Sunday, September 23, 2018

A Comforting Miscarriage Memorial and Hashimoto's Hypothyroiditis

Warning: sad post today. I am a super happy person, but sometimes bad/sad things happen in our lives and we need a little time to recover. We all grieve in our own way. Today I want to share something I bought to help with my grief.

Back in March, I had a miscarriage. I was 46 years old and excited to be pregnant with my sixth child with my wonderful husband. Our other kids were 8, 10, 13, 15, and 16 (almost 17) at the time. They were also excited, as were our friends, our families, our neighbors. I had waited a couple of weeks after my period to take a pregnancy test because my periods had been irregular about once a year. I just figured this was that once-a-year period that went long. One Friday, I took a pregnancy test and was excited to see my nausea and exhaustion now had a reason!


Sadly, the next day I started to bleed. Oh, how I wish I had taken a pregnancy test sooner just to have the idea of this child in my mind and heart longer! I'll spare you the heartbreaking details of the next seven days (at least in this post), but I lost the baby.

In August, I had a dental cleaning with my new dentist. She felt my thyroid area, something I don't remember my old dentist ever doing. She said it was enlarged and I should get it checked out. I said something like, "That's crazy. My doc checks me every year and even does my TSH levels. I'm fine."

Then I started to think. I checked my numbers online from previous years of TSH levels and found them to be a little high according to current standards (6.12 last December). My doctor always told me to just let him know if I was ever more tired than usual. I had been telling him for years about my hair falling out, palpitations, joint issues, trouble focusing, acid reflux, but the puzzle pieces were not put together. At least, not enough to order more thyroid blood tests. I'm not sure why some doctors are so reluctant to order blood tests. Don't their offices make money off of it? I know they do; and they mark up the services astronomically.

Then I found some articles online about thyroid issues causing miscarriage.

I got angry. I got very angry. I blamed my doctor. I blamed myself. I blamed our current medical system. I shut myself in my room and cried so the kids wouldn't know what I was doing.

I lost a human person from my womb. It was a process that took seven days while I was also homeschooling 5 kids and keeping a household together (did I mention that on March 12 my husband was hit by a car while riding his bicycle as well so of course his care was on my mind?). It was traumatic. I would not wish it on anyone.

But like I said, I am a happy person. I don't like to be depressed or down and I fight it all I can when I feel it coming. So for some reason I went to Google and looked for miscarriage memorials. I wanted something heavy that I could pick up, not a plaque to hang on a wall. Something I could visit and talk to, like a grave. I found this seller on Etsy, who not only sold me this stone for a reasonable price, but also offered comforting words.

Our baby's stone (I wasn't very far along but we called this baby a girl since we have 3 sons and 2 daughters; I laugh when I think about hopefully getting to Heaven and meeting this child and a boy asking why I called him Olivia!!!)

I thought this might help to comfort some other grieving families, whether their grief is from losing a grown child, a teen, a young child, a stillborn baby, a miscarriage, any situation.

I put the stone under a lovely tree on our 8 acres. Tomorrow I'm going to move it so it faces the garden and the pond. I might even bring it inside or closer to the house in the winter. I immediately felt some peace when this arrived in the mail. I felt like I had done SOMETHING during a time in my life that nothing could be done.

I pray for anyone who has ever lost a child.

*I was recently diagnosed with Hashimoto's autoimmune disorder after asking my doctor for 3 more thyroid blood tests, and then there was also a sonogram on my thyroid. More on that in coming years.

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