say hi to their kids? Weird.

When Aron put the boys to bed Friday night they were upset that he couldn’t call us and that he wouldn’t be going to church with us today. I’m thinking my husband doesn’t even NEED this weekend since, to me and the kids, he’s the perfect father and husband anyway.

So yesterday morning 10 minutes before he’s even supposed to be there, they CALL our house to make sure he’s coming, which annoyed Aron. I told him to please not come back with a chip in his skin acting like a Stepford Husband. I also told him not to drink the Koolaid they may provide.

I hope I’m not spoiling anything for anyone who goes on a future weekend like this, but my friend who saw her husband off at the school for the weekend said all the guys’ luggage had been packed in a van. Huh? If they are sleeping at the school, why is their luggage all in a van?

The snow and ice were coming down crazy yesterday and I’m sure Aron was worried about our power going out and us freezing to death. We were prepared and made a fire just in case and had candles all ready to go.

Why are church-y events sometimes so disruptive to family life? My friend’s husband says, “God always comes first.” I agree. Without God, I would have and be nothing. But I think there’s something to be said for mothers and fathers making children and then BEING THERE for them most of the time and not being made to feel like heathens for not being in a Bible study or going on a religious weekend when the ma and pa are in the baby-raising phase (and happen to be having a bunch of kids, by the way).

Oh, and I'm betting it's like Marriage Encounter where they make it a big secret and you can't tell ANYBODY about your "special" weekend, which just freaks me out. I'm a Gemini and have to know stuff, not to mention we don't keep secrets from each other. I bet they tell the guys "don't tell other guys cuz it'll ruin the surprise and don't tell your wife in case she ever goes on the women's weekend." Forget THAT!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Does a Booger Sandwich Have a Mother?

We’ve been reading the book “Does a Kangaroo Have a Mother?”

So Michael asks me the other day, “Does a booger sandwich have a mother?”

I told him yes. Wouldn’t you?!

All of our babies have had names in utero (Baby Mac, Squirt, Sprout, Pokey P.). Michael got to name the one that is currently cooking.

Michael has named Baby #5 “Samwich.” Not sandwich. Samwich.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Make Good Choices

I risk offending a few people here, but it drives me nuts when parents tell kids to “make good choices.” Yeah, like YOU are making such great ones yourself. Let’s explore:

“Daddy didn’t make a good choice when he got drunk at his work party and then drove home, resulting in a big, fat DUI. He needs to make better choices.”

“Mommy knows we are broke and can’t pay our bills, but Mommy REALLY wants that pair of heels at Macy’s, so Mommy’s going to buy them with a credit card. It’s not a good choice, but Mommy’s a grownup and can do what she wants.”

“Mommy only gets to eat air for dinner tonight because she made a bad food choice and had 3 pounds of M&Ms earlier today.”

So what’s my alternative? My solution? Just tell the kid to “CUT IT OUT” if they’re doing something bad. And when you send them to someone’s house to play without you, just tell them, “BE GOOD” and then do that thing where you make the peace sign and point from your eyes to theirs to signify that you are watching them all the time. I get so sick of all the psychobabble when parenting can be so simple.

And, yes, I AM an expert at screwing up at the job of parenting, so you probably shouldn’t listen to me.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Best Things In Life Aren’t Things


I found this while cleaning out a bunch of old papers and wanted to share it before I pitched it (trying to get rid of stuff).

This describes why I love for my kids to nap on me, why I stay home with them, why I snuggle close to 2 of them at night while growing another in my body and having another 2 not far from me in their own little bedroom.

This describes why I’m constantly giving things away and why I didn’t freak out when a neat bowl we got for our wedding got broken last week. You can certainly tell by the things in my home that I’m not a decorator and don’t care about how my furniture looks to the world as long as it’s functional and can stand kids jumping on it. Mom has always told me I don’t know how to take care of things, and she is right. I lose things. I break things. Yes, that is a fault.

But …

I’ve never forgotten my kid in the car when I went in to a store. I’ve never left my kid at a place because I forgot to pack him or her in the van. I may not take care of things, but I take damn good care of my children and pretty good care of my poor, often-neglected husband.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I Love My Mommy Friends



My friend Ellen picked this shirt up at a thrift store and thought it would be perfect for my husband. We like to make light of the fact that we don’t know what causes pregnancy and all the resulting kids. Some guys at Aron’s work ask him when he’s going to get “fixed” … but I’m pretty sure nothing is broken.

Funny, nobody has EVER asked me when I’M going to get “fixed” … they probably don’t want a broken jaw and a big ole black eye.

And I’d run them over with my new 12-passenger Mac Bus, once I get it. Look out, car salesmen: I’m comin’ to negotiate with ya, and I’m one tough cookie!

My friend Eva wants a post about van-hunting for my basketball team of kids. When I start hunting, I’ll let you know.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Final Wedding

[edited to delete photo b/c of fear of family photos being on Internet]

This was taken in December of 2004 at the wedding of Aron’s sister, the last of the 5 kids to get married.

I was hesitant to post this photo and post because of the circumstances of the wedding, but my intentions are only good because I do love this family. I won’t name names because some people are Blog Sensitive and are afraid of being stalked.

Three of us were pregnant in this picture: me (7 months along with Callie), the bride (6 months along) and my red-headed sister-in-law (3 months along). My in-laws got 3 new grandbabies in only a few month’s time in 2005.

Aron just had hernia surgery the day before and was in a lot of pain. He’s the one who looks like he’s going to puke. Girls, you don't know love til you've nursed your man through hernia surgery while pregnant.

I love Aron’s family because it includes many nationalities and colors. I hate the term African American unless someone is from Africa, so I’ll just say my brother-in-law is black; my sister-in-law is Korean; her 4 kids are all mixed (and gorgeous and smart). We have German and Irish and Swedish in this family, that I know of. We are the Melting Pot Family.

I’m proud of the McLoughlins and am proud to be one.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Why the Dinosaurs are Extinct

Here is Michael’s theory:

“The brachiosaurus bit all the other dinosaurs and put them in a pile (dead). Then he was too big to get down and eat the leaves, so he starved to death. He couldn’t drink, either.”

Michael continues, clapping gleefully, “But wait, Daddy, he could bend his neck down …”

Aron asks, “So how does that play into our theory of extinction?”

Michael, “Poo poo.”

Then Joel says, “Hey, something extincts in here.”

Saturday, March 21, 2009

American Family Insurance … Again

Last year I wrote about the annoying survey American Family Insurance spent tons of money on and sent out to policyholders rather than just call customers to see how they were enjoying their service and agent.

Now I’m griping because we got a letter from them saying they “may use a credit-based insurance score based on information contained in [our] credit report(s).”

I know someone who had their insurance rates go UP because they had bad credit. I’m sorry, but I think insurance should cost the same (based on number of tickets, age, etc., of course) for everyone, regardless of how bad or good their credit is. Our credit is great, so I’m not worried about our rates going up.

But maybe I should be. Maybe they raise the rates of people with BAD credit because they are a risk and those with GOOD credit because they are responsible with their money and possibly have more of it. I like to think most people with bad credit are working hard to pay off their debt, so why should they be penalized and charged more for that?

I feel for these people. When I was in my early 20s and had just escaped from an abusive marriage with the clothes on my back, the guy wouldn’t pay his bills, so creditors came after me. Even though I didn’t end up with any of the stuff, I worked hard and paid off the credit cards and even the IRS so they would leave me alone and not mess up MY credit for what HE had done.

Is your insurance company pulling this crap? How can we stop it?

*Follow-up since I wrote this post … they LOWERED our rates by about $40 every 6 months on my husband’s 1994 truck. I want to know who is paying for our lower rates now? Do you think this is fair?

Friday, March 20, 2009

Moral Lessons of Harry Potter

This post is for those who believe that the Harry Potter series of books and movies are evil. You know who you are. Hear me out. I’m not 100% sure, but I doubt I’m headed for hell for enjoying Harry Potter. While we’re confessing, I like to read books off Banned Books lists also.

Years ago, Mom bought every Harry Potter book for herself as they came out, then passed them over to me for the kids when she was done reading them. Aron started reading #1 to the boys over a year ago and they recently finished #4. It brings them together.* It’s not like we plunk them down in front of the HP movies and say, “Okay, now, try not to have nightmares later.”

Forget all that crap about the author coming out later (ha!) and saying Dumbledore is gay. I don’t buy it for a second and it doesn’t change the fact that the stories are great. The author (J.K. Rowling) was just looking for more publicity. She’s pretty, talented, famous AND rich … she also must want to be controversial. Whatever.

Here are “The Moral Lessons of Harry Potter”, part of an article I saved from the January 2002 issue of Child magazine (now defunct):

“Adversity can be overcome through perseverance and hard work. Despite the circumstances surrounding his early life, Harry is hopeful and able to thrive. … Harry is always having to confront his fears.”

“It’s important to be accepting of differences in others and to treat everyone equally. … Having been rejected by his own relatives, Harry is particularly sensitive to others’ suffering …” Yes, I’m aware that I’m “religious” and am supposed to cross the street when I see a gay or different-in-any-way person coming my way. But get out your Bible: Jesus himself hung out with prostitutes and lepers and other socially unacceptable people. If I have a divorced friend, that doesn’t mean I’m going to become divorced.

“You don’t have to be perfect. [Harry is] rather gawky, and his hair won’t even stay in place … Nonetheless, he prevails, using logic, kindness, patience, and bravery when strength or special powers fail him.”

“Education and knowledge are essential. … School plays a prominent role in all the Harry Potter books. … [and] Rowling employs rich vocabulary words, such as flouted, prudent, and abashed.”

“Loyalty to friends is important. … Even though the characters are strong as individuals, it’s as a team that they solve all their problems.”

How do YOU feel about Harry Potter?

*Aron made an Executive Decision and isn’t continuing the series until the boys are older. We moved on to SuperFudge and Wind in the Willows.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

384 Paying Parenting and Family Magazine Reprint Markets

Have files of article reprints that you own but have no clue where to start reselling them? Have ideas for some fantastic new pieces but no idea who might want them? Check out my 386-page PDF of tips, tricks, and insider information, as well as 384 paying parenting and family markets! Just head to this page to download How to Get Published (and Paid!) Writing About Your Kids and get started immediately!


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Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Reality TV

Some people don’t understand the appeal of reality TV shows. There are some that disgust me because you can tell they are edited only to make the “stars” look stupid.

I watch The Bachelor because I love love and they got it right ONCE (Trista and Ryan). I am aware that I am living my own reality love story. But when he is snoring in bed and the kids are all asleep, I like to watch some TV. Although I may be off The Bachelor for good after this stupid season.

I watch The Amazing Race because I want to travel, but it isn’t in the cards right now.

I watch Flipping Out and Million-Dollar Listing because I learn about the real estate market (and how many realtors pronounce it REAL-A-TOR).

I watched Ashley Paige Bikini or Bust because it was cool to see the business side of fashion and to watch this chick try to get her ideas up and running.

I watch Jon and Kate + 8 because they give me discipline ideas and make my life seem like a piece of cake.

I watch Celebrity Apprentice because it helps me remember my working days and appreciate that I’m not still there!

I watch The Biggest Loser because I struggle with my weight.

I watch because I like to unwind that way. Because yes, I live in reality ALL DAY LONG. The reality of 4 kids plus sometimes their friends. The reality of cooking, cleaning, writing, errands, phone calls, plans, homeschooling, mail, bills, gassing up the van, having people over, going places, picking up after my Tornado Toddler, enduring screaming tantrums by my 4-year-old, wondering if there’s anything I should be doing to entertain my younger son who is all introverted, making social plans for my social older son, doing laundry, and 100 other things I won’t bore you with now.

I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I indulge in the occasional chocolate. Exercise is almost impossible sometimes. So I watch TV. Rarely, but I do watch. I prefer shows like Madmen (I’m a retro gal), Rescue Me (guys crack me up) and Family Guy (I’m a naughty little kid at heart).

I watch when I can’t sleep (my mom and I are like technological dinosaurs … she should have Tivo but she tapes for me and I appreciate her “sacrifice”!!!), when the baby is napping on me and the kids are playing in their rooms. I don’t sit around on my butt all day watching TV, trust me (sometimes I STAND in front of the TV … haha)!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Old Picture Tuesday … Me and My Boys



So this picture isn’t that old. It was taken in August of 2007, when I was 6 or so months pregnant with Eva. You can see Callie’s little body in the background. We took a bunch of pictures that day at a homeschool picnic, and I absolutely love this one of my precious boys. They are such good boys, too. They play well together, they are great helpers around the house, they can get themselves ready to go places with no problems. They are amazing, and I am so happy God is letting me raise them (and my girls!).

Here are Three Reasons This Baby in My Belly Has to Be a Boy …

… because I have THREE blue lounging items for the kid (tiny bouncy seat with attached blankie and vibration, bigger bouncy, and low-to-the-ground bouncy/bassinett that vibrates).

… because I bought those stickers for the back of my van, and one pack was a baby boy AND a baby girl. I have the baby girl on the van and am just waiting to use the boy.

… because I’m good-to-go on estrogen in my house for now.

Too bad we never find out the sex of our babies before they are born. Don’t get me wrong, either: a girl would be wonderful, too. I’m happy with whatever comes a flyin’ out of my va-jay-jay in October.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Flipping the Weight Loss Switch Monday Part 6 (Your Kids)

So now the cold, hard truth. I’m teaching my kids to eat crappy. Don’t get me wrong: they eat plenty of veggies and could practically live on fruit. But I use sweets as rewards and we ALL eat sugar when Mommy is feeling stressed.

Why do I put out apple slices and carrot sticks for the kids to munch on all day, yet I grab a cookie or Bagelful when I go to sit down to nurse? No wonder my blood sugar levels are probably all over the place (as evidenced by my moodiness).

Even skinny chicks struggle with weight … keeping it off or else for, say, an anorexic person, they might need Weight Watchers to make sure they are eating ENOUGH food.

But I digress, as I will do when I’m winding down on a topic. Where was I?

Oh, yeah, KIDS. So I’m working hard to plan meals ahead of time so I’m not scrambling last minute for something that turns out to be bad for us. It’s Lenten season, too, so I have to think about Fish Fridays … fish is healthy, right?!

So it’s pretty obvious that the less you keep chocolate and junk in your house, the less it will be eaten. For instance, I can’t keep soda or chips in the house or we’d all weigh about 500 pounds. I try to make sure I always have baby carrots and lots of fruit in the house. When I make Jell-O, I throw in a can of fruit. They drink a lot more water these days instead of lugging Capri Suns everywhere we go. Get your kid his or her own water bottle and watch them drink like a fish.

Good luck in your weight loss ventures. Mine is currently staying the same, although I’m growing a human being. I swear that Vitamin B-12 helps me have no morning sickness, little fatigue AND must be great for my metabolism. Have I found the new Wonder Drug?

If you’re preggy and feeling pukey, do me a favor and give B-12 a chance and report back to me!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Parental/Elderly Abuse/Neglect

Yes, folks, just like anyone else I am a treasure trove of crazy stories. Here’s another one.

When I was 24 I came across a job listing in some junior college newspaper. It was asking for someone to spend the night with an elderly woman a couple of nights a week for $25 per night. Being recently divorced from a credit-challenged man-boy and working 2 jobs and going to school, I thought it sounded great.

The elderly woman's daughter (owner of chocolate store in Kansas City) had me over to her huge house to discuss me spending a few nights a week with her mother. Here’s where the weird crap comes in:

-- She could not keep my name straight. To this day she thinks my name is Terry; she always called me that.

-- She did not get my Social Security Number.

-- She did not get my address.

So a couple of nights later I started spending the night with this elderly woman, which is an entirely different story!

She pays me in cash every night before bed, and I know where she keeps the stash. She has tons of furs and nice clothing all over the house. She has nice jewelry in the bedroom where she does not sleep. And a nice car in the garage.

Thank God for her my parents raised me right because a bad person would’ve robbed her blind. Sure, she locked me in every night, but I could’ve gotten out through a window. The daughter should’ve had a bunch of $25 checks written, locked up the furs and jewelry, etc. She should’ve known WHO WAS WATCHING HER MOTHER in case I was an ax murderer.

I keep finding myself on this soapbox: Most Americans have no regard for life … either unborn, a twinkle in the eye, born and not perfect, or elderly. If I have to go into massive debt to make sure my parents and Aron’s parents are taken care of until they take their final breath, that is no problem. I want no part of them rotting in a nursing home (unless that’s what they want, to be left alone).

Update 11/5/18 and now we live on enough land to build tiny houses for all of our elderly relatives to keep them nice and close and cared for.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Taco Burrito McLoughlin (Baby-Naming Fun)


Just for fun around my house we’ve always liked to talk about having more kids.

Joel says, “I want twins!” Judging from this photo, he wants ASIAN twins. Not sure I can accommodate since my husband is Whitey McWhiterson. The day I went for my pee test at the doc’s office, Callie says, “Mommy, you have a boy baby AND a girl baby in your belly.” I said, “Shut your mouth, child.”

To Joel I say, “Bite your tongue, Boy. That would do me in for sure. One at a time, please. TWINS are not on my Vision Board.”

I don’t really have a Vision Board. (Piece of advice for the single ladies: on your first date, don’t tell a man his picture is on your Vision Board … that’s a little creepy.)

Callie wants a big sister. But not little brothers because they will be mean to her. She likes the names I threw out that are Aron-approved: Reuben or Levi for a boy and Olivia for a girl. Except Aron keeps changing his mind.

I like Taco Burrito for a boy and Salsa Nacho for a girl. I love my Mexican food; what can I say? My grandma had 2 sisters: Eva and Juanita. I ate so much Mexican food when I was pregnant with Eva that my grandma said maybe I should name her Juanita if she was a girl. She is a wise woman.

Alright, all you people who like to suggest baby names, here are your guidelines: the first name can’t start with the same letter as any of my existing children (Joel, Michael, Callie or Eva) or A or K. The first and middle names combined need to be 11 letters. And it has to sound good with McLoughlin. And no Irish jokes. Okay, I like Irish jokes.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Family Bumper Stickers

I found these deadly bumper stickers (or car window stickers) at Michael’s for $1.99 per pack. There were only 3 options for each dad (golfer, sports coach or briefcase-toting guy) and mom (yoga chick, sports coach or briefcase-toting chick), so I picked these 2 and later took them back. Who cares if Mom and Dad are on the back of the van, anyway? I’m wondering where the other options are, though, like Writer Mom or Crazy-Frazzled Homeschooling Stay-at-Home Mom. And Aron’s should be more like Woodworking, Lawn-Mowing Dad or – better yet – FISHING DAD!


These 2 are the boys (dirty boy Joel who makes messes and regular boy Michael):


These are the girls (princess Callie and baby Eva with leftover baby boy for later):


Here’s the chemical warning that totally freaked me out:


So this is KNOWN to the State of California to cause birth defects? Why is the rest of the country so stupid, then? Why is this product being sold? Why did I put these stickers on the back of my van? You bet your sweet butt I washed my hands pretty good after applying them!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Author Interview: J.A. Konrath writing as Jack Kilborn


I’ve been hearing about Joe Konrath for years. He wrote some entertaining articles in Writer’s Digest, and I knew he’d written some great, humorous mysteries with the character Jacqueline (Jack) Daniels. But, man, I didn’t realize he’d written SIX in this series and crossed over to horror as well. I’m grabbing his latest book, “Afraid”, for my husband.

I thought it’d be fun to interview the guy. Rather than freak him out by giving him a tinkle on the telly (he’d hear the 4 squealing kids and my morning-sickness retching in the background), I decided to give the guy a break and just do an e-mail interview to feature on my little bloggies. Enjoy.

Queen Kerrie: Why are you using a different author name with this book?
JAK: J.A. Konrath writes funny mysteries with some scary parts. Jack Kilborn writes all scary parts. To speak in marketing terms, they're different brands, so they should have different names.

Moi: What do you wear and eat when you write?
Famous Writer Dude: In all seriousness, I write in my underwear. :) I have a variety of boxer shorts with cartoons and funny slogans. The pair I'm currently wearing say, "Make me an offer I can't refuse." Spongebob is another fave. In CHERRY BOMB, my sixth Jack Daniels book coming out in July, I have a character who is tied up wearing nothing but Duff Beer boxers -- that's the brew Homer drinks on The Simpsons. While I wrote that scene, I was in my Duff Beer boxers. Every time my son brings friends over, I manage to throw on some jeans and a tee. But during the day I have the house to myself, so clothing is optional. This is probably waaaaaay more than your readers wanted or needed to know, so I'm going to retcon the whole topic. When I write I wear a black Armani tuxedo.

Me: What do you do when you don't feel like writing something difficult ... do the dishes, take a walk, prank call a friend, mess around on Twitter or Facebook?
Joe: I'm so attached to my computer I have a chamber pot under my desk. I'm always answering e-mail, blogging, or replying to someone on some social network. Whenever I get stuck in a story, distraction is always a mouse click away. Though I do enjoy prank calling those "Everything Is One Dollar" stores, then repeatedly asking how much certain items cost. After the eighth or ninth time, the clerks think it's funny, I bet.

Miss K: How do you do laundry? Cram it all in or sort?
Joey K: I'm a crammer, and my wife hates it. Unless it's a red sweater, there is no reason towels can't share washer space with socks and jeans. Are there actually men who sort?

*Note from Kerrie: I am a crammer, while my husband used to be a sorter before I converted him. We suck it up and deal with gray socks that used to be white.

Constantly Pregnant Chick: How much time do you devote to writing per day?
Father of a Son: When I'm on a deadline, fourteen hours a day isn't unusual. In between books, it depends what I'm working on. I do a lot of short stories, so I'm often playing with one or two. But weeks can go by without me writing anything creative, except from my daily Twitter joke. Here are some of my daily Twitter jokes:

-- I haven't learned a thing in hypnotism class, and it costs $300 an hour. But for some reason I just signed up for six more sessions.

-- I've talked to dozens of people, but nobody wants to invest in my all natural "green" toilet paper substitute; the washable pooper cactus.

-- My wife is demanding a romantic getaway this Valentine’s Day, but she refuses to tell me whom she's going with.

-- You have to watch out for bad cholesterol. The other day, I was eating a pizza, and some bad cholesterol stole my car.

-- I missed mime class, because I was practicing at home and got stuck in an imaginary box.

-- Few things are as crucial, decisive, exigent, foremost, imperative, meaningful, necessary, relevant, salient, and vital, as the synonym.

-- Sex is great exercise, but I probably need more exercise than just four minutes a month.

There are more than two hundred other gems like this at www.twitter.com/jakonrath.

I really need to get away from the computer, I think.


Kurious Kerrie: How many books have you published? (In hindsight, I realize there ARE dumb questions, as I could’ve easily Googled this).
Funny Guy: The Jack Daniels series, in order, is comprised of WHISKEY SOUR, BLOODY MARY, RUSTY NAIL, DIRTY MARTINI, FUZZY NAVEL, CHERRY BOMB. I also edited the hitman anthology THESE GUNS FOR HIRE. AFRAID, under the Jack Kilborn moniker, comes out at the end of March. Kilborn also wrote TRAPPED, coming out later this year. These are both really, really scary, so only brave people should attempt to read them. Of course, there are no braver people on the planet than mothers, so I think your readers can handle these with no problem.

On my website, www.jakonrath.com, I have dozens of published short stories and three unpublished novels that people can read for free. I also have a scary flash game for AFRAID.


Kooky Homeschooler: How many articles have you had published?
Super Rich Writer Man: I've been in Writer's Digest a bunch of times. I lost count how many. As for short stories, I've done more than sixty. One of my current faves is a werewolf novella in WOLFSBANE & MISTLETOE, edited by Charlaine Harris and Toni L.P. Kelner. Lots of people seem to like that story. It's a funny Christmas/shapeshifter/romance/psychotic Santa tale, which are really popular these days.

Chocolate Lover: Do you recommend an author book tour?
Sarcastic Guy: Only to authors.

Mrs. McLoughlin: Who is your favorite author?
Mr. Konrath: My favorite novel is THE JUDAS GOAT by Robert B. Parker. That got me into writing mysteries. I just blurbed a terrific horror book by someone named Jack Kilborn with the quote: "What an amazing debut. I wish I'd written this." I think the book is called AFRAID. Everyone should run out and buy thirty copies.

Final Question Asker: Do you think sites like MySpace, Twitter and Facebook have helped broaden your fan base?
Long-Suffering Interviewee: Yes. Never before in history have authors been able to reach out and connect with their readers in such a big, and instantaneous, way. Actually, the internet in general has really helped with the writing process, from finding book editing services to marketing and the rest, and social media is a big part of that. Of course, the secret isn't befriending people who are looking for you. The secret is to befriend people who find you when they're looking for someone else. For example, many of your blog readers probably had no idea who I was. Those who managed to wade through this interview now know me. Maybe a few of them will check out my books. That's the key to broadening your fanbase. And that's why I'm so happy you had me here today. Thanks! :)

You are very welcome, Joe! Yes, my blog readers are very beautiful and intelligent, so I’m sure they’ll be checking out your writing! Thanks for answering my often-inane questions! You rock. Knug (knuckle hug).

JAKonrath.com
jakonrath.blogspot.com
myspace.com/jakonrath

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Is It Okay to Drink While Pregnant?


Man, people get so bent out of shape when they see a pregnant woman swigging liquor straight from the bottle. That’s why I love the show Madmen … you get to see women from the ‘60s sitting around smoking and drinking. There’s nothing funny about kids being born with birth defects and alcohol dependency and low birthweight, but I haven’t seen the statistics on how many of those kids born in the ‘60s actually were messed up. And by the way, let’s try to define the term “messed up” because I know some perfectly healthy people who are messed up.  Good luck.

This was taken in 1971 in Germany, when my mom was pregnant with me. She wasn’t REALLY drinking, friends. She was trying to be funny, and if you don’t think it’s funny, then I’m not sure why you’re reading this blog because I have the same sick sense of humor as both of my parents. In fact, I think I have a similar picture of myself, only I’m balancing a beer on my pregnant belly (I hate beer).

Or maybe my mom really WAS drinking and it affected the developing part of my brain that regulates childbearing and when to say "when" as far as how many kids to have.

We’ll never know.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Flipping the Weight Loss Switch Monday Part 5 (Influences and Fears)

Are you afraid to lose weight because some of your friends are overweight? Are you afraid you won’t have the bond you once had with them once you are skinny and can’t sit around eating nachos and chocolate chip cookies with them?

My friend Smoosh and I still have a bond, even though she always declined my nasty food offers. I never tried to push bad food on her and respected that she was trying to stay thin.

I would like to apologize to my mom when I was or am a bad influence on her Weight Watchers efforts and promise to be more cognizant of her feelings when I bring bad food around or offer to spring for McDonald’s.

In addition to worrying about how your friends will receive you if you get skinny, here are some other common fears:

-- I’ll be a Fat Snob and look down on anyone who is a tiny bit overweight (e.g., “If I could lose weight, why aren’t THEY?”)

-- If I lose a bunch of weight, my boobs will look like pancakes on my chest. As long as I stay overweight, at least they will SEEM a little fuller.

-- I might draw too much attention from other men, which makes me uncomfortable (or else makes me feel a little TOO good about myself). My mom and I call this being “drunk on skinny” … you get all giddy and goofy because you are in control of your eating and are getting more attention because you’ve lost weight. As a result, you do things you might not ordinarily do that you are ashamed of later.

-- I’m afraid I’ll dress slutty because I’ll have a better body. This isn’t much of a concern for me since they don’t make many slutty maternity or nursing clothes. Hey, a new business opportunity for someone!

For a nice change, check out Tiffany's blog about losing weight.