Tuesday, October 6, 2009

MYOB

Thursday night comes and that flipping neighbor who can’t mind her own business comes to my door at dinnertime to bug us about bikes in the yard. Gripes that these other kids leave their bikes out front overnight and wants to make sure we don’t. Which we don’t. We put our crap up every night in the garage.

She asks when I’m due. Aron tells her in 2 weeks. I say, “Any day now, and you’re gonna make it come faster by bugging us, lady.”

Tells my kids to put their shoes on so they don’t step in dog crap. I’m sorry, lady, but last time I checked the kids came out of MY vagina. Caring about their wellbeing because I’m incompetent is one thing, but assuming I’m a deadbeat mother all the damn time gets old when you don’t even know me. Loves to snipe at the kids when I’m not around. Snipes at my little babysitter about keeping Eva out of the street. Ya think?!

Why do people do that? It just makes ornery people like me wait until my upstanding husband leaves town and then put ALL our bikes in the yard and park my van in the front yard overnight and jack it up on blocks. Ooh, and devils and skeletons in the yard for Halloween.

Aron’s so sweet and listens to her and nods and makes her think he agrees with her. I get snippy and yell from the other end of the house, “Get a life! You bug everyone on this damn street and the next.”

So I get all pissed off and then I think, “Crap, that could be me when I’m old. I mean, I hope I don’t snipe at kids and stuff, but what if Aron’s dead and my kids never come around because I’m bitchy and I alienate people and all I do is call the city on people’s cars being 2 inches past the sidewalk? I have to NOT be like that.”

5 comments:

  1. You make me laugh. I'd have told the woman thanks for her concern but I don't presume to tell her how to run her life or how to raise her kids so I'd appreciate it if she return the favor. If she is so displeased by how the families are running their lives, perhaps it's time she moves into a home in a retirement village where she won't be bothered by children. Wait I know how to get even...send all the neighbor kids to her house to sell crap for school/scouts/etc. It's obvious she's concerned about the kids welfare so I'm sure she'd support them in their ventures...HA!

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  2. It takes balls, or a really overinflated ego to go marching around the neighborhood, knocking on peoples' doors and criticizing them. She probably thinks she's being helpful??

    When she's gossipping about you to the other neighbors, they'll secretly wish they had guts like you to stick up for themselves and talk her down.

    It must be cool to have a perfect person living right next to you....

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  3. I was going to say that maybe you want your kids to pick their bikes up... until I realized she was grousing about YOUR YARD, not hers.

    I'm thinking it's time to get three dogs, a bunch of junker cars and some trash and a grill in the front yard and she can see what we had to put up with for a while. Oh, and the weeds four feet tall. That bothered me. BUT I can't say I went to their house and griped about it.

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  4. Besides babies, old people are my favorites!! But after years of working with them, I had two main goals for my coming days of being put out to pasture. I will not be a bitchy old lady and I will not smell like an old person.

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  5. We have a lady like that here. She is so bad in the complex manager's ear, poor Bob (The aforementioned complex manager) had to go door to door and put up notes about kid's being quiet in and around the complex and neighbor kids need to stay out of the buildings.

    I asked Bob about it and he shrugged and said, "I had to. After that, I can now get back to actually taking care of the property and not playing therapist for her."

    Bob gets a DAMN nice Christmas gift from us.

    ReplyDelete

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