I recently saw a commercial for the Plan B pill (like RU486). The slogan is, “Because the unexpected happens.” UN-EX-PEC-TED?!?!?!
So let me get this straight. You did the dirty deed with your man. Then the next day you went, “Oh, crap, I could have gotten pregnant. Why didn’t I think of that last night when I was in utter ecstasy, especially since I don’t have a clue as to when I am fertile? I’d better get my stupid doctor (who hands out prescriptions for anything and everything like they’re tissues) to call in a Plan B for me at the pharmacy! That way, I can get rid of a ‘maybe’ pregnancy and ease my conscience by not having to decide whether I want to raise a baby with my one-night-stand or grab an abortion.” (*this post does NOT apply to rape, by the way)
Look, if you don’t except to get pregnant from having sex, you have some big problems, girlfriend. Grab yourself a copy of Ms. Magazine and a copy of the book The Feminine Mystique and get to learnin’, sister. Our foremothers didn’t fight for the right to vote for us so we could be so clueless about our own bodies.
Yes, I know I’ve written about this before. And before you go labeling me as some right-wing conservative Catholic who doesn’t know what she’s talking about, let me just tell you that I DO know what I’m talking about and we’ll leave it at that for now because I don’t feel like sharing.
But kids are having sex so young. I knew KIND OF how my menstrual cycle worked when I was a teen but didn’t understand my FERTILITY (big difference) until I was about 27 ... no joke. That tidbit would’ve saved me some serious problems.
Parents, I’m begging you … find out for yourself and then let your daughters (age 10 or age 20) in on how their fertility works for those times when a guy tells her she can’t get pregnant the first time or he forgot the condoms or she’s missed her birth control pills for a few days.
Do you want her stumbling into Advice and Aid Crisis Pregnancy Center with her “unexpected” pregnancy and trying to figure out what to do and picking out maternity clothes donated by ME?! Do you want her attending post-abortive counseling for years? Taking anti-depressants because she made a huge mistake?
Friday, September 18, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
DepoProvera Shot in Exchange for a Welfare Check
Originally posted 9/17/09. Reposted to rile you up and see what you think!
I’m not about sterilizing women who’ve had a kid and can’t support themselves for whatever reason.
I have another idea.
How about when any female goes in to pick up her welfare check, food stamps or whatever, she gets the 3-month DepoProvera birth control shot? The Social Worker could be all jovial and go, "Trade ya a Depo shot for your welfare check, Sweetie!" It’s not permanent sterilization; it’s just 3 months of not getting pregnant and bringing a life into the world that she can’t take care of.
I think Natural Family Planning is great for a lot of women … women who can keep track of crap on a chart. I don’t personally ever again want any birth control chemical in MY body. But I can see its benefits to society,so I'm not anti. And no, genius, I don't just use NFP because "the Pope says so" ... I'm sure you know me enough by now to know I have a mind of my own.
Now, what to do about the MEN who go around making babies all over the place and can’t support them? How’s that research coming on the male chemical birth control?
I’m not about sterilizing women who’ve had a kid and can’t support themselves for whatever reason.
I have another idea.
How about when any female goes in to pick up her welfare check, food stamps or whatever, she gets the 3-month DepoProvera birth control shot? The Social Worker could be all jovial and go, "Trade ya a Depo shot for your welfare check, Sweetie!" It’s not permanent sterilization; it’s just 3 months of not getting pregnant and bringing a life into the world that she can’t take care of.
I think Natural Family Planning is great for a lot of women … women who can keep track of crap on a chart. I don’t personally ever again want any birth control chemical in MY body. But I can see its benefits to society,so I'm not anti. And no, genius, I don't just use NFP because "the Pope says so" ... I'm sure you know me enough by now to know I have a mind of my own.
Now, what to do about the MEN who go around making babies all over the place and can’t support them? How’s that research coming on the male chemical birth control?
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
My Hairy Legs and the Busy Beauty Showerless Shave Gel I Wish I Had
When I was pregnant with Joel, I was scheduled to be induced on a Sunday because I supposedly had gestational diabetes and my 3rd sonogram showed I was going to have one huge baby.
Like a good suck-up, on Saturday I made a cake to take to the hospital for the nurses and doctors to have post-birth. Aron painted my toenails. My legs were shaved, and I had showered that day. THANKFULLY I was not induced and went into labor naturally Saturday afternoon. I took the cake with me.
They told me I was one of their most polite laboring women. They would make me change positions to push, and I’d say THANK YOU. I didn’t cuss once. I was very cordial. They enjoyed the cake, but lost my damn cake pan.
Now I’m on my 5th baby, and I don’t care what my toenails look like. I don’t care if I’ve showered. I’ll probably drop some F-bombs at my doula and the mean nurse who might give me a baggie to puke in versus giving me IV meds for nausea.
And I’m thinking the hairier the better on my legs since Aron and the doula will need traction for when they are holding my legs back when I push (I’m a primadonna and for some reason can’t make myself hold my own legs over my own ears to push my baby out). Besides, it gets harder and harder to shave sitting down in a shower that’s as big as a shoebox.
I’ll have to let you know how it goes. Below is a bonus pic for you from when I was in labor with Eva, my fourth baby, and I had my dad and husband looking all freaked out! That labor went well and ... update ... she is now 10 years old and a happy, giggly little blonde girl! Oh, and baby #5 turned out to be Samuel, now age 8 and ALL BOY!
Like a good suck-up, on Saturday I made a cake to take to the hospital for the nurses and doctors to have post-birth. Aron painted my toenails. My legs were shaved, and I had showered that day. THANKFULLY I was not induced and went into labor naturally Saturday afternoon. I took the cake with me.
They told me I was one of their most polite laboring women. They would make me change positions to push, and I’d say THANK YOU. I didn’t cuss once. I was very cordial. They enjoyed the cake, but lost my damn cake pan.
Now I’m on my 5th baby, and I don’t care what my toenails look like. I don’t care if I’ve showered. I’ll probably drop some F-bombs at my doula and the mean nurse who might give me a baggie to puke in versus giving me IV meds for nausea.
And I’m thinking the hairier the better on my legs since Aron and the doula will need traction for when they are holding my legs back when I push (I’m a primadonna and for some reason can’t make myself hold my own legs over my own ears to push my baby out). Besides, it gets harder and harder to shave sitting down in a shower that’s as big as a shoebox.
I’ll have to let you know how it goes. Below is a bonus pic for you from when I was in labor with Eva, my fourth baby, and I had my dad and husband looking all freaked out! That labor went well and ... update ... she is now 10 years old and a happy, giggly little blonde girl! Oh, and baby #5 turned out to be Samuel, now age 8 and ALL BOY!
In 2018 I was sent this product to try, Busy Beauty Showerless Shave Gel. Here is my honest review of it. Kinda loved it!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Ice Cream Question
How come we had to pay for ice cream at the Ice Cream Social at the public school when our kids don’t even go there and they get approximately $1,000 of our money every year (for the last 10 years), but at the Catholic school they gave away sundaes for free?
No, we didn’t go to the free one. We aren’t TOTAL mooches.
Don’t you love blog posts like this one? Posts that really get to the heart of the matter and really make you ponder the state of the world. Yeah, right.
No, we didn’t go to the free one. We aren’t TOTAL mooches.
Don’t you love blog posts like this one? Posts that really get to the heart of the matter and really make you ponder the state of the world. Yeah, right.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
A Surprise, Unexpected, Accidental Mistake
*This post originally ran on 12/23/08 (what a great Christmas read!). Hoping it will rile you up! I’ll be sitting by my email inbox waiting for the hate mail.
Dad Warning: this post may not be a good one for you to read!
Women Warning: you’ll probably all be offended, too. I don’t want to get hate mail on this topic, so just know that I may make your blood boil today.
I loved the book Table for Eight by Meagan Francis (reviewed yesterday). My only problem with it is on page ix, where the sentence reads,
“Maybe you were surprised with a series of unexpected pregnancies.”
Then she talks about the author (Leslie Leyland Fields) of a book titled “Surprise Child: Finding Hope In Unexpected Pregnancy” saying how she “admits that her fifth and sixth pregnancies were the realization of one of her biggest fears. She writes that she was crushed to have to start again at the beginning …”
That’s funny. MY biggest fear is being too dense to realize that pregnancy is caused by sex, especially after I’ve done it FOUR times.
I’m trying to figure out how to NOT freak out here. Where do I begin? I guess some of you will be shocked to learn that I am pro-choice … the CHOICE being whether or not to have sex.
First of all, please do not EVER refer to an unplanned pregnancy as a “mistake” in my presence. A mistake is when I do something mindless like put salt instead of sugar in a recipe or when I call Joel by his brother’s name, NOT when I have sex and make a HUMAN BEING.
Secondly, what about this thing called Feminism? Didn’t we fight to be the hot shi* we are now? So why can’t we take responsibility when something happens in our lives? How is a pregnancy unexpected if you had some sex, ANY sex? This is an insult to all the women who are unable to get pregnant either on their own or with the help of science.
Third, never have I had a pregnancy be a SURPRISE. Um, I pretty much know when I’m having sex, unless I’m asleep for the whole thing, and I’m SURPRISED this hasn’t happened a few times being as how I’m exhausted every night at 9 p.m. So if I’m a big girl and know that the equation is “sex can equal a pregnancy” … then how is it a surprise? That being said, it WOULD be a surprise to me to become pregnant with, say, sextuplets without using fertility drugs.
Fourth, referring to a pregnancy as an accident is asinine. Here’s how I see it going down, and I’ll try not to be too graphic: I have just taken a shower and am naked. My husband walks in, only he TRIPS on his way in. He falls ON TOP OF me just the right way and … voila! He impregnates me! Stupid, right?
Bottom line: Even if you are using a titanium diaphragm, are breastfeeding day and night, your man is wearing the strongest condom ever made AND had a double vasectomy, and you are on 5 kinds of the Pill (including the ones where you don’t bleed for, like, a YEAR) …
Although there are many scientific ways to figure out when you are fertile, IF YOU HAVE SOME SEX, YOU MIGHT GET PREGNANT.
Class dismissed, and please NEVER ask me if I know what causes my large family!
I still love ya’ll, and tomorrow I’ll make it up to you for putting up with my yelling and ranting.
Girls, it’s like I always tell my husband (something stolen from Judge Judy):
Beauty fades, but dumb is forever.
Dad Warning: this post may not be a good one for you to read!
Women Warning: you’ll probably all be offended, too. I don’t want to get hate mail on this topic, so just know that I may make your blood boil today.
I loved the book Table for Eight by Meagan Francis (reviewed yesterday). My only problem with it is on page ix, where the sentence reads,
“Maybe you were surprised with a series of unexpected pregnancies.”
Then she talks about the author (Leslie Leyland Fields) of a book titled “Surprise Child: Finding Hope In Unexpected Pregnancy” saying how she “admits that her fifth and sixth pregnancies were the realization of one of her biggest fears. She writes that she was crushed to have to start again at the beginning …”
That’s funny. MY biggest fear is being too dense to realize that pregnancy is caused by sex, especially after I’ve done it FOUR times.
I’m trying to figure out how to NOT freak out here. Where do I begin? I guess some of you will be shocked to learn that I am pro-choice … the CHOICE being whether or not to have sex.
First of all, please do not EVER refer to an unplanned pregnancy as a “mistake” in my presence. A mistake is when I do something mindless like put salt instead of sugar in a recipe or when I call Joel by his brother’s name, NOT when I have sex and make a HUMAN BEING.
Secondly, what about this thing called Feminism? Didn’t we fight to be the hot shi* we are now? So why can’t we take responsibility when something happens in our lives? How is a pregnancy unexpected if you had some sex, ANY sex? This is an insult to all the women who are unable to get pregnant either on their own or with the help of science.
Third, never have I had a pregnancy be a SURPRISE. Um, I pretty much know when I’m having sex, unless I’m asleep for the whole thing, and I’m SURPRISED this hasn’t happened a few times being as how I’m exhausted every night at 9 p.m. So if I’m a big girl and know that the equation is “sex can equal a pregnancy” … then how is it a surprise? That being said, it WOULD be a surprise to me to become pregnant with, say, sextuplets without using fertility drugs.
Fourth, referring to a pregnancy as an accident is asinine. Here’s how I see it going down, and I’ll try not to be too graphic: I have just taken a shower and am naked. My husband walks in, only he TRIPS on his way in. He falls ON TOP OF me just the right way and … voila! He impregnates me! Stupid, right?
Bottom line: Even if you are using a titanium diaphragm, are breastfeeding day and night, your man is wearing the strongest condom ever made AND had a double vasectomy, and you are on 5 kinds of the Pill (including the ones where you don’t bleed for, like, a YEAR) …
Although there are many scientific ways to figure out when you are fertile, IF YOU HAVE SOME SEX, YOU MIGHT GET PREGNANT.
Class dismissed, and please NEVER ask me if I know what causes my large family!
I still love ya’ll, and tomorrow I’ll make it up to you for putting up with my yelling and ranting.
Girls, it’s like I always tell my husband (something stolen from Judge Judy):
Beauty fades, but dumb is forever.
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