When Stuffed Animals Travel, Part Two

Dear Sam, Eva, Callie, Michael and Joel,

We had so much fun the other day we begged your dad to take us to work again with him.  So yesterday we went on another adventure, and once again we had so much fun, we wish you all could be here with us.

So here’s some pictures of yesterdays adventures.  Your dad sure knows how to start a day because he took us to sit down breakfast and we had ham and French toast with lots of butter and syrup .

So next we started up the mountain, it’s funny when he says that because we’re not actually driving straight up the side of a mountain, it’s more like we’re winding up between the mountains.  Anyway he said we gain about 2000 feet of elevation, which is almost half a mile up.  So here’s a picture of the valley where town is and we are just starting to go up.  Notice the mountains in the background with snow on them.

So about half way up Spike had to get out and tinkle.  So once he finished your dad let us climb in some sage brush.  I was kind of prickly and we got stuck, so your dad had to get us out.  We think we’ll go tree climbing with Joel some time so we can learn how to not get stuck.

We saw some funny signs on the way up.  We thought this sign was funny.  They put this up because there are deer all over the place up here.  Your dad almost hit one coming down the mountain last night.  He was probably going too fast and had to slam on the brakes pretty hard.  I’m glad he didn’t hit the deer.

This is a sign we don’t like.  H2S is Hydrogen Sulfide, which can be present if gas leaks from the pipeline or the well sites.

Anyway we got to work right away.  Your dad didn’t drink coffee because of lent.  So here’s the show where we talk shop.  Actually here’s where your dad complains about being away from home.

And two hours later when that got old we went outside for awhile and stepped on frozen puddle ice crunchies.

After awhile of that we decided to go north and get some work done.  So we got out the laptop, opened up the project and typed  for about an hour.

Next we inspected the cabinet for the 34^th time for about an hour.  There are 6 cabinets out here so that took the rest of the day.

Well that was our day.  I told your dad to put this picture in of his Jeep.  He likes driving in the mud.  He actually had to clean the side windows off so it was safe to drive.

Your dad says we’re coming home today - yeaahhhh.  It sure will be nice.  We had fun up here but we miss you and can’t wait to get home to someone who doesn’t snore through the night.

Love you, XOXOXO, see you soon

Spots, Lucky and Spike

When Stuffed Animals Travel to Evanston, Wyoming

Now for the exciting part of our day ... part one of two parts of emails from Daddy from Wyoming. I think you'll agree that he's a rockin' dad for sending these emails from the stuffed animals the kids send along with him and for also sending postcards to all 6 of us! Here's the first one:

Dear Sam, Eva, Callie, Michael and Joel,

We are having a blast out here, we wish you were here.  Here’s some pictures to show you what we have been doing.

We changed hotels yesterday, because the other place was a dump, and here at the Hampton Inn we get points for free hotel rooms on our next vacation.  Anyway the maid was really nice and snuggled us up together.  Callie you would like the bed it is nice and cushy, warm and soft.  We think Sam and Eva would have a blast bouncing on it. 

Your dad is taking good care of us and sleeps with us every night.  But we told him that we wanted to get out of the room and go to work with him and see what he did.  He said okay and we got to go the very next day.    He had to make sure we were safe on site because they have rules to keep us safe.  Here we are with our protective boots, hard hat and reflective vest on.

We had a good breakfast and he loaded us in the car for the ride ‘up the mountain’.  Here is a picture of us riding to work with him.  There is snow all over the place, and it sure is pretty.  The gravel road is pretty rough and bumpy.

He said that if he had a pick-up he would let us ride in the back, like he lets Joe and Michael do, but since he didn’t he let us hang our heads out the window instead.  Notice that your dad’s Jeep is muddy.  It’s warming up into the mid 30’s so the snow is melting and making a huge mud hole here.  He likes to go through the mud real fast.

He even let us drive even though we didn’t have drives licenses.  He said that we drove pretty good, but not as good as Joel.

Here’s what it looked like going ‘up the mountain’.

And here’s a picture of what it looked like up on top of the mountain.  Way in the background you can see another mountain range.

The first thing we did when we got to the top was to play in the snow.  We didn’t have Michael here to make us a snow fort so we just had a snowball fight and made snow angels.

The next thing we got to do was really cool.  We got to ride on some construction equipment.  The first thing we got to ride on was a gigantic front-end loader. Your dad had to put us up here cuz it was way too high for us to climb. It was greasy and dirty, but it was a blast seeing them move mountains of dirt.  Sam you have to try this you would love it.

The next thing was even awesomer.  It was an excavator.  When you grow up and run one of these Sam you have to take us along.  It was even greaser and dirtier, but boy can you dig a hole fast with one of these. 

Anyway gotta go now.  We love you all and you dad says hi and that he loves you all and misses you very much.

XOXOXO,

Spike, Spots and Lucky

And because I'm all proud to be an Amazon Associate these days, I like to tie in a book or other rec for you on some of the blogs because I love books and I like being educated about stuff. So here is a book for those who are travel widows with kids like me:

"Lessons from the Hen House" Ebooklet Review

Carol J. Alexander has put together a great little resource with her "Lessons from the Hen House" ebooklet lesson plan (like a mini unit study). It's perfect for homeschoolers and kids in traditional schools alike. It's great for any kid who likes farm animals, in fact. And what kid doesn't like farm animals? I can't wait to start this with my kids!

At a sweet little price of $3.99, you'll want to own the whole series, called "Lessons from the Homestead." According to Carol, "Each one covers a different area of the farm. I launched Lessons from the Seed Catalog last spring. Lessons from the Tree House is almost complete and then I have Dairy Barn, Pig Sty, Bee Hive, Garden, and Kitchen yet to write. (And who knows what else I'll come up with!) Each booklet has over 50 lessons for teaching your children math, language, science, art, home economics, and more."

You can get more information from her new website http://LessonsFromTheHomestead.com. She also has a free monthly newsletter by this title that offers additional lesson ideas, interviews, and encouragement for those who are trying to homeschool and homestead at the same time.

Carol is giving away a free copy of "Lessons from the Hen House" to one lucky reader of The (Mommy)Kerrie Show. Just leave me a comment here with your email address so I can contact you if you win! Good luck! I'll be drawing a name on Friday.

Award-Winning McLoughlin Boys

What good is a blog if you can't post pictures of your kids doing cool things? So here are my sweet oldest boys with their dad's their prize-winning Pinewood Derby cars from Scouts from January. The secret is to put weights on the butt of the car so it will go faster. If you get a chance, check out the movie Down and Derby. It totally captures the essence of a dad's a kid's Pinewood Derby and is freaking funny.





I know who looks most proud in this picture!

A Great Gift for a New Parent!!!!

 I have these cool things hanging on the bedroom wall. My mom buys one each time I have a baby. They are from a company called Birthday Keepsake, and run about $10 plus shipping. Each one has my kid's name, birthdate, weight at birth, time of birth, place of birth and then a lot of stuff that was going on the year they were born. I love this kind of stuff because you can see how much a gallon of gas or milk was the year your kid was born. You can see popular shows and toys and which movies won awards and what was in the news.

I'm not getting anything to write about this company; just wanted to share it because anytime anyone comes over and sees these on my bedroom wall they freak out and want one for each of their kids! I'm a little sentimental and am pretty sure someday I'll sit and stare at these and cry when my babies are all moved out of the house. Hell, who am I kidding? I do that ALREADY. Some days they drive me INSANE, but always in the back of my mind I am aware of the fact that it is all zooming by too fast. And YES, old ladies, I DO appreciate it all right now and try to treasure every day!

Kids Kill Televisions Sometimes

shop.panasonic.com

Kids kill televisions sometimes, and so our Panasonic TC-P50S30 50-inch plasma flat screen TV is dead. I am writing this post as a public service announcement for all those who are researching before buying this TV (like my husband did). Here's the deal:

A tiny plastic ice cream cone from a Play-do set was tossed in the air (not even toward the direction of the TV). Slow-mo-like, it hit the month-old TV. It left a 3-inch "crack" like the star of Bethlehem BETWEEN THE LAYERS OF GLASS. The TV shut down and won't turn on at all.

No TV appliance repair place will touch it to try to fix it. It will be cheaper to buy a new $700 TV. Breaking stuff doesn't make the warranty kick in, folks. 

Best Buy is where we bought it and they do not sell screen covers. They are losing lots of money every day because of that. Also, we won't be buying our next TV from them because that's like rewarding them. We do, however, have to take our OLD TV to them so they can recycle it since the TV has nasty gasses trapped between the layers. Landfill fun for the future generations!

If you have small children, even hanging the TV on the wall will not prevent something being tossed at it. I suggest you find another TV option to satisfy your TV happiness until your children are older or else BUY A SCREEN COVER. Here is a place you can get one, and it's called TV Armor. Yes, it costs a lot but not as much as a new flipping TV that you saved for months to buy!

The irony is that my husband RARELY watches TV. He didn't own one when we met (I wasn't sure the relationship was going to work out but clearly it has).

Homeschool Chemistry: A Bunch of Advice From Kerrie

My friend posted this comment yesterday in response to me saying we had an "off" week homeschooling because I was sick and yet the kids learned and did so much anyway:

THANK you for posting that! I'm new to all this homeschooling stuff and really don't know how to do it on my own or at least I'm scared too. I am slowing pulling away from a boxed curriculum but have only done it with Science and History. Here is my MAJOR worry. My friend, who uses K12, says that my kids should be learning all about chemistry right now or it's gonna really mess them up for high school. They have to really, really understand it, the ins and outs. I feel like they are still really young and it seems to be going in one ear and out the other. Would love your thoughts.

1. K12 is not technically homeschooling. The HSLDA does not recognize it as homeschooling. You are not a protected homeschooler if you use that program because you are using a state program. It's like public school at home on the computer, no? A lot of people use it when they are just starting out because they don't want to mess up their kids, and they need some guidelines. I totally understand and love my fellow homeschoolers who use this program. If it works for you, great. If it's just a means to schooling your own way eventually, that's great, too.

2. Some people choose to move away from K12 and structured curriculum (i.e., often COSTLY) as they gain more experience in THEIR OWN KID. They learn what their kid likes and is good at and they want to foster that. They also want to make sure their kid knows things like: how to balance a checkbook, how to do laundry without turning it pink (chemistry!), how to cook (chemistry again!), how to clean a bathroom naturally and how different products (like baking soda and vinegar) act together (there's that dang chemistry again; it's getting annoying!). If you're doing stuff like that, they will absorb it! If you do flash cards of H2O and O2 and sodium di-whatever-ide, they probably won't retain it.

3. Do you remember the entire periodic table of the elements (is that what it's even called?) from 7th grade? I barely squeaked by back then and it didn't make a bit of difference in my life. Haven't blown anything up. Got through high school and 2 years of college just fine. I can hold my own at a cocktail party, as well. Scratch that. I've never been to a cocktail party.

4. Don't let people scare you! It's hard when you're just starting out. Surround yourself with positive people who have been there. I don't have kids in high school yet and plan to do high school myself (already the naysayers are getting to me on that and I just ignore them). But I am in groups of homeschoolers who have homeschooled many high school kids and they are lovely to talk with. They are smart. They go on to college. They are in careers they love.

5. I don't know what to say about your friend. What "ins and outs" does she mean? Can she give you specifics so you can touch on some of those things? If you get really freaked out about things in general, do some standardized testing that you can get online and give the test at home. Then you can see what holes your kids may need filled before, say, taking the ACT or SAT. Around here kids can get into JuCo at age 16 and then go to another college no problem. I would really only worry about super-schooling if you have a brilliant kid who wants to go to Yale. I know people who have brilliant kids who win chess trophies and spelling bees and I am happy for them. They have an extra challenge and they are rising to it. Good for them!

6. In all your spare time, since you're a SAHM and eat bon bons, read all you can ... I'm working on some John Holt right now that if it doesn't put me to sleep it might get me all fired up and renewed about homeschooling. Try some John Taylor Gatto, as well.

Love ya, friend. I'm here for you! We'll do this together, long distance homeschooling pal. After all, can we do any worse than how WE were schooled? I think not. Our kids will be fine, so will the school kids. It will all work out how it's supposed to :-)

"Wasting" Foil and Other Household Stuff

Joel apologized for wasting foil to make little nunchucks for himself and his siblings. He was hot glue gunning foil balls to the ends of yarn to make little weapons. Michael once apologized for using parchment paper like tracing paper so they could trace Pokemon figures and then cut them out and laminate them.

I don't see any of that as wasting because they are learning. They are being resourceful and making stuff and they are having fun.

I was sick some last week and we didn't get a whole lot of formal homeschooling done. So we "wasted" our week on stuff like this:

• The kids set up little stores and sold stuff to each other (math, economics, handwriting, spelling).
• They had a friend stay the night (social).
• They got to play at a church with an indoor gym and outdoor play area (physical education).
• We had dinner at a friend's house twice (manners, social).
• Daddy was in Wyoming (geography).
• They made these oil/water/salt/food coloring lava lamps (science).
• They got to see the Marching Cobras at Callie's Upward Cheer celebration (music appreciation).
• They gave to a food drive at the celebration (altruism).

Oh, and Joel read a lot. So the week was NOT a total bust! On to the next ...

Teaching Kids to Read

I love love love seeing my kids sitting around reading for pleasure! As a homeschooling mom, I didn't push reading like a crazy person. With Joel, we tried "Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons" and HATED IT! I threw it across the room in frustration. It did not work for either Joel or Michael. Instead, I like to make sure they recognize their letters FIRST, then know the SOUNDS that go with the letters. Then they can sound out words. After that, we cover sight words and weird rules as they come up.

Joel just read The Hunger Games and loved it. Michael likes Calvin and Hobbes. Hey, comics still count as reading!

Some people are mean about WHEN a kid learns to read. Does it matter, if you are homeschooled and there is nobody to make fun of you? I think not. I'd rather NOT push my kids and then have them ENJOY reading instead of PUSH them for my OWN benefit and then watch them hate it and struggle along. That's just me. I don't feel the need to compete with other parents. I know we rock.

 My baby is so cute when he snuggles up with a book! He used to hate reading, and I tried all sorts of genres on him to get him to read. Then he saw me reading The Hunger Games and asked about it. I decided to let him check it out. No nightmares, and he read it within a week. Ah, the value of a good book.

This is a sight I will sorely miss someday: my boys quietly reading in our family room. Maybe someday I'll have ALL my kids reading in the family room together, alongside Aron and I!

What are YOU reading today?

Cleaning With Kids/I'm in Cincy Parent & Indy's Child!!!

I'm so excited! I wrote an original piece for Cincinnati Parent and Indy's Child called Making Housework a Family Affair and it's online (click on the article title) and out in the magazines. This was a piece I had been working on for years, so when the editor contacted me to see if I had something with this title, I knew it was time to get off my butt and write the thing.

So do you think making kids do housework is bad? Did you do chores when you were a kid?

Next assignment for them = Teen Dating. So if you live in Cincinnati or Indianapolis or know someone who does, please send them my way at mommykerrie at yahoo dot com so I can interview them about navigating the teen dating waters.

Sam Post: I Like Cake (the Band)

So I discovered this rockin' band called Cake. I like the song Going the Distance. But I did some chores for my mom recently to pay for the $1 downlad of the remake of I Will Survive. It's from the 70s, which is a looooong time ago. My dad likes the original best, but my mom likes the newer version.

I like to pop in my earbuds and rock out on Mommy's laptop. My mom grew up around a lot of music: her mom always had cool mix tapes in her car made by her dad, and her dad always played cool records around the house. They always had good music in their van (NOT a minivan!) and her dad would play leg guitar (you know, when somebody plays guitar  on their leg with one hand while they drive with the other.)

They didn't have seatbelts in big ole vans back then so my mom spent many hours on the floor of the van watching her dad play leg guitar to Led Zeppelin and The Who and The Beatles while her mom would journal in a notebook. Mom tells me stories and stuff.

Oh, that's part of my sister Eva in the picture ... she and I are besties. We get in SOO much trouble together and like it when Mom's face turns red because she knows she should spank our butts red but instead her face gets red and she shoos us out of the vicinity of the mess.

So to all my fans, what's your favorite song or memory of childhood/your parents? I promise I will comment back to you in the comments section!

The Kerrie Show Theme Song of the Week

April
Surrender by Cheap Trick

May
I'm Goin' Home by Chris Daughtry
Get Your A** Back Home by Gym Class Heroes

Porn in My Pocket: Adults

Okay, so yesterday I talked about kids and cell phones. Believe me, adults aren't much different. Please don't get me started on the grown adultsI see walking and texting and they don't even acknowledge that their kid is walking next to them or that there is a car barreling down on them at 60 mph and they should get out of the damn way. I'm shocked that some people still have two working thumbs.

So texting is one way adults act like jackasses with phones. Butt-dialing and drunk-dialing is another.

Then there's the fact that you can access porn anytime you want! So for a sex addict, having a phone in the pocket is like an alcoholic having a little bottle of vodka in the pocket. Or like a recovering drug addict having a little bottle of pills in the pocket. Just in case, of course. What a temptation!

It creeps me out that any guy I encounter could maybe be NOT checking baseball scores while waiting in line for his McDonald's, but looking at naked chicks. I've seen guys doing it at the library, for God's sake, why wouldn't they do it on their own phone in front of people? When I see it at the library I just want to smack him upside the back of his stoopid head and ask, "WHY don't you just get internet at your own damn house? Why do I have to walk behind you AT THE LIBRARY and find out that you like large ladies?"

C'mon, anonymous comments. I know you have opinions on this one! Not that I have a fully-formed argument. I don't want to take the Internet off cell phones, so I don't know what the heck I want.

Porn in my Pocket: Kids

Cell phones and little kids do not mix. There. I said it.

I'm also going to say that little kids can barely wipe their butts or remember to breathe, let alone remember to charge and carry around and keep track of a cell phone, not to mention use it responsibly. Responsibly = not prank-calling friends. Not texting pictures of their butt to their friends.

Yes, I know you are going to say something like, "But I am a divorced parent and I want to make sure my kid can contact me at all times." M'kay. I'm sorry that you initially married someone so horrific that you think they wouldn't let your shared child call you if said child needed to. I'm sorry that you don't know where your kid is at all times so they have to have a freaking phone.

Disclaimer: sometimes you might see my 10-year-old with my pink cell phone at a Boy Scout meeting. This is so he can call me to pick him up if it gets out early. It's really unnecessary, though, since there are adults there with phone who would let him call.  I also sometimes send him to the park with it so he can call me to come whoop bully butt if necessary. It has happened before.

So let's say you are the richest person in the world.

• At what age would you get your kid a cell phone?
• And would it be a TracPhone, where you pay by the minute so they can't use it very much?
• Will you make them pay for it?
• Will you disable the Internet?
• Did you know you can disable the Internet?
• Will you let them have texting?
• Did you know I don't have Internet or texting on my cell phone and never have and I am still alive?!

Beyond the Yellow Brick Road

Don't you love it when you sing along to a song and your kids look at you like you're in pain? I've never seen Michael's head whip around faster than when I sing along to this song (haunting and so perfect since I'm from Kansas and all that ... FYI: I don't live on a farm but wouldn't mind if I could be close to a Target). Try it!

Joel Crosses Over to the Other Side

Of course I have tons of pictures of last night's event, but my dad is more on top of life than I am, so I'm posting the pic he emailed me a hot minute after the event. Retired guys and their iPhones ... what are ya gonna do with 'em?

So this is Dad Steve and Stepmom Nancy (note her Nana shirt ... very cool), who came to Joel's Blue and Gold Scouts banquet last night. Yes, folks, he walked over a real bridge and crossed over ... to the other side of scouting ... Boy Scouts, that is. Black gold. Texas tea. Oops, stuck in Beverly Hillbillies land again.

It was AMAZING. Over 100 people turned out on a Sunday night to celebrate two boys crossing over. Crossing over sounds like the boys died and went to heaven, right? Actually, it's like Aron and I died and went to heaven because I hear parents are less involved in Boy Scouts. In Cubbies, we had meetings at our house, coordinated day camp last year, recruited new boys and were Den Leaders for 3 years. Since Michael doesn't want to do Scouts, we are on a break until Sam decides to join.

Keeping up the crossing over/heaven schtick, when the boys go to Boy Scouts they are at that age when they are starting to want their parents less involved in their business anyway. I was a little struck last night by the fact that I have to start letting my baby boy go :-(


So besides Dad and Nancy, Aron's parents and brother came along with 5 of Joel's cousins! Jordan and Ian came early to help set up and chase kids, and Abby and Spencer (my very 1st Confirmation kid ever two years ago!) stayed to clean up. Aron and I took them to 711 after for drinks. Not like margaritas, but like Slurpees!
Gotta go ... Sam woke up a little crabby and I gotta slam some coffee while it's hot since the microwave broke. It's a whole new world without a microwave!

Naughty Babies Helping Out (Part Three) by Eva

Hi, it's me, Eva. Recently I got to help my dad out. He's more patient than Mommy. One time the shower was leaking and he took out some of the ceiling! Then he fixed the pipe and put the ceiling back. THEN IT LEAKED AGAIN! It was funny! So when he got a chance he had to take the ceiling out again. Then he put the ceiling back in wrong and had to do it again. We heard some words that usually only Mommy ever says. Then he got all chill and let me SPACKLE! Did I spell that right? I'm still learning. I'm only fo, you know. Here is part two!

Naughty Babies Helping Out (Part Two) by Samuel

Hey, yo, this is Sam (aka Naughty Baby #2). These are some cool pix of me weilding a hammer and helping with the door frame to the bathroom. I like to do neato stuff like my dad does cuz I wanna be like him someday and be all handy around the house. Chicks dig that cuz my mom digs my dad when he helps out and stuff. So enjoy my cool pix, kay? And remember, no Naughty Babies were harmed in this photo shoot. Mom was supervising the whole time. It's dumb that we have to put disclaimers on here or haters would worry that we were being mistweeted. I mean mistreated. We are not mistreated. The guys at Collector's Cache the other day called my mom a good, solid mom because she bought us ring pops. She rules pretty much. So does my dad. Sometimes I compare myself to Stewie on Family Guy. Here are the pix! And here is Part One! And here is Part Three!

Naughty Babies Helping Out (Part One)

This is what our master shower looks like right now. Note the 1966 light blue tile. I LOVE it! No, really, I do! So it was leaking into our family room a while back and Aron finally got a custom shower pan in and had to some retiling and other fun stuff. It looks better than this currently, but is still not usable. It's all good because we have another bathroom. Anyway, these are pictures of my naughty babies (not really babies at ages 2 and 4, but they are the youngest so they are the babies). They are trying to be like Daddy and put in shower tile or caulk or something. Eva one time got caulk all over herself and said it was "gwissy cockin" and we laughed until we figured out she meant GREASY CAULKING. That's one of those things we will tease her about until we die, I'm sure.

*No babies were harmed in this photo shoot. No babies were into anything dangerous and their Mommy was close by putting away laundry. Babies are naughty by nature, so if you have sex you might make a baby and there is a 99% chance you will get a naughty baby.

Here is part two!

What I'm Reading/Busy Griping

yes, that's a Hello Kitty silly bandz

Don't you love when people gripe about how busy they are and then chronicle it all for you? Good! Because here ya go, people. So, yeah, I'm doing a post called What I'm Reading because I needed to fill this space because I'm getting my butt kicked this week with:

1. Aron in Wyoming part of the time (yee haw!)
2. Cub Scout Blue and Gold shopping and planning and plotting
3. A homeschool Pinewood Derby on Saturday
4. Trip to the dentist for Callie
5. Ash Wednesday service
6. Homeschool park date
7. President's Day educational program with our rockin'  homeschool group
8. Bible Study
9. Article rewrites
10. The 4th edition of the "Make Money to Write About Your Kids" ebook to get the heck outta here
11. Callie's final two cheerleading games Friday night and Saturday
12. Making sure Blue and Gold is all set up and cleaned up after
13. Making sure the Pinewood Derby has a track. Since Aron is out of town, I am BEGGING someone else to help set it up.
14. I get to learn the PD software to get names entered and all that
15. Cloning myself since I have to be at the PD and at Callie's cheer game at the same time. Any suggestions?
16. Oh, yeah, and that thing called HOMESCHOOLING (forget about keeping a clean house this week)

So here's what I'm reading (ha!) when I get a free 2 seconds:

1. Teach Your Own by John Holt
2. It's Hard Not to Hate You by Valerie Frankel
3. Steven Tyler's autobiography
4. Mia Tyler's autobiography
5. Now all I need is Cyrinda Foxe's autobiography. Has Liv done one yet?

What did you do this week? What are you reading (besides this blog!)?

Stapled Pizza/Spilled Cocoa

Last week we had ONE OF THOSE DAYS.

• The phone would not stop ringing while we were homeschooling (not that I expect the world to be psychic and know when we homeschool)
• We struggled to get through Curious George Learns the Alphabet
• It took me 2 hours to figure out how to download a Big Fish game called Insaniquarium that the boys had been begging me for
• We missed Bible study ... again
• Sam was stuffy so we hadn't slept well
• Aron was working his 10th day in a row of 14 hour days
• I had a hard 2nd rewrite on a topic I don't love
• At one point I covered my ears and could hear just fine
• Then I looked over and Sam was stapling a piece of pizza

This was the day I couldn't reach the cocoa and batted at it with a spoon, causing it to fall and do this

That's when the crazy turns to funny and I remember why I love being home with all of my kids all day every day. I keep having dreams about my old job, the one I probably loved least of any job. And it reminds me that my WORST day at home is better than my BEST day at work ever was. I'm not judging working moms here ... just saying we all have our own experiences that shape us for some reason or another.

A Married Person Shouldn't Have to Pay for Sex

me and Aron when he brought me coffee on Valentine's Day (aka, VD)

I have to confess something very personal.

My husband and I pay for sex.

Yep, there are times when we are able to spend a few moments together but the kids won't leave us alone so we can sneak off. So, yes, it's true. We might pay a sitter to take the kids to the park so we can be alone. So technically we pay for sex.

I'm sorry, but like many parents, we are too freaking tired at night after the kids are in bed to even look at each other. We crash within seconds. Family bed has nothing to do with it ... NEWSFLASH: you don't just have to mess around in BED.

So we have to find time OTHER times. And doing that Natural Family Planning makes things even trickier, folks. It's not like it's ON like Donkey Kong every single day at my place. There's a window of opportunity for NOT becoming someone who shops once again at Babies R Us. The window is slimmer than you would think when you are truly trying to be careful.

Don't you judge me. Just offer to babysit :-)

Stuff You SHOULD NEVER Do When Pregnant and Do Anyway

I love Virginia over at Meet Virginia and want to eat her with a spoon. She responded to my recent post about loving coffee by saying that she loves coffee but she's always pregnant (I hear ya, sister ... except she's having #7 soon so she wins this round) so she has to cut back and she still has 2 cups a day.

If you are freaking out right now you are reading the WRONG BLOG becuase you know how I feel about that sort of junk.

I am all about my kids being kept safe and (fairly) clean and very healthy and getting enough sleep and brushing their teeth and taking their baths and showers and eating pretty well except for all the Hershey kisses we got 50% off the day after Valentine's Day. I know where my kids are all the time. And I take care of myself when pregnant ... don't smoke, don't drink, blah blah blah.

But you KNOW there are those people out there who might see a preggie with a Starbuck's and send negative death rays at her head. Which is really just a waste of time for the haters, don't you think? Because if I am looking out for someone and am concerned about their well-being, I'm not going to try to change their mind by being a jerk; I'm going to talk to them lovingly. And really, a little caffeine is the hill you want to die on?

OK, so my post makes sense with the title for a change, here are other things you should never do when pregnant, except that I did all of them and have 5 healthy, smart, amazing kids:

1. Eat fish.
2. Slip on ice and fall on your ass.
3. Hang out in a hot tub.
4. Get stressed out at work.
5. Nurse an older child.
6. Snort nasal spray to get some freaking sleep.
7. Fill in the blank.

One more thing to totally send you off the deep end: if smoking was so bad for preggies back in the 1960s, why aren't most of us born to smokin' preggies running around underweight and short and stupid? And don't get me started on the Valium use back then :-)

P.S. Before this post went to press, Virgnia wanted me to add: "the ONLY kid I drank NO caffeine with was my oldest. I was super strict about everything and he is the only kid I have with the most issues. Not only does he have a form of Autism but he has major allergy issues. He's my most unhealthiest and the most hyper. You better believe I'm gonna have caffeine after that."

Talk amongst yourselves and report back here. I can take it.

Electronic Medical Records: Yes or No?

So I'm perusing my March 2012 issue of BabyTalk magazine. Yes, I still take all the parenting and baby mags I can get my hands on because (1) I like to be on top of my mothering game so I pretty much go AGAINST all the advice in these mags and (2) I aspire to write articles and shorts for them someday ... honest stuff, funny stuff, useful stuff and not fluff. Although I will write fluff for enough money. Just being honest.

Anyway, there's this teeny thing about a company called Motherknows.com and for $8 per month plus $49 setup fee they "compile your child's medical history, allowing parents to tap into it 24/7."

Tap into this, you sleep-deprived mommies with too much money and too little time: Obama laid down the law and our records have to be all electronic by 2014 anyway (HITECH Act of 2009). Will your doc's records upload to Motherknows' records every time you go to the doctor or do you have to do it your dang self? What a pain if you have more than 1 kid and a job and stuff like that.

It seems to me that Motherknows.com is trying to cash in on people who don't know that their records are going to be in that form soon enough anyway. Me, I just toss vaccine and appointment info in an Excel file with a different sheet for each kid. When that gets overwhelming, I just toss stuff in a file folder called "medical" and dig through it when I need to.

So why would you pay for your kids' records to be electronic when soon enough everybody's records will be that way anyhow? For free! Well, kinda for free. I mean, your tax dollars will pay for it, but whatever. That's like free money for the government anyway. It's like my Paypal money. Ha!

Now I will sit back and wait for the company to Google themselves and find me and then comment about how great they are!

While we wait, shall we discuss banking umbilical cord blood? Yes? No? I don't do it. Did you? Would you? And let's also find out what you think about medical records going electronic! My doc's been doing it for a while now ... I miss seeing him lug around my 27-pound chart sometimes. Ah, memories.

I Love Women Sometimes!

Okay, so we all know that women drive me nuts sometimes. So do men. So do kids. That's life. We can't all have a lovefest every day.

I just have to say that I really dig my current homeschool group peeps. I came out of a bad homeschool group experience (that story is saved for Facebook wall posts, comments on miscellaneous blogs and my momoir) a couple of weeks ago and it turns out it was for the best that a couple of pals and I were booted out of the group. (yep, I'm a rebel ... you always suspected it ... I have confirmed it today).

The cover of my local paper a few weeks ago screamed "More Women Taking Aim" and there's a picture of a woman shooting a gun with her ear protection and badass face on.

This made me think of a new pal of mine who told me about walking around a grocery store with her gun in full view. I guess it's the law to have it in full view, and I my jaw was on the ground because I know ZIP about guns. And to think that a pal of mine was walking around toting one was like so cool. She has a permit. It's legal. But the people at the store were freaking out, so she was asked by management to cover it up or get out.

So this is just a mom walking around with a gun, legally. What if some crazy-looking hairy guy in biker garb walked in with his gun all on his pants? Yep, they'd probably just leave him alone.

So dumb of management to mess with a mom with a gun! When will you men learn? Women go rogue all the time. Why help push them over the edge?

Anyway, how do you feel about guns? I'm in the Bible belt (I think) in the Midwest, and I don't know squat about the gun law in my state. Of course, there's a whole 'nother state just a few miles from me and it has entirely different laws. I think I'd just be REAL nice to anyone walking around with an unconcealed gun.

Anyway, that's just one story of one woman I know who I think is cool and different and not thinking like the dang pack. I like women who think for themselves. Women who don't subscribe to groupthink and nod their little heads when the Queen Bee says, "PBS is too liberal. My Little Pony does chants. Harry Potter is evil. Gays are all bad. Rock music is from the devil."

In short, I have been around some CRAZIFIED womenfolk. And I have met some ROCKIN' women who look past the stories about me and get to know the real me. Women who parent their kids based on what they feel is right and what they research and not on what they are TOLD by society. I wish I could name all my peeps, but I don't want to embarrass them. They know who they are.

I Hate Women Sometimes Part TWO

Wow, you should have seen my blog stats go through the roof when I griped about the big meanie at the community center (please excuse the cussing on some of the comments!). So many excellent comebacks you guys came up with! I would also like to add the comeback to her of, "My input and tax dollars helped pay for this community center, so I can eat a freaking carrot in here if I want to."

So because ya'll obviously love mean women stories, I have dug deep into the recesses of my mind to come up with more little stories. I am excited to see your comebacks because this stuff just keeps happening and I need some good stuff to say to those who want to kill my light.

1. I love it when we're at the outdoor pool and one of my littles bends down to drink from the spray hose. You know, the hose that has holes poked in it to just wet the ground to cool it off? Then female lifeguards FREAK OUT like they are drinking liquid crack. Is the hose poisonous? Is the water from the hose different from the water coming out of the drinking fountain? Should we be frightened?

2. When I used to babysit at various churches (that's an entire book on its own), the women would FREAK OUT when kids would get a cup and get water from the BATHROOM SINK and (ARE YOU SITTING DOWN?) drink it. I would ask, "isn't it the same water as in the drinking fountain around the corner?"

3. As a woman, why do I have to wash my hands after I pee? I guarantee you I'm not touching anything exciting. My hand is covered with toilet paper, in fact. No pee gets through my tp barrier. Besides, how germy is pee, anyway? Now get over here and shake my hand, dangit.

4. I hate how when I used to babysit at churches, the moms would do the drop-off and have ZERO CLUE who was watching their kid. They must figure that someone at a church is safe because it's a church?! Wise up, ladies! At least GLANCE at the person who is going to be watching your crying kid and comforting them for the next 2 hours while you have your freaking selfish GIRL TIME. [I am adding to this because I'm catching crap for bashing GIRL TIME. Some of us want/need girl time more than others. I'm bashing girl time AND religious time (MOPS, anyone?) when it means your kid is crying to the point of puking every single week and the facilitator won't let you take your baby into the room with you, where he/she would undoubtedly be super quiet and snuggled up to you.]

Women hate it when you get all logical on them with questions and stuff. They get all like, "Don't you challenge my old wive's tales and faulty logic and emotions or I will call the State on you." Are you gonna call them on me for being a laid-back mother who does NOT freak out all the time, because I don't really think that's a crime. In fact, I bet I drink less than you, I don't smoke, I don't need drugs of any kind and I have a great marriage and great kids. GET OFF MY BACK, LADIES! Remember that we all have different experiences which shape our opinions. So there.

Tomorrow's post: I LOVE Women Sometimes!

My Coffee Love Affair ... Blame It On My Nanny

So I'm curious ... when did your love affair with coffee begin?

Mine started when I was a kid and my dad's grandma gave me coffee candy. It was just sugar candy flavored like coffee, and I was hooked. I called my dad's grandma Nanny, and when I would talk about her, kids at school thought I was rich and had a babysitter-nanny.

Then when I was 16 I started my first job as a waitress at Waid's Restaurant in Fairway, Kansas. I quickly got hooked on coffee with tons of cream and sugar.

When Aron and I were first together we would get those cheap, sugary coffees from gas stations.

These days I'm ashamed to admit I have become a Starbuck's girl. We are the same age, after all, me and Starbuck's. If we're loaded, I'll go twice a week. If not, once a month. I'm close to getting my old personalized gold card. Who cares, right?

And no, coffee does not keep me awake. Does that mean I have ADHD? Caffeine doesn't make my kids any more psychotic than they normally are, either. My husband tells the kids they can't have coffee because it will stunt their growth, but isn't there tons of caffeine (growth-stunter) in soda? We don't have a lot of soda around my house anymore, but do you really think it messes with their pituitary gland? Whip out the studies because I'd like to see them.

I can't find coffee candy anywhere. All I can find is coffee-flavored Nips. Yes, I think the name of that candy is hilarious. They should have milk-flavored Nips and also whiskey-flavored Nips (just a nip o' whiskey for the frazzled mom).

My cousin is OFF COFFEE. Can you believe that crap? I think it tastes good and comes in so many varieties (hot! iced! frappe! mocha! caramel!). Look, I just want to help out the coffee bean farmers of the world. Is that so wrong?

P.S. Come and get me on Pinterest for more funny stuff on my Funny board

My Man, Jon Hamm and Real Love

(originally posted 2/14/09; a few changes have been made)

This is love, folks. Looking at a man who is sleeping and knowing you've been in the war together and have a huge tour coming up and you're not worried about what's to come because all you can think is, "Dang, he's still hot 16 years later!"

Alright, people. I hate being the stereotypical blogger and try to never write about things when I should (like New Year’s Resolutions on December 31st or January 1st or about Whitney Houston when she died), but I have to admit I LOVE love.

I’m a sucker for love, so I have to give Valentine’s Day its full credit here.

Here is a link to the history of Valentine’s Day.

Here is the link to my post about how I met my husband.

How do you explain love? How do you make it last? Why do half of all marriages fail?

I don’t personally think love is “enough.” I think you also need some cool cosmic connection that draws you together and keeps you together. Chemistry, yes. Divine intervention. Call it what you want.

Happy Valentine’s Day! And if you don’t get flowers or chocolates today, SEND THEM TO YOURSELF!

What are your plans today/tonight? Especially if you have kids, what do you end up doing on VD (not the STD, by the way, I have to make that clear among the dirty-minded)? Speaking of the dirty-minded, if your man is not talking to you this way, get a new man:

Don't even ask. YES, I find my husband more attractive than this guy. I've seen him interviewed and he seems like a pansy who couldn't change my oil, let alone clean my pipes.

Mommy Y's Random Questions for Moi

My friend over at Mommy Y did this post about random questions. I'm supposed to follow these rules and tag people, but I can't even come up with 11 blogs I read, so here are the answers just for fun!

1. What is your favorite kind of book? No real favorite. I like nonfiction and fiction. I liked The Hunger Games series, the Fever series, am trying to get into Sweep. I like memoirs and biographys. I'm working on Steven Tyler and Mia Tyler's autobiographies and a Valerie Frankel memoir. I like to lose myself in thoughtful fiction, but learn a lot more from books like I'd like to write someday (nonfiction).
2. Do you fold your laundry and put it away right away, or do you store it in a laundry basket? Store it. And what's folding?
3. What is your favorite food to eat? Anything Mexican and anything chocolate.
4. What has been your favorite age to be? Right now. "The older I get, the less I give a s***."
5. If you owned a zoo, what animal would you feature? Koala
6. What do you call your decorating style? Huh? Why are you mumbling? None. If I had unlimited money, it would be retro, like 1960s, but hubs won't go for it.
7. What did you do for your favorite date ever? Hmmm, so many to choose from. For sure something with hubs, but we've been together so long I'd have to go back through pictures to figure that one out! Going to Mill Creek Park on the Plaza when we were first dating was fun. We hung out and he made a picnic dinner. Oh, then there was the New Year's Eve when we threw firecrackers out the car window in Westport and the cops stopped us and pointed guns at our heads. Good times.
8. What is the craziest thing you've ever done? See above.
9. What is your all time favorite movie? Too many. Vanilla Sky, Somewhere in Time, Goodfellas, A Walk in the Clouds, Bobby. I just love movies so much.
10. What is your favorite quiet moment mom breakfast? Egg sandwich with A1 sauce.
11. Are you a lawn gnome, pink flamingo or statuary kind of lawn designer? Please elaborate. Why are you asking such hard questions? My head is starting to hurt. I don't think any of these. I like roses. And random rocks and shells and stepping stones.

My Husband Cracks My A** Up (Pun Intended)

Okay, so Aron's work chili cookoff was yesterday. He and I both entered chili. He spends a ton of time and uses tons of premium ingredients in his ... peppers, onions, spices, roast, beans made from scratch (the ones ya boil). I am his opposite in many ways, this being yet another way. I make the easiest chili possible because, frankly people, I have other things to do. Like write award-winning blog posts and educate my children. So he made the picture above to go along with my chili and he emailed it to me. I laughed until I cried. Note the cow going into the grinder. Note the can opener with the beans. Note the "secret ingredient." I think I'm the only spouse who enters, so of course everyone is going to know it's mine! Maybe if he had put some boobs on there, I would have won!!!!!!  Quick! Photoshop some udders on that cow!

For you English-challenged people, I think I made a punny up top ... you know, how chili makes fire come out of your butt? Tough crowd.

Ceramic Birthday Parties

KC Ceramic Cafe

SO. MUCH. FUN.

A little bit ago Callie and Eva got invited to a 5-year-old's birthday party at Kansas City's Ceramic Cafe. It was weird to just have a bunch of estrogen in Aron's big red truck (The Beast) heading to a party. You know how Sam is like my appendage since he was born, and I'm just a weird mom who doesn't like to leave her kids much in general. Well, okay, there are those weeks when Aron's traveling and the second he gets home I want to grab Toshiba and head to Starbuck's.

Digression. I am the master of it!

Anyway, it was awesome! They had a blast! Callie painted a little heart-shaped dish to hold jewelry or whatever. Eva painted a ladybug bank. I figured the kids would be too young and would make a huge mess, but it worked out so well! Then they did presents (in the back room, where the painting happened), then cake and ice cream bars and juice pouches. It lasted about 2 hours and was a very cool party. I'm not naming names because some people are keen on their privacy. A week later, the birthday girl delivered the finished painted products, all glazed and fired. The girls were thrilled.

I want to go here on individual dates with my kids. I want to go here on a date with my husband. I want to go here on a date BY MYSELF and paint all the letters in my kids' names and hang them on my living room wall.

Gotta go ... this is giving me an idea for an article. So I can spend all the writing money on a trip to Ceramic Cafe!

They Call Me ... The Laminator

Finally broke down and got a laminator! We've been laminating Pokemon pictures I've gotten them off the internet and then we put magnetic tape on the back. They play with their creations on the fridge and on our steel back door and on the commercial freezer in the basement.

I'm thinking this is a great way to make cheap decorations for parties ... laminated pictures of balloons, the number the birthday kid is turning, pictures of cakes, etc. The sky is the limit!

What do you like to laminate?

Happy Bday Callie With the 20/300 Vision and Twins Funny

Happy 7th Birthday to Callie!!!!! We love you, our little cheerleader, and can't wait to see what your strong-willed self will become someday. You love horses and your doll Laura and your friends and Pokemon and jewelry and dogs and bunnies and makeup and fashion and unicorns and Barbie and fairies and dresses and chicken noodle soup without tomatoes and pink and music and singing and rainbows and laughing. Yesterday I took all 5 kids to the eye doctor and only the oldest 3 were seen. It was pandemonium! Callie has one eye at 20/30 and one eye at 20/300. I think they added an extra zero and messed up. There goes another couple hundred bucks! And I sprung for the nice pink ones (I cleared it with Aron first), which I project will be broken by Michael's birthday in April due to younger siblings and putting glasses in goofy places. How do you get a 7-year-old to take care of her glasses ... and keep them on all the time? I was 11 before I needed glasses, so this is nothing traumatizing around here ... those glasses will just be like my 6th child. Maybe we DON'T need a dog when we have glasses to care for!

This picture is in honor of my husband and his twin brother because I thought they'd get a kick out of it. Most likely Aron is the one grinning and making Eric cry!!!!!!!!

Eva Guest Post: Homeschool Geometry

Hi, it's me, Eva. I am fo years old. I like pink. This is a picture of me doing algebra or geometry or something. I made a nine-ta-gon out of boxes I found in the pantry. You can do the same thing. Just find a pantry with boxes in it. Any old pantry will do. Then put the boxes so you make a nine-ta-gon. I don't know how many boxes that is, but it is a LOT. You can also make cool things out of toilet paper rolls, your brothers' Pokemon cards and your mom's maxi pads. Take the tape off those and you can stick them to the wall to make cool creations! Just becuase you are only fo doesn't mean you can't be learning all day long!

"Cleaning Is Not My Thing"

Callie says, "Cleaning is not my thing."

I just stared at her.

And I said something like, "Oh, well it is MY thing. I just LOVE it. I LOVE picking up messes I did not make. I LOVE washing clothes and dishes and vacuuming 10 times a day (hardly!) and ... and ... and ... it makes me happy and I love it and I wish I didn't ever feel compelled to do that pesky blog or write articles for money or homeschool or love on my husband because all I want to do is CLEAN all day long! I think when you guys grow up I will go work at The Maids."

I love my kids. They say the funniest crap!

Michael said his Catechesis teacher, Mrs. Hauesseur, said her son asks, "Why do we eat when we're just gonna get hungry again? Why do I have to make the bed when it's just gonna get messed up again?" I agree with the bed (and all cleaning in general), and not with the eating, kid.

Callie is cheering at an Upward Cheer game today and then is having her 7th birthday party! Then we have breeder friends coming over and Aron is making CARNITAS ... yum! Have a great weekend.

Marijuana post amendment-ish to come next week hopefully ...