Dude, You Know This Tree Rocks

I'm a direct reincarnation from the 60s. I want a silver, white or pink Christmas tree SOOO BAD. Don't tell my husband, but I have a list in my mind of things I'll do or buy if he dies before me. Things like get a laptop of my own or order cable or put a TV in the bedroom. The Christmas tree thing is on this list. This year we get a REAL TREE. I didn't grow up with real ones and hate them. You have to water them and vacuum up after them. They are like having a dog. Also you have to buy them and dispose of them. I'm lazy and like artificial trees. How about you?

Food Hoarding Lies

So the other day all the chairs in the kitchen were taken and I sat on the floor to nurse Samwich. I looked over to see this ... a virtual pantry under my desk (carbs, anyone?). I knew Callie had brought all this crap up from our basement pantry and stacked it neatly under the desk. It cracked my mom and I up and she made a joke about Callie hoarding food since she knows we'll be running out soon (a complete joke ... I always have PLENTY of food around here ... especially chocolate, so I don't know why she has a box of brownie mix AND a whole can of cocoa).

The thing is ... she lied about it when we asked if she did it. And tried to throw her friend under the food bus. The boys didn't have food issues. They didn't lie. But these girls are a different story and I am in trouble, people.

I'm a little frightened about this girl of mine ... what do you do when your kid outright lies to you. You call them out on it ... such an obvious lie (like, "I swear the sky is gold"), and still they lie on. How to punish for this?

Kids Making Christmas Lists

Have you started making your Christmas list yet? My kids have to start in October because all their relatives like to be done shopping by Thanksgiving. I pretty much just picked up 4 Toys R Us catalogs (pictured with Eva) this year and had them each mark one up with what they want. Joel marked just about everything, while Michael was more discerning. So I had them do a letter to Santa with only FIVE things they REALLY want. Then the fun begins. The shopping I do while they are with me (hiding crap under my coat). The shopping I do to help other people (relatives) out and they just pay me back. The binder I have to keep to keep track of who got which kid what so there's no doubling up. It's a full-time job, I tell ya. This year Mom, Samwich and I are going out to Toys R Us and possibly Target the day before Thanksgiving (Aron's off work and gets paid that day) to try to knock out most of it. We'll probably do a lot of drinking both before AND after the shopping fun. That means Samwich will be drunk, as well. (put the phone down ... no need to call the State ... I'm joking, as usual)

Wish us luck, and help me think of what I can tell the kids about where I'm going that day ... so they don't suspect ... jeez, I hope they don't read this blog and figure out a few things. I hope I've been cryptic enough. We'll see ...

(by the way, that's my husband with the holey shirt in the background holding Samwich and eating a Chipotle burrito ... he was all upset when I told him about the hole because he said that was one of his "honeymoon shirts" ... which means he bought it for and wore it on our honeymoon 11 years ago. so cute!)

Disappointed Vs. Stolen or Lost

So someone VERY KIND (the mother of a friend of my kids) invited my 3 oldest kids to go to a very popular kids’ pizza place recently. Here are the problems:

1. The invite came at 4:30 when we already had a ham in the oven for dinner.

2. The invite came through the woman’s daughter to me and was discussed with my kid before it was discussed with me, so my kids got all excited first.

3. The invite was for a Saturday night, and this place gets seedy and crazy on a Saturday night.

4. I just had a baby and am in postpartum Mama Bear mode where all I envision is bad things happening to my kids. This woman has 1 kid to take along with my THREE (ages 8, 6 and 4) … how is she gonna watch all of them at once?

5. I can’t let her pay for THREE of my kids and I can’t pay for them, either (NICU bill plus about 8 other hospital-related bills that are coming in).

6. I once saw a CSI episode where a kid wasn’t stolen from this pizza place but was taken into a bathroom … this is why I can’t watch those shows anymore and stick mostly with reality TV-land (Flipping Out, Housewives of [fill in the blank], etc.), except for Gray’s Anatomy and Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters.

7. Aron had dinner to make and leaves to rake and couldn’t go with them to supervise. I have a tiny baby and didn’t wanna chase the kids around while navigating hundreds of other kids and simultaneously nursing my baby. Leaving him home was not an option because I’d been gone already that day for over 2 hours and just didn’t want to leave him again.

So … am I a bad mom or a paranoid mom or a really excellent mom or a hovering mom or what? I don’t really care. I’d rather have disappointed kids than lost or stolen kids any day.

Christmas Music

Are you kidding me? Christmas music is on my radio as of the 1st of November AGAIN this year. On TWO channels. Let me get through Thanksgiving! What's the rush?