Why Your Marriage Needs A Five-Year Pit Stop

 The first five to ten years of a marriage can change the nature of your relationship with your spouse to some pretty surprising degrees. It might not change exactly how much you love each other or your devotion to one another, but it can definitely change how your life operates from day to day, as well as future plans that you might have previously talked about. For that reason, we’re going to look at conversations you should have with your spouse during a pitstop after at least five years.

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What are your goals for life?

One of the big misconceptions is that after you have had some time to achieve your goals or found that some are no longer important to you, you are likely to simply rest on your laurels. Congratulations are in order if you have reached those goals but you are likely to find out that you have different priorities, now. You and your spouse might not be able to support each other as effectively as you otherwise could if you’re simply not telling each other about what your aims are for the future. Talk about where you see yourself and where they see themselves in five years and whether that matches up with your current trajectory.

Are things going okay financially?

At this stage, you and your partner should have some sort of financial system in place. Now is the time to look at that financial system once again. This can include, of course, how you’re spending your money, but might also include how your finances are organized and who holds the purse strings on different accounts. How much are you putting towards savings? Do you have any financial goals and have you been putting enough money towards them to meet them within a set timeframe? It’s easy to get sensitive about money and how one handles it, so it’s important to address this question as a cooperative effort, first and foremost, so that it doesn’t sound accusatory.

Your working lives

This topic might end up getting rolled up into the conversation about your finances, but the question of who works, how their career is going, and what can be done incorporates more than just the financial side of life. It’s also about individual goals, the importance of being able to spend your time productively, and more. Have a talk about who is working and whether they want to work (or have to, as the case may be). For those who are working, it may be worth taking the time to talk about their career, its trajectory, and options they might have to get it moving int the way they want, whether that’s by searching for new roles or by looking at development potential through training.

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Is it time to start planning for a baby?

It’s very likely that the topic of children has come up, as most couples tend to make sure they’re on the same page regarding that before they even get married. However, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t take the time to talk about having your first child if you currently have none. Is it time to take the step to actively try? Are you as ready as you can be, financially and in terms of having a stable home life? Or have expectations of children changed for one or both of you? Even if you have both agreed beforehand that you do not want children, it’s still wise to take the time to check in with your partner and your own feelings.

Do you have enough kids?

If you have, in fact, had children already or you both find that you are resolute that you don’t want any more, then you might want to look at the possibility of closing the door for any children in the future. It doesn’t need to be a formal decision, you can both practice safe sex, but there is also the option for a surgical option. Take the time to research how painful is a vasectomy as well as what the long-term effects are. If you’re done having kids, it’s the most accessible answer, but it does need a lot of preparation and cooperation.

How are you raising your children?

Whether you already have children or you plan to have them in future, you need to talk more about the process of actually making them. It’s important to check-in on what kind of parents you want to be and what you’re doing to make that a reality. This means not only looking at you provide and nurture for them. You need to talk about plans to deal with issues like misbehavior, discipline, bullying, and more. If you have two different parenting strategies in mind, this can lead to major tensions down the line so it’s important to see where you line up and find a compromise if it’s not an exact match.

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How do you argue productively?

Is it possible for anything but bad to come out of an argument? The answer is: yes. Arguments are how we sort out disputes and conflicts within relationships and an argument doesn’t necessarily have to be an emotional and hurtful process. If you need some sort of the change in your relationship, it’s important to be able to address it calmly, without making the other feel attacked, or without getting defensive if you or your behavior is the subject of the conversation. More importantly, you should look at whether you make some of the biggest mistakes when arguing with a partner, such as criticising them, acting with contempt, being defensive and taking personally, or stonewalling them when they’re trying to talk.

You might find during your pitstop that your relationship with your partner, your life, your needs, and your wants for the future haven’t changed that much. If that’s the case, then that is fantastic. However, it’s important to have these conversations anyway to make sure that there aren’t any issues that could grow under the surface if left unaddressed.

4 Ways To Build Self-Esteem That Lasts

 

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Nobody wakes up in the morning and thinks, "I'm going to hate myself today." Everyone has the intention of loving themselves because a high level of self-esteem is an incredibly powerful thing. Whether it's bouncing back quickly from defeats or not allowing rejection to ruin your day, you're bound to be happier and more content if you love yourself.

However, it's not as simple as clicking your fingers and eliminating the tension. Anxiety doesn't work like that as, if it did, there would be no such thing in the first place. The key is to build up your confidence so that knocks, no matter how big or small, don't have a lasting impact, but also so that you don't love yourself to the point that you become a narcissist.

If it appears like a tough balance to strike, it isn't as long as you understand the basics, four of which you can find underneath.

Focus On Your Strong Points

To begin with, it's vital to concentrate on your strengths rather than focusing on your weaknesses. Everybody has weak points, yet your lack of self-esteem magnifies them, and they transform into huge negatives. Thankfully, the way to forget about your weaknesses is to dive headfirst into your strengths.

Please don't assume that you don't have any because everyone has talents - you need to figure out what they are. Once you realize that you're a skillful cook, for instance, you can decide to prepare meals more often, finishing with a dinner party. When it goes well, you'll start to see your real value. The same goes for everything from sports to crossword puzzles.

Whatever it is, do more of it to enhance your skills and reinforce the fact that you do have strong points that you can fall back on when the negative thoughts creep into your mind.

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Lean On Technology

Often, it is a habit or a feature that makes your confidence plummet. Physical and mental attributes are debilitating as they make you feel as if you're not normal. The worst thing is that it can be something as basic as having poor hearing. When you can't hear properly, you'll always fret about trying to be involved in the conversation.

Sure, hearing aids help, but it's not as if they are discrete. Well, they weren't, but technological advancements mean that software and hardware are ten times more subtle. As a result, you can rely on invisible hearing aids to help you keep your secret while enhancing your lifestyle. This is pretty much the case for a host of defects that can play on your mind, so there's no reason to suffer in silence.

Right now, invisible braces are among the most common forms of orthodontic devices for this very reason.

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Accept Compliments

A telltale sign that your esteem is at an all-time low is when you can't accept a compliment. Unfortunately, the negative thoughts are ingrained in your brain so much that you can't compute them, which forces you to reject them entirely. Even worse, you need positive comments more than ever when you're struggling because they help you to see the light.

Therefore, it's essential not to resist them, even if they make you uncomfortable. All it takes is a simple "thank you." With an everyday phrase such as this, you won't automatically shut down the person providing a compliment, and in time, you'll learn to accept them more. As well as expressing your gratitude, you can defer to other people and share the credit.

"I got it from my mama" is more than a will.i.am song!

Address The Triggers

You shouldn't expect to go through life without experiencing rejection as it's a common feature for everybody, regardless of success. However, rejection makes you feel bad about yourself, so what are you supposed to do when it rears its ugly head? The answer is to reaffirm your value once it has taken a hit.

For example, rather than focusing on the reasons why you didn't get your dream job, you should write down the attributes that make you a valuable employee. That way, you'll have the confidence to continue applying for roles and putting yourself in a position to be successful. You'll appreciate the way this tactic makes you feel inside, especially after you've suffered a blow.

Again, you can do it for a variety of issues. If you go through a breakup, for instance, you can jot down the features that make you a great life partner. 

It's hard work, but feeling good about yourself is worth the effort.

Helping Your Family Survive The Common Cold

 Let’s be honest, when you become a parent, feeling under the weather is not how it used to be. Gone are the days where you can call in sick from the day job, snuggle up on the sofa, box of tissues, energy drinks and your favorite TV show to help you ease yourself back to health. No! These days there is no sign of a day off and sometimes even the common cold can make you feel like you have been run over by a big truck. However, because we have no choice but to carry on instead of nursing ourselves back to health. Right now we are more conscious than ever of flu like symptoms because of COVID-19 and we need to do all that we can to keep ourselves feeling well or nurse ourselves back to health should we have to self-isolate because the symptoms are so similar. With that in mind, here are some of the ways that you can survive the symptoms of a common cold, and hopefully fight whatever virus it may be. 

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Informing doctors 

Most of the time you would inform your doctor if you were ill, but with covid-19 it is important to stay at home or try and get tested for that virus. If it isn’t covid, then you can look at finding some over the counter treatments for your symptoms. If you have young children, getting them registered with a pediatrician is important so that you have that contact should temperatures rise or symptoms get worse. 

That raging headache

There is nothing worse than needing to take care of loud and energetic children when you have a headache brought on by a cold. It seems to center in your forehead and pound like it has it’s own heartbeat. It certainly isn't pleasant. Of course, taking painkillers can help but often placing a cold compress on your forehead can ease the pain. 

The nose that won’t stop running

A streaming nose is never attractive, but a sure fire symptom of the common cold. Keeping issues to had will be vital to making sure you keep it in check. Of course, it’s not always easy, but often sinus medication can help to dry out your nose. That or a menthol rub on your chest or droplets on your clothes can help you ease the tension. 

The blocked up ears making everything sound fuzzy

Block up ears can make everything sound fuzzy and quiet, and while that may be ideal to nurse some of the other symptoms you will be feeling, it’s not ideal when taking care of children or the family. Often this is another area causing a sinus blockage, and can be connected with your head and your nose. 

The aching bones and muscles

Feeling tired and having aching muscles is not the best feeling especially with energetic children. But keeping active can often help you rather than hinder your chances of feeling better. Too often sitting down can make us feel worse, so it may be worth getting out and about and keeping your body moving. 

The fluctuating temperature

Finally, controlling your temperature when you have a cold is not easy, so the best advice is to wear layers, enabling you to get warm or cool down as and when needed. It’s rather tempting to climb back under the duvet, but with a family to look after often this just isn’t possible. Try and maintain the same heat in your home and regulate your body temperature yourself. Water can also help with this. 

Let’s hope this helps you recover quickly. 

Improve Your Health and Wellbeing in 6 Simple Steps

When you imagine the healthiest version of yourself, you might imagine somebody with entirely
different habits, and a totally different lifestyle to you. If that’s the case, then it sounds like you need
to take a few steps to improve your health and wellbeing. You don’t need to become a ‘perfect’
version of yourself, but you should work on building small habits that can make a big difference.
Over time, you will improve your health and find that you’re a lot closer to becoming the version of
yourself that you really want to be. 

1. Assess Your Diet 

Start by assessing your diet. Could you eat more vegetables? Drink more water? Cook more whole
foods from scratch rather than eating instant meals? Cooking nice foods and eating healthily is one
of the best things you can do for yourself. Using an app to track your food intake can give you a
better idea of things like sugar, saturated fats, and whether you’re getting enough fibre. A balanced
diet is crucial to a healthy life. Remember that it’s balance, not perfection. 

2. Assess Your Activity Levels 

Now assess your activity levels. How active are you each day? If you’re not sure, you could get a
cheap activity tracker or download an app on your phone to help you track your steps. You don’t
need to do hardcore workouts every day - just try to do more steps and work your way up gradually. 

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3. Book Your Health Appointments 

If you’re running behind on your health appointments, make sure you book them now. It’s too easy
to avoid spending money on the dentist, for example, and just assuming that your teeth are fine.
However, they might not be, and you will need to spend more later on down the line to get them
back into good condition. Hearing products could also improve your life if you’ve been putting off
your hearing tests. Make sure you make a list of the appointments you are overdue and take them
seriously. 

4. Start Journaling

Grab a notebook and write things down. Write down things you are grateful for, things you have
succeeded at this week, and anything else that can help to get you into a healthy headspace. It’s
too easy to focus on the negative when you’re not actually making the effort to focus on the positive. 

5. Get Out Of Your Head

Try to get out of your head. Instead, get into the flow state and lose track of time by doing something
you love - it could be dancing, playing an instrument, or something else personal to you. When we
overthink, we can cause major stress. 

6. Restore Your Rest

Make sure you practice self care and relaxation and take time just to do nothing. You don’t need a
full itinerary all the time. If you want to improve your wellbeing, taking some time for yourself will help
you to do this. 

Which of these steps are you going to take? Leave your own health and wellbeing advice below. 

When it's Over: Separating from your Spouse in a Healthy Way

When a marriage breaks up, whether it’s just a trial separation, a more permanent separation or a full-on divorce, it’s a devastating and stressful time. Dealing with the feelings and the fallout caused by the dissolution of a long relationship can be heartbreaking, to say nothing of the added stress involved with splitting up finances, belongings, and a potential custody battle. Worse, it takes some time for these issues to be resolved; it’s not a quick fix in most cases. 

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    While it’s inevitably going to be a hard time no matter how you look at it, there are ways to make your separation go a little easier. 

    The first thing you want to do is talk to your soon-to-be former partner as civilly as possible, and try to come to an agreement to keep things civil and friendly. It can be hard when feelings are running hot, and there’s heartbreak and anger on both sides. But if you and your ex can keep things civil and calm, it will go much easier for both of you, and healing can come much faster. 

    Hiring a family lawyer is also a very important step in the marriage separation process. Even the most amicable of splits require a lawyer in most cases; just to make sure that division of property, finances and custody agreements are all done above-board and fairly. Hiring a lawyer doesn’t mean that you don’t trust your ex or that things will turn nasty; it’s just ensuring that you’re protecting your assets and property, as well as doing things the legal, proper way. Make sure you take the time to get quotes and if possible, consultations with a few different family law firms/solicitors in your area, to determine which one can best represent you. Preferably, you’ll choose a lawyer who has experience and a history of good settlements in similar cases to yours. 

    Once you’ve chosen a lawyer, you’ll begin the process of legal separating. This includes agreeing to and signing any initial or temporary custody and housing agreements (these may be modified later by a judge or with a further settlement); arranging for any supports such as child support or alimony; division of property and belongings; further discussions, agreements and settlements; possible court appearances in the event that a settlement can’t be reached, and finally, signing a final agreement, divorce papers, and so on. Your lawyer will be there to assist with the majority of this, and it will usually take place over a period of months (years in some more involved cases). Generally speaking, the more amicable and agreeable the parties are, the faster the process goes, though any good lawyer understands fully that this isn’t always possible. If you have extenuating circumstances that make it hard for you to be amicable with your former partner, don’t feel that you have to acquiesce to their demands or expectations just to “keep the peace”. Your lawyer will make sure you are taken care of and that any settlement you reach is fair and just. 

    Once all documents are signed and everything is final, you’ll begin the process of moving on with your life. This may mean moving to a new home or city; learning to parent on your own or dealing with an empty home; getting used to a new financial situation and budget; or just dealing with being on your own again. Be easy with yourself and take the time to heal from the separation. Don’t put too high expectations on yourself right away. Separation is a process that takes time to get used to. If you’re having trouble dealing with your feelings or moving on, don’t be afraid to speak to a therapist or professional about your feelings. They’re there to help. 

5 Tips on Moving Interstate

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So you’ve decided that you need a bit of a change, and now you’re packing all your belongings and moving to a new state. While this is an exciting time for you, try not to forget that there are a couple of things you need to do in preparation before you finally make the move.

Planning and of tying up loose ends, such as handling appliance repair Toronto, is obviously not as exciting as the move itself, but it’s definitely necessary to help you settle in better and faster. So, to get you started on this new journey of yours, here are 5 helpful tips on moving interstate. 

1. Selling your house

One of the first things you need to think about is selling your house. Sometimes, people don’t want to sell their old houses; however, the money you get from the sale can really help you settle into your new city. In some countries selling your house is a much smoother process than others. For example, if you’re looking for information on how to sell your home fast, generally, houses in the Midwest fly off the market quite fast. On the other hand, if your home isn’t selling as fast as you’d like, there are still a couple of options to explore. 

2. Securing a job

Although this isn’t always possible before you move, being able to secure a job can save you the stress of trying to land on your feet while acquainting yourself with a new town. If you don’t have a source of income, living there will be a bit more difficult than you anticipated. One thing you can do before the big move is to search for jobs on sites like LinkedIn or Indeed. Even if you can only land an interview, it’s still a lot better than nothing. 

3. Organizing your belongings 

Another thing you need to think about is your belongings. Take an inventory of everything you own and make the tough decision on what goes and what you’re going to donate and sell. in the case of the things getting sold, you can use sites like eBay or Craigslist if you don’t know any physical stores that’ll take them. Also, keep it in mind that the process of sorting through personal belongings can equally be quite emotional for some people, as such, it is advised to do it early on in the process. 

4. DIY or moving company? 

Two major things you need to consider when making the decision between using a moving company or doing it yourself are convenience and cost. A moving company is typically more expensive, however, it is also a lot more convenient than you having to pack and load all your heavy boxes. If you choose to use a moving company, make sure you include the cost in your budget. 

5. Prepare to ship your car

If you’re a car owner, you may need to prepare to ship it as part of the move. Again, the cost of shipping the car will have to be included in your budget. Note that interstate car shipments don’t just arrive the next day. Sometimes, it can take one to two weeks for your cargo to get to its final location. So, try to plan the pick up in a way that your car gets to your new home shortly after you do. 

4 Misconceptions About Relationships You Must Avoid

Are you experiencing issues in your relationship? It’s important that you don’t fall back on some of the common misconceptions. This can lead you down the wrong path when trying to fix some of the problems that you might be facing. Let’s take a look at some of the most confusing elements here. 

Arguments Are Odd

This simply isn’t the case at all and it’s probably the fault of the rom-com that most people feel this way. Arguments are a perfectly normal part of a relationship and they can even be healthy. You shouldn’t be arguing all the time or trying to tear each other limb from limb. But arguments can be a healthy way to tackle issues in the relationship head-on and ensure that they don’t grow into something that can be more unmanageable. It’s far worse if the trouble remains underneath the surface undetected. The trick is to always resolve an argument and never go to bed angry. 

You Need To Do Everything Together

Some people are worried when their partner wants to do some things separately such as going out with their friends or perhaps exercising. However, it’s important to realise that a relationship doesn’t mean that you are joined at the hip. Again, this can lead to issues because everyone needs room to breathe on occasion. You should overcrowd someone. Of course, some people love doing things together all the time but it’s not going to be the right fit for everyone. You can still love someone and not want to spend every waking hour right next to them. 

Counseling Is Rare

On the contrary, these days counseling is quite common and it’s often seen as one of the best ways to work out issues in a relationship. As humans, we are flawed and it’s not always possible to work through these flaws without support and assistance. That’s where Commonwealth Counseling Associates Telehealth services and similar solutions can be beneficial. You can get the support you need and ensure that you work through the issues. If more people were willing to attend counseling with their partner, it’s possible that the divorce rate wouldn’t be so high. In fact, it’s common for most lawyers to recommend counseling or couple’s therapy first. 

Trust Should Always Be Given 

You might have heard that if the trust is gone in a relationship then that relationship is more or less over. While this might be true, it’s important to be aware that trust shouldn’t be a given, it should be earned. You should give your partner reason to believe that they can trust you. This means that you should think about whether they have provided you with a reason to believe that you never need to see what’s on their phone. It’s possible that they are hiding something from you. While you don’t need to know everything about their life in a relationship there also shouldn’t be any secrets or anything that needs to be hidden. 

We hope this helps you understand some of the biggest misconceptions that people often do hold about relationships. 

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