Recent Doctor Visit

So because Aron’s job took him out of town an extra day, I dragged all 4 kids to my 36 ½ week doctor appointment.

There’s a 6-month-old baby in a carseat at his mom’s feet waiting to be checked in next to me. Eva, of course, goes for the baby to just SEE him … didn’t touch him or charge him or anything like that. The mom YANKS the kid away; Eva tries to come SEE the baby again. The woman snottily goes, “Go find your mommy.”

I go, “I’m right here. It’s not like she’s going to hurt him or anything … she’s very gentle with lots of baby experience.”

Probably Lying Bitch: “He’s sick.” (he’s laying there looking happy as a freaking clam)

Totally Nice At This Point Me: “Oh, we don’t care. We’re totally healthy.”

Bitch: “I do.”

Me: “Dang, First-Timer Stereotype! You don’t have to be so rude!”

Then I went to give my glorious pee sample. I should’ve gone and TOUCHED her kid! Or at least the carseat handle. It’s not like I have the swine flu, but I wish I had the WINE FLU.

Yeah, I know, I’m a preggie on the edge. Then I went to my doctor and BEGGED him to please not do the dilation check (fingers in my hoo-ha for no good reason) today because I was going nuts today and just wanted to go home. And how is it that my blood pressure is always fine when they check it?

Upside: before we left, Joel sold the doc some popcorn that he’s selling for Cub Scouts.

Then we went home and had strawberry shortcake to celebrate my ZERO weight gain! I think everything I’m eating is going to the baby’s kickin’ foot.

Bedhead

Here's Little Eva's daily case of bedhead. She also looks like this when getting out of the car, no matter how much I brush her hair. But, hey, at least she HAS hair, unlike her Papa Dave, whose birthday is today!

The countdown is on for Baby #5 (due on 10/10, our anniversary), so if you see me skipping posts anytime soon, you'll know it's because I'm nursing nonstop. I'll try to be a good Bloggy Friend and post new-baby pix as soon as I'm able!

Matt Roloff – Help!

Have you ever seen that show “Little People, Big World”? It’s a family … the dad and mom are Little People, and only 1 of their 4 kids is a Little Person. The dad came up with a stool kit to sell to hotels to accommodate Little People so they don’t have to brush their teeth in the tub and so they can actually reach things, like the bed, the sink, the air conditioner controls.

I wish to God every single hotel had a few of these kits because they also accommodate CHILDREN. It stinks staying in a hotel for a month and having your kids get up on death chairs to brush their teeth or wash their hands … the floors are slick and the chairs have no skid-proof bottoms.

And don’t get me started on restaurant bathrooms … or bathrooms in any kid place, for that matter. Or in CHURCHES or schools! At drinking fountains. I’m not always able to lift my kid up to wash his or her hands, or else they have to sit on the counter to do it and get all wet.

Matt Roloff … please market this stuff EVERYWHERE. I’ll totally help you out for a cut of the profits.

Otis Spunkmeyer Sucks

Once upon a time Aron and I only had 2 kids. We went to a Starbuck’s on Labor Day just to hang out. When we left, Aron talked about how strong the coffee was, how thick. He joked about flattening it and I think I said something about making it a coffee cookie.

When we got home I started experimenting with making coffee-flavored chocolate chips to put in chocolate chip cookies. I baked a lot and just couldn’t get it right. I scoured the Internet looking for the chocolate chips I needed and found one company who made them, but they sucked. I knew I wouldn’t have time to sell the things even if I could get it right, but everyone I told loved the idea.

So I researched cookie companies and decided Otis Spunkmeyer would be a good fit for my idea. I wrote them in December of 2006 to tease them with my idea and never heard back. I wrote again in February of 2007 and flat-out gave them my idea of the Coffee Chip Cookie. Never heard back.

So now that I’m all famous with my blog and can do good and evil, I just want to tell Otis Spunkmeyer Company (specifically Roy Herman) that they are rude for not writing me back.

And if you ever see the Coffee Chip Cookie anywhere and absolutely love it, let me know it’s out there because I want to eat one.

Nuts, Part 2

Our kind neighbors took on my 3 oldest kids the other night while Aron was out of town so I could have some peace while the baby slept on me and I watched Madmen.

After an hour I hear the neighbor girl crying. I investigate.

She tells me that Joel threw a walnut at her and hit her in the head. Then she slipped on something and fell down.

Joel says, “She told me to throw walnuts at her. We were playing circus.”

I asked, “If she told you to shoot her in the foot, would you do that?”

And ya’ll wonder why I don’t think kids under the age of 12 should be left home alone, let alone left to care for younger siblings.

Maybe when my own kids are grown I’ll be a lobbyist for laws like that. By then I’ll have all kinds of good stories to share with Congress.