The Prospect Of Divorce May Not Be As Terrible As You Think

Pexels - CC0 License

When we think about divorce, we often think about terrible consequences. Families being torn apart, hostilities between two who may have really loved each other at one point, as well as an aggressive and toxic blowback that always seems to affect the children worst of all. You may have read the title of this post and considered it rather incendiary, especially if you have a family member or friend who is going through this rough situation now.

But is there a written rule that states divorce has to be a horrible procedure which brings out the worst in people? Or do many allow that to happen by using the emotional situation as a means to release a torrent of toxic behavior, aggression, and hurt, all in the name of defending themselves from pain? Sure, none of us are immune to this, and this post will not try to float above you and try and label why every divorcee is in the wrong.

We simply wish to state that the process of divorce can even be a positive experience. Here’s why:

It’s Awakening, Thoroughly

When you think of divorce, you know it is the last stop between a married couple. This can help two people forget the lies they might have been telling each other, forget the aggression, forget the small passive comments they make, and actually begin to see the other person. Like a splash of cold water over the face, the prospect of divorce can be intimately worrying and sometimes signify a great life change. This means that as a foundational last resort, a couple may research how to save a marriage with trust issues, or how to work on their arguments, or how to better work towards keeping the family unit together. Like someone in a self-destructive set of behaviors realizing the need to exercise after being given their medical report, the prospect of divorce can be the careful push to help you salvage positivity.

Moving On

Moving on can be a positive thing, if scary. Sometimes, people simply are not the person they were when they married, and this can be normal. People change over decades, and we shouldn’t pretend otherwise. Sometimes, people can grow apart. It could be that a clean break, affable, professional, spurned by healthy conversation instead of a feiry reveal of infidelity can be important. It’s this somewhat ‘professional’ approach to things that can help you spare most of the aggression, and that can lead to a good thing.

Remaining Friends

Under-reported to the degree that it should be is the fact that many divorcees have managed to construct their lives anew while keeping in touch with their old marriage partner. There’s no reason or rule that states you cannot be civil, grow as people and stay friends. After the marriage, you begin to find you again, and sometimes that can help you live more positively, and learn to forgive. It will not be possible in all cases - but in the cases that apply, this can be a great thing.

With the following advice, you’re certain to understand that divorce can be a positive experience, through many different perspectives.

Drive by Fear or Driven by "Love"?

Please enjoy this guest post today :-)

Only when we are willing to truly explore this question as a person, are we able to explore ourselves as beings.

It was during an episode of depression that I became aware of some major choices I had made in my life that were driven by fear.

I was infusing life into what I believe is lifeless: fear.

It makes sense to me that any thought or action that is driven by judgment and hate, for ourselves and for “others,” creates separation, and this separation isolates us from our true selves, which in turn keeps us from understanding what is real and what is not.

Perhaps, a life of “true” health and joy is paved by becoming aware of which thoughts and actions are driven by fear and which are driven by “Love.” And every inch of that pavement is infused with self-inquiry.

This practice might entail discernment combined with intuition, patience, and kindness. What a rich adventure life is within us! Self-discovery and self-exploration are so exciting to me, even if there is nowhere to go, and what is discovered can never be explained or fully understood.

However, what I ponder these days is whether it is true that we act and behave according to our fears or according to “Love”—at conscious or unconscious levels.

Is fear the opposite of “Love”?

If yes, then the place to stand is in between them.

As far as I can see, by trying to run from fear or trying to become “Love,” we can never “stand” anywhere. Our human experience is destined to be unstable—out of balance at all levels, mentally and physically—as long as we choose sides to “stand” on/by.

The magical antidote to unnecessary suffering might be the realization that it is not running from or becoming something that gets us “there,” but rather being “there” now, between the opposites.

I think this is called the non-dual state of mind. I am not sure how long, and how much of, our lives can be experienced in this state. Not through experience perhaps, as everything we experience has a dual nature attached to it, but through awareness—the subtle knowing, which cannot be known by consciousness.

It might be that subtle knowledge, at this very moment, simply is—and it’s all we have.

The past and the future are just memories. They can teach and motivate, but they are not real life. They are, perhaps, “necessary” illusions that serve as a guide depending on each person’s level of awareness.

It is in “being” here and now before becoming what our past or our future makes us to be that we meet life itself.

And so, it is by meeting life itself that we know “Love.”

I remember the beginning of my “raw” understanding of fear and “Love,” when I became open to new experiences that would expose my fears and help me to overcome them.

I began saying “yes” to thoughts that suggested and welcomed the new, the unknown to me.

And so, I said yes to everything that seemed to invite me to explore my hidden fears.

Boy, did this lead me to dangerous situations, one of which was when I quickly made the decision to spend a few months at a meditation retreat center in the “middle-of-nowhere” in France, where I was drugged.

From this experience, I became aware of which fears were not worth overcoming: The fear of living with strangers in a foreign country whose mission was to teach “others” to become “fearless.”

It is by replacing fear with “Love” awareness as a practice first, that we become fearless.

Those who are fearless are free to “Love” because “Love” is who we are: FREE. Free from the negative meaning given to our human experience.

The human experience includes everything that is possible to experience. The personal meaning we give to these experiences can be altered. The non-personal meaning for the human experience arises from awareness itself.

By Valeria Teles

https://fitforjoy.org/

Contact: info@fitforjoy.org

Getting Through Life's Stresses And Strains

Image Credit Pixabay.com License CC0

Life can be stressful. That is pretty much one thing that every person on this planet can agree on. Nobody has it easy, and circumstances always seem to conspire against us to drag us down and make us feel bad. This could be relationship issues, falling ill, having an accident, or financial problems brought on by so many external factors. 

And when problems hit you, then everything else can fall down like dominos around you. Problems in work end up causing stresses at home. Soon you don’t know where to turn. Your life can feel as though it is inescapably stressful all of the time. The fact that you cannot find respite from the relentless problems that you are facing can make everything even worse. Sometimes, these problems have spiralled so much that you just struggle even to catch your breath.

Does all of that sound familiar? It gets to us all from time-to-time. However, some people seem to weather situations better than others. It may appear as though life’s significant hurdles are water off a duck’s back for some people. But it can be for you too. By developing strong coping strategies and noticing the signs of stress in your life early, and tackling them head-on, you can overcome them. 

Look After Yourself

The first thing that you need to do when stress starts to take over in your life is to stop and look after yourself. It can be very easy to neglect yourself when you are having trouble in life. You may not feel as though you deserve to feel better than you do right now. You need to make sure that you don’t punish yourself for the problems that you are facing. 

Make sure that you are eating a balanced diet. You will need your energy to get over this stress in your life. You should ensure you have the correct mix of vitamins and minerals. These will stop you from getting run down and will help you to stay as healthy as possible. 

Get lots of sleep. You will need a full eight hours each night. If you are cutting it short all the time, you will start to feel more anxious as a result. Tiredness is a friend to nobody. 

Getting some fresh air and exercise will help you feel better about yourself too. And, if you are struggling with your general health, diet, and exercise, then you may need to look at wellness programs.

Talk About It

They say that a problem shared is a problem halved. And you can really unburden yourself and share the load by talking to somebody. Talking through your problems can make you feel much lighter, but it can also help you to find solutions to your problems. 

Pick a friend who is a good listener. They may be able to give you advice and help you to see a new perspective on your situation. Opening up about your issues may help you to come up with a plan on how you will fix things in your life. 

How to Adapt Your Home as You Get Older

Image Credit: Pexels CC0 Licence 

You may not be getting any younger but if you want to stay in your home for as long as possible, you need to face the facts: getting older often means that your ability will be affected. However, a disability is only ever to do with the space you are in. If you are able to move around and operate within a space without a problem, you are effectively no longer disabled. 

So what should you do to make sure that your home continues to work for you? 

Getting Around

Being able to move around your home and go out as often as you like is really important. If you get stuck inside for a long period of time or have to rely on others to get out, you’re going to go a bit stir crazy in the end - however special you’ve made your home!  

Putting handicap ramps over steps up to your house and around your garden will make it much easier to navigate the terrain with sticks or a walker. If you have stairs, a stairlift could also be a good idea as this will make upstairs more accessible. 

Staying Safe

As you get older, it is well worth doing a few safety checks around the house and putting a few things in place to make sure you’re okay. The kitchen is a good place to start. Take any sharp knives out of your drawers and put them into a visible block instead. You should also consider marking your hob to make the “off” positions as clear as possible. In the bathroom, you should add a mat to reduce your chance of slipping and put grab rails on the wall to support you too. 

Many older people are at risk of falling and most will fall within their own home. Fortunately, there are plenty of things you can do to reduce that risk. For example, you should remove any trip hazards from the floor including loose wires, clutter and any movable rugs (which may be tacked down). You might also consider putting your lights on timers so that you don’t need to fumble around for switches when it gets dark. 

Employing Some Help

Even with a few adaptations, it is always worth looking into a bit more help around the house. Employing a cleaner is a good idea as this will free you up to do more things you enjoy while your house stays in tip top condition. But there are plenty of services you might like to try. 

Bringing someone in to help with your chores more generally is a good idea and there are plenty of services for people who need help with personal care too. Buying ready-made meals will also lighten the burden of cooking and could be a lot easier. 

Staying at home for as long as possible is a preference for most people and it’s vital that you put the changes you need into practice quickly. Don't wait for problems to arise before you solve them - get a jump on it! 

2019 Books Read and Plan to Read Kerrie McLoughlin (updated regularly)

Welcome to my online reading log! I love Scribd and you can check them out for two months for FREE to see which of these books might be on Scribd as an ebook or audiobook, just click on the word Scribd here in this post. I do find that most books I want to read or listen to can be found over there with only a few exceptions.

Please check back here regularly. I have eclectic tastes and I include what I'm reading to the kids as well (just click here to go to that post)! And yes, I do read more than one book at once! (disclaimer: I might get a few cents if you buy a book or ebook using the links in this post)

On my Scribd list of audiobooks to listen to next while I walk (I pay $8.99 for unlimited audiobooks and ebooks each month!):

Light Over London by Julia Kelly
The Hypnotist's Love Story by Liane Moriarty
Tess of the Road by Rachel Hartman
The Mermaid by Christina Henry
Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult
The Home for Unwanted Girls by Joanna Goodman

Inside Out by Demi Moore finished in December and loved it! So many great insights I might just buy my own copy and mark it up.

Listened to this one on Scribd while I walked, put away laundry, made dinner, drove, etc. (Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine). I found it a little slow. (Finished August 12, 2019)

Reading this one in paperback by the pool (gift from my friend Jill); (Finished around August 20, 2019):


This one looks like a quick read I might do next:


Jill also gave me this one in paperback, and it will round out pool season nicely! (started 9/8/19 and still listening to on walks as of October 8, 2019)


Planning to start this one in September. Started this one August 12 on audiobook and was immediately drawn in (over half done as of August 27 and can't wait to see the movie); finished 9/8/19 and highly recommend:


I got a little distracted because some friends want to go see the Downton Abbey movie and it was a show I always wanted to start so I did. I watched before bed, while putting away laundry, doing dishes, cooking, etc. As of 10/8/19 I'm on the final season and excited to go see the movie with friends!


If I fall in love with Kristin Hannah, I'm heading to this one next, then I'll start posting more:


Then I'd like to check out this one:


And this one:


And this one:


I got this one free at church and keep it by my bed for reading a little at a time:


Suggested for everyone to read by Stephanie Williams on my Facebook fan page:

Stephanie Williams Read : A million Little Pieces, Piece of Cake and Vurt at least twice each.