Problem #1
If Daddy says dinner will be ready in 10 minutes and it's 5:50 p.m. now, what other activities are you going to do to fill your time until dinner is really ready at 9 p.m.?
Michael's 14th birthday dinner (sushi/California rolls) made by Daddy
Problem #2
If camp costs $375 per person in Kerrie's family and 3 people are going (husband and two kids), how many hours will Kerrie have to proofread to pay for it?
I cheated on this picture because Joel is featured here and he got to go free as a Savio servant. The ones I paid for were my husband, Callie and Michael. And it was worth every penny!
Problem #3
If X, Y and Z activities are all going on at the same time in the same week, calculate the trajectory of exactly when and where Kerrie will lose her mind. Bonus points for picking a mental institution for her that takes her insurance!
Problem #4
Calculate the distance between Kerrie's house and the nearest Starbucks. The nearest liquor store. The nearest chocolate shop. Bonus points if you call an Uber to pick her up and take her to all three. Super extra credit if you are buying.
Seriously, I rarely drink alcohol. This was probably water or lemonade.
Problem #5
If 2 kids raise their hands to go here and 3 raise their hands to go there, how many tears were shed by the ones who did not get what they wanted?
I have 5 children. The first 3 are 22 months apart. Then there is a gap of 34 months, then the next 2 are 22 months apart. What is the probability that I've only had sex 5 times in my life?
The kids made $35 at our recent garage sale during two days of hard work. The adults made about $25. Three strangers asked personal questions like when am I going to stop breastfeeding. Why do I keep having garage sales?
I spent $123 at Aldi, $132 at Price Chopper and $21 at HyVee on grocery shopping for two weeks of eatin'. How much faster did I get my shopping done without children?
A stroller travels at a speed of 2 mph when it is empty. How fast does it travel when it is holding my 6th child (laptop Toshiba) and my backpack with my cell phone in it? With how much force did it hit the park lake last week? Why the hell did I not have the brake on the stroller? (don't worry; no kids were in the stroller!)
Hope you enjoyed this installment of Funny Math Problems. Have fun figuring out the answers and here is part FIVE!!
I used to hate math when I was a kid. Now I love it. It can be so easy. Check it out!
1. It is 7:30 a.m. and I went to bed at midnight then could not sleep for whatever reason from 2-3:23 a.m. I have a 12-ounce mocha coffee and a 42-ounce bottle of water. About what time will I feel like throwing my computer mouse across the room?
2. There is a tree in our easement that is 35 feet tall. There has been a drought and the tree has a stress fracture. How many times will I have to call our electric company to get them to come take a look at the branch that is resting on our power line?
3. My husband and kids left the house at 7:10 p.m. and were gone for 2 hours. How many times did I run around the first-floor circle of our house naked? BONUS: how many calories did I burn doing so?
4. Kerrie spent 5 hours scraping wallpaper in the kitchen. She spent 2 hours washing and sanding one wall in said kitchen. How long will it be before she stops procrastinating putting on the spackle? When she DOES spackle the joint, how badly will she mess it up, and how long will it take her husband to fix it?
Did you know that statistics show that 13 out of 6 people can't do math at all? Isn't that crazy, when math is so simple! Here are some problems for you.
1. Kerrie has 2 assignments that are due soon. Each assignment calls for 350 words. Is "panoramic views all around you" a redundant phrase?
2. Kerrie makes 1 gallon of chili for her husband's work chili cook-off. Her adorable husband makes 1.25 gallons for the cook-off. Why did Kerrie let her husband sleep in their bed that night?
3. If Kerrie's husband works 15-hour days for 2 weeks straight, when will he get a freaking raise?
4. If the McLoughlin household runs the dishwasher twice a day and the washing machine once a day for one month straight, how many hours will Kerrie have to write to make money for a maid service? How old will the kids be when they will clean the house while Kerrie eats her bon bons in the tub?
Going into labor is a stressful experience at the best of times. It involves extensive plans, whether it’s your first or fifth or pregnancy. The trouble is that the more children you have at home, the harder labor can be to manage.
For obvious reasons, taking your children to the hospital while you give birth is NEVER a good idea. As well as being traumatic for them, labor can be a long process. The last thing you want to be worrying about is your kids out in the waiting room. Not to mention that the midwives on your maternity warn won’t be best pleased if you turn birth into a family outing.
The question is, then, how exactly can you manage your family when labor finally comes? Too often, second or third-time parents fail to consider this. As well as adding stress, that fact can make your existing children feel forgotten even before the new baby arrives. Make sure it doesn’t happen by taking the following precautions for your family both before and after birth.
Put childcare plans in place ahead of time
When your contractions start, you’ll have a lot to think about. Calling around friends to ask who can care for your existing children is the last thing you’ll want to do. Not to mention that many women go into labor at night time. That means you may struggle to find anyone available at the last minute. But, that needn’t be a problem if you just put childcare plans in place ahead of time. This can, of course, be tricky considering that birth is unpredictable. It isn’t as though you can arrange childcare on your due date and be done with it. It’s more likely that you’ll need it at three in the morning a week sooner than you predict.
Your best bet for pre-arranging childcare, then, would be to turn to family members. Given their investment in your new baby, they’re more likely to take your entire due date week off work. Failing that, neighbors who you’re friendly with are a good bet as they’re close by. It may even be worth arranging at least two or three childcare possibilities. That way, you can rest easy that your children will have somewhere to go no matter when your contractions start.
Get your kids sorted as soon as your contractions start
It’s no secret to mothers that there’s rarely a need to rush to hospital the moment contractions start. If you try that, there’s a good chance the midwives will send you home to wait until you’re further along. This is why it’s vital that you learn how to time contractions beforehand, as well as learning the 5-1-1 rule. But, despite this extended labor process, it's vital to get your kids sorted as soon as you experience your first contraction.
Even if you don't need to rush to hospital straight away, getting your kids out of the house is vital. For one, your ability to consider childcare will decrease as your pain levels rise. Plus, it can be traumatic for children to see their mom in pain. If your kids are around for your contractions, they'll become unnecessarily worried about what's happening. Don't stress them out like that. Instead, be sure that they're in a safe and caring space straight away. You may not need to head to hospital straight off but sooner is better where labor and existing children are concerned.
Make sure your partner keeps in contact
As much as waiting to head to the hospital can take a while, so too can labor itself. In rare cases, women are in labor for a whole two days before actually giving birth. Even average labor rates come in at around eight hours. And, after childbirth both parents tend to hang around for days in the hospital. Undeniably, skin-to-skin contact with mom and dad is invaluable during these first days. But, it's also crucial you spare a thought for your existing children during this time. Suddenly being out of contact with their parents for extended periods will be distressing. In extreme cases, this absence can even damage future sibling relationships.
Make sure that doesn't happen by putting plans in place for your partner to keep contact throughout childbirth. This could mean them popping out to phone your kids every few hours, or even heading home if your labor is slow. It's also vital that your partner leaves to see the children for at least a few hours in the days following the birth. This can help ease your children's worries, as well as keeping them informed.
It’s natural to want to introduce your newborn baby to their brothers and sisters. As much as it's vital for you and your partner to bond with the baby, it's also essential for your children to bond. That said, you may want to think twice before bringing children to the hospital. If you bring your children to meet the new baby in the aftermath of birth, you may cause inadvertent distress. You won't be in your best health, after all, and the baby may not even be cleaned up yet. Instead, you might find it best to save your children from the hospital environment and introduce them to the baby at home. That way they'll feel safe, and you'll look better.
If your hospital stay is extended for any reason, you will want to get your kids in. Even then, it's worth waiting until you feel strong enough to put on a brave face. It's also worth keeping visits short. That way, your children are more liable to enjoy the experience.
It isn't easy considering the family you have when you're about to extend it. Still, going about this in the right way could make all the difference to sibling relationships later. Not to mention that putting proper plans in place can ensure your children never see the more stressful aspects of your birth.
