The (Mommy)Kerrie Show

Leaning Tower of Dishes

2012-02-02T06:16:00.000-06:00

It doesn't take long in our house to accumulate a lot of dirty dishes. Lately we sometimes run the dishwasher twice a day! The oldest 3 kids are awesome and empty it for us for chore points (a quarter a point). I'm wondering if paper plates might be cheaper than paying them ... then we can just throw them in our compost heap! One day when we were behind (Aron was probably out of town), Michael made this amazing Leaning Tower of Dishes.

I'm Going to the SuperBowl (Party)!!!!

2012-02-02T05:41:00.000-06:00

It is a brave person who invites our family of seven into their home. My own parents will barely even do it anymore!!!! We are loud, messy, crazy and frightening. I yell when I don't even realize I am yelling. I figure it out when I see people staring at me, then I sheepishly tell them I am sorry, and I will now use my INSIDE VOICE.
Anyway ...

We got invited to a SuperBowl Party at someone's house. This is not just ANYONE's house, this is the house of a new pal, who is the pal of my super-cool accountant neighbor chick. This new pal pretty much runs the school across the street from me. Okay, not REALLY. But you know the one: the one who coordinates all the volunteers, runs the parties and the carnival and God knows what else. The one with the husband and the two adorable kids and the job. That one who can do everything (kinda like accountant neighbor chick!)?! Oh, and they do it looking good, too. I can barely get out of my sweats and attempt to suck in my muffin top these days while they are at Boot Camp.

So I have to step it up here. I've already instructed the kids NOT to pick their noses in front of anyone and CERTAINLY don't wipe it anywhere but on a Kleenex. I'm giving my kids a bad wrap here ... they are mostly wonderful. Well, the oldest three. Eva and Sam are only 4 and 2 so they need a little nudge in learning the ways of high society (cover your mouth when you couch, don't take a bite of food then put it back on the tray, boogers go in tissues, that sort of thing).

Now, what to bring? I picked up a football-shaped tray of snack mix from Aldi. Hmmm. No, not good enough. Oh, I know! I'll make this:

If you want to be cool and copy me, here's the recipe. Even a kitchentard like me can do it! (by the way, my mom and I decided we can call things "tard" because her sister is mentally retarded. so our reasoning is her sister is MENTALLY retarded and can't help that and I am like CLEANING and KITCHEN retarded and can't help it. get it? oh, and other people are SOCIALLY retarded and can't help that so I'm trying to be more accepting as I hope they will be accepting of me.)

Errands With 5 Kids ... It Can Be Done

2012-02-01T06:32:00.062-06:00

I have to get this post typed because the notes for it are written on a nasty cardboard coffee cup and I need to throw it away.

Allow me to set the scene for you:

It's a weekday. Aron is out of town. I have errands that have been piling up, things I don't HAVE TO DO or people might die but things I would LIKE TO GET DONE for peace of mind.

First we had to the mall. Yes, the big, nice, snooty mall. I have to go to Lenscrafters to order new sunglasses since mine got damaged when I fell on my face back in August at the pool. (yes, I know many people who DON'T like me read this blog, so that one was for you ... laugh away!) So we park by Nordstrom and go in the covert way. We pass the luxury cars, which of course the kids want to touch. It's like 2 in the afternoon and Lenscrafters is CRAWLING with people. HUH?

So I take a deep breath and talk myself into waiting while trying to contain 5 energetic kids. It's not the 1950s, people, and you can't discipline your kids in public without going to jail. Remember how society has cut off our parenting nuts next time you see kids running wild somewhere with a parent only whining, "Stop, Jimmy, stoooooooop it."

It's finally our turn and ...

Tip #1: Be extra nice to the clerks. If you kill them with kindness and humor about the situation, you cut off their snarky looks and comments! To diffuse snarky young men, I simply brightly say, "Sex makes babies, it is true! I finally figured it out."

So we get out of there unscathed. But somebody has to pee, so we tromp through Nordstrom and up two flights of escalator to the family bathroom. (on the way we see someone we know, a super-nice, super-cool woman and I pray my kids don't do something totally hillbilly in front of her!) We emerge about 3 days later because everyone had to pee or poop.

By this time I need a freaking treat. I hit the shi-shi Nordstrom coffeeshop and pay one million dollars for a coffee and 5 cookies. While I wait, I chase down two kids while the other three are in Bath and Body Works hanging around.

We walk out the doors into freedom and the kids want to climb these parking lot stairs. I say okay, and being as how I'm 40 now and out of shape, I'm the last one up. In the meantime, a parking lot cop has confronted my oldest son about where his parents are, etc. I vow to get in shape so I can beat my kids to the top next time.

I'm all geared up to head to CVS next. After all, I NEED that deal on L'Oreal Youth Code. I can feel my neck wrinkling by the day and I have to have it before I am wearing scarves all year long. The girls want to look at the makeup, so I leave them with Joel one aisle over to do that. Michael and Sam come with me to find the Fountain of Youth. A nice young man has to help me find it, because he's stocking it. I ask him if it works. He just laughs at me. I tell him sex makes babies.

By this time the girls are somewhere else looking at videos and I decide I will have to put them all on leashes or get them the microchip.

Did I mention earlier in the day we had grocery shopping to do? Did I mention this is the life I always dreamed of and that I would not trade it for anything in the world? My worst, hardest day as a mom is better than my best day when I was working at a "real" J.O.B. I'm not a good worker-bee (I get bored too easily).

Snooping: Yes or No?

2012-01-31T06:12:00.051-06:00

I have a couple of snooping stories from my past, then I'd love for you to weigh in.

Snooping Story #1: I come home one night and my roommate has been digging through my file cabinet and reading my personal journal pages and email printouts. She is ballistic. I'm trying to figure out what I could have written that would have her panties in such a bunch. Then she tells me she's freaking out because I wrote mean things about this mutual frenemy of ours, this chick who in the past had gone after both of our men. She says if I don't tell this chick what I wrote, SHE WILL. I was a bit of a doormat back then and was a tad frightened of this roomie gone wild, so I think I ended up apologizing to everyone involved but didn't feel right about it. I just wanted to keep the peace. Another friend of ours told me I was crazy for doing that and that I should have told Roomie to bug off for snooping. I got a locked file cabinet after that and continued to write what I wanted.

Snooping Story #2: It's the day I got fired from my PR secretary job with no reason given and no notice. In my downtime I had kept a journal on the computer (probably illegal or company property, right?), and in my scramble to get out of there, I had printed off some pages to take with me. Guess what? I left them in the printer! They were about my fellow secretary and how I knew she could get a better job instead of being a lackey for our boss. (she's now the president of a company, so I was RIGHT!). Apparently she read them and put them in a box of stuff to get back to me and hasn't spoken to me since and won't tell me why she's upset, so I can only imagine it's because of what I wrote.

We have probably all snooped, right? It's just that most of us have the sense to act like WE DID NOT! If asked, I will fess up. But otherwise, I don't do anything with the new knowledge BECAUSE I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO KNOW IT!

I know we should be positive and happy and light and try not to trash others. But sometimes when life is sucking, I turn to my journal to reveal my deepest annoyances and don't use my big-girl words. Sometimes I've gone back after a year and deleted petty stuff. The bigger stuff I keep in there to remind me not to let it happen again. I have journals going back 30 years ... and I'm keeping them. My kids can burn them or read them or whatever. They will see me writing petty crap and sex crap and all kinds of things they don't want to know. Tell me why I keep this stuff again? Oh, yeah, because it's who I AM, it shows the evolution of ME. Sue me, I'm a writer, always have been. I own it.

Got any snooping stories or opinions? And what's the difference between putting words out into the Universe about others that are crappy versus writing them down?

Beware of the Sperm!

2012-01-30T06:38:00.017-06:00

I tore this out of a parenting magazine last year. It was really appropriate for what we're going through right now. Every month my poor wittle egg is scared of sperm coming at it. Some come with flowers, some with boxes of chocolate, some with little briefcases, some without a job, some with hats on even! Yes, I'm a good wittle Catholic girl who uses NFP (natural family planning), and it has worked for almost 14 years to either avoid or achieve pregnancy when we want. I'm not saying it doesn't STINK sometimes when we are in avoidance mode, but we get by somehow. Having a strong marriage helps out. Oh, and all those other kids to distract us ... and REMIND us of why we aren't quite ready for another yet! They are amazing, and as they grow they need us even MORE ... I want to make sure I'm emotionally and otherwise available to them. Be sure that when we get pregnant again (if!), it's because we are good and ready! Until then, my egg with the bow on it's head will be all freaked out.

The Legalization of Cannabis, Pot, Marijuana, MaryJane

2012-01-29T07:30:00.058-06:00

Here's a lovely post for a Sunday morning. Totally appropriate.

So a friend of mine who has never smoked pot before asked me if I ever had and would I ever? I said I think I tried it once when I was 17 but it didn't "take". Knowing me, I didn't do it right most likely. Or else I was around so much of it growing up that I'm immune!!!!!!

Sidenote to this rambling post: I'm not trying to throw my parents under the bus here. I'm not giving details, if you will notice. I am saying to always keep in mind that when you do something, you are part of your kids' story now, good or bad or indifferent. Sure, someday I might write a memoir just for fun and there will be things in there about my childhood that were not rosy. BUT 99% of my childhood rocked, and I know MANY people can't say that. That being said, I realize that I have FIVE little people who might someday talk smack about my parenting skills or even write about me. Might? Who are we kidding? They will. And I get it.

So I said to my friend when she asked if I would ever do it ... well, I kindof yelled at her, I think. I go:

"Is it legal? Then NO, dummy! If you have kids and a life and you do something illegal you are STUPID and SELFISH." My poor friend won't let me live it down that I have called her stupid in advance. I'm just saying that my kids and my husband mean TOO MUCH to me to be doing something like that, something I could go to jail for.

There are people I know who think that I think that I am the most amazing mother ever and they are just waiting to take me down. I do NOT think I am the most amazing mother ever. And I will NOT be doing pot. I rarely, rarely drink. I don't smoke. OK, maybe I speed sometimes in the mommyvan when we're late to a kid activity, but I probably won't go to jail or lose my kids over that. Until pot is legal, I ain't doin' it. I ain't supportin' it. If you whip out a joint in front of me, I'm outta here. PLUS, I think it kills brain cells, and my kids have already taken enough of mine. I can't afford to lose the 2 I have left!

AND, all I need is for something to happen to one of my kids and I drive them to the ER and I'm asked what happened, and I'm like, "Uh, well, I don't really know, dude, you see, cuz, like, uh, I'm totally baked off my butt, hee hee he eeee, got any munchies?" There's a reason they call it BAKED: you are frying your brain, dummy! Well, maybe. Jury's out on that one because I know people who have done a LOT of pot and they are totally smart and with-it.

Another friend of mine is active in the campaign to legalize cannabis. Cool. Why not? Porn is legal and it's tearing apart marriages daily. Alcohol is legal and we have drunks all over the place wrecking cars and lives. Cigarettes are legal and people are still giving themselves and their children lung cancer and lowering their immune systems. Prescription meds are legal and people are checking out every day on those. The world is a freaking mess. I'll stick with my chocolate and coffee, thanks very much, morons!

Discuss amongst yourselves and in the comments section of my bloggy. Have fun, potheads!

Positive Thinking, Deflecting Crap

2012-01-28T07:18:00.026-06:00

One day I got sick of being negative in my mind about some people who have been actively trying to be detrimental to my family's life. Sorry for the big crazy words, but I have to be careful what I say here and how I phrase it.

So I decided to write some words on our deck that everyone could see. Isn't living well the best revenge? And we are truly living well, we are happy, we have a good marriage, we have health and a great family and everything we need. We need to be grateful.

Later I added PRAY and LEARN. We live on a busy corner and it's my hope that people walking or driving by can see my inspirational words. Being mean and negative back to someone is what they want. They want you to wallow with them. Don't do it! What words would you add to my deck or write on your own?

14 Valentine's Day Traditions in The Village Family

2012-01-27T21:03:00.000-06:00

Valentine's Day is coming up soon, so please head to The Village Family and check out my latest offering: 14 Valentine's Day Traditions!

Freaky Friday: Play That Funky Music, White Kids

2012-01-27T06:09:00.019-06:00

Aron got these wigs for my 1970s themed birthday party last summer. Since then we've had lots of fun with them. The littles (the two youngest kids of my five) especially are super cute in them with their little 'fros. What's funny is that Samuel kinda looks like his cousin RaShaun when RaShaun grows out his 'fro. (For those of you who are a little slow [or new to The Kerrie Show], my hubs Aron's sister is adopted from Korea and has half-black kids who are the most gorgous kids you might ever see.) Speaking of half-black gorgeous people, our Jordan has gone BLONDE! Photos to come.

Hand-me-Downs From My Ex's Ex

2012-01-26T06:37:00.014-06:00

In what world do you take hand-me-down girl clothes from your ex's ex? Well, in MY crazy, mixed-up world.

Why not? The clothes are awesome. My girls love hand-me-downs (free!). They get brand new clothes for birthdays and Christmases sometimes, and they love those. But they are SO happy when they get a bag of girl clothes from someone. And my budget is thrilled.

This is one of those Wonders of Facebook. You've heard of it being used for evil ... connecting with past loves when you are still married, contacting people you hate and being mean on their wall, using the instant message feature to try to get people to talk smack about other people.

Then there are the good things, which I have experienced many of. Meeting my ex-husband's second wife is one of the good things. She is cool, she is sweet. I like her. She has a son the same age as Callie, and we're going to hook up at a fast-food germ joint sometime to let the kids play.

Then there's that thing where we've been through some of the same crazy crap. It's like we're war survivors or something, to put it in an overly dramatic way. Stay tuned ...

How to Strip Wallpaper Without Losing Your Mind

2012-01-25T02:31:00.009-06:00

So I told you yesterday how I got all this cooking done in the morning/early afternoon. Then a friend came over with her 5 kids (I know a lot of Breeders) and we scraped wallpaper. She brought over a steamer, and I have to say she didn't have a lot more luck than I had with hot water in a spray bottle and my scorer. Someone wanted to see progress on my 10-year wallpaper stripping kitchen project (ElfMom?), so for your viewing pleasure here is a picture of the north wall of my kitchen. Note how I got a wild hair and for some crazy reason started scraping off paint from the OVEN. It was cream, now it's cream and brown. I want to get appliance paint and do it turquoise, but hubs is being a buzzkill on that decorating venture. (by the way, the title of this post is just. not. possible.)

Muffins, Mexican Oatmeal & TT Casserole ... All in a Day's Work

2012-01-24T02:19:00.001-06:00

Recently I got all industrious and decided to take half a day to get some meals in the freezer for those nights when we're busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest.

I got out the blueberries we picked over the summer and made some muffins (the trick is to sneak in some wheat germ to make them super healthy!)

Then I threw a bunch of chicken boobs in the crockpot for the morning. When they were done, they left me with a great broth for my Mexican Oatmeal. I named it this because I always cook the crap out of the rice, making it resemble oatmeal. It's basically chicken, rice, broth, beans, corn, tomatoes and taco seasoning. Top with sour cream, cheese and avocado. This time I did a huge batch in the crockpot so I could freeze some. I'm actually having some for lunch right now and I'm thinking it should be called Mexican Vomit instead. But it tastes good!

Finally, I used the rest of the chicken to make two chicken tater tot casseroles to freeze. I wanted to show you this obnoxious pan because the lid is like 10 feet high, making it impossible to stack these in my commercial freezer. Tune in tomorrow to see what else I got done that day, and it was not more cooking!

Sam's Man Bag(s) (a.k.a. Murses)

2012-01-23T09:00:00.011-06:00

Although Sam's dad might not approve of the following photos, I am a firm believer in having photos of my kids that will be fun for their future spouse to see. Hey, guys gotta carry stuff around, too! I see man purse (murse) modeling in his future!

My THREE New Best Friends

2012-01-22T05:49:00.019-06:00

I was running out of my current skincare stuff (Aldi face cream and some Roc knockoff from CVS), so it was time to hit the drugstore for some serious stuff. I headed (with 5 kids, picture it) to the CVS armed with my little ad. I was hunting for L'Oreal's Youth Code Starter Kit.

I don't really care what I use. I went to L'ancome's site because they give out tons of MyPoints with a purchase, but that's because a freaking face lotion is over A HUNDRED BONES. Forget that.

Anyway, the Youth Code stuff was on sale AND was going to fetch me 10 Extra Care bucks, so I was all over that deal. Now I can go back to CVS for the humongo bottle of Ibuprofen and B-12 and save 10 bucks on that purchase! Okay, so the kit was 30 bones, and it's just the STARTER KIT. As I told the poor young guy stocking the aisle who pointed me to the product, "This is like the pusher set. L'Oreal gets you started on this stuff and then you are HOOKED and are spending 30 bones every month with ZERO Extra Care bucks. As my dad would say, 'That's how they get ya.'" (Like my use of quotes? Learned that in Life as Fred Math book #2.)

So I call my new best friends Day, Night and Eye. They all share a last name: Cream. They claim they will tackle the signs of fatigue and stress on my face.

How about signs of ANGER and WORRY, like those freaking parentheses between my eyebrows that these days make me look mad even when I'm happy? You could give me a million bucks right now and I could be grinning and STILL look pissed.

I have applied the stuff liberally over face and neck and if I don't wake up looking like a four-year-old tomorrow, I will be truly pissed! I know Crisco would be cheaper, but it doesn't smell as good.

Someday I'll Be a Cat Woman

2012-01-21T08:53:00.003-06:00

So yesterday I broke the news that we'll be getting a dog. Well, Aron's actual stipulation was this: "If Mommy isn't pregnant before Sam turns 3, we'll get a dog."

So, sure, sometimes I feel those baby stirrings when I'm around teeny ones. Then I realize I still have a 27-month-old on my boob who would most likely be THAT KID who tries to put his new baby sibling in the trash when my back is turned. So, no plans for now. Stay tuned, though. I'm pretty sure my mom will disown me if I have another, but she'll live.

Growing up we had the typical dogs and cats. I remember one dog kept jumping the fence. One dog kept digging under it. Then there was the night we went to pick up the Persian cat named Marco (Polo!) so he could breed with Pav (piss and vinegar). It was like watching a double-decker bus walk around the living room, and it was weird for me as a 9-year-old to see that crap! Then they had babies, which we sold.

Later, after I was almost 19 and just had a miscarriage, my boyfriend at the time got me a kitten to make me feel better. Then there was another to keep the first company. Then they had babies, and I had cats sleeping all around my head every night, kneading my hair. This is why family bed is so easy for me now!

Anyway, one of the babies would not eat. We had no money but raced to the animal hospital in the middle of the night to buy a teeny bottle and formula, and I tried to keep the kitten alive. It didn't work, and she died, and we buried her in the back yard. I think we got a freaking Chow dog after that. Big mistake.

What's my point? That I'm not exactly excited about getting an animal because I already have 5 of them (just kidding!). I'm just hoping I have the energy to clean up after a sixth little person ... poop, pee, puke, hair, chewed up shoes, doctor visits, baths. The kids will, of course, pick up a ton of the slack there. I want it to sleep in our bed, but Aron already says no. Meanie.

So what kind of dog should we get? I don't like shedding but like some fur. Nothing yappy. We borrowed a shih tzu (I like that it has a cuss word in it's breed) and it rocked. Nothing too big or too small. Something calmish for Michael (remember, his speed of animal is turtle or crab, NOT hyper dog).

New McLoughlin Addition in October

2012-01-20T08:46:00.022-06:00

So all my kids have been born in odd years (2001 up to 2009) and in even months (backwards, starting with June back to October). So we're clearly behind schedule for our newest planned addition to the family, which technically should have come in August of 2011. The reason there was no new addition in August 2011 was because, well ...

I NEEDED SOME TIME TO GET MY BRAIN BACK, OKAY? I did get some of my body back by my 40th birthday last summer, but then I lost it again last fall, darnit.

So I suppose I have lost my ever-lovin' mind because things are truckin' along here at the McHousehold. It actually looks kinda CLEAN (gasp) a lot of the time lately and when it looks like an explosion, it's picked up in like 5 minutes. The kids do nice little chores, and Sam plays nicely with the others enough (read: when he's not making messes like peanut butter on the front door or peeling an orange as he walks around the house).

So yes, we have a new addition coming this fall and it is a freakin' DOG.

Don't get me wrong: I LOVE animals. I'll post on that tomorrow. But I am fully aware that a dog is not like our hermit crab or turtle or minnows or hamster. Yes, you read that right. We have PET MINNOWS from last fall. We'll fish with them in the spring ... ha! A dog is a big responsibility, and we get that. I'm a little freaked out. The things we do for our kids, sheesh. Got any advice for me?

Cut Your Time in the Kitchen!

2012-01-19T05:58:00.000-06:00

The last few nights we've had something going on and of course those are the days Sam has chosen to get on a little nap "schedule" ... meaning, he sleeps around 4-6 or so, which runs into dinner-making time and activities, so I end up either making dinner with him over my shoulder (yes, I hold him for naps, still ... sue me!). Or we have whatever we can find. Or Joel makes something easy. The third option is awesome because Joel gets to feel helpful and IS very helpful and can prepare boxed au gratin potatoes and put them in the oven or cook Spam on the stove and then peel oranges for our "veggie."

Anyway, this is driving me nuts and I'm DONE! So I've bought the stuff to make lots of meals so I will always have something to thaw in the morning (in the oven) and then if Sam is asleep on me I can just ask Joel to turn on the oven! So simple! Check out my article at North Texas Kids here about this topic ... I have other things I really want to try to cut my time in the kitchen!

But watch who you ask to do the meal swap, readers, because it didn't work out too well for me. I could be funny here, but I don't want to offend the few friends I have left. Let's just say some of them eat in a healthier manner than I myself do. And that some of the things they requested be left out of their meals I have never heard of. Some of them need double batches of food and some of them need half batches. I'll save the funnies for my memoir and then I can buy my offended friends an apology Starbuck's coffee with my book money and it will all be good. Let's just say there ain't gonna be no meal swap happening anytime soon. But try my other ideas and let me know how they work out for you!

My Kids Are Named After Music Stuff

2012-01-18T08:47:00.017-06:00

Sometimes in the night I just can't sleep. I think it's because of all the nights I was woken up every two hours like clockwork over the years. I don't know what to do with a 2-year-old who sleeps pretty soundly through the night next to me and a 4-year-old who sleeps like a log. The others sleep great, too, since Joel's sleep problems have disappeared!

Anway, when I can't sleep I pray and think. The other night I was thinking about how much I've always loved music. Then I was thinking about my kids' names. Here's what I came up with how I subliminally named my kids:

Joel was named after Billy Joel, a great singer. He was married to Christie Brinkley, and when I was like 8 years old a boy told me I looked like her.

Michael was named after George Michael, who I was in love with before I figured out he was gay.

Callie was named after California Dreamin', a great song I've always loved. Chyna Phillips is the daughter of Michelle Phillips, and Chyna's song Hold On got me through my first marriage.

Eva is named after Little Eva because I love the song Locomotion.

Sam is named after Sailor Sam in the Paul McCartney and Wings song Band on the Run.

Freaky, right?!

Do You Ever ...

2012-01-17T09:01:00.007-06:00

... look at a pair of pants and think, "Those are for a real fatty and would NEVER fit me!"?

Then you try them on and they fit. Maybe they are even a little tight.

I HATE that! I also hate when I accidentally put on something of my husband's and it FITS.

Women have it hard, let me tell you. Go easy on us (I'm saying this because I estimate my demographic is 50% male reading this little ole blog ... the guys want to know what I have to say because I'm like a Female Representative ... HAHAHAHA!!! Now, that is a sad, sad thought).

How was your MLK, Jr. holiday yesterday? Did you have to work anyway or did you sit around on your big ole butt? I never realized that part of his speech was about Catholics and Protestants living together peacefully. Maybe I'm an idealist, but I think the black thing and the religion thing are better since he died. Not a ton better, but better still. Some of my best friends are black. And Protestant. But not at the same time. I'm going to shut up now.

Daddy, What's a Joint?

2012-01-16T08:43:00.012-06:00

The other night at dinner Michael had to finish his Explode the Code, which is a workbook that combines spelling, grammar and all that English jazz. He asked Aron what a joint is.

Aron told him it's like a bend in something, like where your elbow is or your knee or your hip.

Then he said, "and" ...

And I thought he was going to say something else, so I said, "Michael, let me tell you about my childhood and the definition of joint."

But no, Aron told him it's like a joint checking account.

I could not resist and had to give him the THIRD definition of a joint so he is not that socially awkward homeschooler we all hear about. I told him it's a marijuana cigarette. They vaguely know what that is, only because every now and then when we are out they hear me exclaim,

"I smell pot! I'd know pot anwhere! I've never been high. I wish I could get high because I would be less high-strung, but it's illegal and I am too attached to you guys, so I'm not getting high. Anyway. How 'bout those Chiefs?"

The Poopie Doula

2012-01-14T08:36:00.002-06:00

Have you ever had to be a Poopie Doula for your kid?

FYI: a doula is a labor support person.

One time a friend of mine asked her insurance company if they covered doulas and had to explain what one was, using the above definition. The person goes, "Like a union representative?"

No, dummy, the doula is the person who gives the doctor the stink-eye when the in-pain mom can't do it and the dad is too overwhelmed do it.

Anyway, rarely, but often enough, I have to be the poopie doula for a kid o' mine. It goes like this:

Kid: Mommy, my poop won't come out. It's stuck.

Me: PUUUUUUUUUUSH!

Kid: I'm pushing [panicking] and it won't come out!

Me: I can see the top of the poop's head. It wants to come out, be named and be flushed. Just sit for a moment anad gather your strength, honey, and then PUUUUUUUUUUUUSH!

I'm sure you can conclude that the poop comes out just fine. Thanks to me, the Poopie Doula.

Jordan Takes the Girls to Get They Nails Did

2012-01-13T07:39:00.027-06:00

Eva's 4th birthday was in December, before Christmas. Jordan's gift to her was to take her to get her nails done (we say get your nails DID just for fun). We all piled into the mommyvan and rolled on over to the ghetto WalMart (not really ... I mean, this IS still Johnson County, after all, and there's not REALLY a ghetto).

Jordan, Callie and Eva went into the nail salon while me and my boys went back to the toy department and did some other pre-Christmas shopping.

(left) Eva getting ready to get her nails painted with pretty little flowers ... fingers AND toes. The woman did Callie's also just cuz they're sisters and are so dang cute.

Here are my sweet baby girls getting their nails DRIED. Sorry I don't have a picture of the finished product ... the zoom/macro was not working right that day. The girls had such a good time. I never could have dreamed when I started having kids that we would be given someone like Jordan as a big sister to my kids. It is not all peace and light, don't get me wrong here. She acts just like a big sister and sometimes has to chase them down in the house and beat them up :-) But they love each other like siblings, and we thank God for Jordan!

Glade Plug-Ins ... My Nose Fell Off Again

2012-01-12T11:19:00.027-06:00

I just got my nose put back on my face from when it fell off smelling Downy Unstopables (where's the second P, you spelling morons?! and I know I've just set myself up to make typing errors in this post, so I totally expect you to berate me for that). Then I had to go and make a stupid purchase called Glade Plug-Ins because I had a coupon (koo-pon).

Why must I buy smelly things? Why do we try to mask the odor that is Life? These are questions to be answered by God when I die.

I enjoy my Beautiful and Happy perfumes and they don't make me sick. I love having a nice candle going ... nothing too perfumey, of course. I like for my house to NOT smell like hamster and dirty diaper, so I try to mask those smells with something like the Glade Plug-In.

All I know is that within minutes of plugging it in (the oil one), I am walking around like a cat with a hairball, trying to hock the nastiness out of my throat. When did I get so flipping sensitive to smells? When I turned 40?

I knew this would happen when I used to Old Lady Babysit this woman and she could NOT handle any smells ... gave me extra money to buy unscented anything-I-could-get-my-hands-on ... unscented deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, makeup. I tried to tell her that $25 back in 1995 would not buy me much of that at the swanky Whole Foods store. So I did my best and of course anything I smelled like would set her off. I think it was my laundry detergent on my clothes that drove her the most nutty, and I could not even smell it.

So who lives near me and wants my costly oil Glade Plug-in with EXTRA REFILLS that I spent like $20 on? Someone with a non-sensitive nose, please. Maybe I'll just donate it to Catholic Charities ... ha!

Avoid Divorce: Have More Kids

2012-01-10T20:21:00.000-06:00

I have such a great marital tip for you that you won't believe it was so simple. The answer is right in front of you! Do you want to know how to avoid a divorce?

Have more kids! Give birth to some, adopt some, get some from a surrogate, foster some. Get 'em however you have to (don't steal 'em, for gosh sake, though!)

So here's the deal: the more kids you have, generally the less money you have. The majority of people in the US are not rich anyway. When I get good and mad at my husband, for instance, all I have to do is try to figure out how we would live in TWO households separately, financial-wise. It can't be done. My stepdad jokes that if we ever divorced, my husband would be living in a box under a bridge (or, more accurately, step-daddy, Aron would be living in his sweet ride, The Beast, the F150 red truck). I probably would not be able to keep homeschooling and would have to put 3 kids in school while doing daycare and taking care of my other 2 little ones. So if I went for a divorce I would be giving up my sweet life.

And yes, it would seem I would love to get rid of 5 kids every other weekend and have some peace and quiet, it is simply not so. I am happy with ONE hour, never mind a weekend. What would I do with myself but get into trouble?

*For those readers with an eagle eye, you saw that I, Kerrie, have a step-parent. I actually have two of 'em. This is not because I am an only child. My parents' divorce happened when I was in my late twenties (it actually finalized around the time of my marriage to Aron ... eek!). So maybe I just shot my own theory down. Dangit, I do that all the time. So, what do you think of my little theory?

Books, Spirits, Mediums and Mommy Y

2012-01-08T09:11:00.007-06:00

This post is inspired by Mommy Y over here.

Books I'm Reading:
Sweep by Cate Tiernan. It's a young adult thing, and someone I know seemed to look down on the fact that I was reading it, and yet this person is a huge fan of the Twilight stuff, and I don't see the difference. They are both young adult, right? So Sweep is actually 3 books in one that my mom loaned me, and it's about a young girl finding out she is a witch (a good witch, Christian friends who are judging me harshly right now).

One Day by ??? It's being made into a movie right now so I hope the book is good. Got it from the library.

Hunger Games by ??? Too lazy to go look up the authors. Sorry. This is also being made into a movie and I like to read the book before seeing the movie. Like I ever see movies.

Questions I Have:
1. What exactly IS the point of Pinterest? Mommy Y asked this, also. People are following me, too, and I don't get what I'm supposed to do to be worthy of that. Isn't Facebook addicting enough? There are people in my homeschool group who are on there so much that I don't know how their kids learn anything at all. I'm sure they think the same of me about my writing, although I get up early to do most of that.

2. How do you feel, if you are Christian, about mediums and spirits? There's a big discussion going on in my homeschool group about this. Some people are freaking out about how evil they are, but I've seen good things from mediums, and I know not all spirits are bad. I had a bad ouija board experience once. Maybe it wasn't BAD, but the thing was moving by itself and I was too young to ask it logical questions. I once saw my dead great-grandpa Guy once when I was really sick when I was about 7 years old, but that's the extent of my medium abilities. And that was comforting, not evil.

See ya at church :-) Or maybe not. That's okay, I like you anyway.

A Sam Post: FRUCK!

2012-01-07T08:56:00.022-06:00

This is Sam writing. I am so busy being naughty that I sometimes forget that you are all waiting for me to write about the naughtiness. Don't you remember being a kid, you know, like before you could read? Don't you remember being naughty? Wasn't it great?

Anyhows, I hafta tell you guys about something cool my mom did. Last night online she scheduled a fire station visit with one of our homeschool groups. At NIGHT! At a really cool new fire station in Lenexa, KS that is like LEED or something like that. I don't know what that means. I think they have a fire boat or something, too, for lake rescues and such. I am excited to see the FRUCKS (firetrucks).

Okay, so check this out, my latest exploit. So the other day when Mommy was doing laundry and wasn't looking, I turned the hot water heater all the way down! Then I looked all innocent. Then Sunday morning when Mommy got in the shower for church, it was ice cold and she had to shower anyway and she was screaming and yelling and cussing and stuff. She figured out what I did pretty quick, got out of the shower, stormed down to the basement and turned the heater up. But it still took a long time to get warm, so she got a cold shower! I was giggling inside. I'm already planning my next naughty exploits, so stay tuned to the Sam Posts!

My Snotty Whole Foods Splurge

2012-01-06T09:09:00.002-06:00

So my friend needed me to go to Whole Foods for her because it’s closer to my house and I was going to be down 2 kids (they were at a party at her house, in fact). She only needed a couple of things, but what she doesn’t realize is that Whole Foods is like my shoes or my crack. This means that I can take or leave shoes or crack (you know I’ve never tried crack!), but I LOVE food with a passion. I am a foodtard, though. Luckily I married a food genius named Aron.

I will now share my Whole Foods purchases with you. Oh, I also have to add first that sometimes I get crazy in Whole Foods because the people are so different from people who shop at Aldi. Sometimes I walk the aisles chanting, “Get me out of the land of the rich, healthy people.” Yes, I know you don’t have to be rich to shop there, but some stuff is so pricey. I suppose if I never got a Starbuck’s coffee out and NEVER ate out EVER I could afford to eat SOME stuff at Whole Foods. I’m CONSIDERING getting healthy someday and eating mostly good-for-me stuff, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.

So my MAJOR PURCHASE was these poached salmon veggie rolls. They were like a buck a piece but SO healthy and yummy. I also got a salad ON SALE … butternut squash, goat cheese and walnuts. I added half an avocado that was on sale. I saved the other half for later and told it, “I will place you in this plastic baggie with your seed still on. I don’t care if you turn brown in the fridge. I will always love you anyway.” I also have to always get those naughty cocoa chewy cookies that are like a buck a piece there. I spent my kids’ college savings on these salmon burgers because this crack (I mean, SALMON) dealer was handing out samples and I knew my family would love them.

I wanted the coffee yogurt but will wait until it goes on sale (I will spend a buck on a cookie but not a buck on one yogurt that would make a great breakfast with some Kashi). CRAP … I just wrote KASHI … did you see that?! I know we cloth diaper and homeschool and stuff, but I will never go 100% Whole Foods. I love my cheap Aldi, and they have some healthy stuff.

Still, if I made like $50 an hour writing and could afford to spend $1,000 per month on groceries (holy crap!), I would totally convert to Whole Foods. There’s just something kinda snobby about it, like people are judging the non-organic peoples of the world. I don’t really care about organic; I just love the variety and the quality!

P.S. I know there are people like my friend Jeani who have food allergies and must shop at Whole Foods for all the gluten-free and other special foods. And then there are the people who just want to feed themselves and their families totally healthy stuff. Don’t forget about the people with, like, cancer who are trying to eat all clean to try to reverse their disease. So I’m thinking maybe 50% of shoppers there are just trying to be cool.

Coupon Codes on the Internet: Stop Throwing Money Away!

2012-01-05T04:55:00.000-06:00

Okay, I've talked about MyPoints.com before. I just bought some stuff I needed anyway (copy paper, planner pages and printer ink) and earned the final points toward my 10,000 points. I can then get gift cards or take the $50 in my PayPal account option. I'm taking the 50 bucks! All I did was read emails and buy things I normally would have. (Don't forget if you sign up there to say I sent ya! My email is mommykerrie at yahoo dot com if they need it.)

Now I'm going to preach about coupon codes. If you are not using these, you are throwing money away! When I buy something online and before I check out, I open another screen and Google, for instance, "Double Inks coupon code". Sometimes you have to hunt for a code, but today I saved $3 off my order (11%) just by finding the simple code of 11111. One time MyPoints got me 25% off my art.com order AND earned me MyPoints. Through MyPoints, I placed a $50+ order at Office Depot on things I needed, and got 500 MyPoints and FREE next day business delivery! I can't beat that .... instead of dragging 5 kids out to Cartridge World and then Office Depot, I get to stay home and spend that time doing other things.

Have fun saving money!

The Turtle's Vagina

2012-01-04T14:04:00.001-06:00

All in a day’s work, January 2, 2012

Callie: About the turtle, “Michael, I think he’s a girl. I think I saw his vagina.”

Eva: “With all of the food I ate, I had a bad poop.”

Breastfeeding Art by Picasso!

2012-01-02T05:42:00.001-06:00

Did you know Picasso did a painting of a woman nursing her infant? I discovered this painting at my friend Jill's house [Jill, if you're reading this, please comment with your blog address so people can come see you!].

Last fall I finally got back enough brainpower (it takes me two years after having a baby to be normal again!) to realize that I could order my own print of this off the Internet and get it framed at Michael's. So now I have it hanging in our bedroom over Eva's twin bed. Whenever Sam sees it, he gets all excited and says "nay nay", which is how my last 3 kids have said nursing. The boys always said "tetita", which is a quasi-Spanish word we learned from my sister-in-law who grew up in Panama.

ANYWAY, I apologize for digressing like I always do! My question is: do you own art? This is my only piece. Aron has some cool coastline paintings and a Calvin and Hobbes painting his brother did. The kids have a couple of cool ocean paintings from my mom and my friend Alex. I used to have those cheapo posters of like James Dean and Marilyn Monroe and the Eiffel Tower and Abbey Road but those are long gone. Do those count as art?

FYI: I got my piece at www.art.com for only like $16 using MyPoints (25% off plus I got MyPoints)!

A New Year's Eve Gripe: YES or NO to Last Friday Night

2011-12-31T10:00:00.000-06:00

I will leave 2011 with a nice peevey gripe, because that's what I do. And, as always, I'd love to know what you think! See you in 2012 ...

I can’t tell you how badly I hate this song (Last Friday Night by Katy Perry). And you know I like some pretty racy songs. I do love the beat and sometimes can’t get it out of my head when I hear like one bar of it before I get the chance to change the station. Here are my issues with it:

1. Woke up with a stranger in her bed. Nice. She’s lucky he/she didn’t kill her in her sleep.

2. Is it a hickey or a bruise? Hmmm, both are bad. I never understood the point of a hickey. They hurt when you get them and then you just try to cover them up. Who enjoys sucking on someone’s neck, anyway?

3. Menage a trois. Great. Let’s teach our kids that one partner is never enough. Why not go out and have an affair after you get married, son? Spice things up!

Kids come over with this song on their cell phones and I have to tell them just about anything goes at my house (sugar! Dancing! Screaming! Running!) but not this song. As the queen of inappropriateness and too much information, I take every chance I get to school kids on what things in the song mean.

Of course, take this post with a grain of salt (or sugar!) because I am the one who heard a commercial in the 70s and went around saying, “Wham Bam Thank Ya Ma’am!” for weeks until my dad heard me and gave me a look and told me to Stop Right Now. He didn’t tell me what it meant; I figured that one out later.

Stompeez STINK!

2011-12-29T11:30:00.004-06:00

Actually, I don't know about the actual product called Stompeez because THEY NEVER ARRIVED!

My mom had me order these for the kids on November 25th. On December 16th I called to see what the deal was since these things cost and arm and a leg and the shipping cost is ridiculous. I was on hold 20 minutes and then was told they would go out "this week". Hmmm, I called on a FRIDAY. So I asked, "So they are going out TODAY since that's the last day of the freaking week?" Probably to shut me up, they said yes.

Guess what? Christmas Day came and still no Stompeez. It's now the 29th of December and they have still not arrived. If they don't come over the weekend, we're going to try to cancel our order, which should be very interesting indeed. Of course I'll call first to see what's up so I can get some more smoke blown up my ... you know. I'll let you know.

P.S. I know the website says they'll come in 4-6 weeks, and today is the end of the 5th week only. I guess I should give them another week and see. Still, what's the holdup? And don't tell me my order is going out when it is NOT! See below for update:

As of this writing, it has been 6 weeks and one day and NO STOMPEEZ. My mom is going to wait for her credit card to make sure they haven't charged her, then we will just cancel the dang things. What is the freaking holdup? They are slippers, for God's sake!

1/16/12 update still no Stompeez. Don't make me call you crazy people! By the way, see if you can spot the SIX DIFFERENT WAYS they spell their product name on the website!

“The Sociopath Next Door” by Martha Stout, PhD

2011-12-28T13:53:00.000-06:00

I believe this book should be required reading for high school students (along with The Art of Natural Family Planning so everyone knows how a female’s cycle works and we see a drastic reduction in “accidental” pregnancies … love adoption, hate abortion).

Martha Stout has written a rockin’ book that keeps the reader interested. She claims that only about 4% of the population is sociopathic (interchangeable with being psychopathic) and have a total absence of conscience.

Ruminate on that for a minute. NO CONSCIENCE. Like you could do anything and not feel bad. Like you try to fit in so you can charm people, you mimic their facial expressions and you are basically an actor your entire life so you can hang out in society. People are a game to you.

I have come across a few of these people in my life, and I have to say it is SCARY. You can’t reason with them because they simply don’t care. They like to mess with you like a chess piece because they get bored easily. They tell lies about you to anyone who will listen. You are a thing to them, and if they focus on you, your life is to be destroyed.

This book has a nice tip to help you start thinking about who the sociopaths in your life could possibly be (let’s not forget those BORDERLINE personalities, too, who make up another ??? of the population, holy crap!). Then it has an entire chapter with 13 tips on how to protect yourself from them. For instance, I like to fight back by nature because I’m scrappy (according to Tresa), but the tactic to take with sociopaths is AVOIDANCE.

Of course, don’t minimize the importance of your INSTINCTS. If something doesn’t feel right, why do we just keep going back to it? I personally do it because I’m curious by nature and want to know what the heck is wrong with this person who I just saw “crying” and realize I’ve never seen anyone cry that way in my life … like a bad acting cry, like mimicking a cry. (spoiler from the book: people who always seem to play on your pity and take, take take should send up a red flag!).

At the ripe young age of 40, I’m glad I came across this book because I am a Pleaser and try to Be Nice and Get Along. This book has taught me to put on my Big Girl Panties and stay away from the Crazies so I can protect my most valuable asset: my family.

I’ll leave you with a quote: “Perhaps the most easily recognized example is the battered wife whose sociopathic husband beats her routinely and then sits at the kitchen table, head in his hands, moaning that he cannot control himself and that he is a poor wretch whom she must find it in her heart to forgive.” And she does forgive him, time and time again, until she finally figures it out and gets the hell away from him forever and goes on to live a full and rich life like she never imagined possible while she was being beaten!

I wonder if maybe sociopaths were born without a soul. My husband thinks that’s preposterous. What do you think? Report back here with your socio/psychopath stories! Mine is above. You’re welcome!

Merry Day-After-Christmas (a.k.a. Return Stuff Day)

2011-12-26T13:46:00.007-06:00

Merry Day After Christmas! I hope you are all enjoying yourselves and are successfully cleaning up after the Christmas Carnage. We're doing pretty good here due to some pre-Christmas stuff purging. I'm wondering if Santa came to your house? Does he bring too dang much when he comes? How do you ask Santa to bring less?

We love our zoo membership from my mom, and the new clothes from Dad and Nancy were a hit since they wear 99% hand-me-downs. Oh, and the remote control helicopters from step-Dave were awesome. And by the way, a sweet woman from church said Santa came early to her house and delivered gifts to each of my kids early, which they opened yesterday. They were toys, but they LOVE every single one and each one was so perfect for my kids' personalities (no, they don't have multiple personalities, I'm just not sure how to grammarize that sentence). So, thank you to Kay and Amanda so so much! Michael's new teeny turtle (Giggy) got a ride on Sam's dumptruck. Poor thing.

Then there's Eva's Pikachu pillow pet and Callie's American Girl knockoff and Joel's Nerf Longstrike gun and my Happy perfume and WOW! pens and ... I'd better stop now.

Basically, I want to know how your Sunday (yesterday) was. Leave me a comment here or on Facebook, because sometimes it's just easier to leave on there, let's face it.

Love to my friends, family and followers! Have a great week! Photos to come!

Your Baby Can Read! Who Cares?!

2011-12-21T10:39:00.000-06:00

LOOK! Sam can read! My baby can read! Wow! Wait, he's not really reading, is he? He's just looking at a book while relaxing all cozy with his water bottle next to him. If he could read, that would be pretty cool, but I'm certainly not TEACHING him to read anytime soon. What do you think about teaching babies to read? I mean, who cares? It's like bragging that your 1-year-old is potty-trained and my 3-year-old is not (for the record, I don't have a 3-year-old, as Michael is sitting here pointing out to me! Eva is 4 and potty trained). Who cares? It all shakes out by the time they are 18, right? The playing field is kinda evened out by then, don't you think? So my baby sleeps with me. He won't be at 18. So he's nursing still. He won't be at 18! Maybe your 12-year-old is a real jerk right now. Maybe he'll be better at 18, maybe not. Dangit! I always refute my own arguments! Gotta go.

Dena's Vintage Closet in Kentucky

2011-12-20T05:12:00.007-06:00

I am in love with vintage stuff and always have been. When I was 18 I got the greatest black cashmere 1960s coat at a vintage shop in Manitou Springs, Colorado and was hooked. Later I got things like 1960s cocktail dresses (I think I fit in that turquoise gorgeous concoction ONCE to go to the Savoy Grill; after that I was never that tiny again) and other great items. I even temporarily owned a Herman Miller couch ... coffee tables built into each end and green/blue plaid on the back.

I currently sport a Marcwyn 1960s red wool coat with big buttons. Today someone at Westlake Hardware told me I was very Jackie O ... what a compliment! So I decided to look for my coat online to see where it would lead me and found Dena's Vintage Closet. I had always thought I couldn't afford to go vintage or that I wouldn't have the time to shop that way (with all the kids in tow!), but now I see I can go online! Yippee! Do you have any favorite vintage places to shop?

*The coat above is a 1960s swing coat and is only $39 ... and will stand the test of time for sure. I'm sick of buying crap at Target and WalMart and even Eddie Bauer and having it get holey after a few washes. I'm going to start investing in vintage things that are classy!

Clean Up Your Dog's Poop, Moron!

2011-12-19T17:05:00.001-06:00

People act like I'm the craziest woman on earth for toting 5 kids around. It's like they think I don't know how to use birth control, but I know better than 99% of the USA how my flipping cycles work and when to AVOID getting pregnant so I never have to utter those assinine words, "I had a surprise pregnancy!" It's never really a surprise unless you were not aware you were having intercourse, no?

Anyway, I want to know who is stupider in society ... me for having a bunch of kids or those people who let their dog rule their life and crap all over the place and don't pick it up.

If I change a freaking diaper in public it's an outrage. If I step in your dog's crap, that's somehow okay and I have no way of tracking your nasty ass down. I think we need to start a DNA database for all animals so I know who is letting their dog crap in the grass at Target and is not picking it up. And who is using the grass at the school park like a dog park and then kids ride their bikes through and step all over dog crap.

Yeah, I know some dogs are strays and they are the ones pooping. Still, a database would take care of that. You could track down the original owner and make them come pick up the poop within 24 hours or send them a $50 ticket. I'm just brainstorming here, folks. It's not a foolproof plan ... yet.

McLoughlin Family Christmas Letter 2011 With BONUS Pics!

2011-12-17T06:09:00.039-06:00

I ordered these awesome photo Christmas cards and picked them up from CVS and don't have a file, so here's a picture of the picture I ordered. Scroll down for the actual letter with BONUS photos! It's your lucky day! Whoot whoot! Whoo ho! Boo-ya!

So here's the annual Christmas letter. I'm not sure why I even write one since I have the blog. I started doing it because my husband's family always did one and I thought it was neat. The thing is, they started it because they moved AWAY and had to do a letter to keep everyone up with them and their 5 kids. My mother-in-law used to use clear gelatin to make copies of the letters. No joke, folks.

Merry Christmas! Here’s a little update (youngest kid to oldest kid) so you have something to read while you use the restroom (it doubles as toilet paper!):

Samuel turned 2 in October and loves trains, fire trucks, anything that makes noise and BALLS. The boy scares me with how he can dribble a basketball and then sit on it like he’s some lifetime player. Put a soccer ball in front of his foot and he’ll kick it into any goal. He is ornery, but lucky for him his cuteness offsets that. We’re currently trying to keep him from unwrapping ALL the gifts under the tree.

Eva turned 4 this month and loves anything Barbie. She likes to play with babies, have her makeup done and nails painted, but she is also pretty tough! She can be found most days painting with watercolors and sneaking popsicles from the freezer. She fits in a ride on her little princess bike whenever she can.

Callie turned 6 in February. She started a dance class in the spring and had a recital in June which Tutu got to come to. She recently switched to Upward Cheer and will cheer at her first basketball game in January. She is a little actress who can put together a fashionable outfit with anything that’s laying around, and likes Barbie, singing and dancing.

Michael turned 8 in April and is taking gymnastics with Joel. He’s had Henry the King Betta for about a year now. Speaking of fish, he and Joel got to go fishing twice this year with Aron and their Poppy. Michael got 1^st in Pinewood Derby for siblings again and 1^st in Raingutter Regatta! In the spring we got to go down by Kemper Arena for his Junior First Lego League competition, which was amazing (his team built a little mobility scooter). The boys are crazy for Pokemon cards right now!

Joel turned 10 in June and we keep him in playdates galore. Always the businessman, he shoveled driveways when the snow hit and sold lemonade all summer. He went to Cub Scout camp and was top seller of popcorn in his pack, along with winning 2^nd place in Pinewood Derby again and 3^rd in Raingutter Regatta! He still has Daisy the Hamster and now also Herman the Hermit Crab. He likes to volunteer at Harvester’s with Grandpa Mac, and a couple of weeks ago he built the World’s Biggest Leaf Pile with his dad and siblings (I helped!).

I turned 40 in June and Aron had a big party for me with Mexican catered food, a DJ, moonwalk, Adirondack chairs and a rented red Mustang convertible! I started Bible study at Holy Trinity (the 3 oldest kids go to Catechesis of the Good Shepherd at the same time), and otherwise I’m just sitting around the house homeschooling, stripping wallpaper, being involved in Scouts, blogging, writing (for 93 magazines!) and (as Sam gets older) I’m even getting my photos organized so I can start scrapbooking again. I’ve always been pretty lazy like that.

Aron turned 45 in November without a party L However, I did rent him a red convertible Camaro for a week, and we had fun! He’s had to go to Phoenix some this year for work, but thanks to Jordan we’ve been able to go on a few dates this year! He’s still a Cub Scout Den Leader, Religious Ed teacher (Joel, Michael and Callie go to class) and awesome dad and husband. We’ve been together for 16 years now, and I don’t know how he puts up with me!

This year found us going on tons of outings: to the pool, the zoo, nature centers, farmsteads, museums, parks, pet stores, seeing friends and family and more. To keep up with us, check out TheKerrieShow.com, where I regularly post photos and other fun family information (and inflammatory opinions!).

Here’s hoping 2012 is even better than this year for everyone. Take care of yourselves and of each other ©

Love from Aron, Kerrie, Joel, Michael, Callie, Eva and Sam McLoughlin

I Got a Pie in the Face

2011-12-16T10:33:00.000-06:00

Well, it's about time. I know a lot of people have been dying to pie me in the face for a very long time. Last night my son Joel got to do it. Here's how it happened:

Joel wins a $40 WalMart.com gift card and Zyclone gun for being top popcorn seller in the pack

Then Joel got his sweet Top Seller prize: a Thermarest bedroll, which will keep his tootsies warm on winter campouts

The 5 top sellers got to pick a den leader to give a whipped cream pie in the face. I had told Joel earlier that he could do me if he absolutely was dying to.

Yep, the boy got me good. Shoulda smeared it my hair better, though!

Yum!

For Kids and People Who Hate Math

2011-12-15T08:26:00.000-06:00

Actually, this book rec is for kids who LOVE math, who HATE math, who TEACH math, and even for ADULTS who loved or hated math. This rec is also for parents who are struggling through math homework with their kids or who need a fun math supplement.*

I have found the most awesome book for teaching math to kids. I know, I know, you are saying, "Kerrie, put this crap on your homeschooling mommybot blog, girl. I don't give a flying fig about how you teach math to your little hellion children."

WAIT! Listen up! Because this series is so funny that my kids BEG their dad and I to read it to them at bedtime. My husband thinks this will never work because they aren't doing "drill and kill" math (you remember, the endless worksheets doing stuff you either hadn't a clue how to do or else knew after the first 2 problems!!!). It's now up to me to prove to Aron that the kids CAN learn math this way, and MORE! Oh, and just because you don't have worksheets, you still have "problems" (he calls is "Your Turn to Play" at the end of each short chapter and the answers are on the other side of the page), and they range from simple to logical to things to draw to funny.

This set of books is called "Life of Fred" and starts with the elementary series. The first book is called Apples, then there's Butterflies and they go in alphabetical order. The books go all the way up to teaching CALCULUS, for gosh sake! They are so great because they tell the goofy story of a "kid" named Fred, who is 5 years old and a university teacher. Sometimes there is an Intermission for adult readers only, like:

"I am going to put this in tiny type so that kids won't read it [Kerrie says, so of COURSE they are going to think it is forbidden and will read it!!!!!! Genius!]. Some kids will be dying to know how to draw a circle inside of any old triangle. Since I'm not telling them how to do it, they may ask you. I'll pass the secret on to you, so that you can appear really smart."

*They are hilarious
*They are set in Kansas
*They sneak in learning (geometry for 1st graders? who knew?). What other 6-year-old on the block knows who Archimedes is?????
*They sneak in God (sets of 10 include toes, fingers, Commandments)
*They teach logic because sometimes the stories are so messed up and silly ... how is a 5-year-old a college teacher? How come his doll can draw like an artist? Where did Fred's common sense go?
*They make me excited to learn math. I HATED math in school. My teachers blew through stuff and I was lost. ONE year I had a great teacher for Geometry in high school and the entire class got As because she waited until everybody understood.

*I'm not getting any money or books in exchange for writing this post. I just stumbled upon something great thanks to my awesome Facebook homeschool group, and wanted to share because I like to laugh and I like to see my kids learn without crying or their eyes glazing over! I bought the first book online for $16 and am borrowing the rest from friends until I can buy the whole series.

BIG Announcement ... Come to the Blog

2011-12-13T12:02:00.010-06:00

Gotcha! Sorry about that. You probably think I'm pregnant, but no, I do not currently have anyone residing in my womb. I just wanted to tease you a little bit. To reward you for your obedience, I will share something personal about myself that I recently learned (and you also get to see a picture of my kids loafing around from last summer):

I don't wash my hands after a poopie diaper change because I am worried about germs. I wash them because I don't want my hands to smell like poop.

Have a great week ... our tree is up, presents are being wrapped, photo cards are being picked up today, my new mommy business cards are in, and the Christmas letter is in the works (not really; I'm procrastinating that one).

Pokemon Cake, Barbie/Cookie Monster Cupcakes

2011-12-12T06:43:00.000-06:00

Here are the promised photos of Eva's Pikachu Pokemon cake and her doll and Cookie Monster cupcakes. They were made by my friend's 12-year-old homeschooled daughter (A&A's Custom Cakes), and you can find her on Facebook by clicking here. If you live in Kansas City, have her make you a cake or cupcakes! Peruse her online portfolio!

Go On a Date With Your Kid!

2011-12-11T09:32:00.003-06:00

I'm having a little downtime today to decorate our Christmas tree (real this year!), so check out my piece over at North Texas Kids called How (and Why) I Date My Kids. Have a great Sunday!

My First Mammogram. I'll Treasure It Always.

2011-12-10T07:30:00.000-06:00

Welcome to 40, ladies! Yesterday I got to go for my very first mammogram. Then I couldn't shut up about it, so I'd like to apologize to all the moms, dads, kids and babies I told about my mammogram yesterday at the homeschool Christmas party. That was probably uncalled-for.

What IS called-for is for me to tell YOU about it. You are lucky because you can just delete the post. The poor people at the party had to give me an awkward smile and then try to meander away. Again, sorry.

It was all actually quite simple and fast and painless. It was also awkward as hell. Let me explain.

So I arrive on time and as I wait the 20 minutes for my little appointment I got an article edited ... whoppee! Productivity! Then I was led to a room where I got to strip from the waist up and put on a hospital gown (can't they make those things prettier?!), open in the front. Then I got to awkwardly stand in front of a woman in a room while she asked me all sorts of questions about live births and nursing and family history. I may as well have been on a stage.

Then the fun part began. She warned me that she would be flopping my boob (THUNK) onto the little machine thingie. I'd had women handle my boobs when I was learning to nurse, and my male doc does my breast exam every year (and every dang year I blush), but it was still weird.

So first my boob got SMEESHED up and down. Then side to side. Then we did it on the other side. It was quick and painless.

I went in with a smile, happy to have insurance and happy we have this sort of technology.

I did it for Giuliana Rancic and for my family. I'll do it again next year. It wasn't so bad.

McDonald's Sock Policy -- They Ran Out!!!

2011-12-09T08:09:00.000-06:00

Okay, you will NOT believe this. You know how I wrote about McDonald's playland sock policy earlier this year? I was so freaking mad at the way I was treated by this one guy. I now know his name is George, because I had to see him the other day when we went for Eva's birthday. So we all get into the McDonald's (a treat for Eva's birthday) to eat and play. The kids start taking off their coats and shoes and it comes to my attention that Callie HAS ON NO SOCKS. I think I have some in the car but it's colder than a witch's you-know-what in a brass bra and I am NOT going outside. So I suck it up and BUY SOME SOCKS for one dollar.

When we get our food, Roberto tells us they are OUT OF SOCKS! Are you dying right now?! It's DECEMBER in KANSAS! They like to harrass people about wearing socks and THEY ARE OUT!

On a different note, I find it hard to dog out McDonald's too hard because one of my favorite people in the world works there and his name is Roberto. He's worked there for years and years and always gives my kids extra toys and takes my food into the playroom and gets us ketchup. So on Eva's birthday I had to snap a picture of, like, the BEST employee ever. I mean, the guy is amazingly bilingual and speaks Spanish with me so patiently every time I see him (which used to be a lot). This guy should be managing a huge company with his customer service skills, not working at McDonald's. I hope they pay him VERY well because he rocks. If you see him, tell him he's famous (ha!).

Do Moms Need a Break?

2011-12-08T06:42:00.033-06:00

I don't know what I was thinking when I made this flippin' sign. Heard of WISHFUL THINKING?! I must have been having a hard day and put myself in a 2-minute time-out in my room to avoid blowing up at all the chaos that was happening.

Here's my question: doesn't everyone need a break? I mean, even regular working Joes get a smoke break if they need it. Recently Aron and I went on a date and talked about me getting out of the house more alone since Sam is getting older and stays at home well with Jordan or Aron. He thinks I need 2 hours to myself TWICE A WEEK.

Here's the thing: that sounds great. I don't LOVE being away from my kids, but I could sure use some UNINTERRUPTED time to scrapbook and to write articles. It would be cool to be productive AND to make some money to pay for my chocolate habit.

So why do I feel guilty when I leave the house and have a lovely, recharging time? This is such a cliche by now, but I truly do feel like a better mom when I get some time away from my kids. I guess it was always easier to find my sanity at home when I wasn't homeschooling, when I wasn't trying to write for money, when I wasn't caring for 5 human beings, when those precious human beings didn't talk so much, when they weren't in so many activities!

I know taking care of a baby is physically hard. Taking care of a child as he grows up is the hardest thing you will ever do emotionally, spiritually and more. A person needs to take a break when they are doing the most important job in the world.

How do you get your breaktime in?

Trash Disposal Changes in Overland Park

2011-12-07T06:33:00.004-06:00

We have some changes to our trash service coming up in 2012, and some people are freaking out. Pretty soon we can only put out so much trash each week. Otherwise, we'll have a limited number of stickers to use so we can put out a little bit extra each year. Our trash service won't take ANY yard waste anymore.

I say it's about damn time! And bring it on! My mom has been preaching recycling to me since I was peeing in my pants. (and after delivering 5 kids naturally, I sometimes still do that)

It's not hard to recycle, folks. You would think my family of 7 would make TONS of trash. Nope. We recycle half of what we use. We used cloth diapers and breastfed for 10 years, drastically cutting our consumption of trash (think of the diapers used by the Duggars!). Even now that I'm mostly on disposable diapers, we don't make much more trash than before. Oh, and we compost our leaves in our garden. I realize not everyone can do that, and that's where the extra stickers come in.

The times I make more trash are, say, after a birthday party or after Christmas. Or after I do a huge purge of the house and find too much stuff that I can't donate or give to friends.

What's trash pickup like where you live? Are you way ahead of us here in a shee-shee area of Kansas?

Happy Birthday to Eva, Who is Fo

2011-12-06T10:31:00.000-06:00

Eva is fo today. That means my kids are 2, 4, 6, 8 and 10. We like to keep things in the even digits around here. I don't have a photo for you right now because my flash drive is ????? and my cord to get pictures off my camera onto a computer is ????? but don't fear for my sanity, folks. I have a great day planned.

Stephen will love that I'm braving McDonald's today. Before you judge, let me just say they have Hello Kitty toys and Eva loves Hello Kitty. I don't think we've been inside McD's for months. We will be sure to wear socks and surgical gloves. Would someone please send me a petri dish/swabbing kit to take the next time I go?

Then we get to see my dad and stepmom, who are bringing over a gift for Miss Happy Little Naughty Eva. Then we load into the car like the hellions we are and go to a friend's house to play. Maybe I can do some 2007 scrapbooking if the kids play nice. We'll see.

Then we get a brief "downtime" ... then WHOOSH ... off to religious ed class and gymnastics. Religious ed is work for my oldest 3 and Aron, but the 2 littlest and I hang out in the nursery to play. Then on to gymnastics for more playing while we wait for the boys to be done gymnasticking.

I'll get some photos up soon ... a friend's homeschooled kid made some awesome cakes/cupcakes for Eva's Saturday at-home party. Plus I took a pic of Eva sleeping this morning that is precious.

Gotta go ... Eva is running around in her usual swimsuit as there is snow on the ground here. Usually we just throw a fancy dress on over her swimsuit and head out!

Sorry to beat you over the head with my articles, but I have to pimp this piece yet again, only because I think it's cool that it's in NOLA Baby & Child (New Orleans!).

We Are a Nation of Big Babies

2011-12-05T20:37:00.001-06:00

*beware: I'm cranky today!

I swear I get my best blog post ideas (i.e., stuff to make fun of) from watching 2 seconds of The Today Show once a week. This morning this woman is talking about being the Mall Germ Patrol. First of all, she says restrooms are incredibly germy. I have known people who have done acrobatics to avoid touching door handles and sink handles and toilet seats, etc. I LOVE when I go to pee and someone before me has peed all over the freaking toilet in an effort to not have her tender little butt touch the seat.

First of all, unless you scratch your butt all the time, you probably won’t catch a cold from your ass touching the seat. Second of all, THANK YOU so much for leaving pee on the toilet for ME to either sit on or clean up. You are a real thoughtful jerkette!

THEN I find out that the faucet handle is nasty germy and that you should not touch it. Can I just say that I am a very healthy person compared to many people I know. AND I rarely wash my hands. I used to be mildly ashamed of the fact, but now I am coming out of the healthy closet. My kids are the same. We don’t “wash up before dinner” and if all we do is pee we don’t wash our hands after we use the bathroom. We are a very healthy family. We’d probably be sicker if we washed our hands in public restrooms more often.

Then this dumb woman says try not to touch the escalator handles!!!! And that if you have to, wear your mittens. I’m sure that will work well in California and Florida where they always carry mittens with them. Then of course do NOT touch your face with your mitten. If you have an itch, suffer through it. I just got an idea for a great invention: sanitary itching sticks. They come one to a package and you don’t have to touch anything unsanitary to itch your nose or eye!

Then I had to turn it off because I was griping too loud about us being a nation of big babies (only I didn’t use the word BABY; I used a word that starts with a P). Look, all I know is that most of us would not survive another Great Depression because we might die if we did not have our Purell clutched tightly to our bosom at all times.

LEGO Advent Calendar

2011-12-03T06:39:00.002-06:00

Catholics take Advent very seriously. So does the LEGO Company.

Michael wants this so bad! But by the time he would get it for Christmas, Advent would be pretty much over. I got them these $1 chocolate Advent calendars at Aldi for a grand total of 5 bucks, and this LEGO one is like $30. I told God that if I get a writing check in the mail today for $30 or more I might just have to go get one because it looks like fun. We shall see.

I'll Take a Doggie Bag to Go

2011-12-02T09:34:00.003-06:00

God Gives Me a Mommy Break ... and a Kleenex Person

2011-12-01T08:36:00.000-06:00

I took this picture one day last week when Aron was out of town. Things can get pretty crazy around here, as I'm sure you can guess, but there came a point in our day when I realized the kids were QUIET and were ALL working happily at the dining room table. Of course I had to take a photo of this rarity and treasure the moment. This little creative session yielded this gem from Michael:

Personalized Christmas Ornaments ... Family Bed!!!

2011-11-30T16:51:00.000-06:00

I got this at PersonalCreations.com and got 500 MyPoints as well! Remember I've told you about MyPoints before, so if you sign up there, puh-lease use me (mommykerrie) as the person who referred you because I get a few points for doing so. Anyway, I'm coming up on 10,000 points soon and that means $50 cash in my PayPal account (I am choosing that option over getting a few gift cards since we need money for Christmas instead).

But I digress like I am prone to do. I dig this ornament so much. I don't collect much stuff these days since we don't have the space and I am turning anti-accumulation. I get rid of a bag of crap about twice a month these days and hit the Half Price Books to sell movies and books about once a month. But this personalized thing is so special because all my babies are in the bed together! If I get pregnant again someday, I'll just order another ornament with Aron, myself and the new baby on it and hang the ornaments together.

Personalized stuff can be costly ($15) but if you don't get it very often it is so worth it and so special.

Playing in the Leaf Piles

2011-11-29T09:16:00.002-06:00

When I pulled up in the driveway yesterday from taking 4 kids shopping at Aldi, Aron and Michael had raked a huge leaf pile for me to drive through! They were going to hide in it, but were afraid I might run them over. Good thinking, guys!

Yesterday Aron was off work since he's been traveling so much and didn't get to take last week off. So he focused on the leaf raking. It was one of those days where the temperature SAYS it's like 40 degrees, but the sun is out and there is no wind so it's warmish in a fall kind of way.

Later I took the kids to a park (not the school park since we'd probably be kicked out, right!), then when we got back Aron had another huge leaf pile. The kids did flips into it, rode bikes into it, swung into it and more. The kids getting out of school were in awe of our cool pile and many stopped to jump into it. As Aron is off again, today holds more raking fun ... in the backyard.

Today over at Homeschooling Mommybot I give my version of European "explorers" because the history books are making me fall asleep.

Have a great Tuesday!

Pokemon and Thomas the Train T-shirts

2011-11-28T10:53:00.000-06:00

I love when kids hit that stage where they want to be BIG. When the start knowing what they like and hunting it down. For example, Sam is in love with trains (like most boys, I know). So I tracked down an old Thomas the Tank Engine t-shirt that the boys had when they were his age. His face lit up when he saw it and he put it right on, even though it's huge on him! Notice the STILL unfinished kitchen wall behind him. I've been slacking on that little project.

One day we were getting ready to go to Pokemon Club at the library and Sam tracked down this Pokemon t-shirt in his brothers' closet and put it on. It looks like a dress on him, but he didn't care because he knew he was dressed appropriately for the occasion. In case you're wondering where to get Pokemon t-shirts, I saw one at Target that was of the new black and white characters but they only had 2 left in a size medium. Have a great Monday! My hubs is off work for a few days, so I have nothing left to do but strip the rest of the dang kitchen wallpaper (yes, folks, THREE layers dating back as far as 1966).

Inappropriate Parenting Comments

2011-11-26T04:25:00.012-06:00

Sometimes things come out of our mouths (or in our emails) that are totally inappropriate. Those are the moments I love because they make us real! Here are a few of the latest funnies:

1. A guy I know sent out an email titled "Pimpin' Girl Scout Cookies" ... PIMPIN' them!!!! I pictured him with a big, purple furry hat and platform shoes sending poor, defenseless boxes of cookies out into the world to make him money. No offense to pimps.

2. The Prader-Willi Syndrome Association sends out their fundraiser and the tagline is "still hungry for a cure." The reason this is funny is because one of the characteristics of P-W Syndrome is that a kid's brain tells the kid that it's hungry all the time so the kid want to eat constantly.

3. At Bible Study, I noticed a mom who had her kid in those pants that snap from foot to crotch. I said something about his cool STRIPPER PANTS. Then I was worried she would snub me, but she LAUGHED.

Thank God for people with thick skin and a sense of humor!

A Starbuck's Carpet Picnic

2011-11-25T03:43:00.017-06:00

When Aron's out of town, I like to do something special every now and then for/with the kids. Last week I surprised them by going to Starbuck's and spending a ton of money on stuff they always think looks good. We got peppermint brownie cake pops, red velvet whoopee pies, chocolate whoopee pies and ham/egg sandwiches. When we got to the window we got a free hot chocolate, which I split between the kids, adding some milk to make it seem like more. Then Joel made a fire (yes, his dad has taught him how to do it; he's better at it than I am because at least he knows to open the flue!). They put blankets on the floor and had a carpet picnic. It was awesome.

A-Z Quasi-Funny What I'm Thankful For

2011-11-24T04:00:00.052-06:00

I'm sure it will come as no big shock that I am thankful for my children and for my husband. I am also thankful for so many other things. Lemme do an ABC list for ya!

Aron, amazing, amorous spouse
Boobs with milk in them and industrial-strength BRAS
Callie, my baby girl, chocolate, Coke, coffee, Chapstick, Carmex, Camaros
Doing stuff
Eva, my baby girl
Friends (you know who you are)
God, going places
Homeschooling, Haters (they spur me on), our House
In-laws (yes, all of them)
Joel, my baby boy and Jordan, daughtersitter
Kicking ass and taking names
Love
Michael, my baby boy and Mustangs and my Mommyvan
Never having to work at a day job again (hopefully)
Opportunities
Power of prayer, parents and steppies who rock
Qualms, having none
Reading, Reever the little singer girl
Samuel, my baby boy and sarcasm
Teenagers, God bless 'em and their hormones! I remember!
Understanding
Vienna sausage
Writing
Xylophones and x-ray machines (what do you WANT me to say?)
YOU, for suffering through this post
Zoos ... any and all because I get to shirk my home responsibilities and play with my kids for the day

Add your own!

Loose Park in Kansas City, Missouri

2011-11-23T03:48:00.020-06:00

A few weeks ago we grabbed my mom and headed to Loose Park in Kansas City, Missouri. So much history there! They have this gorgeous rose garden that is famous for it's many varieties of roses, some of which are very old.

isn't this the best tree for a kid to hang out on?!

The park is huge, even sporting a little lake with ducks!

To end the day right, we went to Baskin Robbins in Brookside for a boatload of ice cream courtesy of my mom, Tutu (Hawaiian for grandma, and no, she is not Hawaiian).

My Son the Altar Server

2011-11-22T03:42:00.019-06:00

This is Joel on his first day being an altar server! There are two more kids who do it with him, but I had to crop them out because I didn't know if their parents would be okay with having them on this raunchy blog! Anyway ... I was so proud I CRIED when he walked in. I CRY when they walk in for their First Communion (so far only 2 kids of mine have done it) and I am sure I will BAWL LIKE A LITTLE BABY and go all fetal when they get married. It's just what I do. It's my thing, my schtick. I try to tell myself to knock it off, but when I see one of my kids doing something all MATURE that shows they are growing up, the waterworks start. I really should carry more Kleenex. Thankfully, Aron often carries a nice snotrag around (I mean, I handkerchief), because he's all old school like that. I was hoping that having MORE kids would safeguard me from some of these my-baby-is-leaving-me kind of emotions, but it's simply not true. Crap, now I'm getting all emotional just writing this post, so I gotta go. Have a great day! Savor every single one of them!

Firetrucks are Cool, a Guest Post by Sam

2011-11-21T03:34:00.020-06:00

Okay, so a few weeks ago some dumb kid set the recycle Dumpster at the school park on fire ... again. I don't condone that sort of behavior, but I do like when the firetruck comes to put out the fire cuz then we get to walk over to the school park and watch the fire hose and talk to the firemen and GET FIREMAN HATS!

And then I like to wear my fire hat ALL THE TIME.

Even while I'm eating. I think I love firetrucks more than the average Sam because on the day I was born, I WAS READY TO BE BORN. I mean, let me out, already. So I got labor started around 7 a.m. and by 8:30 I had Mom all freaked out and stuttering to Dad, "Call 911" and Dad was all like, "Nah, really? You're fine." And she's like killing him with her eyes, trying to say that there ain't no way she's making it to the truck in the state I've got her in! So the AMBULANCE came and the FIRETRUCK! And I was almost born in the ambulance, but not quite. It was cool.

Gratitude Check

2011-11-20T04:01:00.000-06:00

There are crappy times in the life of any mother, stay-at-home or not. I like to gripe as much as anyone about how I'd love to have a cook and a trainer and a cleaning lady and a personal secretary. I'd love to just homeschool and chill with the kids and chase them around and read and write and travel with my family and go on dates with my man and always dress fashionably and have great hair and makeup. So there's the Mommy Curse: to have these wonderful blessings and this great life, we have to deal with all the crap (sometimes literally) that goes along with it.

As we come up on Thanksgiving, I think we're called to really reflect on what we are grateful for, on our blessings. There are always two ways to look at things. Like, for example:

Sure, we are broke, but if we were rich we would probably turn into total JERKS like so many do.

Sure, your kids has autism or Down Syndrome or some other health concern, but at least he is ALIVE.

Sure, your marriage is in trouble, but there is always HOPE and HELP.

Sure, my husband travels for work, but that just means he has a JOB.

Sure, the house is always a mess, but at least we have a place to LIVE.

Sure, my car is dinged up and sometimes doesn't want to start, but at least we have a way to GO PLACES.

Junior FIRST Lego League Article at North Texas Kids

2011-11-19T05:49:00.000-06:00

Check out my piece over at North Texas Kids about Junior FIRST Lego League! It talks about the program Michael was in at Pawnee Elementary and then tells how you can start one at your own kid's school or homeschool!

Accepting Help as a Mother

2011-11-18T04:51:00.007-06:00

People, some days as a parent are just crazy, and you know I'm right because you've been there. Not EVERY day (thank God!), but some days are, as an example, like this:

Your husband leaves town for work on a Sunday night.
All the kids chase him up the street, waving to him until he's out of sight.
You have to stay on top of the baby lest he run into the street. You've birthed 5 babies and really have to remember to buy some adult diapers next time you go to the store since you seem to be running after the littlest one a lot lately.
The baby doesn't want to come home, so you pick him up and he gets pissy and knocks your prized Chanel glasses off your face and onto the concrete (I am SO not materialistic, so spending a fortune on glasses that make me look good and help me see AND carry my favorite designer's name was a big deal in my household budget).
You have to wrangle the baby all the way down the street, and your middle child skins her toe ... bad. Like blood everywhere bad. You can't pick her up and let the baby run ...
... so a woman you JUST MET who has a dog on a leash offers to carry your bleeding child down the street to your house.

What a lifesaver. What a sweet woman. She got blood on her jeans. I love her.

**As we were cleaning up the toe, Joel came in with a bag of Scout popcorn with a hole in it. He said a critter had been chewing on it in the garage. There goes a $16 bag of popcorn that we will have to pay for AND replace with a fresh back from headquarters. Thank goodness for blogging ... what a great outlet. And for you, well, at least you can say your day was probably better than mine last Sunday :-)

During stressful times, I like to remember happier days, like when we went to Boo at the Zoo a few weeks ago and rode the train. It was a gorgeous day, and we were all together.

Milwaukee's Controversial Cosleeping Ad Campaign Is Ridiculous

2011-11-17T03:57:00.029-06:00

Wow. I saw this when I flipped to The Today Show for 2 seconds yesterday. I was immediately pissed. Let me get this straight. I can walk into any clinic today and get an abortion with no problem at all, yet I am made to feel like the world's worst parent for sleeping and snuggling and attending to my baby's needs all night long, also getting more sleep for myself in the process, which makes me a better parent during the day?

I'm not advocating for cosleeping for EVERYONE. Some kids are kickers so the parents need their own space. Some parents need their kid to sleep in a crib for the sake of the marriage. Some parents just completely disagree with cosleeping. That's all fine.

(*duh disclaimer: of course I don't want you sleeping with your kid if you're drinking or drugging or doing anything totally MORONIC like that!)

It's your CHOICE, just like abortion, right? Just like your choice to beat your kid or leave your tiny baby for a week at a time for a nice vacation. I'm just saying there are so many worse things people do to their kids than cosleeping! Cosleeping has been done around the world since the beginning of time. Americans are the ones who are checked out and detached and pushing down their instincts and emotions with alcohol, drugs (prescription and otherwise), cigarettes, food, and more!

I am biased. I have slept with all FIVE of my children at one time or another since June 2001 when my first son was born. I had the $500 crib and it never got used. Now my sons sleep without me, as does my oldest daughter. Some nights my 3-year-old even snuggled up with her sister instead of with me. Sam sleeps comfortably with Aron and I every night.

We had lots of different reasons for living life this way, and it has always worked out for us. It's a good decision FOR US. Don't shame us for making a parenting decision that is our right to make and likening it to letting our baby have a butcher knife!

I won't go into detail about my other kids, but Sam was in the NICU after birth for a week. You bet your ass I wasn't putting him in a crib without me. I missed him for that week and needed to bond with him. I needed to be with him trying to nurse because I had an infection and didn't have any milk yet. He had some breathing issues and it turned out to be perfect that he was next to me every night ... I was able to help him immediately when he needed help.

By the way, SIDS, anyone? I mean, let's get the stats on SIDS deaths (in a crib) versus cosleeping deaths. I'm betting most cosleeping deaths were also a simple case of SIDS, but because the parents were cosleeping, they are stupid murderers? Ridiculous. Let me go fetch those stats now ...

What Are Your Thanksgiving 2011 Plans?

2011-11-16T04:51:00.021-06:00

So what are you doing for Thanksgiving this year?

We've always done this complicated every-third-year thing since my parents divorced and I got married at roughly the same time (ironic, no?). One year with my dad's family, one year with mom's family and one year on our own, which means we try to have Aron's family over.

Lately the "plan" has been getting blown up for different reasons, so this year we're on our own and decided that instead of cleaning the house like we're on crack and then cooking ALL DAY LONG (well, mostly Aron cooks all day long because he makes such cool stuff), we are going to ....

... hang with my mom's family. It's a long drive, but it's SO WORTH IT! All I have to do is make a buttload of mashed potatoes, throw 'em in the car, toss in a few kids and we're off. I might even wear sweats all day. Well, the homeschooling mommybot version of sweats, which is more like a light exercise pant that doesn't have elastic around the ankles. Oh, and Grandma has woods behind her house where we go on little "hikes" to a "stream" ... it's awesome! Instead of fretting all day, I might get to do some scrapbooking while chatting with my family :)

Saying No: Answering the Phone and the Door

2011-11-15T04:01:00.000-06:00

I'm often hard to get by phone. That doesn't mean I'm not home.

It means maybe I'm changing a diaper or handling a tantrum or have my hand up a chicken (OMG, who saw Adrienne Maloof on the Housewives wash a chicken with actual HAND SOAP?!) or am outside or in a foul mood and have no business talking to ANYONE.

Same for answering the door. I felt so badly about this, but I saw the candy salesman teenager guy get out of the minivan in front of my house to start selling on my block. It was days after Halloween, I didn't need a $5 candy bar, and I was tapped financially from Girl Scout cookies and Scout popcorn and raffle tickets (I want that Kindle!!!).

I saw him coming. My shades were open and my baby stood in the window. When the doorbell rang, the kids were not quiet. They were loud and I told them to please not answer the door. I told them just because someone comes to your house, you don't have to answer the door (unless they were invited; I'm not THAT mean!).

How do you handle those interruptions during the day?

Saying No: Career Conflict

2011-11-14T05:58:00.003-06:00

Nobody is forcing me to write but me.

I do have one weekly assignment, which is great. But when I push myself to write every idea I ever had, I am putting more pressure on myself that doesn't need to be there. The money is nice to have and sometimes necessary, but I could just as easily scale back on some things (like Taco Bueno and Starbuck's!) and instead spend writing time just sitting around watching my kids grow. Isn't that what I'm home for?

I'm challenging myself to do my writing research in the mornings before the kids wake up (or when I can't sleep in the night). Then I will write the bones of my pieces while Sam naps on me and the kids watch their educational shows or play together. I will set reasonable goals. My family must come first because homeschooling is my first job, and I don't get a redo on that one.

Saying No: Too Many Meetings

2011-11-13T05:57:00.003-06:00

I am wondering why both my husband and I have to be at a Cub Scout committee meeting. Oh, because I'm a control freak, that's why, and I'm being serious here. Because I want the best for our pack and I nobody else is competent enough to keep it going. That's just crazy. I'll attend when he can't (it's at my house, after all), but I'm thinking I'll skip the next one and instead take my kids to an indoor play area instead of spending an hour shushing them.

Saying No: Playdates When I'm Not Up to It

2011-11-12T05:48:00.002-06:00

We all gripe about being busy. It's better than being bored, of course. But if we are so dang busy, why can't we say NO sometimes?

I give myself permission to sometimes say NO to a playdate if I am not feeling "up to it." "Up to it" means if I am not totally ready to be a pleasant and loving hostess. No, the kids aren't coming to play with ME, but sometimes I feel like I have to say yes because my son says he's bored or whatever. Then I feel pressured, which puts me in a foul mood, but I am the one who let it happen! I want to be in a June Cleaver frame of mind when my kids' friends come over. Just kidding, but you know what I mean!

Teaching Kids Responsiblity: Joel Makes Dinner

2011-11-11T05:47:00.005-06:00

joel and jordan

our dining room, where we have dinner AND homeschool sometimes

Lately Sam has been running All. Day. Long. Since I hold him when he naps, I have to be creative when I plan for dinner. Sometimes it’s something I can make in the morning or at lunchtime and get out of the way. But sometimes it’s something that has to be made later.

So the other night Sam decided to crash around 5 p.m. I had laid out all the dinner stuff on the counter and had even put some brats on a cookie sheet with BBQ sauce on them in the oven. No, I didn’t put the kids in the oven; this isn’t Hansel and Gretel (they were bratwursts, as I’m sure you can figure out). As it got closer to time for Aron to get home I decided instead of throwing Sam over my shoulder to make dinner I would give Joel a little challenge.

I wrote up instructions for the 3 parts of dinner and let him go to town. He had to turn on the oven and set it to a certain temperature. He had to boil some water and cook frozen peas. He had to boil water and margarine and make stuffing. There was measuring involved and checking things.

He did so great! Everything was awesome, and he was proud of himself for doing it. The other kids asked who made dinner since Mommy was on the couch holding the baby, and Joel was able to say that HE DID IT!

Sometimes it’s hard for us parents to give up control over things like cooking or cleaning, but our kids WANT to help out. Besides, how else will they learn how to be on their own if we do everything for them? I’m hoping to raise my kids like my husband was raised … the guy could take care of himself quite well when I met him. In fact, he can cook better than I can and can even sew some.

Now. I gotta go because Eva has decided to wake up at 6:15 for some reason.

Happy Birthday to My Sweet Husband Aron!

2011-11-10T05:38:00.001-06:00

Today my husband turns 45!!! He will be cruising around in the red convertible Camaro I rented for him last weekend. Actually, he'll be driving to work in it and parking it. Then he has a meeting to go to and will be parking it. Then he'll run home to say hi to us and will park the Camaro. Then back to work he goes. Don't feel sorry for him, though ... he got to cruise around all weekend in it.

Tonight I'll make him manicotti for dinner with a salad and some bread. The kids will help me make him a strawberry cake with strawberry frosting and real strawberries on it, served with vanilla bean ice cream. Jordan's coming over to hang with the kids so we can run out in the Camaro for some coffee for an hour.

I wish him a happy birthday! This is the 16th birthday I've celebrated with him. He is kind and amazing and great with the kids and puts up with me and that says a lot! I also love that he is not materialistic and that if he got $30,000 handed to him tomorrow he would not buy his own SS Camaro, but he would put that money away for the kids for braces and college and weddings. I love you, babe!

Sam Makes a New Fashion Statement: Preppy Peace

2011-11-08T05:47:00.007-06:00

Okay, if this picture looks familiar to you, it's because I just posted it yesterday as part of Aron's Take Your Kids to Work Day ... haha! Now I'm posting it so you might notice the finer nuances of Sam's wardrobe. When the kids wear fatigues and tie-dye, we call that look War and Peace. When Sam wore tie-dye and preppy plaid shorts (bought by Jordan!), we call that Preppy Peace. I am the master of fashion, let me just tell you. Yes me, who would wear black shirts with jeans or shorts every single day. I keep saying I don't dress great because I need to lose weight and get the money to be able to afford vintage Chanel, but who am I kidding ... that's too much work! Thankfully, Callie has some fashion sense. Hopefully I can share some of those pics on here soon!

Dropping the Kids off at Daddy's Work and Running Away

2011-11-07T09:47:00.000-06:00

Just kidding! Thought the title might get your attention! I may WANT to do that sometimes, but I don't. Actually, that's not entirely true. A few weeks ago Aron was working a TON of hours, sometimes not coming home until 5 a.m. He was working a Saturday and I was dying to just hit the grocery store for a fast trip ALONE, so I asked him if I could leave the kids at his work with him and come back in half an hour. He was so sweet and said okay! So here's what they do at Daddy's work:

Get chair rides
Go out back to see the trains that run right behind his building
Draw crazy pictures on the dry erase board
Drink Coke
Play on the computers
Play hide and seek
Throw Sonic dino tots over the cubicles at each other

Don't tell Aron's boss, kay? Just kidding. He works at a family-friendly company, that's for sure.

Oklahoma Earthquake Felt in Kansas City ... Freaky!

2011-11-06T10:16:00.000-06:00

Around 11 p.m. last night I felt someone shaking my bed. I figured Eva was just shaking her leg or something, but it was too fast and shaking the bed too much. It felt like a dog was laying at the end of the bed scratching, only we don’t have a dog. Had our friend the possum gotten inside and under our bed and was shaking the bed?

Then Jordan, who was staying the night and sleeping in Joel’s bed, came in mildly flipping out and asking if we’d felt that. She said she thought someone was shaking her bed.

Then the other kids came in flipping out. Callie had been in her own bed and the boys were on the floor for a slumber party. Aron didn’t feel it much because he was sitting on his buns reading.

I didn’t know what was going on. Why was the water in the fish bowl moving? Was in a dinosaur stomping in our neighborhood? The apocalypse? When cars drive by with their bass boomin’, our house shakes, but not really the beds. Besides, that’s a slower rhythm usually.

Aron brought reason and said it was an earthquake. I remembered how Kansas is somehow near a fault line. This is going to be a great homeschool lesson for next week, showing the kids fault lines and talking about tectonic plates. Turns out the earthquake was in Oklahoma and it was felt all the way up to Wisconsin. Freaky!

How do they stand it in California? I don't think our structures in the Midwest are built to withstand earthquakes, just tornados (haha).

Holiday Baking: Heavenly Bars

2011-11-06T04:40:00.001-06:00

Okay, here's the recipe for these sinful bars I like to bake and give as Christmas goodies to people I like. Then I bake a batch just for me and snack on them out of the fridge until I get a sugar headache. They rock.

1 stick butter
1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
14-ounce can sweetened condensed milk
1 cup chocolate chips (or more!)
1 cup butterscotch chips (or substitute more chocolate chips or white chocolate chips or whatever you like)
1/2 cup shredded coconut (or more if you love it like I do)

Melt the butter and pour it in a 9x13 pan. Sprinkle the graham cracker crumbs over it and mix it all up. Pat it down in the pan. Pour the milk evenly over the crumbs. Sprinkle on the chips and coconut. You can add nut if you like them. Press it all down with a spatula. Bake 20 minutes at 350 degrees or until golden brown. Cool for 1/2 hour then cut into bars. So good straight from the fridge! ONLY 200 calories and 11 grams of fat per bar! Now you know why I'm gaining back all the weight I lost last spring!!!!!

Downy Unstopables ... I Think My Nose Fell Off

2011-11-05T05:29:00.004-05:00

Okay, my first problem with this product is that I think it needs two P's to be spelled correctly. But after using my free sample, I think it needs like 27 P's because the scent is too freaking strong to be something a human came up with.

My sample said to use the ENTIRE PACKET in one load of laundry. I knew my nose would probably fall off my face if I did that, so I just put in like 1/4 of the packet in a FULL load of laundry. After washing and drying my load, the scent was pretty strong on all my clothes. It hurt my poor wittle sinuses, like my new Glade Plug-In system I paid a buttload of money for.

Maybe I have a sensitive nose, but I can always tell when I'm around someone who has used the ENTIRE packet of their Unstopables. Actually, I can smell them from a mile away.

I don't get why we have to overpower things to make them smell "good." How about drying your clothes on the line outside for a FRESH scent? Okay, not always possible in the winter. But then you can dry them on the line in your basement for that nice, musty scent.

I'm just sayin': if you have a strong nose, use this product in full strength. But be aware that you are killing the brain cells of everyone around you. It's on your conscience.

Hanging on the Freezer Door is Not a Sport

2011-11-03T02:45:00.006-05:00

I'm over here at The Parent du Jour today answering questions about parenting. I guess I once tweeted that hanging on the freezer door is not a sport. Here are some other things that are NOT sports but that could easily be:

Jumping on the bed.
Jumping from couch cushion to couch cushion.
Trapping siblings in bedrooms.
Extreme ziplining.
Throwing sand in a sibling's eyes.
Extreme scooter-riding.
Ignoring your neighbor.
Trick or treating.
Christmas shopping.
Add your own here.

I think my blog post title is a great title for my first parenting book.

Are You Planning Your Thanksmas Celebration?!

2011-11-02T07:34:00.000-05:00

If you don't know what I'm talking about, head over to Orlando Family Magazine to check out my piece called What in the World is Thanksmas? I dig it because it's more low-key than any other holiday, and you can get together with anyone you want! Enjoy!

The No-Cry Picky Eater Solution by Elizabeth Pantley

2011-11-02T02:19:00.002-05:00

I have a confession to make: we don't eat so great when Aron's out of town. I hit fast food sometimes to make life easier on myself, and that fast food sometimes consists of mere queso and chips from Taco Bueno. The only veggie they get there is perhaps a fleck of tomato or pepper that they didn't see to pick out.

Another confession: I don't always include a veggie with dinner because it's sometimes hard to get my little ones to eat them. Do you ever have this problem?

I have to tell you I have a girl-crush on the author Elizabeth Pantley because she is so dang smart about kids (and because she has somehow found the time to write so many dang books). I first discovered her when I was trying to figure out how to get my babies to sleep on their own for naps ... The No-Cry Sleep Solution is a great book I would recommend to anyone (and have many times!).

Elizabeth Pantley has done a whole series of helpful parenting books, and her latest is The No-Cry Picky Eater Solution, which I am dying to read so I can get some recipes my kids will dig. Here are some tips from the book:

"It can be hard - almost impossible sometimes -to change your child's rigidly held eating habits. Instead of trying to overhaul every meal and snack at once, begin by making a few small changes, one at a time, toward a more nutritious diet. Pick just a few items to start with. Once these become routine, then change another couple of items. If you follow this process, you'll find that within a year you will have improved your child's overall diet significantly; and likely affected his lifelong eating habits."

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
"Your attitude about food is critical to your child's developing outlook. It's no surprise that studies have found that parents who don't like vegetables have children who don't like vegetables. It's assumed that these parents don't serve many vegetables and treat them as villains when they do.

One study found that the more a child is lectured about the merits of eating vegetables, the more he assumes they will taste bad and the more he will resist even trying them -- children catch on quickly when parents are trying to sell a behavior they don't truly believe in or follow in their own lives. Conversely, several studies found that when parents eat more fruits and vegetables, their children do too.Once you realize that your actions are on display to your child as a prime tool for teaching lifetime beliefs, you can modify your own behavior to set the best example. The side benefit is that you'll be healthier too."

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

"What's in your kitchen? A typical home contains plenty of healthy food, along with an assortment of snacks, desserts, and less healthy fare. An adult can sift through all this and decide what's best to eat, picking healthy options and judiciously choosing the right time for and amount of junk food and desserts.Children, however, will naturally be drawn to the tastiest option, with no guilt over the resulting choice. They will open the refrigerator or pantry and pick the most appetizing thing they see.
How can you help your child make better choices? The best way is to put the healthy foods where they can be seen easily and allow your child to choose between the nutritious options in view. Place desserts and junk foods on high shelves or in opaque containers. This way you can dole out the treats when and where you feel they're appropriate."

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

"Health officials call soda liquid candy. It’s easy to see why: there is no nutritional value in soda and a twelve ounce can contains 9 to 12 teaspoons of sugar. A 20 ounce bottle contains 16 to 18 teaspoons of sugar! Having just one soft drink a day can increase a child’s risk for obesity by 60%."

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

"Make family dinnertime a routine because your children who eat with their parents will eat healthier overall, have better social skills, be less likely to abuse alcohol and drugs later in life, and stay closer to you emotionally throughout childhood, and perhaps beyond. Family mealtime does not have to be formal, structured, or complicated to reap great rewards. A night when you eat sandwiches around the table while chatting about anything under the sun counts just as much as those more formal dinners.There are four things that shouldn't be brought to the dinner table: lectures, reprimands, rigid expectations, and demands for specific conversation.The key to success for the family dinner idea is regularity-four to five times a week or more. Families that make a practice of dining together in a relaxed, pleasant atmosphere reap the most benefits."

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

“If your child is a picky eater, keep the correct goal in mind. The objective is NOT to make your child eat more food…but to be sure that food choices are healthy ones.”

Check out her other amazing, award-winning books here.

Support a Friend With a Baby in the NICU

2011-11-01T00:48:00.001-05:00

DANGIT! A friend at church just became a grandma again. The thing is her new twin grandbabies weigh like 4 pounds combined. That's 2 months in the NICU for them. I hate that. They'll be fine ... they're breathing on their own and all that ... miraculous! ... but I still hate the NICU thing for lots of reasons. It just takes me back to a sad time. Anyway, I write for a lot of reasons, but one of the biggies is that I write articles to try to help other people. If you get a chance, check out my piece 12 Ways to Support a Friend with a Baby in the NICU over at North Texas Kids. I don't get paid per page view or anything like that; I just want to get the word out about how stressful the situation is because I didn't realize it until it happened to me. I encourage my friend to get a Care Calendar going for her daughter-in-law to start getting meals and help ASAP! We're praying for you, babies, and all NICU babies everywhere.

How to Pick a Pumpkin ... Or Birth One (and Monday Night Football)

2011-10-31T07:30:00.000-05:00

My dad showed me this and I may have peed my pants laughing. Happy Halloween, everybody! I don't care if it's SNOWING ... we're trick or treating no matter what! What are YOUR plans? I heard there's some big Monday Night Football Game on ... will you stay home and watch it or go out with your kids? Dilemmas!

Egg Babies

2011-10-30T07:37:00.000-05:00

Man, we're so poor my kids have to play with EGGS for fun. They draw faces on them and take care of them. They are egg babies. And sometimes they get dropped. Oopsie!

Choosing a Song for Your Wedding

2011-10-29T07:04:00.019-05:00

I want a wedding re-do.

Well, not the wedding part, but the reception.

It was too crazy to enjoy, and I certainly didn't enjoy my new husband very much because I was too busy socializing with all the people who brought presents. When I go to a reception these days I encourage the bride to just say hi to my family and move the heck on to enjoying herself. I'm just there to party anyway. I want her to really be in the moment and have fun with her man and her family and her wedding party.

Things were so crazy leading up to our wedding that when it came time to choose OUR dance song, we were stumped and just chose whatever came to our mind, which was the Phil Collins version of Groovy Kind of Love.

I'm thinking we should renew our vows when we hit 15 years just for fun (but that's in two years, so it will have to be a cheap affair!). Aron McLoughlin, our new first dance song I will choose (and pretend that it is 1998 again and we aren't sleeping together) is the song by the Beach Boys that is Wouldn't It Be Nice? Here are the lyrics, which are perfect for what we were going through then, and they make me tear up because things have been just so great since then (with ups and downs of course; I'm not going to sit here and lie to you, for gosh sake!):

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong

You know its gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through

Happy times together we've been spending
I wish that every kiss was neverending
Wouldn't it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do
We could be married
And then we'd be happy

Wouldn't it be nice

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But lets talk about it
Wouldn't it be nice

Good night my baby
Sleep tight my baby

Halloween Jammies ... do you celebrate Halloween?

2011-10-28T07:53:00.008-05:00

Who doesn't love a baby in a good Halloween jammie? By the way, do you celebrate Halloween? We absolutely do, but we try not to do it in a scary way. I wrote an article called Halloween Hecklers for New Jersey Family and caught some crap from an atheist and a Catholic about my flippant Halloween attitude. Read it and see what YOU think. I welcome your comments back here at The Kerrie Show.

Bacteria at McDonald's? Say It Ain't So!

2011-10-27T19:20:00.001-05:00

A friend of mine from Loo-zee-anna who I have known since the ripe age of 14 sent me this link and I love love LOVE it! It's about a mom who is also a college instructor who has been banned from a bunch of Mickey D's in Arizona because she is telling the truth about how NASTY those places are! Banned! I smell a conspiracy theory along the lines of JFK's assassination!

Here's the deal: If you Google "McDonald's Playland Sock Policy", my recent blog entry on the topic comes up first in the search ratings. You gotta check this post out before you comment, please! Anyway, I was so mad that we were harrassed for not wearing socks at Mickey D's on a June day because the place is so disgusting anyway, what is the point? I mean, are my kids' feet going to make the place worse? Do I love to do dishes? No freaking way!

I caught so much crap over that post from friends, family members and total strangers alike. As if all there is to being a GOOD MOM is making sure your kids wear socks at McDonald's. Don't get me started, people. I'll whoop butt in a Good Mom Contest any day of the week, and you know it.

ANYWAY ... I can see if my kids had open sores on their feet that I didn't want to get infected with disease, that would be one reason to wear socks ANYWHERE. But I love the comment in the link about how McD's has to just APPEAR clean and not really BE clean. So do they clean it with bleach or not? Could it be worse than a daycare or a school? And won't we track bacteria home on our socks and shoes and crap anyway? Does it really matter that much if we wear socks?

Ask the backwoods population. You know, the hillbillies, the trailer trash. Ask ME! I kid you not, my kids are the healthiest I know and we live like total farm folk in the 'burbs.

FYI, McD's: everybody knows how gross your place is! You don't need to ban this chick for telling it like it is. Be on the lookout for a blog post from me saying that I am also banned from Kansas City McD's for being a general pain in the ass!

The Tooth Fairy Goes Into Debt

2011-10-27T09:52:00.000-05:00

In my house the Tooth Fairy brings a solid buck for each tooth lost. Do you think the Tooth Fairy ventures anywhere near the Duggar house? I think she (or he, I guess) would go into debt. What does the Tooth Fairy bring to your kids?

We Like to Pick Up Glass and Trash and We Like Firetrucks

2011-10-25T17:57:00.000-05:00

Don't freak out, but yes, we are all wearing shoes in this picture. It's because we are by a stream picking up glass and trash. I kid you not, we probably picked up 8 pounds of glass. I always have plastic trash bags with me so we like to leave areas better than how we found them. It's the Scouts in us, I suppose. I woulda been a good Boy Scout (no, not Girl Scout).

This same day we got to see a fire truck launch out of the firehouse and Sam was THRILLED! This is Sam and Da checking out the firetruck. Most boys are obsessed with firetrucks, I know, but Sam is SUPER obsessed with ambulances and firetrucks. I say it's because he was almost born in an ambulance and because both firetruck and ambulance came to our house when I was in uber labor with him. Kids remember stuff, I tell ya.

Should a Teen Have a Brand New Car?

2011-10-24T07:53:00.013-05:00

I love when people try new things. One of my best friends and godmom to my daughter Eva is trying her hand at writing. I have to say she ain't half bad. She's starting out online, but you know I'm trying to drag her into the regional parenting markets with me! Anyway, check her piece out about her first car when she was a teen ... it was a beater and it was far from NEW.

Do you think teens should EVER have a new car? Does a bear poop in a catbox? Leave her a comment on her essay ... she'd love to hear from you. This might start a debate because I know a few people who got a new car upon graduating high school. Mind you, these were responsible kids and I don't recall them wrecking said car, so I suppose there are cases where a new car might be alright to reward a great only child! Otherwise, you set a precedent of getting a new car for all your kids just because they graduate, and all your kids might not take such great care of a new car!

Do They Still Sell Syrup of Ipecac?

2011-10-23T08:01:00.002-05:00

We spent the weekend SICK! I started feeling gross Friday night and picked up a couple of fun movies for the kids at RedBox. I love how you can put them on hold after scouting out which location has what you want. The kids watched The Zookeeper and then I watched Barbie Princess Charm School with them. I'm sorry, but I love the Barbie movies. Not all of them, but Charm School and Fashion Fairytale.

I spent all Friday night puking but Aron had ... other problems. He could not puke. I looked for syrup of ipecac at the store but couldn't find any. We used to have some, back when it was recommended you have some if you had a kid and said kid swallowed poison. Then I heard they de-recommended it. Hubs needed some.

Do you ever pray to God to give your kids' sickness to you? I did that. Callie still got sick a few times, and Eva once. Everyone else was fine. Aron and I were a mess. I HATE being sick ... it changes fun plans and the house quickly turns into a pigsty!

Wondering what made us sick? Best we can figure is a dinner I made, except Joel and Michael didn't get sick at all and they ate plenty of it. It was boxed cheesy potatoes with some frozen chicken I had crock-potted a few weeks earlier. I had split the chicken in half, and we ate the first part without incident. Then I immediately froze the rest. Not sure how we got sick off of that, but I'm cool with blaming it on my cooking. My grandma once got her whole family sick on a Boston creme pie, so I am in good company!

Strategically Placed Scrambled Eggs

2011-10-22T10:01:00.001-05:00

Every Kid Needs a Kitten

2011-10-21T09:51:00.000-05:00

I dig this picture for a number of reasons:

It was taken 10 pounds ago.
It was taken at my friend Carrie's house, who I dig and don't see enough.
My kids love furry animals but the only one they own is a hamster. Hamsters don't snuggle on your lap, you know.
I grew up with kitties and love them. My parents even bred Persians for a little while. I had them in my 20s also. Then came a day when we had 2 sons and our cats were too much to handle. One of the cats was peeing everywhere, and the kids were getting into the food and the litter and we had no great place for the catbox so our kitchen always stunk like pee. Now we have vowed we won't get a dog until our youngest child turns 3. I think Aron is going to try to get me pregnant before next October so he won't have to get a dog! I am determined otherwise, though :-)

Like Father, Like Son

2011-10-20T09:48:00.005-05:00

Aron was growin' some facial hair recently, and he marked up Sam so Sam could be his Mini Me. Aren't they so cute?!

Disco Cheerleader Diva and Upward Cheer

2011-10-19T09:17:00.010-05:00

Callie is quite the performer. Last weekend I was making dinner and she popped out from behind the wall looking like this and doing a little disco act. I was caught off-guard and started cracking up! Her afro is actually the skirt from her dance recital costume from summer. Then of course we have the cheerleader top going on. She's not in dance right now and instead we are doing Upward Cheer, which is a Christian organization, which means the uniforms won't be hoochie or Toddlers and Tiaras.

Sam Writes His First Thank You Notes

2011-10-18T09:00:00.011-05:00

Dear Bill, Sue and Pat,

Thank you for the money for my birthday for my savings account. I am saving up for a pony! Can I keep it at your house? Thanks! Or I might buy a full-size firetruck, also to keep at your house. I can't wait until Turkey Day at your house. Let me know what to bring. I can make cereal, messes, poopie diapers, crackers and water. I love you guys a lot and missed you at my party. It sure was loud. I don't remember inviting so many crazy kids. Mom must have done it. Mothers! Words I can say: turtle, hippie, me, eat, Elmo, Coke, beer, train, firetruck and Pikachu. I love you. Samuel

Dear Nonnie and Poppy II,

Thank you for the money for my birthday for my savings account. I am saving up for a pony, a train and a firetruck. Can I keep one at your house? I am two now and can say turtle, hippie, Elmo, Coke, train and firetruck. I love to make messes so Mommy will blow her top -- it is so funny! I blow raspberries at my brothers and sisters when they mess with me and make me mad. I am a little naughty, but I am cute, so that helps :-) I love you guys! Samuel

Oops! Those Vines Weren't Pumpkins!

2011-10-16T05:31:00.011-05:00

Yup, the "pumpkin vines" I blogged about a few weeks ago are ... you guessed it ... gourds. They are gourdgeous! They were going nuts ... corkscrewing themselves into the air conditioning unit, into the ground, into the short fence around our garden. Then one day bugs were all over them and a white powdery-looking substance and they started dying off. We'll have to dig into a few again this year and toss them in the garden like last year and see what happens. Soon you might be coming to McLoughlin's Pumpkin and Gourd Patch.

A Two-Layer Bus

2011-10-15T05:28:00.000-05:00

I laughed so hard when we saw this bus and Joel said, "Look! A two-layer bus!" I wasn't laughing AT him ... it was just funny. Luckily we were stranded while waiting for traffic and I grabbed the camera really fast and snapped a pic for you faithful readers. And don't think I don't know what you are thinking: That I will soon be needing this double-decker vehicle to haul my family and friends around :-)

Boxes Are the Cheapest Toy

2011-10-14T15:45:00.000-05:00

Samuel may only be 2 years old, but he already demonstrates that he likes to think INSIDE the box. Perhaps he will grow up to be more mainstream than his mother. And yes, those cute mocha legs belong to none other than Jordan, babysitter extraordinaire!

Chicago-Style Deep Dish Pizza My Way

2011-10-11T16:39:00.000-05:00

**I have to give Cook's Illustrated some credit here, but I do mess around with this recipe.

My husband makes the time-intensive, complicated version of this and it ROCKS, but recently it was just me and the girls and Sam for dinner, so I made it quicker. My friend Eva Gavin (remember, she’s my daughter Eva’s godmom and has a son I’m trying to marry her off to so her name will be … Eva Gavin Junior) and I stood in the kitchen and chowed down on it. Here’s my version:

DOUGH

3 ¼ cups wheat flour

½ cup yellow cornmeal

1 ½ teaspoons table salt (as opposed to chair salt)

2 teaspoons sugar

2 ¼ teaspoons instant or rapid-rise yeast (one small packet)

1 ¼ cups water, room temperature (lazy me just puts in warm tap water)

3 tablespoons butter, melted (I accidentally put in about a whole stick of butter and it was amazing!)

Olive oil for coating the dough bowl later

SAUCE

2 tablespoons unsalted butter

¼ cup grated onion

¼ teaspoon dried oregano

Salt and pepper to taste

2 teaspoons or more minced garlic (I love the stuff that comes in the jar!)

1, 28-ounce can crushed tomatoes (I was out so I had to use tomatoes from our garden)

¼ teaspoon sugar

2 tablespoons chopped fresh basil leaves (we grow them in a pot; you can get them at the grocery store … don’t skip them, though, because they MAKE this sauce!)

1 tablespoon olive oil

Toppings: whatever you want! Make sure you have mozzarella cheese; otherwise, we like black olives, pepperoni, sausage, hamburger, whatever is around.

Mix flour, cornmeal, salt, sugar and yeast in a bowl. Add water and butter and stir some more. Aron’s recipe says to use a stand mixer and go to town for several minutes, but you know I’m not havin’ any of that! I just stir and then knead with my hands, preferably after just changing a poopy diaper (just kidding!). Coat sides of bowl with some olive oil. Then put some oil on the top, flip the dough upside down, spank it and put some oil on the top of the bottom. Kapish? Okay, let’s move on.

Cover the dough bowl with plastic wrap and let it rise in a warm place for about an hour, until it doubles in size. While you’re doing that, go ahead and start the sauce.

Heat butter in medium saucepan until melted, then add oregano, onion and a couple shakes of salt. Cook a bit then add garlic and cook a minute, then add the tomatoes and sugar and simmer for like 20 minutes until it reduces and isn’t runny. Make sure you stir it often so you don’t let the sauce stick (Goodfellas, anyone?). When it looks ready, take it off the burner and add the basil and olive oil, then season with salt and pepper.

Aron’s version has you “laminating the dough” and letting it rise again and folding it like an envelope and massaging it with butter and …

Whew. I just wait til it rises, punch it so it knows I’m boss, then split it in half and put it in 2 round pans coated with cooking spray. Here’s the important part, folks, so WAKE UP:

Put the cheese on NEXT. The beauty of this pizza is that the hot sauce goes over the cheese, and the cheese comes out fabulously melty and gooey! Let’s recap:

Dough

Cheese

Toppings

Sauce

Cook at 400 degrees for 20-plus minutes. When you take it out of the oven, let it rest a few minutes before you cut it. It’s worked hard and needs a break. While it rests, go put on your big-girl or big-boy pants because you will be filling them out!

*Oops! I used rosemary instead of basil. Guess we don’t grow basil, but one of my homeschooling pals does and showed me the error of my ways! Rosemary was fine, but get some basil!

9 Fun Halloween Traditions

2011-10-08T08:06:00.007-05:00

Looking for some fun Halloween traditions to do with your kids this year? Check out my article about 9 Fun Halloween Traditions over at Piedmont Parent. We've accidentally grown our own gourds this year by throwing seeds in our garden from last year, and they are gorgeous! Tutu will be taking us to the pumpkin patch soon to play and pick out our pumpkins. I have to print out my Booing sheets to take treats around to our friends ... maybe we'll Boo you! Who will you Boo? Who's gonna check me, Boo?