When it's Over: Separating from your Spouse in a Healthy Way

When a marriage breaks up, whether it’s just a trial separation, a more permanent separation or a full-on divorce, it’s a devastating and stressful time. Dealing with the feelings and the fallout caused by the dissolution of a long relationship can be heartbreaking, to say nothing of the added stress involved with splitting up finances, belongings, and a potential custody battle. Worse, it takes some time for these issues to be resolved; it’s not a quick fix in most cases. 

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    While it’s inevitably going to be a hard time no matter how you look at it, there are ways to make your separation go a little easier. 

    The first thing you want to do is talk to your soon-to-be former partner as civilly as possible, and try to come to an agreement to keep things civil and friendly. It can be hard when feelings are running hot, and there’s heartbreak and anger on both sides. But if you and your ex can keep things civil and calm, it will go much easier for both of you, and healing can come much faster. 

    Hiring a family lawyer is also a very important step in the marriage separation process. Even the most amicable of splits require a lawyer in most cases; just to make sure that division of property, finances and custody agreements are all done above-board and fairly. Hiring a lawyer doesn’t mean that you don’t trust your ex or that things will turn nasty; it’s just ensuring that you’re protecting your assets and property, as well as doing things the legal, proper way. Make sure you take the time to get quotes and if possible, consultations with a few different family law firms/solicitors in your area, to determine which one can best represent you. Preferably, you’ll choose a lawyer who has experience and a history of good settlements in similar cases to yours. 

    Once you’ve chosen a lawyer, you’ll begin the process of legal separating. This includes agreeing to and signing any initial or temporary custody and housing agreements (these may be modified later by a judge or with a further settlement); arranging for any supports such as child support or alimony; division of property and belongings; further discussions, agreements and settlements; possible court appearances in the event that a settlement can’t be reached, and finally, signing a final agreement, divorce papers, and so on. Your lawyer will be there to assist with the majority of this, and it will usually take place over a period of months (years in some more involved cases). Generally speaking, the more amicable and agreeable the parties are, the faster the process goes, though any good lawyer understands fully that this isn’t always possible. If you have extenuating circumstances that make it hard for you to be amicable with your former partner, don’t feel that you have to acquiesce to their demands or expectations just to “keep the peace”. Your lawyer will make sure you are taken care of and that any settlement you reach is fair and just. 

    Once all documents are signed and everything is final, you’ll begin the process of moving on with your life. This may mean moving to a new home or city; learning to parent on your own or dealing with an empty home; getting used to a new financial situation and budget; or just dealing with being on your own again. Be easy with yourself and take the time to heal from the separation. Don’t put too high expectations on yourself right away. Separation is a process that takes time to get used to. If you’re having trouble dealing with your feelings or moving on, don’t be afraid to speak to a therapist or professional about your feelings. They’re there to help. 

Leaving Your Relationship: The Steps to End It

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Sometimes there comes a point in your relationship when you no longer want to continue with it. The reasons can vary, from falling out of love to wanting different things in life. It can be a sad thing when your relationship comes to an end, whether you're married or you've only been seeing each other for a few months. When you're the one to end the relationship, deciding exactly how to do it can be tough. However, if it's what you want, you need to think about how you're going to do it so that you can start to move on and perhaps find love elsewhere.

Ensuring Your Safety

The first thing that you might need to consider when ending a relationship is your own safety. Some people end a relationship due to abuse, whether physical or psychological. This can make it especially difficult to leave, but there are resources out there to help and support you. Your safety is also about what you're going to do after ending the relationship to ensure it doesn't damage other aspects of your life. Will you need to find somewhere else to live? Who will be there to support you while you are grieving the end of your relationship?

Ending a Marriage

If you are married, the end of your relationship will usually mean also ending your legal partnership. This makes things a little more complicated, but it doesn't stop you from separating before your marriage is legally over. There are some situations when you might be able to consider getting an annulment instead of a divorce. This is when the marriage is legally considered as having never happened, and is only allowed in some circumstances. Otherwise, you will need to look at the process for getting divorced. While getting divorced isn't essential, it is best to legally separate yourself from your former spouse.

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Planning Your Next Steps

When you're trying to decide whether to end a relationship, it can be difficult when you're unsure of what you will do next. An unsure future can make it harder to make the right decision. So it's a good idea to think about what your next steps are going to be, especially if ending your relationship might mean that you need to find somewhere new to live. Maybe you're going to spend some time with your family or set up some time to talk to a friend.

Considering How to Broach the Subject

If you're getting ready to end a relationship, finding the right words can be the toughest part. And that's before you think about when or where is the right place to bring it up. While you don't want to spring it on your partner at an inopportune moment, it's also important not to keep looking for reasons not to bring it up. Preparing what you're going to say is a good idea too, but there's only so much preparation that you can do before broaching the subject.

Leaving your relationship is hard but it's sometimes necessary. It's better to end a relationship that isn't working than stay and be unhappy.

4 Tips to Stay Connected With Your Loved Ones During Lockdown

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The lockdown has created challenges for all individuals, regardless of whether you are a mum working from home or a navigated entrepreneur. The travel restrictions and social-distancing measures we are dealing with today were unexpected and took many by surprises. So, you might have gotten stuck alone or lucky enough to share this time with your loved ones. And, for how tough this period can be for you, it is not easier for your daily and friends. Doing everything you can to let them know you are there in case they need support is essential. Start with the tips below! 

Make time for a virtual catch-up. 

You might not be able to meet your best friend for a coffee during these unusual times. However, doing everything you can to ensure they are happy and healthy is essential. Scheduling in a catch up once a week might seem a little gesture for you, but it can be life-changing for someone who is facing quarantine alone. 

These calls don't need to last hours or cover difficult subjects. They can be a way of checking in with your closest friends and family members. While it might be hard for you to find enough time to do so, remember that others might be alone at home or separated from their loved ones. A call can make all the difference!

Send presents

Being next to the people who are the closest to you during these tough times is essential, and some celebrations cannot be stopped because of the pandemic. If one of your friends has celebrated his or her birthday, anniversary, or wedding while isolating, sending a little present can help you connect while apart.

Whether you are looking for ice cream gift cards, flowers, pieces of jewelry, books, or their favorite cakes, everything can be sent online today. Everything you need to do is head over to the website you prefer and know friends' addresses. In some cases, everything you need is their email address! These might seem small gestures at first, but it can make it a lot easier to connect with them during these unusual times.

Plan a virtual dinner party

If you used to have regular meetings with your friends and family members before the pandemic, don't let the current situation prevent you from enjoying their company. Of course, you might not be able to visit your favorite bar or restaurant, but leveraging modern technologies can offer you a valid alternative. And it can give you the chance to try new things!

Scheduling a dinner party with your friends can be an excellent way to catch up and build memories while respecting all the social-distances in place today.

Make plans for the future

The pandemic - and the ensuing lockdown - might have stopped you from undertaking that trip that you were so much looking forward to. However, starting to make plans and projects with your friends can offer you something to look forward to during these times. Moreover, it can be an excellent way to stay in touch with your closest friends and keep you busy during these times.

4 Misconceptions About Relationships You Must Avoid

Are you experiencing issues in your relationship? It’s important that you don’t fall back on some of the common misconceptions. This can lead you down the wrong path when trying to fix some of the problems that you might be facing. Let’s take a look at some of the most confusing elements here. 

Arguments Are Odd

This simply isn’t the case at all and it’s probably the fault of the rom-com that most people feel this way. Arguments are a perfectly normal part of a relationship and they can even be healthy. You shouldn’t be arguing all the time or trying to tear each other limb from limb. But arguments can be a healthy way to tackle issues in the relationship head-on and ensure that they don’t grow into something that can be more unmanageable. It’s far worse if the trouble remains underneath the surface undetected. The trick is to always resolve an argument and never go to bed angry. 

You Need To Do Everything Together

Some people are worried when their partner wants to do some things separately such as going out with their friends or perhaps exercising. However, it’s important to realise that a relationship doesn’t mean that you are joined at the hip. Again, this can lead to issues because everyone needs room to breathe on occasion. You should overcrowd someone. Of course, some people love doing things together all the time but it’s not going to be the right fit for everyone. You can still love someone and not want to spend every waking hour right next to them. 

Counseling Is Rare

On the contrary, these days counseling is quite common and it’s often seen as one of the best ways to work out issues in a relationship. As humans, we are flawed and it’s not always possible to work through these flaws without support and assistance. That’s where Commonwealth Counseling Associates Telehealth services and similar solutions can be beneficial. You can get the support you need and ensure that you work through the issues. If more people were willing to attend counseling with their partner, it’s possible that the divorce rate wouldn’t be so high. In fact, it’s common for most lawyers to recommend counseling or couple’s therapy first. 

Trust Should Always Be Given 

You might have heard that if the trust is gone in a relationship then that relationship is more or less over. While this might be true, it’s important to be aware that trust shouldn’t be a given, it should be earned. You should give your partner reason to believe that they can trust you. This means that you should think about whether they have provided you with a reason to believe that you never need to see what’s on their phone. It’s possible that they are hiding something from you. While you don’t need to know everything about their life in a relationship there also shouldn’t be any secrets or anything that needs to be hidden. 

We hope this helps you understand some of the biggest misconceptions that people often do hold about relationships. 

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Reconnecting As A Couple When You Both Start To Feel Distant

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Many couples go through phases of feeling distant. Any conversations you have may feel like small talk and there may be little to no physical intimacy. You might see each other every day and still share the same bed, but the spark may be missing.

If you’re currently going through this phase, don’t be alarmed – your relationship isn’t over. By both realizing the problem, you can take measures to stop the two of you from drifting apart. Here are just several ways to find closeness again.

Share old memories

By reconnecting with the past, you may remind yourself of things that the two of you once admired about one another. Find time to share old stories and go back through old photos. You may even be able to revisit places that you went on your first dates.

Try new experiences together

If reliving the past doesn’t work for you, you could try making new memories by trying new things together. Variety is the spice of life – by breaking out your routine and trying new things, you may discover new things about one another. New experiences could include travelling to a new place together, trying new foods together or trying a new activity together such as ice-skating or wine tasting or kayaking. You can research into new date ideas online. 

Create joint goals

If you haven’t got any joint goals to work towards, you could consider creating a goal to help bring you together. Often when couples get married, they feel they have no more joint goals to achieve, but there are so many other goals you can think up such as making travel plans, saving up to move or even planning an epic anniversary party (you could even renew your vows – although if you’re feeling distant, this may not feel right).

Consider the option of counseling

If you need help opening up to each other, you could consider looking into counseling. You don’t have to be on the brink of divorce to consider counseling - some couples find it to be a useful process when dealing with small problems. There are many different counseling options out there including online marriage counseling. There are also counsellors that can come to your home.

Take a break to reconnect

Sometimes you need to get away from each other to realize the things you appreciate about each other (as the phrase goes: ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’). This could be particularly the case if you spend most of your time together. You don’t have to ‘break up’ to test this out. Instead, you could both plan separate trips away with friends. Or if you have kids, one of you could take a break away with the kids while the other stays at home. 

How Can You Celebrate Your Anniversary Stuck Inside?

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As we slide into day infinity of lockdown, couples who had big plans for their anniversary are probably wondering how they can make this year, this most unique of all years, in fact, extraordinary. Sure, they still buy gifts for one another, they can make breakfast in bed, but within the confines of your four walls, it can be a little difficult to work out what to do, especially when it feels as if you’ve exhausted everything in the house. 

It may be challenging, but it’s not impossible. All you need is a little imagination to make your anniversary as unique as these bizarre and frustrating circumstances allow. 

Your Own Spa

Everyone deserves to be pampered, and now it feels like you deserve to be pampered more than ever before, so exploring home beauty treatments for you and your partner is a great way to start your anniversary. 

If you’ve got a bath, you can squeeze yourselves in together with a face mask, light some candles, or make them do all the hard work with a massage. Put on some light harp-based music, dim the lights, and treat yourself with some bubbles and body lotion. 

Summer Picnic 

If you’re lucky enough to have a garden, you should make the most of it by having a couple’s picnic under the blue sky and the sun. You can go all out, with all the bread, meats, cheese, olives, strawberries and cream you like, while a bottle of champers wouldn’t go amiss. 

If the weather’s pleasant enough, there’s always the chance for sunbathing and even lawn games, if you’ve got any on hand. 

Bar Crawl 

Ah, the bar crawl. Jumping from watering hole to watering hole, dealing with sticky floors and terrible tunes, and then moving onto the next. You may not be able to visit your favorite haunt, but you can still bring the atmosphere to you. 

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I’m stilling dreaming of the passionfruit vodka from @seacretsusa when I went to #OceanCity, #Maryland with @ritsychan. The tour was excellent with antiques decorating the whole #distillery. They have #infusedvodka, #rum, #whiskey and more. I love the #speakeasy feel and of course, the tasting. Definitely #seacrets is the place to go. #distillery #vodka #alcohol #blogger #alcoholblogger #travelblogger

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You can create a home bar crawl by setting up drink stations in different rooms. Start with a quick lager in the kitchen before graduating to cocktails and then make your way upstairs for beer pong and karaoke to finish off the night.  

Hotel Casa

You couldn’t treat each other to a fancy hotel where you spent the entire time ordering copious amounts of room service, but that shouldn’t mean you can’t still get a sort-of-the-same-ish experience!

If you’ve got a spare room, one that is typically reserved for guests or when one of you snores, you can switch up your sleeping arrangements by spending a night there. It’s not the same as a hotel. In fact, it’s nowhere close to the same, but with a few mini bottles of booze and some clean sheets, it’s the best you’ve got. 

Happy Anniversary!

While it’s definitely one of the most unusual anniversaries you’ll ever have, it also has the potential to be the most memorable. You don’t need to take each other on a globetrotting adventure or spend hundreds on a fancy meal, as long as you have one another, you’re able to celebrate your anniversary stuck inside your way.