My dad delivered mail for like 30 years. When he’d see someone impatiently waiting for her mail, tapping her foot like he was taking too long, he’d say, “This is actually TOMORROW’s mail … you’re getting it EARLY!!!”
Thank you very much. Don’t forget to tip your mailman on the way out.
*And they CAN accept Christmas money, by the way … you just have to make sure you’re not giving them TOO much, because the post office gets pissed off about that. There are guidelines, you know. Why, I have no idea. Maybe they don’t want the mailmen getting too rich and quitting?
Friday, May 15, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Anti-Nursing Home
Here’s the plan for when our parents are old and feeble since I’m anti-nursing home:
Build 3 separate shacks in our backyard for Aron’s parents, my mom/stepdad and my dad/stepmom. My stepdad has no kids and my stepmom’s are in Michigan. As far as Aron’s parents, well, we’ll just have to see. He has 4 siblings, so I’m sure we’ll all be fighting over who gets to take care of the parents.
Don’t worry, there will be a bathroom in each shack and room for a hospital bed, a TV and a home-health nurse. And a mini-fridge. And maybe even a hot plate if the parents are good and don’t act up too much. I swear I’ll take my mom’s hot plate away if she gets too mouthy with me.
Build 3 separate shacks in our backyard for Aron’s parents, my mom/stepdad and my dad/stepmom. My stepdad has no kids and my stepmom’s are in Michigan. As far as Aron’s parents, well, we’ll just have to see. He has 4 siblings, so I’m sure we’ll all be fighting over who gets to take care of the parents.
Don’t worry, there will be a bathroom in each shack and room for a hospital bed, a TV and a home-health nurse. And a mini-fridge. And maybe even a hot plate if the parents are good and don’t act up too much. I swear I’ll take my mom’s hot plate away if she gets too mouthy with me.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
My Dad’s Large Family Comebacks
My dad is a freakin’ hoot. He needs to be a writer. He’s still young … he can totally break in to a writing career. He wins humorous caption contests at The Kansas City Star. He writes a funny Fishing Report after the twice-yearly family fishing trips.
He and Mom only had one kid, so I’m surprised he’s become one of my biggest champions in my quest for a large family. When I told him some of the comments I get in public and about some of the snotty looks (as if I’m not ENTITLED to have so many kids), he came up with some zingers. I’m not one of those people who will say, when told “you’ve got your hands full”, something like “yes, and my heart is also full.” I like to say something funny but not rude that will make them think about what came out of THEIR mouth and help them to see me as a real person and not just a Walking Baby Oven who is too lazy to take her kids to school each day.
I recently took my kids plus 3 of their friends to an indoor playplace, for a total of 7 “truant” kids. Dad said the next time I do something like that I should say things like this to those who stare or make rude comments:
-- This is just my FIRST seven kids.
-- These are my grandchildren (I’m only 37 and often look 12).
-- These are my brothers and sisters.
-- My hands are full but my wallet is empty. Can you spare a five?
-- My husband and I can’t figure out where they’re all coming from!
He and Mom only had one kid, so I’m surprised he’s become one of my biggest champions in my quest for a large family. When I told him some of the comments I get in public and about some of the snotty looks (as if I’m not ENTITLED to have so many kids), he came up with some zingers. I’m not one of those people who will say, when told “you’ve got your hands full”, something like “yes, and my heart is also full.” I like to say something funny but not rude that will make them think about what came out of THEIR mouth and help them to see me as a real person and not just a Walking Baby Oven who is too lazy to take her kids to school each day.
I recently took my kids plus 3 of their friends to an indoor playplace, for a total of 7 “truant” kids. Dad said the next time I do something like that I should say things like this to those who stare or make rude comments:
-- This is just my FIRST seven kids.
-- These are my grandchildren (I’m only 37 and often look 12).
-- These are my brothers and sisters.
-- My hands are full but my wallet is empty. Can you spare a five?
-- My husband and I can’t figure out where they’re all coming from!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I Wanna Be Sedated
Lately I’ve been wondering a lot about Valium. Somehow people in the 50s and 60s took this Wonder Drug and still FUNCTIONED, and it’s fascinating to me.
They didn’t act like alcoholics, who get mean or run into things with their cars or pass out during a PTA meeting or wake up totally non-functional.
They didn’t act like other drug addicts, who have all kinds of problems with finding a vein to shoot up in or whatever. Sorry, but my drug lingo isn’t that great.
They didn’t act like people on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs, who get about 57 fun side effects (can’t sleep, sleep all day, don’t want sex, want sex all day, can’t eat, want to eat all day, act stupid, act mean, etc.) and are often STILL messed up.
I definitely need to do some research on Valium. Can you take it pregnant? Can you take it nursing? Does it just make you a little dull or does it knock you out? Raggedy, you should know something about this one ... you are a cool 60s-type chick!!! I thought my mom would know more, but she disappointed me :-)
Here’s your assignment for the day: leave me a comment with everything you know about Valium.
They didn’t act like alcoholics, who get mean or run into things with their cars or pass out during a PTA meeting or wake up totally non-functional.
They didn’t act like other drug addicts, who have all kinds of problems with finding a vein to shoot up in or whatever. Sorry, but my drug lingo isn’t that great.
They didn’t act like people on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs, who get about 57 fun side effects (can’t sleep, sleep all day, don’t want sex, want sex all day, can’t eat, want to eat all day, act stupid, act mean, etc.) and are often STILL messed up.
I definitely need to do some research on Valium. Can you take it pregnant? Can you take it nursing? Does it just make you a little dull or does it knock you out? Raggedy, you should know something about this one ... you are a cool 60s-type chick!!! I thought my mom would know more, but she disappointed me :-)
Here’s your assignment for the day: leave me a comment with everything you know about Valium.
Monday, May 11, 2009
The Sex of My Baby
I love when people ask me if I’m going to find out the sex of my baby.
I reply, “How will I NOT? I mean, the doctor will probably tell me when it’s born or else I’ll lift it’s leg like I always do and see for myself. Even if those two things don’t happen, I’m pretty sure I’ll figure it out when I see a penis or a vagina when I change those first thousand diapers.”
Man, people can be so dumb!
P.S. Lori (and anybody else, actually!), when you leave a comment, put your e-mail address in the spot that asks for it so I can write you back. If it doesn't let you, just email me at mommykerrie@yahoo.com so I have your address!!!
I reply, “How will I NOT? I mean, the doctor will probably tell me when it’s born or else I’ll lift it’s leg like I always do and see for myself. Even if those two things don’t happen, I’m pretty sure I’ll figure it out when I see a penis or a vagina when I change those first thousand diapers.”
Man, people can be so dumb!
P.S. Lori (and anybody else, actually!), when you leave a comment, put your e-mail address in the spot that asks for it so I can write you back. If it doesn't let you, just email me at mommykerrie@yahoo.com so I have your address!!!
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