A friend from high school who is now a Facebook pal told me she enjoys my Dennis Miller-like rants. I was pretty flattered. But you really haven’t seen anything yet. Maybe a little taste of the real me in the post “A Surprise Unexpected Accidental Mistake” … which I’m pretty sure annoys many people who don’t like taking responsibility.
Women really annoy me with their “I should get equal pay for equal work and the guy should clean house alongside me [I agree with these things, by the way], and then they blink their big doe eyes when they become pregnant and go, “I don’t know HOW that happened. Hmmm. I could’ve SWORN he told me he had a vasectomy. I must’ve been listening wrong.” Look, even if your tubes are tied and you use 10 layers of condoms, ALWAYS ASSUME YOU COULD GET PREGNANT. It’ll just make your life easier.
Watch out, readers, because I’m even more opinionated than I’ve been letting on. I just can’t let my true self show until I can afford a bodyguard.
By the way, Happy First Communion today, Joel! Hopefully we’re eating a nice meat/cheese tray and a nice fruit tray and a nice big cake with lots of family and friends.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Breaking the News to Ryan
One night as we’re falling asleep, Callie says, “If I marry one of Ciara’s brothers, I’ll have to tell Ryan that I can’t marry HIM.” (Ciara is her new best buddy who has 3 brothers!)
I say, “I think he’ll be okay with that. Ryan’s probably going to marry God anyway.”
Callie: “He can’t marry God. God is a boy.”
Me: “Hmmm. I just meant he might become a priest. Then he can marry you and one of Ciara’s brothers.”
Callie: “Huh?”
Me: “Yeah, it’s confusing. Just go to sleep.”
I say, “I think he’ll be okay with that. Ryan’s probably going to marry God anyway.”
Callie: “He can’t marry God. God is a boy.”
Me: “Hmmm. I just meant he might become a priest. Then he can marry you and one of Ciara’s brothers.”
Callie: “Huh?”
Me: “Yeah, it’s confusing. Just go to sleep.”
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Kool-aid Kocktail
I’m not a drinker; never have been. But lately I’m feeling hormonal and on edge and am raising my voice too much and I WANT A DRINK.
But I can’t have drinks. Rather, I WON'T have drinks. My life is crazy enough without growing a kid born with fetal alcohol syndrome and knowing it was my own damn fault. I like to keep my fetuses nice and healthy, if I can.
To have a healthy baby, I think my stress level needs to not be too insane. So instead of alcohol or pot or cigarettes or Valium, I turn to sugar. Sugar and music.
Chocolate chip cookies are always a good bet for putting me in an excellent mood. Same for a tall mocha coffee or a Mr. Pibb. And some rock and roll. Or some oldies. Or some current naughty pop music.
Lately I make up a batch of good old-fashioned grape or cherry or strawberry or orange Kool-aid in a tall Old Spaghetti Factory (cherish it if you have one of these restaurants in your town, you lucky dog) glass with lots of small ice.
What makes you feel better when drugs are not an option?
Aron will say, “go fishing.” Paul will probably say, “meditation” … which I’ve tried and I can’t seem to sit still. Ellen will say, “organize something.” Eva will say, “pray.” My dad will say, “go for a walk” and Mom might say, “watch a TV show where their lives are much crazier than yours.”
But I can’t have drinks. Rather, I WON'T have drinks. My life is crazy enough without growing a kid born with fetal alcohol syndrome and knowing it was my own damn fault. I like to keep my fetuses nice and healthy, if I can.
To have a healthy baby, I think my stress level needs to not be too insane. So instead of alcohol or pot or cigarettes or Valium, I turn to sugar. Sugar and music.
Chocolate chip cookies are always a good bet for putting me in an excellent mood. Same for a tall mocha coffee or a Mr. Pibb. And some rock and roll. Or some oldies. Or some current naughty pop music.
Lately I make up a batch of good old-fashioned grape or cherry or strawberry or orange Kool-aid in a tall Old Spaghetti Factory (cherish it if you have one of these restaurants in your town, you lucky dog) glass with lots of small ice.
What makes you feel better when drugs are not an option?
Aron will say, “go fishing.” Paul will probably say, “meditation” … which I’ve tried and I can’t seem to sit still. Ellen will say, “organize something.” Eva will say, “pray.” My dad will say, “go for a walk” and Mom might say, “watch a TV show where their lives are much crazier than yours.”
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
I’m Gonna Be a Moving Girl …
… when my kids are all grown up. For some reason, the day I was home with my own 4 kids plus my friend’s 4 kids was the day I was able to move the couch, the big plants, the glider, the toy ottoman, and more. Thank God for nice weather so the kids were outside all day!
My friend thinks she really put me out by having me watch her kids for 2 days while she went to Chicago, so nobody tell her that I got so much done. The hardest part was playing Waitress and Dishwasher, but then when her kids left, it made my normal daily work seem like so much less! It also made me feel like a real a**hole friend for complaining about space when my friend has about half the space I do and the same number of kids. So I’ll be shutting up now.
Do you move furniture around a lot? Do you have a spouse or roomie who changes it back while you’re asleep (there’s a little of that going on in my home lately, but I am exerting my “Female Gene” for once)?
My friend thinks she really put me out by having me watch her kids for 2 days while she went to Chicago, so nobody tell her that I got so much done. The hardest part was playing Waitress and Dishwasher, but then when her kids left, it made my normal daily work seem like so much less! It also made me feel like a real a**hole friend for complaining about space when my friend has about half the space I do and the same number of kids. So I’ll be shutting up now.
Do you move furniture around a lot? Do you have a spouse or roomie who changes it back while you’re asleep (there’s a little of that going on in my home lately, but I am exerting my “Female Gene” for once)?
Monday, April 27, 2009
Watch the Preggie Move Furniture Part Two
Armed with the knowledge that Aron is NOT attached to the “breakfront” (short piece of furniture with a drawer for silverware, shelves underneath and it can open into a makeshift bar on top), I proceed to empty it and drag it out of the living room.
My friend Ellen is having a garage sale, and the breakfront is headed for it. Michael wants to know if we have to sell EVERYTHING*. I told him we’re getting rid of things that don’t work for our family anymore space-wise. Who else do you know who has to cram scrapbooking, homeschooling and a writing career into one corner of their living room?
*By “everything” he’s referring to the 500-year-old table we have by the curb with a “free” sign attached to it. Aron’s parents were getting rid of a much nicer coffee table (built by his brother [McLoughlin Stone and Tile … there, I advertised it], which means it will last forever), and we snagged it. Now we have to become the type of parents who yell at the kids all the time for spilling and jumping on the furniture. Or not. Then I’d just be a hypocrite who only WRITES about being laid-back.
My friend Ellen is having a garage sale, and the breakfront is headed for it. Michael wants to know if we have to sell EVERYTHING*. I told him we’re getting rid of things that don’t work for our family anymore space-wise. Who else do you know who has to cram scrapbooking, homeschooling and a writing career into one corner of their living room?
*By “everything” he’s referring to the 500-year-old table we have by the curb with a “free” sign attached to it. Aron’s parents were getting rid of a much nicer coffee table (built by his brother [McLoughlin Stone and Tile … there, I advertised it], which means it will last forever), and we snagged it. Now we have to become the type of parents who yell at the kids all the time for spilling and jumping on the furniture. Or not. Then I’d just be a hypocrite who only WRITES about being laid-back.
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