Going through a breakup is one of the toughest things you can do in life. When you first start dating, relationships may not mean that much. But when you find somebody you think you could spend the rest of your life with, everything changes. If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, you’re married, or you have children, it may feel like the world is crashing down. Nobody can bounce back immediately, but with time, you can muddle through. Here are some self-care tips that will help to cope with the aftermath of relationship breakdown.
Coming to terms with the situation
One of the hardest things to do is to come to terms with the situation you’re facing. Just last week, you may have thought everything was fine and dandy. And now, a few days later, you’re facing an uncertain future. The nature of the breakup can also make it difficult to face up to what has happened. Perhaps your partner has sprung the decision on you out of the blue. Maybe you discovered they were dating other people. Or maybe it was you who made the decision, and now you’re wondering whether it was the right thing to do.
With any life-changing situation, it takes time to get your head around what has happened. It’s sometimes impossible to process so much information in a short space of time. You may have hundreds of questions running through your mind or an endless stream of thoughts.
If there are issues that are up in the air, try and seek closure as soon as possible. Some couples make a clean break while others have a chance of reconciliation lingering in the air. Being in no man’s land can be confusing and upsetting, especially if you want different things. Be honest and open with each other, and make a decision either way. Once you know where you stand, you can start to move forwards, even if you just start with baby steps.
If you plan to meet up with your partner, take a list of questions or comments with you. This will help to ensure that you say everything you want to say at the time. In the heat of the moment, it can be hard to remember what you wanted to ask. You don’t want to go away afterwards and suddenly remember important questions. Be prepared to get answers you don’t want to hear. It may be hurtful, but it’s always best to hear the truth.
Dealing with emotions
When you break up with somebody, you’re likely to experience a whole spectrum of emotions. You may feel desperately sad one day and incredibly angry the next. You might feel vulnerable, confused or betrayed. You may be scared of being alone or worried about telling other people. It’s normal to feel all these emotions, so don’t try and suppress them or ignore them. For many people, splitting up is like a grieving process. You had plans, you had a future, and now that’s in jeopardy. You thought you loved somebody, and now everything is different. It’s understandable to feel distressed, upset, and frustrated.
People deal with emotions in different ways. Some will lock themselves away and cry for days on end. Others will bottle everything up and put on a brave face. Some people will scream and shout. Others will look to friends and family for comfort and advice. There’s no right or wrong way to cope after a breakup. But if you can, try and get things off your chest as soon as you feel ready. If you keep things to yourself, they can bubble away for months, and they may come to a head.
Talking can be really therapeutic because it enables you to get what’s going through your mind out in the open. Some of us feel more comfortable talking to the people that know us best. For others, it’s much easier to open up to somebody we don’t know. If this sounds familiar, you may be interested in having some therapy sessions.
If you struggle to get your feelings across, try other outlets. Some people find it beneficial to write things down. If you have questions swirling around your mind, or you can’t switch off, write down exactly what you’re thinking. If you can’t do this, try painting or drawing. Expressive activities give you that canvas to work with and provide you with the freedom to fill it with whatever you want.
Exercise is a very effective means of tackling negative thoughts and getting rid of frustration, tension, and anger. There are lots of different activities you can try from running or playing tennis to kickboxing or martial arts. Working out is a constructive way to deal with your emotions, and it also provides a cathartic release. When you come out of a session, you’ll feel much better and stronger.
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Sorting out the practicalities
When you’ve built a life with somebody, you won’t just experience emotional stress and sadness when it all falls down. There are also practical considerations to bear in mind. You don’t need to rush into seeing a family law attorney right away. But it’s wise to tackle practical issues before they start to get on top of you and cause you more stress. If you have children or you own a home or business together, there are important implications to consider. You may want to apply for custody of the children or a share of funds generated from sales. If you’re married, and you’re sure that the relationship is over, you may wish to file for a divorce.
Coping with the fallout of breaking up can be incredibly tough, especially when children are involved. During this time, make sure you have the best legal team and people around you to support you. Your representatives will do all they can to get you the best settlement. But you’ll also need friends and family there to reassure you, and help you get through difficult days.
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Search for the silver lining
The saying goes that every cloud has a silver lining. It may take you a long time to find the positives, but there are bound to be some. It’s never as easy as simply saying to yourself that you need to think positively. There may be days when you feel that you’re never going to be happy again. But there will be a time when you can identify advantages of your new situation. Being alone can be scary. But it can also open new doors. Be brave, and when you’re ready, start embracing this new opportunity. Spend your time doing what you want. Catch up with friends or make an effort to make new ones. Go traveling to those places you always wanted to visit or take the plunge with a business idea you’ve been mulling over. A fresh start can be daunting, but it’s also a very exciting time.
Look forwards not backwards
When you’ve been with somebody for a long time, it can be very difficult to think about a future without them. It’s much easier to dwell on the past and think about what went wrong. It’s beneficial to identify problems that lead to the breakup. But once you’ve processed this information, move on. It’s not healthy to spend your time obsessing about the past. Start looking forwards. It can be confusing, and you may wonder what on earth you’re going to do with your time. However, it can also be refreshing. Write yourself a list of goals. What do you want to achieve in the next few months? Do you want to look for a new job or find a new home? Do you want to book a vacation with the girls or learn a new language? Are you keen to get back to the gym after a break or join a local sports team? The world is your oyster, and now is the time for you to take control and make decisions. Surround yourself with people who care about you, and have fun. Take on new challenges and do things that make you happy. Gradually, you’ll build confidence, and gain a new lease for life. Time can be a miraculous healer.
When you break up with somebody, it can be incredibly tough to imagine a day when you feel happy again. The good news is that you will heal, and you will move on. The bad news is that it can take a long time. Everyone is different, and we all respond to life’s curve balls in different ways. Take your time to process what’s happened, and keep a network of friends and relatives close by. Get the answers you want, and try and deal with your emotions in a constructive way. Be kind to yourself. When you’re ready, start to look forwards, and don’t dwell in the past. Spend time with people you love doing things that make you smile. Eventually, you’ll realize that every cloud does have a silver lining.
