Friday, October 3, 2008


*Warning: highly boring financial talk, which I LOVE!!! So I apologize in advance to my faithful readers. Tomorrow I’ll be back to writing about boobs and cussing children.

I had a lovely little 401(k) which I rolled over to an IRA at my credit union after I got fired J My money grew quickly at the credit union … it was safe and cozy there.

Then along comes a bitchy Primerica rep and all she could offer us was the advice to roll my comfy IRA over into Primerica’s mean, English nanny-like brokerage.

Two years later, and not only has my sweet little IRA’s growth has been seriously stunted. I decided to take action and get my money back. I will DEFINITELY have to wear the redemption check in a sling and breastfeed it for like a week so it will feel whole again. It will have to sleep in the family bed for a while before we send it to the credit union.

So here’s what they hit me with: a $20 fee to CLOSE the account; a $30 fee to TERMINATE the account (aren’t closing and terminating JUST ABOUT the same damn thing?) and a $115 fee that they called some Class B shares sales charge. WHATEVER.

When I cancelled it, I told the woman that I hope their sales reps are driving massive SUVs with GPS and eating caviar every night because they are taking money from a housewife’s future retired mouth.

You can bet your left butt cheek that Suze Orman would kick my right butt cheek for this situation AND for the fact that I’m about to just put all our money under the mattress. (Note to thieves: I’m just kidding about the mattress thing.)

P.S. When I got the check, it was another $250+ short because the market was crappy just prior to me closing my account. No Starbuck's for me in my old age, I guess. Don't shed a tear for me, friends. I'll muddle through.
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