Monday, September 14, 2009

The Dental Incident

*This post originally ran on 11/15/08, but I thought it would fit in well with all the dental posts I’ve been doing lately.

Yes, you may call me “Mrs. Cavity” or “The Root Canal Queen.” Even with my trusty Reach Access by my side and my Sensodyne toothpaste, I seem to have a new cavity every time I go to the dentist. Couldn’t be all the chocolate I eat, could it? And I used to be the Coke Queen, but it’s rare these days to find me with a soda in my hand.

Anyway, this is about the kids, not me. A year ago Joel had a crown and a filling. He was a champ about it. Then a couple of months later Callie had 2 fillings. I felt like a bad mother (still do) and will try to never again make fun of little kids with lots of fillings.

To even INSPECT Michael and Callie’s mouths, I had to hold them down and listen to them scream. Callie’s fillings weren’t so bad because of the wonderful invention of Baby Valium and Gas.

Recently we went to the dentist for Checkups. Joel did great and got through the whole thing. They even put “tooth vitamins” (fluoride) on him, which is a whole different subject.* Then it’s Michael’s turn. I can see him shutting down as they lay the chair down. So I had to hold him down for the Tooth Inspection. The hygienist asked if I wanted to hold him down for the cleaning. I said, “Uh, NOOOO! Let’s not TOTALLY mess the poor kid up!”

Then it’s Callie’s turn. She doesn’t want to come even to sit in the chair and receive her new toothbrush. So I have to pick her up and lay her in the chair and hold her down while they check her teeth. Instead of calming down, she continues her meltdown. I had to carry her out of there kicking and screaming and struggle to get her into the carseat. Thankfully, Mom was there to help get the other kids to the van.

Please, Readers, keep comments to yourselves like, “My kid NEVER had a tantrum. You are a bad mom with too many kids.” Even if your KID has never had a tantrum, I’ll bet YOU have!!!!!!!!!! Come to think of it, maybe my kids get their Tantrum Tendencies from their mother. Hmmm. Worth pondering.

The upside: NO CAVITIES between 3 kids. WHOOPIE! And keep in mind these are the Sugar Mama’s kids! Take THAT, Sugar Nazis! Crap, I need to stop gloating RIGHT NOW or else the kids’ll have like 10 cavities in 6 months. Shutting up now.

Now, as reward for no cavities, let’s all go out for DESSERT! Ha Ha!

*Why do people say fluoride is a mineral? Fluorite with a T is a mineral. What the hell IS fluoride? And does it REALLY help teeth or do they deteriorate faster with that crap? Have we been fed a line of hooey?


  1. Fluoride is neither a nutrient nor required for healthy teeth.

    The "fluoride" that's added to water supplies is hydrofluosilicic acid - a waste product of the phosphate fertilizer industry, scraped from their smokestacks because it's illegal to release those toxic emissions. Then it's placed in trucks which carry the hydrofluosilicic acid as hazardous shipment to water companies around the country where it is dumped unpurified into drinking water.

    It's allowed, by NSF International - the governing body over water additives, to also contain trace amounts of lead, arsenic, mercury and other nasty toxins.

    The fluoride in supplements is sodium fluoride which was never safety tested by the FDA. Sodium fluoride was "grandfathered in" because it was on the market pre-1938 when drug testing laws were enacted. Sodium fluoride was on the market sold as rat poison until dentists decided they could give it to children who live in non-fluoridated communities.

    Meanwhile, there are no studies which show that ingesting fluoride is beneficial to teeth.

    So what it fluoride? It is any element that is combined with fluorine.

    It's a toxic pollutant and detrimental to health no matter how it's prettied up and candy-flavored and put it into tubes and make desirable via clever PR, advertising and TV commercials.



    Ha. Just kidding. I just had 3 of them in timeout for their tantrums. I seriously...badly...need to get my kids into a dentist. At least you took them.

  3. Okay, girl. I tried, but I cannot NOT dread coming to read your blog for the damned music that starts blaring at me ten seconds into reading. Beginning my petition to kill the music player on your page. Have you completely lost your desire and respect for peace and quiet?

  4. I realized I sounded a little harsh. I am just in "direct" mode...missing my cell phone, internet service is crap...I am giving the Law of Attraction a chance this week, and am probably gathering all kinds of wrong energy by complaining...I love you. Miss you. Taking my negativity and short temper somewhere else now.

  5. OK...I know we have discussed before but please promise me next time a doctor suggests you restrain your child for a tooth cleaning you run out the door and never go back. :) It doesnt have to be that way. Make them comfortable and your life will be a lot easier in respect to oral hygeine.

  6. Agreeing with Mama to Haley and Isaac, but I am not sure I'd always stomp out as I ought.


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