Saying No: Answering the Phone and the Door

I'm often hard to get by phone. That doesn't mean I'm not home.

It means maybe I'm changing a diaper or handling a tantrum or have my hand up a chicken (OMG, who saw Adrienne Maloof on the Housewives wash a chicken with actual HAND SOAP?!) or am outside or in a foul mood and have no business talking to ANYONE.

Same for answering the door. I felt so badly about this, but I saw the candy salesman teenager guy get out of the minivan in front of my house to start selling on my block. It was days after Halloween, I didn't need a $5 candy bar, and I was tapped financially from Girl Scout cookies and Scout popcorn and raffle tickets (I want that Kindle!!!).

I saw him coming. My shades were open and my baby stood in the window. When the doorbell rang, the kids were not quiet. They were loud and I told them to please not answer the door. I told them just because someone comes to your house, you don't have to answer the door (unless they were invited; I'm not THAT mean!).

How do you handle those interruptions during the day?

Saying No: Career Conflict

Nobody is forcing me to write but me.

I do have one weekly assignment, which is great. But when I push myself to write every idea I ever had, I am putting more pressure on myself that doesn't need to be there. The money is nice to have and sometimes necessary, but I could just as easily scale back on some things (like Taco Bueno and Starbuck's!) and instead spend writing time just sitting around watching my kids grow. Isn't that what I'm home for?

I'm challenging myself to do my writing research in the mornings before the kids wake up (or when I can't sleep in the night). Then I will write the bones of my pieces while Sam naps on me and the kids watch their educational shows or play together. I will set reasonable goals. My family must come first because homeschooling is my first job, and I don't get a redo on that one.

Saying No: Too Many Meetings

I am wondering why both my husband and I have to be at a Cub Scout committee meeting. Oh, because I'm a control freak, that's why, and I'm being serious here. Because I want the best for our pack and I nobody else is competent enough to keep it going. That's just crazy. I'll attend when he can't (it's at my house, after all), but I'm thinking I'll skip the next one and instead take my kids to an indoor play area instead of spending an hour shushing them.

Saying No: Playdates When I'm Not Up to It

We all gripe about being busy. It's better than being bored, of course. But if we are so dang busy, why can't we say NO sometimes?

I give myself permission to sometimes say NO to a playdate if I am not feeling "up to it." "Up to it" means if I am not totally ready to be a pleasant and loving hostess. No, the kids aren't coming to play with ME, but sometimes I feel like I have to say yes because my son says he's bored or whatever. Then I feel pressured, which puts me in a foul mood, but I am the one who let it happen! I want to be in a June Cleaver frame of mind when my kids' friends come over. Just kidding, but you know what I mean!

Teaching Kids Responsiblity: Joel Makes Dinner

 joel and jordan

our dining room, where we have dinner AND homeschool sometimes

Lately Sam has been running All. Day. Long. Since I hold him when he naps, I have to be creative when I plan for dinner. Sometimes it’s something I can make in the morning or at lunchtime and get out of the way. But sometimes it’s something that has to be made later.

So the other night Sam decided to crash around 5 p.m. I had laid out all the dinner stuff on the counter and had even put some brats on a cookie sheet with BBQ sauce on them in the oven. No, I didn’t put the kids in the oven; this isn’t Hansel and Gretel (they were bratwursts, as I’m sure you can figure out). As it got closer to time for Aron to get home I decided instead of throwing Sam over my shoulder to make dinner I would give Joel a little challenge.

I wrote up instructions for the 3 parts of dinner and let him go to town. He had to turn on the oven and set it to a certain temperature. He had to boil some water and cook frozen peas. He had to boil water and margarine and make stuffing. There was measuring involved and checking things.

He did so great! Everything was awesome, and he was proud of himself for doing it. The other kids asked who made dinner since Mommy was on the couch holding the baby, and Joel was able to say that HE DID IT!

Sometimes it’s hard for us parents to give up control over things like cooking or cleaning, but our kids WANT to help out. Besides, how else will they learn how to be on their own if we do everything for them? I’m hoping to raise my kids like my husband was raised … the guy could take care of himself quite well when I met him. In fact, he can cook better than I can and can even sew some.

Now. I gotta go because Eva has decided to wake up at 6:15 for some reason.