A Bang-Up Job

A few weeks ago Joel cut Callie’s bangs while they were at a friend’s house. Clearly I’m not on top of things. The “before” picture:


I had to cut the rest to make it look a LITTLE bit better (I’m no hairstylist). Here’s THAT result:


Aron said it looks like a mullet for now. So we taught Callie to say that word, plus “business in the front, party in the back.” She’s proud to look like Hannah Montana’s dad.

These People Love Me?

-- I told my pal Smoosh I got a card in the mail from a woman who was previously mean to me. Smoosh goes, “Is it a sympathy card? Like she sympathizes with your personality?”

-- In the car one day, Callie says something about “when Mommy gets bigger.” Aron says, “Let’s hope Mommy doesn’t get any bigger.”

-- I was telling my mom about how Aron doesn’t want me ripping wallpaper down all over the house until he can finish ONE room of painting. I get antsy and want to HELP. Aron doesn’t want the house looking all trashed out. Mom says something like, “Your house always looks crappy; completely torn down wallpaper won’t really matter.”

And then I kicked all their asses. In my mind.

Dell Rhymes With Hell

Okay, their computers are okay. But their printers SUCK dirty, nasty pondwater. Don’t buy a Dell printer. And if your computer comes with one, save yourself the trip to the loony bin and just give the “free” printer to your worst enemy.

Their customer service sucks, too. I can’t understand a word anyone is saying, and they send me in circles. We get magically “disconnected” a lot, so I have to call back and explain my problem again.

Does anyone else love Dell as much as I love Dell?

Once when I was on the phone with Dell, Michael asked me what I was doing. I told him I was on the phone with Dell. He says, “Dell rhymes with hell.” How right you are, little guy.

When the printer dies, I'm gonna take it out back, Office Space-style (if you haven't seen that movie, you have to ... but there are lots of cuss words). I'll beat it to death with a baseball bat with gangsta rap in the background.

Are You Kidding Me, Missouri?

Missouri has passed a law banning texting while driving. For those under 21.

HUH?

What kind of wussy law is THAT?

How about NO TEXTING WHILE DRIVING … PERIOD … for ANYONE?

Because texting while driving is stoopid. Also, no applying makeup while driving. I’m not even a fan of talking on the cell phone while driving. AND the thing about those stoopid headsets for cell phones is that YOUR ATTENTION IS STILL DIVIDED BETWEEN THE DRIVING AND THE PHONE CALL.

But they have mandatory helmet laws in Missouri for motorcyclists. If you don’t want to wear your helmet and get smashed all over the road, that’s YOUR business. But if you cause a wreck between you and Preggie because you’re texting, and you aren’t ALREADY dead, I will kill you.

Obedience

In case you can’t read it, the sign says to STAY OFF THE ROCKS. I am indeed the perfect parent, teaching my kids total obedience to all rules.

Ha.