Tax Deduction

Dang it, dang it, dang it. Sorry this is sideways but I have no photo software where I am to flip it. So get your daily workout cocking your head.

This is Eva. This onesie is sick. It is wrong. It is sold at Target.

Neighbors

Some neighbors (I’ll call them the M’s) watched Michael’s fish while we went to Hays in May. When we went over to get it back, the guy told us about a big fight his ex-wife had in his front yard with his son while we were gone.

He said one of our other neighbors (Mommy B) yelled over the fence at them something like, “Do you mind? We’re trying to have a nice family dinner here.” Daddy M said his wife told him, “We may as well start packing to move right now.”

I told Daddy M, “Are you kidding me? No way! This is good stuff. I’m sorry I missed it. I would’ve been yelling at you to SPEAK UP!” Aron said I would’ve been in the yard with a Coke and binoculars.

I love that crap because, really, who doesn’t fight? I worry about you if you can’t have a passionate disagreement with someone you love. So instead of getting all High and Mighty next time you see something going down, just pull up a chair and turn up your hearing aid. You might learn something.

Recycling at Schools Instead of Fundraising #MoneySmart

Public schools always act like they are hurting so badly for money. Yet they get crappy deals on supplies (see John Taylor Gatto’s book Weapons of Mass Instruction) and throw away so many textbooks, computers, monitors, etc. that you’d think they were Donald Trump.

The school across the street has FOUR huge bins in the parking lot to recycle tons of paper. So I just ASSumed the public schools in my area would recycle aluminum cans like the private schools do. WRONG.

When we went to the carnival across the street, there were cans overflowing from every trash can in every classroom. In the gym, one of the prizes for winning some game was a can of soda. When we left that night, cans littered the parking lot and grass at the school, like a nice big, non-alcoholic frat party.

So I thunk to myself, “Self, why not call the private school and find out how THEY do it and then ask the public schools why they don’t. Go to the superintendent if you have to. You’re just trying to help them, anyway.”

So I got on the horn. I called Holy Cross Catholic School first. I had to leave a message. Nobody has called me back.

Then I was going to call the school across the street from me and ask why they don’t recycle aluminum cans, but they collect soda pop TABS for needy children in other countries. Doesn’t make sense.

But then I got hot and tired and sick of thinking because of the training manual I was writing that was frying my brain and realized I don’t really give a crap right now. I’ll probably get fired up about it again next spring when I can think straight again.

I’m a Size One!!!!

I went to Target recently for bikinis for the girls and some maternity tops for me. I haven’t shopped for maternity crap since my first kid, thanks for many years of hand-me-downs.

And don’t even get me started on myself wearing a bikini. I haven’t worn one of those since I was 17, BUT now that my belly is SUPPOSED to be sticking out into the atmosphere I’m considering it. AND I’ll be 38 this summer, which is the age of I-don’t-give-a-crap, I do believe. If I could find a top to hold up my buubies (pronounced like they do in Jersey), I’d probably do it.

Ah, digression. My strong suit.

So I’m all white trash, trying on tops and shorts over and under my tank dress right in the middle of the store! Anyway, the point here is that in maternity tops I’m a size ONE! I think the last time I was a size one was when I was about 6 years old.

But then there’s the maternity SHORTS, which are all freaking low-rise crap these days. I want the ones that go up to my buubies, not the ones that show my pubic hair, thanks very much, designers. Liz Lange, my ass. What does she know?

Oh, but the maternity shorts are sized like 16W and 20W. Jeez. Is the W for wide? But I’m NOT wide. I’m big out the OTHER way, out front.

Anybody wanna start a maternity clothing company with me? AND, Kansas City friends, would anyone loan me some high-rise maternity shorts? Summer's a-comin' and I'm super cheap.

Field Trip: Kaleidoscope in Kansas City

I had some major brain fog recently. I scheduled a field trip to one of the most popular FREE kid destinations in Kansas City on GOOD FRIDAY. Do you see the problem with that? Good Friday is the day all the religious schools have no classes, and lots of parents also get that day off. So when we showed up for a 1:10 art session, hoping to meet a few other homeschool families, we were surprised to see the place PACKED already. Luckily we were able to get tickets for the 2 p.m., and we just grabbed some Sheridan’s (evil frozen custard) and messed around at the hotel that’s attached to the main shopping part of Crown Center.

So lemme tell you about Kaleidoscope. It is the ultimate in green. It’s affiliated with Hallmark Cards, a company we are very proud of in Kansas City. Had I been smart instead of man-hungry back in the day, I would’ve gotten an entry level job at Hallmark delivering mail or something and now would be happily working from home part-time writing greeting cards.

Anyway … it’s just a visually cool place and it’s FREE (had to mention that again), and all the materials the kids use inside are cast-offs from Hallmark … stickers that aren’t 100% up to their standards, paper shapes made out of leftover cardstock, cardboard from leftover puzzles that you can then make your own drawing on and they have a machine that turns your drawing into a puzzle.

The sessions are only 50 minutes, but they have them all the time. I’d never go on a Saturday, and the 2:50 during the week hits a little close to Eva’s naptime, but they have some great early-afternoon Friday sessions (it helps that my husband is off work every other Friday).

When we went it was TOO packed. It was loud (hellish kid music) and hot. I can take all that. Aron and I just tag-team the kids … he takes the boys and I chase the girls. But that day the other parents were out of hand. I mean, when you have adults pushing kids out of the way so the ADULT can make a puzzle of K-State or a heart with his and his wife’s initials in it, you have to start wondering about America. And this was NOT an isolated incident.

Then there was the woman who looked at Callie’s crown and goes, snidely, “My, that’s a LOT of stickers”, like “are you going to wear THAT?”

So basically when you someday visit the amazing Mecca that is Kansas City, drag your kids to Kaleidoscope. You’ll be glad you did. Then hit the Hallmark Visitor’s Center right next door. Then go see the cool fountains in front of Crown Center. Then grab something at Sheridan’s Frozen Custard inside Crown Center. Then eat dinner at Crayola Café. In that order.