Are You Open to Life?

People ask me all the time if I'm done having kids. I honestly don't know.

People make rude comments about the number of children I have and how hard my life must be and how they don't have more kids because they enjoy their sports car or their freedom. I think that's good for them that they know they are done.

I want to say to rude people who think I should be done having children, "What if my sixth child turns out to be the one who saves your life, you jerk? Cures cancer? Saves the life of someone you love by taking a bullet for them?"

Think before you speak, you rude people. Why is it "okay" in America to have two or three children, but if you have one you are expected to have more, and if you have four or more you are clinically insane and probably broke?

Anna Duggar

Dang, I love this girl, who married the oldest Duggar son and has a baby with him. She’s got a little spunk in her, which I saw on a recent episode (keep in mind my mom tapes the shows and I watch them who-knows-when, so it might be an oldie). They own a used car lot, so she happened to be driving around a Hummer H2, which she hated because of the gas mileage. At the end of the episode she said something about how she feels better driving it since her baby is in a cloth diaper. She joked that someone in a Honda may be getting better gas mileage but their baby is in a disposable diaper.

Anna, let me point out a few other things you do to offset the environmental damage from temporarily driving the Hummer [I know, because my minivan gets 17 miles to the gallon on a great day].

Sometimes when you do the interviews on the show I can see that when your daughter is tired she goes for your boob. I assume you nurse. This saves formula cans, lids and scoops from the landfills while saving you tons of money.

Also, generally when a woman nurses exclusively she enjoys at least a few months of having no period (for me it’s been about a year per child). This means I’ve personally saved 5 years’ worth of tampons and pads.

Finally, by not using artificial birth control, you are saving birth control pill packaging from landfills, not to mention the packaging from alternate forms of birth control. My birth control never lands in a landfill because it’s simply written on my Natural Family Planning chart and is saved for future perusal. Someday my kids will simply recycle my paper fertility charts. And if you are welcoming kids from God whenever they show up, you don’t even have to worry about charting!

You go, girl! If you’re ever in Overland Park, Kansas, look me up! We can go to the thrift store up the street from my house and … buy used, save the difference!

P.S. When you buy and accept used clothing and other items, that is also a form of recycling. So there.

How to Annoy Your Child

When your child bites into their french fry and accidentally chomps his finger so hard that it bleeds, make sure that as you bandage it up you say something like, "Baby, your finger is not a french fry. I keep telling you that."

You see, I think laughter is the best medicine. My parents taught me that, especially my dad. He's quite the cutup. They annoyed me on a regular basis, like the time I was dating a guy twice my age and they kept paging me (hey, it was the 1990s) with callback numbers to places like seedy motels and old folks' homes. Yeah, they were a regular Laurel and Hardy, my parents. Kinda still are.

The Duggars and What's Really Important

I love watching the Duggars with my kids. I get opportunities to teach my kids about things like owning your own used car business, owning rental property and trusting God to help you through any situation (like having a million babies).

I teach them that going to college is not the most important thing AT ALL. Sure, my husband went to college, but he was in his late 20s when he knew what he wanted to do and then paid for it himself and has been an employed engineer for the last 14 years. I didn’t go to college and am a money-making writer and homeschool teacher. Their 3 uncles didn’t go to college and run successful businesses. My dad didn’t go to college and got to retire successfully from the post office at age 55.

Most of all, I love that watching the Duggars teaches them that the road less traveled can be the most amazing and thrilling journey. I don’t get upset thinking of Michelle Duggar having another baby like some people do. While the haters are sitting on their butts reading about the Duggars in People Magazine while getting ready to take their kids to daycare, the Duggars are raising kind, smart, successful human beings on their own while taking NOTHING back from society (like welfare, food stamps, unemployment).

And the argument that those “poor” older kids have to help out around the house and with the younger kids makes me laugh. THOSE particular haters are the ones who can’t fathom getting their kid to do a chore around the house, let alone teaching their kid to care about other, younger human beings.

The Duggars should be applauded. I also watch junk like The Real Housewives of [every single city] and enjoyed the Beverly Hills episode where a 4-year-old child was MIA from most of her $60,000 birthday party because it was so obnoxiously over the top.

Really, Society? We’re supposed to value STUFF and APPEARANCE over people?

Smithsonian Triops Kit Honest Review

Update July 2024: This was originally posted in December of 2010, and since then it has been my most popular post ever (I'm not sure why ... maybe I accidentally did some badass SEO). My kid is now 21 and headed to his sophomore year of college to become a mechanical engineer and he is rocking life. And if you're looking for a fun triops kit, check out this Deluxe Triops Kit on Amazon!

Do Not Buy Smithsonian Triops Kit (aka Sea Monsters)!

We bought one at Michael's for Michael (haha) when he was going through a hard time with his OCD. He was so excited to watch these things hatch and to care for them. We tried both batches and nothing happened. The kit was over 10 bucks, which is a lot of money for a little kid to save up from an allowance.

I wrote the company asking if these are for real. They sent me a new set of eggs with a set of instructions with typos that looked like a 7-year-old had written them (no offense to 7-year-olds).

We cared for these two different sets, making sure we followed the instructions and kept them warm, etc. Nothing happened again. Sure, I was skeptical ... how do you freeze-dry something or however they come and then put them in water and they come to life? Let's do that with humans, wanna?!

Too bad for the Smithsonian Institution that they put their name on a crappy product. Too bad for Michael's that they sell this piece of crap product. We're hoping Santa brings sea monkeys for Michael ... I've heard better things about those!!!

Do Not Buy Smithsonian Triops Kit (aka Sea Monsters)! They are sold under many different names in all sorts of stores and online. UPDATE: I do recommend Sea Monkeys ... they always hatch for us and are SUPER CHEAP. Ours came from Toys R Us but I'm sure you can get them all over the stinkin' place.

Good luck, and let me know how yours turned out. I enjoy your comments, even the ones calling me a moron because I couldn't get them to hatch :-)

Updated April 2013 ... I always love reading the comments on this post and wonder why it is one of most popular ... why are so many of you Googling this topic?! Anyway, the reason I was so upset about this product not working (and we did everything right TWICE) was because my kid was disappointed, and am a Super Mama Bear.

I hope you'll forgive me for being a Triops Moron and check out some other fun stuff on my site ... my kids and husband can be QUITE entertaining!!!!!

And if growing triops makes you hungry, check out my book The Tater Tot Casserole Cookbook ... maybe I can't grow a triops very well, but I can make dinner and dessert and live to write about it! And my kids and their friends even like the stuff!