Suing for Wrong Genetic Testing Results

1. Do I really want a nurse taking care of me who got her degree online?
2. Do we still need the Roman numeral system?
3. How come "virtual school" is an online school system? Shouldn't that be what you call Unschooling?
4. Why are DUI checkpoints announced on the radio? Isn't the point to CATCH drunks, not tell them to avoid the checkpoint?
5. I went to a La Leche League meeting once and a mother said she was still nursing her son, who was 47-months old. My mom, who was with me at the time, says to me something along the lines of, "Last time I checked that was 4 years. Just SAY 4 years. You aren't fooling anyone."
6. Isn't suing for bad genetic testing results like suing because you got pregnant while on a birth control pill or while using a condom? Let's all sue Trojan, kay?

This has been deep thoughts with Kerrie, who is here to make you think and to annoy you in general with her poorly formed arguments and "jokes".

Where Do You Have Your Kid's Birthday Party? (and roller skating!!!)

In case you're wondering, this cake says, "Happy Birthday, Callie" and Callie decorated it herself last month for her party. We pretty much always have the kids' birthday party at our own house (cheapskates) and invite friends and family. As the kids get older, some parents drop off their kid and go to the spa (ha!) and some stay because they are not currently avoiding the obnoxiousness that is ME.

Sometimes we splurge on a bouncy house (that's a moonwalk to you and me) in the backyard but I don't think we've ever had a party for our kids offsite. No reason (cheapskates), it's just the way it is because we are so chill and zen and laid-back and go with the flow (sorda).

But I have to tell you I LOVE LOVE LOVE it when other parents have offsite parties to avoid the mess at their own house. I totally get it! We have loved going to a ceramics place and going to a huge bouncy house place and soon the boys get to go to a SKATING PARTY!

I am peeing my pants about the skating party because I used to skate in circles when I was a kid to Another One Bites the Dust by Queen and also Blondie songs and all that late 1970s and early 1980s stuff. Aron will be in town so I MIGHT sneak out and leave him here with the 3 littlest ones and go skating with my boys. I can't do any tricks. I'll likely fall on my butt and crack a hip. But it will be fun to help my boys get up on their skates!

So are you a party-elsewhere parent to keep the mess away? Or a party-at-home parent so you don't have to pack everything up and go somewhere and load the gifts up and bring them home and all that?

Want to Cryovac Your Kids?

I had Aron take this picture because, really, how many more days like this will I get in my life? Days where Sam falls asleep nursing in my lap and I hold him while I write or homeschool or read or watch TV with the kids or whatever? He's growing out of naps. He's talking in little sentences. Potty training is next, and I'm not looking forward to it.

Call me crazy, but I want to somehow cryovac my kids in time. They can still move around and stuff, they just can't get any older. Trust me, there are days when I want to FREEZE them for a few hours so I can have a thought in my head, but most of the time I just want time to stop.

A woman at Aldi last night told me to treasure this time (I only had Sam and Eva with me) because they grow into teenagers. You will think I am nuts, but I won't mind them as teens. It will be a challenge for sure, but I look forward to every day I get to hang with these kids God has entrusted to me.

Before you post a snotty reply about how you can't wait to have a clean house or go on a nice vacation or have sex uninterrupted, go easy on me. Remember that I was 30 before I had my first kid, so I had 6 years with Aron and a few years before that to be naughty. My kids are not my ENTIRE life, but they are currently the biggest part of it along with their dad. And I like it that way :-)

Do You Give Money to Strangers?

Okay, so last week I met who I will call the "Toys R Us Troubadour" ... a Bret Michaels knockoff playing guitar outside the Toys R Us with 2 little boys. Yes, you read that right. A guy. Playing guitar for money with a bucket that said "Hard Times" on it. Outside a toy store. With 2 kids.

Some of you right now might be thinking, "What a con artist! Those probably weren't even his kids! He probably is a lazy bum who borrowed his pal's kids during spring break to make some easy money. He probably didn't even tell his pal what he was doing."

Who knows? All I know is I have a big old bleeding heart and I don't think I would like myself any other way. Sure, I can be quite cynical, but that's more like about people I know and have experienced to be gamey or players or just plain nutso.

As for strangers, well, I give 'em money when they need it. Always have. Sure, I (I should say WE here since Aron is totally involved) give money to people I know, as well, like maybe a family member who has fallen on hard times. And I don't LOAN money because that has too much attached to it. If I'm going to give it, I have to just GIVE it and be done with it and kiss that money goodbye and have no expectations placed on the person I'm giving it to.

Most of the time I have to just pass a few bucks out the window on a freeway off-ramp (I don't carry a lot of cash!), but I prefer to talk with the person and get to know them as a human being, if only for a couple of minutes, you know? That's not always possible when I have wiggly toddlers and someplace to be that I'm generally late for.

This day, though, I had dropped off Joel, his girl friend who is 10 and Michael to shop for something they knew they wanted and had money for. Then I parked in front of the store and got out to give the singing dad some money and Veggie Chips and fruit snacks I have in the trunk of the mommyvan. I asked him how old his kids are (7 and 3 with 2 more back at the hotel with their mom, one special needs in a wheelchair, he said). They moved to KC from Seattle so he could start a drywall job but it hadn't started yet and then the paycheck would be a couple of weeks after that. He sang a song for the kids that was like something Mr. Stinky Feet would sing: goofy and fun.

Maybe those weren't his kids. Maybe he's a meth addict. Maybe God put him there to test my compassion. Yep, God, still intact, and I want to teach it to my kids, as well

Should we be scared of people like that? Well, I'm pretty sure I'm around people on welfare and food stamps and disability and state-funded insurance and state-funded daycare and state-funded school breakfast and lunch programs every single day of my life. I'm not scared of them.

Don't we all need a little help sometimes?

Mama's Got a Brand New Heartrak Heart Monitor!

Ah, the fun of being 40!

Thursday I got to go to Olathe Medical Center to grab me a heart monitor. I've had palpitations for years ... no big deal. My dad had them and his mom also has something heart-related. Palpitations alone I'm not really concerned about because they don't affect my daily life and are not frequent.

But here's the power of reality TV: I saw Victoria Gotti on Celebrity Apprentice and had to Google her to see what the hell she was even famous for (besides her dad) because they kept calling her an author. Turns out she wrote a book about her mitral valve prolapse. MVP would NOT be a good thing to have because it would make me tired, and I can't afford to be tired.

So I finally decided to grab the heart monitor. It's so easy ... I just put this credit card-sized dealy jobber up to my heart when I have issues and push RECORD. Later I call a real person from a land line and download the recordings. I'll do this for 30 days. I don't have to wear anything around all the time.

So my points are:

1. Reality TV can be good. There is a reason for everything. Thank you, Mr. Trump, for choose Gotti for your show.

2. We need to take care of our health. I kept putting this off because I didn't want to leave the kids to do it, but they had a BLAST with Jordan (as always) playing outside, and I even got to have a nice lunch alone and get some writing work done. (only child = alone as natural habitat and it feels nice sometimes)

This is a full-service blog. I don't judge you for watching reality TV and I'm telling you to schedule some sort of -opsy today whether you need it or not.