Porn in my Pocket: Kids

Cell phones and little kids do not mix. There. I said it.

I'm also going to say that little kids can barely wipe their butts or remember to breathe, let alone remember to charge and carry around and keep track of a cell phone, not to mention use it responsibly. Responsibly = not prank-calling friends. Not texting pictures of their butt to their friends.

Yes, I know you are going to say something like, "But I am a divorced parent and I want to make sure my kid can contact me at all times." M'kay. I'm sorry that you initially married someone so horrific that you think they wouldn't let your shared child call you if said child needed to. I'm sorry that you don't know where your kid is at all times so they have to have a freaking phone.

Disclaimer: sometimes you might see my 10-year-old with my pink cell phone at a Boy Scout meeting. This is so he can call me to pick him up if it gets out early. It's really unnecessary, though, since there are adults there with phone who would let him call.  I also sometimes send him to the park with it so he can call me to come whoop bully butt if necessary. It has happened before.

So let's say you are the richest person in the world.

• At what age would you get your kid a cell phone?
• And would it be a TracPhone, where you pay by the minute so they can't use it very much?
• Will you make them pay for it?
• Will you disable the Internet?
• Did you know you can disable the Internet?
• Will you let them have texting?
• Did you know I don't have Internet or texting on my cell phone and never have and I am still alive?!