My Snotty Whole Foods Splurge

So my friend needed me to go to Whole Foods for her because it’s closer to my house and I was going to be down 2 kids (they were at a party at her house, in fact). She only needed a couple of things, but what she doesn’t realize is that Whole Foods is like my shoes or my crack. This means that I can take or leave shoes or crack (you know I’ve never tried crack!), but I LOVE food with a passion. I am a foodtard, though. Luckily I married a food genius named Aron.

I will now share my Whole Foods purchases with you. Oh, I also have to add first that sometimes I get crazy in Whole Foods because the people are so different from people who shop at Aldi. Sometimes I walk the aisles chanting, “Get me out of the land of the rich, healthy people.” Yes, I know you don’t have to be rich to shop there, but some stuff is so pricey. I suppose if I never got a Starbuck’s coffee out and NEVER ate out EVER I could afford to eat SOME stuff at Whole Foods. I’m CONSIDERING getting healthy someday and eating mostly good-for-me stuff, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.

So my MAJOR PURCHASE was these poached salmon veggie rolls. They were like a buck a piece but SO healthy and yummy. I also got a salad ON SALE … butternut squash, goat cheese and walnuts. I added half an avocado that was on sale. I saved the other half for later and told it, “I will place you in this plastic baggie with your seed still on. I don’t care if you turn brown in the fridge. I will always love you anyway.” I also have to always get those naughty cocoa chewy cookies that are like a buck a piece there. I spent my kids’ college savings on these salmon burgers because this crack (I mean, SALMON) dealer was handing out samples and I knew my family would love them.

I wanted the coffee yogurt but will wait until it goes on sale (I will spend a buck on a cookie but not a buck on one yogurt that would make a great breakfast with some Kashi). CRAP … I just wrote KASHI … did you see that?! I know we cloth diaper and homeschool and stuff, but I will never go 100% Whole Foods. I love my cheap Aldi, and they have some healthy stuff.

Still, if I made like $50 an hour writing and could afford to spend $1,000 per month on groceries (holy crap!), I would totally convert to Whole Foods. There’s just something kinda snobby about it, like people are judging the non-organic peoples of the world. I don’t really care about organic; I just love the variety and the quality!

P.S. I know there are people like my friend Jeani who have food allergies and must shop at Whole Foods for all the gluten-free and other special foods. And then there are the people who just want to feed themselves and their families totally healthy stuff. Don’t forget about the people with, like, cancer who are trying to eat all clean to try to reverse their disease. So I’m thinking maybe 50% of shoppers there are just trying to be cool.

The Turtle's Vagina

All in a day’s work, January 2, 2012

Callie: About the turtle, “Michael, I think he’s a girl. I think I saw his vagina.”

Eva: “With all of the food I ate, I had a bad poop.”

Breastfeeding Art by Picasso!

Did you know Picasso did a painting of a woman nursing her infant? I discovered this painting at my friend Jill's house [Jill, if you're reading this, please comment with your blog address so people can come see you!].

Last fall I finally got back enough brainpower (it takes me two years after having a baby to be normal again!) to realize that I could order my own print of this off the Internet and get it framed at Michael's. So now I have it hanging in our bedroom over Eva's twin bed. Whenever Sam sees it, he gets all excited and says "nay nay", which is how my last 3 kids have said nursing. The boys always said "tetita", which is a quasi-Spanish word we learned from my sister-in-law who grew up in Panama.

ANYWAY, I apologize for digressing like I always do! My question is: do you own art? This is my only piece. Aron has some cool coastline paintings and a Calvin and Hobbes painting his brother did. The kids have a couple of cool ocean paintings from my mom and my friend Alex. I used to have those cheapo posters of like James Dean and Marilyn Monroe and the Eiffel Tower and Abbey Road but those are long gone. Do those count as art?

FYI: I got my piece at www.art.com for only like $16 using MyPoints (25% off plus I got MyPoints)!

A New Year's Eve Gripe: YES or NO to Last Friday Night

I will leave 2011 with a nice peevey gripe, because that's what I do. And, as always, I'd love to know what you think! See you in 2012 ...

I can’t tell you how badly I hate this song (Last Friday Night by Katy Perry). And you know I like some pretty racy songs. I do love the beat and sometimes can’t get it out of my head when I hear like one bar of it before I get the chance to change the station. Here are my issues with it:

1.      Woke up with a stranger in her bed. Nice. She’s lucky he/she didn’t kill her in her sleep.

2.      Is it a hickey or a bruise? Hmmm, both are bad. I never understood the point of a hickey. They hurt when you get them and then you just try to cover them up. Who enjoys sucking on someone’s neck, anyway?

3.      Menage a trois. Great. Let’s teach our kids that one partner is never enough. Why not go out and have an affair after you get married, son? Spice things up!

Kids come over with this song on their cell phones and I have to tell them just about anything goes at my house (sugar! Dancing! Screaming! Running!) but not this song. As the queen of inappropriateness and too much information, I take every chance I get to school kids on what things in the song mean.

Of course, take this post with a grain of salt (or sugar!) because I am the one who heard a commercial in the 70s and went around saying, “Wham Bam Thank Ya Ma’am!” for weeks until my dad heard me and gave me a look and told me to Stop Right Now. He didn’t tell me what it meant; I figured that one out later.

Stompeez STINK! (and update

Actually, I don't know about the actual product called Stompeez because THEY NEVER ARRIVED!

My mom had me order these for the kids on November 25th. On December 16th I called to see what the deal was since these things cost and arm and a leg and the shipping cost is ridiculous. I was on hold 20 minutes and then was told they would go out "this week". Hmmm, I called on a FRIDAY. So I asked, "So they are going out TODAY since that's the last day of the freaking week?" Probably to shut me up, they said yes.

Guess what? Christmas Day came and still no Stompeez. It's now the 29th of December and they have still not arrived. If they don't come over the weekend, we're going to try to cancel our order, which should be very interesting indeed. Of course I'll call first to see what's up so I can get some more smoke blown up my ... you know. I'll let you know.

P.S. I know the website says they'll come in 4-6 weeks, and today is the end of the 5th week only. I guess I should give them another week and see. Still, what's the holdup? And don't tell me my order is going out when it is NOT! See below for update:

As of this writing, it has been 6 weeks and one day and NO STOMPEEZ. My mom is going to wait for her credit card to make sure they haven't charged her, then we will just cancel the dang things. What is the freaking holdup? They are slippers, for God's sake!

1/16/12 update still no Stompeez. Don't make me call you crazy people! By the way, see if you can spot the SIX DIFFERENT WAYS they spell their product name on the website!

2/27/12 Update. They finally arrived in February. They sent me an email that said they accidentally wiped out my order and input it again and shipped it. Guess what? It was FREAKING WRONG. So we have only 3 sets instead of the 4 we ordered, and the sizes and types are WRONG. Do you think I'm calling them? No. Do you think I'm ordering the other pair again. HELL NO!

Do not order from this company ... maybe someday they will get their crap together!