“Get Published in Regional Parenting Magazines”

Yes, I'm pimping my e-book hard. Read on ...

Most of you out there have a parenting article in you.

Your age doesn’t matter. In fact, the longer you’ve been parenting the more experience you have to write about.

Not a parent? Just do lots of research and write about something that annoys you about people with kids.

Are you a dad? You have a unique perspective that moms want to read about.

Check out my huge e-book kit, “Get Published in Regional Parenting Magazines”.

This 400-page e-book features contact information for over 200 regional parenting magazines, as well as a bonus section of 29 national and online publications such as Parents, BabyTalk, Mothering, Family Fun, Highlights and homeschool magazines. Many of the magazines have writer’s guidelines and pay information.

You are on your way to getting assignments from editors!!!!!

Imperfect Mother

There’s an online magazine called Imperfect Parent. Not surprisingly, they’ve been inundated with submissions and aren’t accepting anymore right now, so I can’t send them the 5,000 essays I could pound out in about an hour.

So I’ll share with you!

A few months ago I went to a Catholic homeschool group meeting. I hadn’t been in almost 2 years (because usually there were not interesting topics, didn’t want to drag all the kids when Aron was traveling, didn’t want to mess with a sitter). That night Aron was at CCD (like religion class for public school and homeschooled kids) preparing for First Communion. So I took the 3 Littles with me to the meeting.

I walked in (1) late with Eva in a sling eating a (2) Dum-Dum sucker. To placate the kids later, I put (3) 7-Up (could’ve been worse … could’ve been something caffeinated) in sippy cups for them. As I was wondering why I took a toddler to a meeting like that, she was (4) screeching and (5) moving chairs all over the place. Oh, and Callie (6) forgot her shoes.

Six parenting infractions. Now ask me if I care. Ask me if it mattered in the Grand Scheme of the Universe. Actually, I think it matters a lot to my kids that I let a lot of things go. We’re not structured, we eat sugar, we watch TV, we forget our shoes and socks sometimes (I once went barefoot to Aron’s cousin’s wedding because I was too busy making sure my 3 kids were dressed).

A couple of days later we went to a boys’ homeschool group Valentine soiree. Joel made 20 Valentines that said, “To a good cid like you.” I didn’t have the heart to tell him how to spell kid until afterwards. And I wasn’t one bit embarrassed that I’m a homeschooler and my 7 ½-year-old doesn’t know how to spell kid yet. I’m proud of him.

I LOVE hearing Imperfect Parent (or Imperfect Human Being, for that matter) stories. Please share!

Canteloupe Boobs

This is a picture of Joel from 2 years ago when we grew cantaloupe in our garden. Aron told him to hold the two halves this way, to look like boobs. Men! Wait, never mind on that because my mind is just as dirty.

Michael-ism

My 6-year-old says, “I know how to live forever. Just stay in the living room.”

Yeah, I’m way ahead of you and am reading “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Indigo Children” as you read this.

Euphemisms

I came across some writer’s guidelines the other day where the publication wants to make sure that, if it ever comes up, you use the term “intellectually challenged” instead of “mentally retarded.” Why did I give a little snort when I saw that, you ask?

Because my mom’s sister is mentally retarded and we’ve always called it that. Because mean kids and other jerks have always used the word “retarded” in a sentence to mean something bad, the term “mentally retarded” is now seen as horrific or something.

If I said “intellectually challenged” in front of my mom’s family, they would laugh their asses off.

So call me height-challenged, kindness-challenged and sanity-challenged. It doesn’t really matter what you call it, I’m still short, bitchy and crazy. And don’t forget cleanliness-challenged (i.e., messy).