Friday, February 10, 2012

I Hate Women Sometimes

Yesterday at the Explorer Room (Matt Ross Community Center) a woman passive-aggressively as she was leaving says to me, "It's not a lunchroom."

Yeah, and her kid was hitting Sam, so my bringing in apple slices and carrot sticks and having my kid eat them only right next to me is the least of her worries. Dang, Lady, I didn't bring in PEANUTS or MSG or POLLEN!

Of course I think of the funny things to say later, but at the time I get all "Excuse me? Do you have something you want to say to me?" Then it escalates and I know I won't be doing anything stupid because I have 7 kids with me to be an example to, but she is being ridiculous.

So I'm shaking when she leaves and SHE COMES BACK IN to tell me the rules are clearly posted about food not being allowed there. There were tons of other parents there, so that didn't help. All I could think of to say was "You're not my mother, and you are not perfect!" Yes, I reverted back to the age of 12, folks.

I'm pretty sure I need some therapy ... how to deal with the haters who don't even know me because maybe it's something about my face or that I wear a jacket with YALE on it, but lately several women are all about hating me. Maybe she was jealous because I'm a laid-back mom. Maybe she was pissy because I could afford fries. Maybe she's from a big abusive family with like 10 siblings and I triggered a memory from her childhood when I walked in with all those kids. Maybe she was mad because the kids were eating their last 3 french fries and her kid was asking to go get fries and she's a crunchy mom.

 I try to understand people. That's the key to peace, you know! Understanding and honesty.

Just before that another mom left commenting how she was leaving because of "the big boys who came in" ... meaning MY boys I brought. I let that one slide, but wanted to say, "Lady, if you are LUCKY, your kids will reach the age of 'big kid' and will be the ones annoying the OTHER tight-butt women with little kids in here."

I need to either IGNORE or take a deep breath and BE MY FUNNY (okay, snarky) SELF and say something like, "Are you REALLY jumping a stranger's butt about food today? Does this REALLY affect your entire world?" And when she hops me some more I say, "I'll pray for you ... and for your poor husband." Or, "Oh, crap, this isn't the lunchroom? Damned if I'm not in the wrong place again. That chemo is messing with my mind!" or "Yes, Principal. I'll put the food away now."

Then I can flip on the TV in there to something fully innappropriate like The Real Housewives of Overland Park. I swear these ladies from Johnson County can throw down with the trashiest of them!

Repeat after me: let it go let it go, give peace a chance, let it go, it doesn't matter, they will make you nuts, live your happy little prosperous life with a smile on your face and grin in the faces of those haters, ignore them when they try to provoke you, smile and wave like you're on Toddlers and Tiaras.

Tomorrow: My Husband Cracks My A** Up (Pun Intended)
Sunday: Math Word Problems the Crazy Mommy Kerrie Way


  1. I've never had the chance, but I think it would be funny to use the Willy Wonka strategem:

    "What's that? I can't understand a word you're saying. You really should stop mumbling."

    Because then, anything she says, you can just go back and say "Really, you should learn to not mumble if you want people to understand you."

    Then she would get all pissed off and it would be HIGHlarious.

  2. Here's a couple of ideas,

    "FUCK OFF"
    "BLOW ME"
    "EAT ME"

    Sorry about the language, but really mind your own business.

  3. what a classy example she's setting for her kids...

    i just heard a grandma at the library say "sh**" in front of her grandkids. lovely.

  4. HAHAHA, love that "no mumbling" one. Yes, JOCO women (some of them) can be horrible! They are just unhappy because their husbands can't stand them and they have severely low self esteem.
    PS. I never pay attention to signs that say food or no food. As long as I clean up after, and the people IN CHARGE don't care, everyone else can fly kites.

  5. Ohhh, chicks like that are gonna get their butts kicked and/or be cussed out right in front of their children one of these days. Seriously. I would be the kind that would tell her, "Oh! Sorry! F you so much!" and see if she notices. Sorta say it really fast with a nice tone. :)

  6. I would have said something like: "Oh I didn't realize you were the food police"

    Or "so sue me" or "want some?" or "is your life so boring you need to put your nose in mine?" or "what are you the cleaning lady?" or "people like you are the reason we have middle fingers"

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  8. I'm definitely going Willy Wonka on obnoxious strangers from now on. Great suggestion!

  9. you should have said congratulations on your new job at the community center....glad that you are taking it so seriously.

  10. I HAD to come see who told me they DIG me when leaving a comment about my being an attention whore! Ya know, whoring myself out in the name of nicey nicey :)
    And AMEN sista... be the funny, snarky you when replying... cuz bitch ain't gonna understand it and then she'll be all like Whaaa??? and you can be all like... 'Zactly! Leave 'em scratching their heads and YOU WIN!
    I found a new stomping ground!
    (That link below, it leads nowhere.. just an account I created to leave comments on Blogger blogs who do NOT allow Name/html peeps to leave comments and since I whore myself around, yes, I took the time to make a fake account to leave comments... you should fix that BTW)


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