... don't let their baby sleep on them for naps. Think of all the things I could be getting done around the house rather than hanging out writing and homeschooling and sometimes even watching TV. Today my friend was like, "So Sam slept for 3 hours, how come you didn't make the birthday cakes then? Why are you behind all the time?" And I was like, "He sleeps ON me ... I'm his gatekeeper to sleep. I've done it with all my kids for going on 11 years. I dig it. There's plenty of time to get my stuff done later. And for someone who 'loses' hours a day with her baby sleeping on her, my house looks better and better (= keeping my man happy) and I still get the homeschooling goin' on and still get my writing worked on a little here and there."
... drink a margarita or a beer at the end of a trying day as a travel widow. They don't get uber-excited about the new International Foods iced mocha coffee they just got at the grocery store. Think of the money saved schlepping to Dunkin' Donuts ... gas money, $2.29 per iced coffee, time.
... don't get all depressed when they can't find the Crystal Lite peach bellini and pomtini they saw on a taped episode of Celebrity Apprentice.
... don't go grocery shopping at 10 p.m. on a Friday night (I saw a dad there, too, and a mom with a baby, so I suppose I'm not totally insane) with kids who are all hyped up and acting crazy.
... don't say out loud at the grocery store, "Well, nobody is going to be havin' boom-boom tonight after watching you guys run like banshee heathens all over the store. Sometimes crazy kids are like birth control for other people."
... don't use the show Worst Cooks in America as part of their homeschool curriculum (Joel likes cooking and I'm not great at it, so let's give him some TV Home Ec class!).
... don't get choked up when they think about their sweet little crazy peeps growing up and moving out. I try to stay busy and not think too much about it, and I savor every diaper change and every hug and kiss and "hi, mommy" and "good morning, mommy" and every homeschooling victory and every outing, even if I'm griping sometimes. Normal moms look forward to time to themselves in the future, but I don't usually mind having my entourage with me and know "me time" and "couple time" will come all too soon.
Gotta go ... making cupcakes for Michael's birthday party on Saturday and I have to get a national query (gotta love that word, like a gay magazine submission) out or my new mentor friend will crawl my butt!