The Pope Told Me to Have 5 Kids So I Obeyed

Subtitle: Natural Family Planning Fun at Age Forty

I realize some of you may be new to the blog and haven't quite found the time yet to check out my entire blog for the last 4 years (shame on you, and I'll wait while you print the whole thing out ...), so here is a post about something we are currently dealing with in our marital life. Thank the good Lord above my husband is a patient (long suffering) man and so won't mind me talking about our sex life. Dad, if you are here, you need to see yourself out please. This is not for your eyes.

Okay, I'm only writing this because most people I say "NFP" to do not have a clue what I'm talking about. And then when I say Natural Family Planning, they say, "Oh, like the Rhythm Method!" And I say NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

NFP is a scientific method based on all sorts of cool stuff I'm not going to go into right now unless you beg me to in the comments section. Basically you use a chart based on a regular 28-day cycle ... like the first 7 days are reserved for a woman's period. The next 7 are often fertile. Then next 14 are hopefully "dry" and therefore you can get busy wit yo spouse.

Currently we use the don't-touch-me-at-all-until-I'm-on-Day-20-of-my-chart-thanks-hon method of NFP since we are trying to NOT get pregnant. Disclaimer: if it happens, we will be thrilled but we are trying to NOT make it happen right now.

It's funny when I talk to other moms my age in Catholic settings. This woman I went to high school with is my age and pregnant with her 7th. She said this one is a "Day 8 baby". I nodded and pointed at Samuel and said, "Day 9 baby." This means that you generally have a teeny infertile window between your period and your fertile time and if you have sex then you just might get pregnant. We NFP users know the odds and are happy with the result no matter what. It's not the Rhythm Method, like I said, but it's a bit of a crapshoot if you aren't checking your womanly signs during that time. Oh, and if you're taking medicines that dry up your nasal mucus for a cold or something OR antibiotics, that will mess with your signals.

As for title of this blog, the other day some dude made a crack about that and I was like, "Um, no, dude, the Pope does not tell me how many kids to have. We WANT a bunch of kids and always did and we enjoy using NFP because it's free and natural and doesn't mess with my body and all that."

So for those of you who think the Pope tells all us Catholics how many kids to have, let me tell you that the majority of Catholics DO use artificial birth control or have been sterilized. (check this out) We are the freaky minority Catholics who use NFP, and NOT because some guy in Italy told us to. How ridiculous!

The Atheist/Agnostic Easter Egg Hunt

Last Saturday we got to go to an Easter Egg Hunt put on by a couple of atheist/agnostic pals for their daughter's preschool/daycare pals and for my 5 kids and my friend's 5 kids. I know Easter Egg Hunts are not religious or anything, but I just thought it ironic (?) that these kinda anti-religion people were putting on a hunt for Easter eggs, specifically. I was in charge of these 3 little ones while the other big ones were in the big-kid area!

It's sorda like when you see me and my little homeschooled kids (some people read that I am anti-school) traipsing to the school across the street for the Ice Cream Social (we haven't missed one in years!) or the School Carnival or the Halloween Fright Night. Or when we hit Field Day at the private school or have lunch and do recess there with Jordan. It's like you wouldn't think they mix, but they do.

So the hunt rocked. This chick who put it on thought of everything. Some eggs had prize tickets in them so at the end each kid got to pick a small or big prize based on the number of their ticket. So Big Prize #1 got to choose first and there were some serious prizes, folks.

Later, there was pizza and organic juice pouches and playing at the playground at the park where the hunt was held. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. These are some good people, even if they aren't Catholic. Wait, my parents aren't Catholic, either. Nor is most of my family. And I love them all fiercely (and even let my aunt call me a fish-eater ... tee hee!). Huh, guess religion doesn't matter after all when you enjoy each other's company.

My dad said something goofy like "What Would Jesus Hunt?"or "How Many Easter Eggs Would Jesus Get?" ... I know I messed it up ... but he made a funny about Jesus and Easter egg hunts and Easter baskets and all that stuff that has nothing to do with the religious meaning of Easter.

Who says homeschoolers ALL shelter their kids? I think we had a great day of Diversity Training last Saturday! I'm really branching out since getting kicked out of that "Christian-led" homeschool group, huh (had to add the word "led" because I'm not unhappy with the ENTIRE group, just with the management and a few of her minions)?

If you care, I'll be blowing that story apart on my Homeschooling Mommybot blog within the next week. I just can't let it die until I've warned everyone about the crazy.

New Commenting System on My Blog

Please bear with me as I try out a new commenting system on the blog. It should totally rock ... you should be able to sign up ONCE and then be remembered. I'm sick of Blogger's pain in the butt commenting system. Also, when you leave a comment, be sure to check below your comment because there's a place to subscribe to follow-up comments. You're going to want to do that since lately I'm replying to commenters. ALSO, it's supposed to make it so if you have a blog, your most current post will show up along with your name as commenter, so if you are super witty, my readers will come to YOUR site :-) We'll see how it goes.

Crunchy Moms Funny

I've had this one for awhile and wanted to post it. I hope BlogHer doesn't kick my butt because I don't know where the picture came from or who to give credit to for it. Anyway, it rocks. I wish I could make it bigger, though. Enjoy the funny on this hot Kansas City Monday, bloggy pals!

Catholic Charities Doesn't Take Toy Donations?

Way before Christmas I tried to drop off a donation at my local Catholic Charities thrift store. This mean guy looked me straight in the eye and said, "No more toy donations." I tried to ask him why, and when that started but any question I would ask he kept smiling and saying, "No more toy donations." Maybe he didn't speak English or something and that's all he could repeat, but he seemed kinda mean about it.

So I contacted CC by email and the top dog said that was wrong and to keep taking toys there. Then the other day I tried to take some other stuff and a supervisor told me they don't take toys anymore. Of course I can't just say OKAY (my poor parents as I was growing up!) and have to ask questions. He said they still take toys at their other location but not there. When I asked why he said something about kids and loose parts.

Look, I know there are tons of other places I can take used toys. Garage sales are a pain in my butt, but I know I can try to sell the perfect ones to Once Upon a Child first and that there are other places to donate everything else. Heck, there are many charities that will come to my door and pick up donations for free.

I have a few points here:

1. Why does only ONE location not take toys? The kids in one city can choke on loose toy parts but the other kids won't? Maybe the parents are smarter in one city and not in mine. Maybe they supervise their kids better at the other location?
2. Loose toy parts? Heard of shrinkwrap, by the way? That would take care of your problem. I think it's more like the people who work there are annoyed by the kids TESTING OUT the toys! Trust me, I know this may be the case because I've traipsed 5 in there and tried out little bikes before buying!
3. There are people who specifically go to that location to buy toys, and I know there are many people dropping off nice toys there.
4. They are missing out on some money there, so stop bugging me all the time at church about needing money for CC when I'm now wondering if you are even running the dang thing well.

I don't care enough to contact the head CC guy again. Just enough to write a blog post to let ya'll know the deal. Maybe they'll Google themselves and leave me a comment like many businesses do. We shall see!