The Life of a Travel Widow

You've heard of a football widow, right? Those women who are neglected because their man is watching football all season. The woman could stand buck naked in front of the TV, and the guy would move her out of the way. Well, being a travel widow isn't like that because it isn't exactly by choice. But you're still a widow of sorts because you're like a single parent ... only with that all-important paycheck coming in still so you can saunter around the house as a stay-at-home mom, if you choose. Here are some observations about the life of a travel widow:

We do fun stuff to take our minds off Daddy. Then we blog about it so he can see pictures!

1. I love my husband. He loves me. I'm sure there are men who love love love to travel for work because their home life sucks. Their kids are brats, their wife is a nag, and being in the office is boring. When they travel they get to be selfish and do cool stuff like fly on a plane and eat steak every night and watch whatever they want on TV whenever they want. My husband has ALWAYS made it clear he does not like to be away from us. He's either a really good liar or it's true because I've seen him get very sad and upset about leaving us. We hate when he has to leave.
2. Our schedule without him is unpredictable. I am ashamed to admit any sort of schedule goes out the window when he leaves. We eat more sugar, we do more things to keep busy ... play, go places, meet up with friends, stay up later watching TV and reading. Some of this is just to keep me sane, as well, since I'm the only parent.
3. Reintegrating him into our lives isn't always easy. It's easier if he has a nice Monday-Friday travel schedule and we know what's going to happen. But when his schedule is screwy, like now, and we have no clue when he's leaving and coming home, sometimes we look up and he's there and we're like, "Oh, we were headed to so-and-so's house ... did you want to come or stay home for some down time?"
4. The disruption when he get a client who is not clear about the schedule or expectations. You should see my wall calendar ... events scribbled out, rewritten, wite-outed, new plans made with or without the Man of the House.
5. I have to fight myself really hard to not turn into a jaded hardass who tries to run every single aspect of the show all the time, even after he comes home. Many years ago I met women at Aron's company who were HAPPY when their man traveled. THEY got to be selfish and spend the paycheck. I didn't want to be like that. A few of them are divorced now. Travel is hard on a marriage, but ...
6. It might be good for our marriage to be away from each other sometimes.
7. Don't get me started on how travel messes with us using Natural Family Planning! It is frustrating to know that after a long period of abstinence WHEN HE WAS AT HOME, he is leaving town on the day you now have the green light to visit the Boom Boom Room. And he's going to be gone a long time. Grrr.
8. The traveling guy sometimes has to miss things that are important to his family. I try not to kick him when he's down ... he's already missing an important event; he doesn't need me to hop his case about it. So I TRY not to.
9. A travel widow needs extra love ... invite her over for dinner, ask if she needs any sanity time, a coffee, a hug.
10. Don't forget about the military widows! As I gripe about how hard my life is and how much I miss my husband, I think of my friends who have husbands who are gone for a year at a time. That much stink really bad. Is it easier to say goodbye to Daddy and then not have to do that again for a year or to say goodbye to Daddy over and over and over?
11. Don't forget about single parents or real widows! Sometimes I find myself griping about Aron being gone to a woman who has a husband who is a real tool and isn't around anymore. I feel like a jerk and have to apologize!

Don't forget to enter the book giveaway WAY down at the bottom of the blog, or at the bottom of yesterday's post ... it's fickle and moves around!

"We Are All Broken" Says My Husband

*If you are sick of the homeschool group drama posts, just move on with your day. I'm working through this in my own way and trying to come to solutions so I can get on with my life, which is easier said than done! It's like going through grieving stages ... in a weird order. I was sad at first and groveled to the leader about the whole thing. Then I just got mad. I own that I am acting like a 10-year-old and am okay with that right now.


This morning I had a comment from the leader of the homeschool group I wrote about. I'm in the process of addressing her stuff since I don't censor, but for now I wanted to go back to my old messages and post some interesting things. My original comment was this and was what started all the whispering behind my back and the ultimate booting of my buns:


" I'm starting to feel suffocated by all the scripture references that are being put out there ... just like some kids need to be deschooled, maybe some of us need to be de-Bibled and just listen to God for a while and maybe even NOT read His word for a little while and then head back to it with a clear head."


Later I said this:
" i apologize if anyone thought i was being mean and i didn't mean de-church at all. i just meant that those who struggle with their faith many times already know everything the Bible says and yet struggle anyway. that's all."


I think some of the ladies had some great points (and they didn't get kicked out!) that I would like to share:


"Just for the record, I haven't been offended by a comment yet. But just a guess - the Bible isn't what's offensive in some comments, but the way it's thrown at people, as if quoting a verse out of context without any commentary makes a point. No one knows what your point is if all you do is throw down a verse. You'll have to tell us why you think that verse is relevant if you want us to know what you're trying to contribute to the conversation. .... XXX didn't start this discussion because she doesn't believe the Bible. She started it because she wants to try to find out what the Bible means, what it teaches. Telling her she's just not reading it, or just not accepting it is, to say the least, unhelpful."


Another member wrote this:
" Like XXX, I struggle with my faith too, as is perfectly NORMAL. We are intelligent humans and it's natural to question the things we believe/don't believe to try and find out the why's. I have done the same, and I'm sure most of us have too. (And here is where I make people mad...) However, throwing down bible scripture, stating those of us who have these questions or struggles are doomed to hell until we pull our heads out of our behinds doesn't do us any good. This is one of the things that truly turns me off about some christians! Do I think scripture should be used to find the truth? You bet. Do I think posting it on a FB thread, stating we're all going to burn in hell is appropriate? No. I know it's cliche, but what would Jesus do? Would he throw The Book at XXX? No, he would calmly sit by her side and talk with her, referencing the Word in a way that would be respectful and helpful to her, leading her to the truth. So, if we want to throw scripture at each other - Matthew 7 1 Do not judge, or you too will be judged."


My husband put it simply when I told him about all this once. He said, "We are all broken." How do men put up with us? How is it that women aren't the ones starting wars, we are so passionate?!


By the way, I love my faith, loving going to church, love reading Bible stories and praying. I'm not a witch, I promise. I just had an opinion when I saw someone I liked being kinda jumped on. I like to defend people. I knew when I hit the POST button I was sealing my own coffin because I've always had a big mouth, but I would do it again. At least I was being my REAL SELF. I am a person, a wife, a mother. Not just a Facebook profile.

Stuff (aka CRAP)

I don’t remember George Carlin’s homage to stuff (although he used a different word) very well, but I did see the bit when I was a little kid. It must’ve stuck with me because I don’t give a crap about STUFF.

I can't blame it on my only-childness; my mom says even if I was the baby of 10 kids, I probably wouldn’t care about STUFF.

It’s (life) not about the stuff that’s in the room while they make memories or the dish they ate your famous meals off of. I personally think it’s about PEOPLE. Call me crazy. Obviously I’m in the minority because look at the fights over STUFF when people die and look at all the STUFF in storage that overflows from houses and apartments.

My mom had some old quilts stored for many years, waiting for ????? To give to her grandchildren, who would probably trash them within a week? Finally one day she realized they were wasting away when the people who sewed them meant for them to be USEFUL. So she drug them out and started doling them out to people who would care for them and snuggle up with them. With the provision that they NOT hang them on a wall or put them in a cedar chest, but USE THEM to keep warm.

I think we are too damn sentimental. It’s hard to detach from our stuff. It’s a process. Just ask Candy Spelling, who has a something-thousand-foot attic storing STUFF from many years with her family. Every Halloween costume, for God’s sake. Geez, auction those off and give the money to a homeless shelter. Better yet, don’t sell your mansion and make IT a spectacular homeless shelter!!!!

Who’s with me because I think I hear crickets out here alone in the wilderness?

(I had this post laying around for like 2 years and feel just scrappy enough today to post it. I have to say there's a downside to not caring about stuff = not taking CARE of the stuff and so it seems like you don't care about the person who gave you the stuff. What do you think?)

Also, do you think CRAP is a cuss word because I don't.

Homeschool Art: Making Paper Pokemon

Last year Michael started making paper replicas of  Pokemon characters. Then Joel got into the act. Then they got their friends into it. Some are teeny weeny and some are huge. Some are flat and some are 3-dimensional. They store them in Ziploc baggies so they can be protected from their naughty little siblings. Then I just pin the baggies to a bulletin board and -- voila! -- they are kept away from the littles. Then the boys get them out and play around together with their paper Pokemon. Michael would like to point out that usually he prefers to play with his Pokemon characters alone :-)

Lapras

Wailmer

Excavalier (sp?) ... no idea why it's going sideways; I didn't take the picture that wayy!

VINTAGE RERUN: Kids and Sports and Sunday (Early) Games

WARNING: INFLAMMATORY BLOG POST (originally posted 6/30/09 when I had passionate pregnant brain)

Today is VINTAGE RERUN SUNDAY! I'm kicking back today with my family so I have dug up an old episode of The (Mommy)Kerrie Show for your reading pleasure. Enjoy, and see you next week!

WHY would you have a soccer game at 6 a.m. on a Sunday? My friend with 7 kids has to get up and schlep all her kids ALONE to a 6 a.m. soccer game on a SUNDAY. She is a flippin’ saint in my book.

Here on The Kerrie Show, we’ve only gotten about HALF our total sleep intake by 6 a.m. (not really, but we certainly wake after the kids across the street at the school are all seated for their first class). If a coach told me my kid had a 6 a.m. game, I would honestly laugh out loud in his or her face. If the game was important to my kid, I guess I would have to show up or else send my poor husband since Eva wakes up whenever I leave the darn bed still. But if I had to show up that early, I would have to make it clear that it’s the dumbest thing I have ever heard of. (Darn my mother for passing on her mouthy nature to me).

Kids are overworked enough as it is (school, too much homework, music lessons, dance lessons, soccer, baseball, tutoring, Cub Scouts, CCD class, 4-H, etc.) … can’t they catch a little sleep on the weekend? [Edited to add: Same for their parents!]

First of all, Aron is adamant about the kids not playing any sports on Sunday. I’m on the fence. I mean, once they get older and have a game to play, I think they should be able to make the choice. But then I also wonder what would happen to the American family if we were all forced to hang out on Sundays and not be running our butts off to sports and activities.

What if we just had to BE with each other and (novel idea coming up here) TALK to each other and PLAY in the backyard or go to the park or the FREE nature trail, packing a lunch for the hike?

I kind of would like to watch that soccer game, though. I wonder how fast the kids are moving down the field and how many of those 10-year-olds downed a pot of coffee pre-game!

Speaking of soccer, my dad recently told me about his step-grandkid in Michigan, who is TWO YEARS OLD. She plays soccer. I begged him to videotape it and put it on YouTube. Wouldn’t that be entertaining?! [Edited to add: Now of course since I made fun of it I have myself a 2-year-old Sam who is a wiz at every freaking sport under the sun and you might even catch me at a Sunday game, but that remains to be seen.]

Use your nice words in the comments section, please. I know some of you are quite attached you your kids playing sports, and I realize this could be me someday (go, baseball … my Joel (DiMaggio) can hit and throw like a crazy man!).