Catholic Church and Pregnant Marriage

Okay, so here’s the deal, and try to follow along because my brain is all over the dang place.

If you are pregnant and want to get married in the Catholic Church, the answer is a BIG FAT “NO”.

Makes sense to you, right?

Except that if you are shacking up, the answer is YES.

Don’t forget that couples VOW at their Catholic wedding to welcome tons of babies from God, but then they go the sterilization route once they realize what tons of babies actually looks like (which I totally get and I'm NOT judging those who stop having kids when they know they are done ... I think that's perhaps a good idea!).

So I’m thinking if you are ALREADY pregnant, you are ALREADY fulfilling the vow of having tons of babies, even more so than those who are simply shacking up.

I wish they’d take the vow out about having tons of babies … because you never know how you’re going to take to parenting until you’ve had a kid.

Back to the pregnant Catholics. So they go ahead and get married somewhere else. Then they have the baby. THEN the Catholic Church says, “Okay, we’ll go ahead and BLESS your marriage in a special ceremony.”

Why not just marry the pregnant couple in the first place in the Catholic Church and save the time and expense of the Blessing Ceremony later?

AND start teaching Natural Family Planning in the Catholic schools when children are young so they actually know what the hell it is and get themselves knocked up less often? You’re not handing out condoms, people, you’re just teaching girls and boys about how a woman’s body works so she can avoid pregnancy.

Clearly, I just need to be the Pope.

Tangrams Rock

I know. Sometimes I'm so cool you forget I'm a homeschooler. Wait, no offense to homeschoolers. I'll shut up now. Anyway, I ordered these great things from Rainbow Resource Center called Magnetic Tangrams. Michael is a shapes-y/math guy, so he loves making stuff out of them on the fridge:

A Bang-Up Job

A few weeks ago Joel cut Callie’s bangs while they were at a friend’s house. Clearly I’m not on top of things. The “before” picture:


I had to cut the rest to make it look a LITTLE bit better (I’m no hairstylist). Here’s THAT result:


Aron said it looks like a mullet for now. So we taught Callie to say that word, plus “business in the front, party in the back.” She’s proud to look like Hannah Montana’s dad.

These People Love Me?

-- I told my pal Smoosh I got a card in the mail from a woman who was previously mean to me. Smoosh goes, “Is it a sympathy card? Like she sympathizes with your personality?”

-- In the car one day, Callie says something about “when Mommy gets bigger.” Aron says, “Let’s hope Mommy doesn’t get any bigger.”

-- I was telling my mom about how Aron doesn’t want me ripping wallpaper down all over the house until he can finish ONE room of painting. I get antsy and want to HELP. Aron doesn’t want the house looking all trashed out. Mom says something like, “Your house always looks crappy; completely torn down wallpaper won’t really matter.”

And then I kicked all their asses. In my mind.

Dell Rhymes With Hell

Okay, their computers are okay. But their printers SUCK dirty, nasty pondwater. Don’t buy a Dell printer. And if your computer comes with one, save yourself the trip to the loony bin and just give the “free” printer to your worst enemy.

Their customer service sucks, too. I can’t understand a word anyone is saying, and they send me in circles. We get magically “disconnected” a lot, so I have to call back and explain my problem again.

Does anyone else love Dell as much as I love Dell?

Once when I was on the phone with Dell, Michael asked me what I was doing. I told him I was on the phone with Dell. He says, “Dell rhymes with hell.” How right you are, little guy.

When the printer dies, I'm gonna take it out back, Office Space-style (if you haven't seen that movie, you have to ... but there are lots of cuss words). I'll beat it to death with a baseball bat with gangsta rap in the background.