Sunday, April 5, 2009

Christ Renews His Parish Follow-up

Aron came home “normal” from his secret religious weekend and did not drink the Koolaid. The organizers kept the guys up til midnight then woke them Sunday at 6 a.m., so Aron came home and took a nap. The luggage thing was that they drove over to the church in the blizzard so they could sleep there so they’d be warmer. (addition to this post: he was annoyed when they DEMANDED ... not asked, like he's an adult or something ... his watch when he walked in the door. And my husband is not easily annoyed; just look at his wife!)

Then there was the follow-up meeting Wednesday night, because obviously an ENTIRE WEEKEND was not enough and they can only celebrate their faith weekly with other guys. They met to discuss when the WEEKLY meeting would be, and I was a bit incensed because aren’t we BOTH in the Raising-Small-Children phase of our lives? I’m a pretty low-maintenance gal, but as he left he said he “had to” go to weekly meetings with these guys, and I was pretty mad.

The leaders of this group are going to say crap like, “Well, your husband needs a weekly time with other men of faith so he can be a better person and grow in his faith. We’re all busy.”

I say PHOOEY. Well, actually, I say a different word akin to a type of cow pooping, but I’m trying to keep it clean on this site. We can BOTH do all that stuff when the kids are older and much easier to leave. I’m just saying I’ve seen too many people neglect their family in the name of God (Adoration, retreats, Bible studies, being at church constantly, volunteering at church constantly). Some of this is great and nourishing to the soul. Some of this is merely a way to escape family life, obligations and responsibilities. Very sad. Let’s get lost in church and just call it “God’s time.”

So here are THREE WAYS in which we are a different family than anyone else he’s going to meet at these weekly meetings, THREE WAYS in which I think Aron earns an exemption, and if he won’t let the people at church know this, perhaps I have some e-mailing of this blog post to do:

1. We homeschool. It isn’t too crazy right now, but it’s going to get that way the older the kids get. Aron will have to take over the hard math and science, as well as teaching them how to change the oil in a car and do woodworking. As a homeschooling mom who is home with a bunch of kids all day and who RARELY asks for time to herself, I need a break every now and then. A weekly commitment really cuts into family time (unless it’s a date night, and I’m working on that!).

2. We have more than 2.2 children. They take a lot of time and love and attention and teaching. They are mentally and physically exhausting and worth every second. I’m pregnant and would sure love to cash in my gift certificate from Christmas for the scalp massage.

3. Aron travels. Sure, he’s home right now for a stretch, but then he’s gone for weeks on end. I think when he’s in town, he should be with his family that he chose to make and supporting his wife. I’m demanding, I know.

I am NOT saying my husband should not get time to himself. He gets plenty of time in his workshop alone, and plenty of times I take all the kids out of the house so he can be by himself. Hey, I think he’s lucky to be at work all day, where he can pee without an entourage! Trust me, I don’t have a short leash on this man.

So in a week or so he’s going to go to ANOTHER meeting to possibly DRINK THE KOOLAID and SIGN something saying he’s in for SIX MONTHS of meetings at one night per week at 3 hours per night, which comes to a total of 72 hours (plus driving time) away from home. I bet he could finish a few of his 100 house/boat/van/truck projects in that time. AND he's decided he wants to start going to his Saturday morning group as well (which means another nap for him!!!) Guess I’d better suck it up, quit whining, and learn how to remodel a bathroom by myself!!! (*amendement to this post: he's thinking about NOT signing the deal and NOT going to these meetings, so there is hope here!)

I’m a loose cannon, people. If you’re smart, you will NOT approach me about any Bible studies, retreats, weekends, scrapbooking crops, Mary Kay parties, etc. I have my hands full, but at least I know it.

14 comments:

  1. Hmmm, that is definitely a dilemma. I hear you on the peeing thing too.
    How about this? If he gets one night off, you should too, even if it's only to escape for three hours to your bedroom. :-)
    Hopefully you guys can solve this in a peaceful way. Good luck!

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  2. The saying goes like this:

    "When momma's happy everybody is happy."

    My wife, Kristin, is in the same boat. She has Estella all day and Ian is at school for four hours, but she is also full time caregiver to her grandparents who are both in different stages of Alzheimers. Dealing with the coming mortality of her father battling cancer a son she loves on the other side of the country, a son living just a town away but missed none the less and to top it all off, an overbearing ass called husband who becomes as clumsy as Mr. Bean when it comes to trying to be there for his wife.

    This week Kris had girls night out with her mom sisters and old friend Liz. After the dinner she got a room at a hotel. She watched a movie went to sleep and slept the whole night through without a pint sized leg in her kidney or grandpa rising numerous times unaware it is still o'dark thirty. She needed this night away and I for one am all in favor of it and if she wants to make this a monthly thing so be it.

    You are one of the Catholics that remind me why Catholics are such great parents. Watch my blog later today, you're going to be in it.

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  3. I have a sign in my front room that says. . .

    HAPPY WIFE -- HAPPY LIFE

    Kerrie, all I can do is listen and pray for things to improve. When our children are little that is the time to be with them and there will be time for the rest later.

    Happy Sunday To You
    Full of God's Blessings

    from Roberta Anne

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  4. What if some people are using having lots of kids as an excuse to neglect their spirituality? :)I say schedule your time out with the kids (that you say you do anyway) during his meetings. One of the best things about homeschooling is the incredible flexibility you have with your time. Our roles as mothers and fathers are vitally important and though you may not feel a strong need for spiritual guidance or time away, some people do need that. Is Aron right there with you in this rant? If he really needed this and liked it, would that be ok? Could you be supportive? Aron definitely needs to start The Aron Show blog so we can get his perspective. As an outsider, Aron appears to be an amazing husband and father, your life looks great. For people who deal with a lot more, like a mom who has to work, a mom who regularly takes her kids to church alone. Heck he even comes home for lunch very day! I'm thinking Kerrie needs to walk a mile in most other mom's shoes so that she can see how jealous this rant sounds. If he hated the retreat and doesn't want to do the meetings, then great. But if he did like it and you're not supportive, I think that's not good.

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  5. What happens if he does "sign" this thing and then changes his mind or just doesn't make it to all the meetings? Do the big bad priests come and take him away to the inquisitiion? Honestly!!!

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  6. when is the catholic mothers retreat?

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  7. actually, the women's retreat is later this month. but the way i've chosen to parent prevents me from doing any overnights (cosleeping, breastfeeding on demand, being around all day long). and of course i'm supportive if he wants to go to the weeklies, but he doesn't. i'm not jealous of him, just annoyed by the pushiness of the people in this group.

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  8. AMEN, SISTER! I'm pretty sure I know the retreat (for their sake I won't give the four-letter acronym) you're talking about--been there, done that in Austin. Take your complaints to the priest, but first go to the retreat (there will be another one in six months--hopefully just before you deliver so you can sleep on the church's tile floor 9 months pregnant), see what the cry-fest is all about, followed by the "oh, you actually get the good stuff in the six months together and then you put on the next retreat, but God actually is calling you to commit to every single week--no missing them--so (no pressure here) everyone in the circle step forward if you hear His call." I was happy to move away from the movement, but it has spread to the Kansas City area. Give me a call, and we could talk all night. I was actually very turned off by the methodology they employ but have seen it be very effective for those luke-warm in their faith. However, I have seen people miss important events in their families lives because of that six-month commitment. If your husband participates, it should only be if you both are on board. Now I am shaking, I'm so worked up. Anyway, how did he know he was up till midnight and then again up at 6 a.m. Didn't he have to turn in his watch?

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  9. I am a hit & miss reader but I feel you need to grow up. Your husband could be involved with something much worse then church & his faith. Maybe you need to homeschool yourself on Gods word. I hear all the time from young mothers who spend much more time alone then you do with their kids due to a demanding job or recreational outside activities that would love to have their husband involved at church. In fact many of them are alone every Sunday with their kids at church while their husbands sleep in because they are so busy during the week that Sunday is their day of rest. I guess they don't know who created the whole thing for them.

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  10. i love how the "hit and miss" readers who know nothing about me think i need to grow up. this cracks me up! oh, and i love how you are anonymous, too! gimme your name so we can e-mail and you can 'seek ye first to understand.' you know nothing about my relationship with God, and not much about my life. and i'm allowed a pregnant rant every now and then. would that we could be perfect all the time like you! let's discuss.

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  11. Kelley, you rock! I forgot about the watch thing ... I have to add that to the post right now! He knew b/c someone had a contraband phone or something, then in the morning they drove back to the school, so he knew the time from his truck. It's all God's time, though.

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  12. Do you even have a clue.......I am always amazed at these homeschooling, breast feeding on demand (usually to children who are talking in complete sentences) women who gripe about their lives but keep plopping out kids like a gumball machine.

    Do you think maybe he wants to be away from home and enjoys it?????? Also, do you think you are the only one in the world who has or is raising children.

    It amazes me that some women find that having lots of babies is no big deal....Have you thought about the teen years...driving...college or some kind of school? The cost is outrageous. And do you think without a college education you can teach your children to compete in life as adults? I am not saying public school is the way to go for everyone but children need the stimulation of their peers and to be able to get along. They do grow up (and pretty fast).

    I would tell hubby to keep his butt home when he isn't traveling and help out. He helped make them...geez.

    Organized religion will be the death of this country. I am a Catholic and cannot believe how this church acts....money, money, money - that is all they want.

    Keep your kids in mind and surround them with as much stimulation as they need to become successful adults. They can't breast feed forever!!!

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  13. Wow Kerrie, I just read these. Maybe you should take out the option for anon readers to leave a comment.

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  14. Definitely take out the anonymous-reader-comment option. Have you considered a blog on what the Catholic church teaches about the sanctity of the creation of souls and our role in creating them with God and within our marriage, and, incidentally, how the act bonding a married couple is also inextricably procreative? I'm not writing very fluently here--maybe a Christopher West link?

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