I’m done apologizing for the state of my house. Step over the toys, step over the baby. Pretend you don’t notice the stains on the carpet or the dishes in the sink. Watch out for the kid with the Nerf gun pointed at your back.
While Aron travels, the kids and I usually trash the house all week. I pull out the sofa bed in the family room for them to laze around on, fall asleep on, jump on. We pick it all up on Friday.
Soon the kids will be old enough to do a wonderful vacuuming job as part of their weekly chores. I envision myself eating bon-bons and watching Rescue Me and lifting my feet up for them to vacuum under. Yeah, right.
I’d rather write or scrapbook than clean the house. I’d rather go to the park or pool or zoo with my kids. I’d rather play Scrabble with my husband. I’d rather have a root canal. I don’t think I’m alone.
It’s all my parents’ fault (isn’t everything?!). They were Chore-ly Abusive to me. You may not have heard of it because it’s a new diagnosis in the therapy world. It means they made me clean my room occasionally, do a few dishes, vacuum, dust, change the cat box, clean the bathrooms in a mediocre manner. People, these days making your kids do those things will get The State called on you.
As a result of that abuse, my cleaning reserves are all tapped out and it’s like the guy on Office Space says, “I don’t really like my job, and I don’t think I’m gonna go anymore.”
Sometimes good enough really is … good enough.
And yes, my kids DO know how to pick up after themselves. They are actually quite helpful. I just have to bark kinda loud sometimes to get them to do it.
While I’m confessing things … I watch “The Hills.” I like the music. And the scenery. But not the way they speak. Too much like a version of a Valley Girl.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Reality TV Addict
In honor of getting TV time back, here are some of my favorite reality shows. Most of them are over for the season, but those of you with that newfangled cable TV can probably catch a marathon sometime this fall.
Bikini or Bust — Ashley Paige, who has been making famous knit bikinis for 20 years, is inspirational. Who knew she wasn’t mass-producing her awesome knit bikinis and that she was totally broke because she can’t find an investor? Watching her encourages me to go for my dream of being a writer. I’ll spare you the “overcoming obstacles” clichés, Reader, because I like you.
Tori and Dean — Tori Spelling is paranoid like me and digs being a mom. I wish my husband was more like Dean … he lets Tori have like 9 TVs in the house.
Flipping Out — Jeff Lewis is a Type A control freak, which I can be. He is to the house-flipping world what I was to the proofreading world (dictator-like, noticing every flaw).
Project Runway — I can’t sew a button on a shirt (again with my husband having my sewing gene) but I love this “fierce” show. Heidi Klum (think she’ll go for one more kid?), the gay guys, the crying/fighting chicks … makes my daily life seem like cake.
Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List — She’s not for everybody. She is sick and wrong. I still love her.
Million Dollar Listing — Is Chad for real? He sells multi-million dollar houses, is supposedly straight, yet I SWEAR he wears lipstick and that mushroom haircut is killing me. AND he says REAL-A-TER. The word “realtor”, which he IS for a living, does NOT HAVE AN extra “A” in it. And I want to sock Josh Flagg in his smirky little face.
Jon and Kate + 8 — Bears some resemblance to my own life, only with twice as many kids. If their life is a natural labor, mine is simply an epidural labor. I’m tired; my metaphorical similes suck. Are they an annoyal to you? Tee hee.
Would you rather I be addicted to crack or Valium? Reality TV is cheap, doesn’t give me a headache or hangover and doesn’t interfere with my parenting in a negative way. In fact, it puts me in a good mood and makes me feel good about myself. Like when you come to my house and leave feeling good that your house is so much cleaner than mine and your kids are so much better behaved.
Bikini or Bust — Ashley Paige, who has been making famous knit bikinis for 20 years, is inspirational. Who knew she wasn’t mass-producing her awesome knit bikinis and that she was totally broke because she can’t find an investor? Watching her encourages me to go for my dream of being a writer. I’ll spare you the “overcoming obstacles” clichés, Reader, because I like you.
Tori and Dean — Tori Spelling is paranoid like me and digs being a mom. I wish my husband was more like Dean … he lets Tori have like 9 TVs in the house.
Flipping Out — Jeff Lewis is a Type A control freak, which I can be. He is to the house-flipping world what I was to the proofreading world (dictator-like, noticing every flaw).
Project Runway — I can’t sew a button on a shirt (again with my husband having my sewing gene) but I love this “fierce” show. Heidi Klum (think she’ll go for one more kid?), the gay guys, the crying/fighting chicks … makes my daily life seem like cake.
Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List — She’s not for everybody. She is sick and wrong. I still love her.
Million Dollar Listing — Is Chad for real? He sells multi-million dollar houses, is supposedly straight, yet I SWEAR he wears lipstick and that mushroom haircut is killing me. AND he says REAL-A-TER. The word “realtor”, which he IS for a living, does NOT HAVE AN extra “A” in it. And I want to sock Josh Flagg in his smirky little face.
Jon and Kate + 8 — Bears some resemblance to my own life, only with twice as many kids. If their life is a natural labor, mine is simply an epidural labor. I’m tired; my metaphorical similes suck. Are they an annoyal to you? Tee hee.
Would you rather I be addicted to crack or Valium? Reality TV is cheap, doesn’t give me a headache or hangover and doesn’t interfere with my parenting in a negative way. In fact, it puts me in a good mood and makes me feel good about myself. Like when you come to my house and leave feeling good that your house is so much cleaner than mine and your kids are so much better behaved.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Misc. Plugs, Pix and Thanks
1. An awesome Christmas gift: Magnatiles (they are clear magnetic tiles and you can make the coolest stuff, like a 2-story stable like Michael's):
2. Thanks for the apples from your tree, Cathy! I actually made applesauce! And Aron is making a pie with the kids.
3. Thanks for the caterpillar, Zee. Here's what it turned into on Tuesday:
4. Before and after Cube Space Bags:
5. Callie nursing one of our zucchinis:
6. Twenty-three pounds of 9-month-old sunshine:
7. The best for last. The cutest thing ever. My daughter coloring with my grandpa:
Two more new posts below this one ...
2. Thanks for the apples from your tree, Cathy! I actually made applesauce! And Aron is making a pie with the kids.
3. Thanks for the caterpillar, Zee. Here's what it turned into on Tuesday:
4. Before and after Cube Space Bags:
5. Callie nursing one of our zucchinis:
6. Twenty-three pounds of 9-month-old sunshine:
7. The best for last. The cutest thing ever. My daughter coloring with my grandpa:
Two more new posts below this one ...
No TV Day ... Ah, Hell, I've Lost Count
My dad says, “50 is the new 90.” I say shopping is the new TV. Today just for something to do we headed out of the house to drop some cash, which we rarely do.
First stop: The bread store. We are now a family who buys 10 loaves of bread at a time, plus various buns, cinnamon bread and French bread.
Next stop: JC Penney Home Store for a mattress/box spring, recliner and a round of pillows for everyone. Aron’s had our only chair for about 16 years. It eats remote controls, so one day in a postpartum fit I tuned the chair over, cut a big slit in the bottom of the chair and retrieved my beloved remote. It will be on the curb with a FREE sign on it soon. I’m not even messing with freecycle.
Before kids, Aron and I would spend HOURS, DAYS, WEEKS looking for the perfect sofa sleeper, shades, dresser. The problem is that I have retro taste and am cheap. He likes to buy classy, nice things (to put in our ‘80s decorated house). We don’t speak the same language. I am missing the girlie decorating gene. He apparently has mine.
Today I made it clear we needed to do this QUICKLY. He could’ve gone shopping without me, frankly. Because I JUST DON’T CARE that much about stuff like that and don’t enjoy controlling children in stores. He shopped for the mattress; I found a recliner in 10 seconds. My criteria: cheap, indestructible, thick fabric. We can buy nice furniture when our kids have moved out and then spend our days yelling at the grandkids to get off the furniture. I’m thinking plastic covers and plastic carpet runners. JUST KIDDING!
I, who hates to shop, got some kitchen towels since most of mine are fit to be burned. Here’s one:
I’ve actually considered buying an APRON. I watched a lot of Swingtown last week.
Let me stop here to do a plug for freecycle.org. Signing up is a pain, and you may get a ton of e-mail, but it is worth it when you so easily can get rid of a mattress to someone in need or post something that YOU want. I have posted that I’m looking for a laptop computer. Every writer should have one, right?
Last stop: Pizza Shoppe for dinner. WHY WHY WHY do restaurants have a bell that goes off when someone comes and goes? Kids LOVE those things. They are an instrument of annoyal (nominate that word for the next edition of Webster’s). Is it so hard to just BE at the front to SEE if customers come in? Must be.
Tomorrow = 2 things we didn’t get to do with Aron all summer: the zoo and the drive-in.
First stop: The bread store. We are now a family who buys 10 loaves of bread at a time, plus various buns, cinnamon bread and French bread.
Next stop: JC Penney Home Store for a mattress/box spring, recliner and a round of pillows for everyone. Aron’s had our only chair for about 16 years. It eats remote controls, so one day in a postpartum fit I tuned the chair over, cut a big slit in the bottom of the chair and retrieved my beloved remote. It will be on the curb with a FREE sign on it soon. I’m not even messing with freecycle.
Before kids, Aron and I would spend HOURS, DAYS, WEEKS looking for the perfect sofa sleeper, shades, dresser. The problem is that I have retro taste and am cheap. He likes to buy classy, nice things (to put in our ‘80s decorated house). We don’t speak the same language. I am missing the girlie decorating gene. He apparently has mine.
Today I made it clear we needed to do this QUICKLY. He could’ve gone shopping without me, frankly. Because I JUST DON’T CARE that much about stuff like that and don’t enjoy controlling children in stores. He shopped for the mattress; I found a recliner in 10 seconds. My criteria: cheap, indestructible, thick fabric. We can buy nice furniture when our kids have moved out and then spend our days yelling at the grandkids to get off the furniture. I’m thinking plastic covers and plastic carpet runners. JUST KIDDING!
I, who hates to shop, got some kitchen towels since most of mine are fit to be burned. Here’s one:
I’ve actually considered buying an APRON. I watched a lot of Swingtown last week.
Let me stop here to do a plug for freecycle.org. Signing up is a pain, and you may get a ton of e-mail, but it is worth it when you so easily can get rid of a mattress to someone in need or post something that YOU want. I have posted that I’m looking for a laptop computer. Every writer should have one, right?
Last stop: Pizza Shoppe for dinner. WHY WHY WHY do restaurants have a bell that goes off when someone comes and goes? Kids LOVE those things. They are an instrument of annoyal (nominate that word for the next edition of Webster’s). Is it so hard to just BE at the front to SEE if customers come in? Must be.
Tomorrow = 2 things we didn’t get to do with Aron all summer: the zoo and the drive-in.
Monday, September 1, 2008
No TV Week, Day One
Yes, I have officially gone crazy, just as my dad predicted. You may send chocolate and coffee to the Funny Farm.
I'm sick of the TV taking over our lives. I think about it all the time, as a reward for me, as something to do while I nurse, while the baby naps. The kids plan their days around their shows, especially now that we have the converter box and 24-hour cartoons on Qubo.
So I'm instituting a no-TV week (well, 5 days, which is all I can handle, and withholding Saturday morning cartoons is just cruel). I chose this week because Aron is off work and he can get a taste of what I do all day. A little background: he didn't have a TV the whole 3 years we dated, so he could not care any less about the TV and is on my butt about the kids watching too much anyway.
My prediction is that by the end of the week we will be BEGGING the kids to go watch some TV.
So the plan is to play games with the kids, read to them, homeschool in an unschooling way, go to the park, walk to the library, do a toy purge.
I'll keep you posted ... ha! Get it? POSTed! Anyway ... tough crowd out there.
I'm sick of the TV taking over our lives. I think about it all the time, as a reward for me, as something to do while I nurse, while the baby naps. The kids plan their days around their shows, especially now that we have the converter box and 24-hour cartoons on Qubo.
So I'm instituting a no-TV week (well, 5 days, which is all I can handle, and withholding Saturday morning cartoons is just cruel). I chose this week because Aron is off work and he can get a taste of what I do all day. A little background: he didn't have a TV the whole 3 years we dated, so he could not care any less about the TV and is on my butt about the kids watching too much anyway.
My prediction is that by the end of the week we will be BEGGING the kids to go watch some TV.
So the plan is to play games with the kids, read to them, homeschool in an unschooling way, go to the park, walk to the library, do a toy purge.
I'll keep you posted ... ha! Get it? POSTed! Anyway ... tough crowd out there.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)