My Dad’s Large Family Comebacks

My dad is a freakin’ hoot. He needs to be a writer. He’s still young … he can totally break in to a writing career. He wins humorous caption contests at The Kansas City Star. He writes a funny Fishing Report after the twice-yearly family fishing trips.

He and Mom only had one kid, so I’m surprised he’s become one of my biggest champions in my quest for a large family. When I told him some of the comments I get in public and about some of the snotty looks (as if I’m not ENTITLED to have so many kids), he came up with some zingers. I’m not one of those people who will say, when told “you’ve got your hands full”, something like “yes, and my heart is also full.” I like to say something funny but not rude that will make them think about what came out of THEIR mouth and help them to see me as a real person and not just a Walking Baby Oven who is too lazy to take her kids to school each day.

I recently took my kids plus 3 of their friends to an indoor playplace, for a total of 7 “truant” kids. Dad said the next time I do something like that I should say things like this to those who stare or make rude comments:

-- This is just my FIRST seven kids.

-- These are my grandchildren (I’m only 37 and often look 12).

-- These are my brothers and sisters.

-- My hands are full but my wallet is empty. Can you spare a five?

-- My husband and I can’t figure out where they’re all coming from!

I Wanna Be Sedated

Lately I’ve been wondering a lot about Valium. Somehow people in the 50s and 60s took this Wonder Drug and still FUNCTIONED, and it’s fascinating to me.

They didn’t act like alcoholics, who get mean or run into things with their cars or pass out during a PTA meeting or wake up totally non-functional.

They didn’t act like other drug addicts, who have all kinds of problems with finding a vein to shoot up in or whatever. Sorry, but my drug lingo isn’t that great.

They didn’t act like people on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs, who get about 57 fun side effects (can’t sleep, sleep all day, don’t want sex, want sex all day, can’t eat, want to eat all day, act stupid, act mean, etc.) and are often STILL messed up.

I definitely need to do some research on Valium. Can you take it pregnant? Can you take it nursing? Does it just make you a little dull or does it knock you out? Raggedy, you should know something about this one ... you are a cool 60s-type chick!!! I thought my mom would know more, but she disappointed me :-)

Here’s your assignment for the day: leave me a comment with everything you know about Valium.

The Sex of My Baby

I love when people ask me if I’m going to find out the sex of my baby.

I reply, “How will I NOT? I mean, the doctor will probably tell me when it’s born or else I’ll lift it’s leg like I always do and see for myself. Even if those two things don’t happen, I’m pretty sure I’ll figure it out when I see a penis or a vagina when I change those first thousand diapers.”

Man, people can be so dumb!

P.S. Lori (and anybody else, actually!), when you leave a comment, put your e-mail address in the spot that asks for it so I can write you back. If it doesn't let you, just email me at mommykerrie@yahoo.com so I have your address!!!

Joelmark, Inc.

Instead of giving Hallmark hundreds of dollars this year, I’ve hired my son Joel to make cards for occasions. And no, Eva, you smarty-pants … I’m NOT paying him extra. I told him it’s part of his measly allowance (part of which goes to savings and some to church, by the way!).

We have 3 First Communions, a bunch of birthdays and a baby shower coming up, and he’s not only saving me money, but he’s saving us a trip to the card store and he feels good knowing he’s making something special for someone.

Your Financial Future

I’m not rich, nor do I desire to be. I guess I just want more of the same … we have enough food, we each have a car, we have a nice home that is warm in the winter and cool in the summer. We have all the wonderful kids we want and are able to take care of them in every way possible, including educationally.

Aron and I talk about if we ever somehow came into a lot of money (impossible for the most part, since we don’t play the lottery). We’d give most of it away. Well, he says he’d give it ALL away. I say, “Don’t be stupid. Put some in our savings account for an emergency, some in each kid’s saving account and THEN give it away to a worthy cause that you really check out and get to know personally.”

Here’s the offensive question of the day, then:

Financial advisors now tell you to plan for your OWN financial future before putting your kids through college, paying for a costly wedding, etc. To me, this makes total sense. I’ll be old and feeble and will need the money for my hip replacement worse than my spry kids, who can work and pay off their own loans just like their dad and I had to do. Plus I might be taking care of my parents, step-parents and in-laws (in 3 separate shacks in the backyard, mind you).

By the way, let’s not forget about our parents because you may be in the Sandwich Generation (people taking care of their kids and their parents at the same time. You may need to be helping to take care of your parents, also. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather spring for a home-health nurse for my parents who gave me LIFE than pay for college for my kids or a $20,000 wedding (with the 50% divorce rate!) for my girls when my kids can so easily take care of themselves.

What do you think? And be NICE! Use your big-girl and big-boy words … ha!