Happy Birthday to Aron/Woodworking Projects

Today my super-sweet and hot husband turns 42. So I’m doing a tribute to his woodworking skills. Of course, if you see a piece you like, he can make it for you. The TV stand, for instance, would retail for about $500. It even has adjustable shelves and slam-proof doors. Callie told him, “Oooh. This furniture here is beautiful.”


No, I’m serious. You should see how much love and time and energy and perfection he puts in to each piece. I wish to God I had that kind of dedication to something. As you can tell from my recent typos (which my parents and cousin Zee tell me about) in this blog, I’m kind of in a hurry to pop out my opinions and move on to the next 463 things on my list.

Here’s a shelf he whipped out so I could put things by the door so I wouldn’t forget them (like the kids ... haha):


This isn’t actually woodworking but shows how cool he is; on two levels he put double banisters so shortie kids can use a handrail going up and down stairs.


And here’s one of his two speaker stands, which are a bitch to dust:


Here's the cool table he made for me:


And a neat-o set of end tables, one of which is below for your viewing pleasure


And, of course, the deck, which he designed and built himself (with some help from friends, brothers and dads). Oops, never mind on the photo of that one. Don’t need more stalkers coming around.

He also cooks, cleans, dances, fixes plumbing and electrical stuff and works on my car. And never forgets a holiday or special occasion. And lets the kids put mud footprints on the ceiling.


And NO, you can’t have him or even rent him. HANDS OFF. (This little rant doesn’t apply to his cousins who read the blog cuz that would be just gross.)

Converter Box

I told you about the ordeal of BUYING the converter box, but not how I feel about the addition to my home.

All I want to know is: How did the government know I needed yet another remote control? I now have a grand total of FOUR, and that’s because the $100 one is lost.

Hooking it up was no problem. I even did a happy dance because we get EXTRA channels! Kid channels, no less, like Qubo 24 hours a day! It’s like getting more free babysitting! Then you realize that if a channel doesn’t come in PERFECTLY, the whole screen freezes. Not like the old days, when if the rabbit ears weren’t positioned well you could still kind of see your program.

“Why don’t you just get cable, you cheap [fill in the blank]?!” you may ask. Well, first of all, I AM CHEAP. Have you not met me? Are ya new to this blog? (If you ARE new to this blog, I apologize for yelling at you, but you may as well get used to it.)

Plus if I had cable I wouldn’t have time to entertain YOU with this blog because I’d be watching TV about 10 hours a day … cooking shows, news shows, etc. I don’t need all that extra crap in my poor small brain! My mom tapes a very elite group of shows for me, which I can take or leave depending on how much time I have.

Which brings me to taping shows using a converter box. Yes, you read that right. I typed the word TAPING. Anyway, I can’t set up to tape anything anymore because:

1. The converter box automatically shuts off after a few hours.

2. How does my old VCR know WHICH Channel 19 to tape (there are 4, named 19-1, 19-2, etc.)? It is confused.

Y'all yell at me for being stuck in the ‘90s, but I’m telling you I like being different. Mark Twain said that whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

Animals in Strollers and At Work

So you already know I have a “problem” (meaning I don’t really care all that much because it doesn’t hurt me none) with animals in strollers. But what about kids who are, like, TEN years old in strollers?

I don’t even want to get into the whole pacifier-at-age-four thing OR the nursing kids til they are 47 months old because I personally sucked my thumb until the double line showed up on my pregnancy test when I was 29.

I’m talking about consistently seeing older kids who can’t walk-and-rest like the rest of us. Most of the time my head is up my butt, so the reason I even NOTICE these kids is because they are usually having a full-on hissy fit of some variety. Hmmm, don’t act like a baby, kid, yet sit in a stroller til you move out of the house.

And what’s the deal with my “dependent” kids being insured on my medical policy until they are 25 years old? Does “dependent” mean they live at home or that I am footing the bill for their whole life OUTSIDE of my home (college, parties, transportation)?

First of all, no wonder insurance is so expensive if a kid is a kid for 7 years longer than it used to be. Second, why are we trying to get our child through their Master’s degree before kicking them out of the house, off the boob, and off insurance? Get a job like I had to, child! Starbuck’s offers insurance!

So we are taking care of our kids until they are a third of the way through their life, yet at the same time letting our daughters wear short-shorts with words like “princess” and “hot” on their ass. Oh, and they get cell phones, unlimited Internet access, cable TV in their bedrooms and $100 portable video game machines when they are like five years old now. Good Lord, how confusing is that?

And don’t even TALK to me about how I nurse too long or how I smother my kids by homeschooling them. We are ALL guilty in some way, no?

Dads Who Travel and Travel Widows

Aron has to leave town for a measly 3 days this week , but it still disrupts our world. My saint mother (I can hear my dad laughing right now) is going to come over Thursday so I can do a market research thing for an hour that night. She’s watching all 4 kids. She’s spending the night. WOW.

Then Friday is the Dental Appointment (I always have cavities no matter what I do, and YES I am aware that I eat too much chocolate). Aron was supposed to join me on this appointment and have his own, but TRAVEL intrudes. I have had to reschedule his appointment literally 5 times. Mom is also coming to THAT with me … the kids like to play in the waiting area so they can hear me screaming (just kidding).

Last time he traveled was a tiny trip to Chicago. Before that it was ALL SUMMER because some moron quit (again) so MY man got to leave every Sunday night at 5 p.m. and return every Saturday at 1 a.m. for about 10 weeks or so. It was like Chinese Work Torture. Just stay gone for 4 weeks and be home for 4, for God's sake.

I'm not supposed to complain. My dad says it's not like he's digging ditches. I say it's not like I'm staying sane.

The Bagelful Babysitter

YES! Two food posts in a row! I am the size of the average American woman (forget you, Janice Dickinson!), which is a size 12. I am happy this way and like to eat food and keep it in my stomach! If I ever lose weight, it’ll be because I am too busy with kids and writing to concentrate so hard on chocolate and other carbs, so don’t send me hate mail if I ever turn up as a measly size 8.

Currently I am in love with Bagelfuls. I can’t even tell you who makes them because the kids and I ate them so fast and recycled the boxes already. I dream about them at night.

1. The kids can pop them into the microwave themselves, and they (the Bagelfuls, not the kids) heat up in only a few seconds.

2. They are only about 4 Weight Watchers flex points, so they are great for a dieting chick, if you are so inclined.

3. They are great for times when you need a grab-and-go snack or meal.

Flavors: I tried original (regular bagel with plain cream cheese inside), strawberry (regular bagel with strawberry cream cheese inside) and blueberry (blueberry bagel with plain cream cheese inside). They all rock, and I hear there’s also one with chive cream cheese!

Environmental Cost: I recycle the box, but each Bagelful is in its own plastic wrapper.

Money Cost: At $2 for 4, I know it isn’t the cheapest thing, but I love how easy they are. Anything that gives me a few extra minutes at the computer is worth it. It’s like a babysitter in a box … okay, not really. I’m sure the Grocery Goddess can tell me where to find a coupon for Bagelfuls, so we’ll all be waiting for her to post a comment.