Monday, December 29, 2008

On Death and Dying

When my dad would turn left in front of oncoming traffic, my mom would say, “Ahhhhh! I’m in the death seat!”

Aron made a little stool for Callie, but the base isn’t wide enough or something. The kids get on it and fall off or almost smack their faces on counters, etc. I call it the “death stool.” As in: “Get off the death stool! I don’t have time to go to the ER today.”

Earlier this year Aron’s cousin and his wife had a baby who only lived a few hours after she was born. The Visitation was probably the saddest thing I have ever personally witnessed (Shannon’s memorial service was a close second). The tiny baby girl was in an open casket for everyone to see. I didn’t want the kids to witness such a sad thing, but then God reminded me that I’m not in control. I went to change my own baby girl’s diaper and came back to see Aron and the kids in front of the baby’s casket, discussing the situation.

I think it’s important to talk about death with kids and with each other. To make light of it. To bring humor to it, when appropriate. The kids were not freaked out by the sight of the baby. You of course know what Crybaby (me) did. I wasn’t sad for the baby, who I absolutely believe is in a wonderful place. I was sad for the people who would not get to physically hold her on a daily basis. I was sad for what could have been.

I guess everything is as it is supposed to be, bad or good, right or wrong. Think about this: If Adam Walsh had not died, would his dad have gone on to start an organization that has helped capture so many criminals? If I hadn’t been married before to Shrek’s mean twin brother, would I have appreciated being married now to the man of my dreams? If I hadn’t lost my own baby so long ago, would I disgustingly smother my children with love these days? If my parents had had more children, would be as close as we are? I’m still trying to figure out why Shannon died, but I’m confident it will all be revealed someday.

Anybody have any good death jokes? Jeez, tough crowd out there today.

How about this one: tell me your favorite Christmas gift you received … either yesterday or ever.


  1. Death is a very common topic in our house-even so far as to while touring a famous cemetary in Boston the kids asked to see God's headstone. We live near the cemetary where my mother and uncle/brother are buried and we visit often-they think it is a nice place to play! I am open with my opinions that children should know about death and the afterlife (we do beleive that there is a better place-when my uncle/brother died I explained to his kids that I think of heavan as a place much like here but MUCH better and with a view on earth and all that we do) it works for us! Maybe because I have faced death so young, my mom died when I was 14, I am not afraid of it, I am, however afraid to die and leave my c hildren without me-a WHOLE OTHER STORY!

    Ok, you know me, ramble ramlbe ramble! My favorite present-hmmm...not really a Christmas present but I got it on Christmas day-my engagement ring.


  2. What an interesting post. I feel bad for the little baby's family. I couldn't imagine losing my baby. How sad.

    Anyway, my favorite Christmas present would be just spending time with my family. I don't like material things.

  3. In Brian's family we had 3 funerals in 3 months last year. It was a lot of sadness. Boys went to all of them.

    Hands down Isaiah was my best Christmas present ever. My first VBAC and born on my Grandma's birthday.

    This year my favorite present is a Whirlypop stove top popcorn popper.


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