Saturday, April 25, 2009

Finding Time to Have Sex as Parents

*Dad, you probably don’t wanna read this one.

Alright, married folks with kids. Or folks with kids. Or whatever. Man, I'm sick of trying to be all politically correct.

If you’re normal and want some alone time with your spouse, you put the kids to bed at 8 p.m. and grab your alone time in your own home while the kids sleep and before you are dog-tired.

Or you hire a sitter and go out to dinner and a movie and maybe sneak in that alone time in the car or somewhere equally exciting.

Then there’s us freaky Attachment Parent people. With so many kids plus kids in our bed at all times (and they all stay up too late), how do we find the time to make MORE babies and sneak in that “Mommy and Daddy Time”, aka “Alone Time”???

(Some of you at this point are saying, “Who cares?” and I say to you … “Go check out another blog, then, if you’re so dang bored” … and if you leave a crappy comment, I will hunt you down and breastfeed in front of your house … so there.)

Here are some ideas:

1. Fill Easter eggs and throw them into the yard. Tell the kids it’s Half Easter (like that stupid thing they do at schools now: Half Birthdays) and sneak in a quickie somewhere in the house while they hunt eggs.

2. In the middle of the day, in broad daylight, put on a movie for the kids and tell them you need to go talk about Christmas with Daddy (or their birthday or Kwanzaa or whatever). Sneak in some Quality Time with your man.

3. As the kids get older, nothing will work and they’ll be banging on the bedroom door bugging you no matter what you do, so you just have to scare them. I like to tell them, “We’re having SEX. Lots of it.” They don’t really understand what sex IS, but they know they want NO PART OF IT. That should buy you a good 10 minutes.

Don’t forget to wear your best sweatpants to entice your man and let him know you’re in the mood.